Unbidden Tears

"Breathing is hard. When you cry so much, it makes you realize that breathing is hard. " ----- David Levithab, Love is the Higher Law I wipe the tears streaming down my face, my body felt numb and the world doesn't seem to care. I look outside of the window, the rain still hasn't stopped like the tears in my eyes. All I can hear is the ticking sound of the clock and the rain pouring outside. I don't know what really happened but one day, I just woke up and my husband has changed, like a totally different person. He became cold, and abusive and I don't know him anymore. I glance at the clock and saw that it was already 2:00 in the morning but I still waited, like I always do. I didn't feel the tiredness in my body, all I can feel is the pain in my heart. Why am I like this? Why am I not still used to this kind of situation? It always happens, Why am I still waiting? Waiting for nothing. Narinig ko ang pagbukas ng pinto at muli akong nabuhayan, agad akong tumayo para salubungin siya

“You know, a heart can be broken, but it keeps on beating, just the same." ----- Fannie Flagg, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe The beeping of my alarm clock woke me up, its 5:00 am at kailangan ko pang maglinis, I groaned still too tired but then I remembered na ngayon na ang first day of work ko at kailangan ko pang ipagluto si Sandro. I looked at my hands at nakita kong may kunting pasa ito, wala rin si Sandro sa tabi ko, san kaya siya natulog? akala ko bumalik siya kagabi. I suddenly felt a pang in my chest thinking about the incident last night. I got out from the bed at bumaba para hanapin si Sandro at nakita ko siyang nakahiga sa sofa, I smiled at him as he snore lightly. Nagluto na ako at pagkatapos nagsimula na akong maglinis sa mga kalat nila kagabi, I picked up the bottles of wines at tinapon sa bin, hinugasan ko lahat ng mga baso at platong ginamit nila kagabi. I looked at the time and its 7:00, lumapit ako kay Sandro. "Sandro gising na, kumain na tayo" sab

"I must have loved you a lot." -----Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay Chapter 5 Layuan mona ako, wala kang silbi sakin. Iyan lang ang parating nasa isip ko, it keeps repeating on my mind and keeps broking my heart. Huwag kang sumuko Faye. I keep reminding myself but failed and it made me miserable. Hindi na dito kumakain si Sandro, umaalis na siya nang hindi kumakain. He said that he doesn't like the foods that I cook anymore. It's like wala na akong asawa, para lang akong robot dito, padaloy daloy na walang pagmamahal na ibinibigay. Para na talagang walang saysay ang pagsasama namin, paggising niya sa umaga pumupunta agad sa trabaho, hindi na kami nakasabay kumain, pumupunta narin ako sa trabaho. Sa gabi halos di na siya makauwi, 2 to 3 na siya sa umaga makauwi at nakakatulog nalang ako sa kakahintay. Hanggang kailan kami maging ganito? Nakakasawa narin, sana mamanhid nalang ako sa sakit na nararamdaman ko pero hindi, patuloy parin ang sakit. I am currently laying in my bed

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. - Anais Nin Chapter 7 "Hoy! Ba't ka tulala diyan?" nabalik ako sa realidad nang marinig ko ang boses ni Allison, lunchbreak namin ngayon sa trabaho at wala akong ibang iniisip kundi si Sandro. Kung pwede lang sana baguhin sarili ko na huwag palaging edepende ang kasiyahan sa iba, sana ginawa ko na ngayon kaso hindi pwede. Changing your mindset is very hard and it will take a lot of time and challenges para mareach mo ang goal na iyon. Right now, my happiness is Sandro but he is also now the cause of my pain. Late na siya umuwi kagabi at lasing na naman, ngayon iniisip ko ang dinner nila ni Britanny mamaya, hindi talaga ako mapakali, nagseselos ako at nasasaktan. Hindi niyo na kailangan ipaalala sakin na I am a very weak person kasi alam ko naman iyon, I am

"You will never know the power of yourself until someone hurts you badly." Chapter 9 Dumating na si Alisson dala ang mga drinks naming, nilapag niya ito sa table namin at uminom naman silang dalawa habang tinitigan ko muna ang wine ko. Matagal na akong di nakainom ng wine, last na iyung anniversary namin ni Sandro sa March 26. I know this is a bad idea, napilitan lang talaga ako sa mga kaibigan ko. Patay ako ni Sandro pag nalaman niya na nandito ako. Baka mag away na naman kami, we've been through enough this week, sana naman makapagpahinga kami sa away, pagod na ako makipag away. This is only for one night, at di na ako papasok sa ganito pag matapos ang gabing to. This is gonna be a very long night. "Uminom kana Faye, huwag mong sabihing aayaw ka na naman?" saad sakin ni Alisson kaya inangat ko ang baso at uminom ako ng kunti at napangiwi sa lasa. Masaya namang nag usap ang dalawa. I glared at Allison, minsan nakakainis talaga mga kaibigan mo. "Patay ako ni Sandro nito" sa