Chapter 1

I smiled bitterly while looking at the church which is very well organized. There were white roses everywhere. Malaki ang simbahan at ang bawat detalye niyon ay perpekto ang pagkakaayos. Maganda pati ang panahon. Tamang tama lang ang init ng klima.

That day should just be perfect because on that day, God will unite the two people who are very in love at saksi ako sa wagas na pagmamahalan nilang dalawa and I should be happy. Hindi dapat magkaroon ng puwang ang anumang lungkot.

I am wearing an old rose off shoulder gown. On my ears were a pair of tiny pearl stud. That and the ring in my finger were the only accessories I wore for this special occasion. This ring was given to me by Seb, my best friend for almost half of my life and who lived in the same village where I lived. Ibinigay n'ya ang singsing na iyon bilang regalo n'ya sa akin noong high school graduation namin.

I took a deep breath. It should be a happy occasion so there was no need to look like I am attending a funeral.

But I couldn't stop myself from crying. It was for both happiness and pain kaya kahit anong pigil ko ay nasasaktan at nalulungkot pa rin ako. I know this day would come. I know that they would end up together which is already happening now at alam ko na hindi na sila magkakahiwalay pa. Wala akong karapatang masaktan at malungkot sa mga nangyayari ngayon.

Mag-iisang dibdib na ang dalawang taong importante sa buhay ko. Si Seb at Pietho. Ang pinsan ko na parang kapatid ko na at ang best friend ko — ang lalaking lihim kong minamahal simula pa noong una.

Napapikit ako at tumungo.

Ang sakit. Pakiramdam ko ay tuluyan nang malilibing ang aking pag-asa, that maybe one day, in God's perfect time, Seb would realize that I am the right woman for him. I had dreamed for that to happen.

Yes, I had been secretly in love with my best friend. Thirteen pa lang yata ako nang maging crush ko s'ya, hindi na bata pero hindi pa rin ganap na dalaga. Still, age did not hinder my feelings for him. Nilapitan ko s'ya, kinausap at kinaibigan... Saka ko naman nalamang iba pala ang babaeng gusto n'ya.

Masakit, pero tinanggap ko ang pagkabigo. Sinikap ko namang ibaling ang nararamdaman ko sa iba. But through our high school years ay naririyan lang s'ya - lumalapit, lumalayo at muling nambubulabog kapag nakakalimot na ang puso ko. Second year college kami nang magkahiwalay dahil sa France na raw s'ya magtatapos ng kolehiyo.

Tatlong taon s'yang nawala, at ang akala ko ay tuluyan na akong nakalimot sa batang pag-ibig ko sa kan'ya.

I thought I would never see him again. Pero nasa mood yata ang tadhana na pagtrip-an ako. Umuwi s'ya tatlong buwan na ang nakakaraan. Nagkita kaming muli; at sa pagkakataong yun ay muling nagbalik ang batang pag-ibig ko sa kan'ya. Pagkalito, pagkabaliw, at paninibugho.

But sadly, I found out that he was getting married. At sa pinsan ko pa.

Tumingin ako sa harap ng altar sa may nakapakong imahe ni Hesus sa harap.

Diyos ko, masama na po ba ako kung naiinggit ako sa pinsan ko? They deserve each other. I should be happy, right?

Napangiti ako nang lumapit sa akin si Seb. he was wearing a white tux. Napakagwapo n'ya talaga, at mas lalo s'yang gumwapo sa suot n'ya.

"You will look more handsome when you remove the tension on your face." I said. One of my hands went up and my fingers caressed between his eyebrows. I gently massage the part to ease his tension.

Naramdaman kong nagrelax naman s'ya kahit papaano. "She's late, Amethyst," sabi n'ya na may pagkataranta.

I chuckled. "It's still early, Seb! Alam mong ten minutes advance ang relo mo. Relax ka nga. There's no reason for her to back out. Mahal na mahal ka n'ya at alam mo yun. This is your big day. Your happy ever after."

I was taken aback when he suddenly hug me. "I'm so much happy, Amethyst. Finally! We're going to be one today. Naghintay ako ng napakatagal para lang sa araw na ito."

My tears swiftly fall from my eyes as I tapped his back. "Yeah, I know." Maagap na pinahid ko ang luhang kumawala sa aking mata habang yakap n'ya pa rin ako.

Natatarantang iginala ko ang aking paningin. Everyone was busy talking. I felt relieved at taimtim na nagpasalamat dahil walang nakapansin sa aking pagluha.

Matapos ang ilang segundo ay nakangiti na ako nang binitawan ako ni Seb.

"You look gorgeous, by the way. Well, kailan ka pa ba hindi naging maganda?" he complimented me happily.

I bit my lower lip to prevent my tears from falling again.

Kung alam mo lang kung gaano ako nasasaktan ngayon. But at the same time, I am truly happy for you and Pietho. You both found each other with happiness while I'm about to lose it... Forever. Mahal na mahal kita, Seb but your happiness is what's more important.

"Thank you very much. You look great too. By the way, your bride will be here in a minute. Hahayaan na kitang hintayin ang bride mo, doon muna ako." I pointed the place of the bridesmaids.

By the way, I am the maid of honor. Pietho really wants me to be her maid of honor since then kaya kahit gaano pa kasakit at kahit parang nadudurog ang puso ko ay pumayag na rin ako.

How ironic right? May sasakit pa ba doon? May makakagiba pa ba sa pasakit na maging maid of honor ng babaeng mahal ng pinakamamahal kong lalaki? I never dreamed of being a maid of honor in Seb's wedding. Why, I've prayed and I had always envisioned myself being Sebastian's bride. No less.

Pero makakatanggi ba ako, kung ang pinsan ko na tinuring ko nang parang kapatid ang babaeng yun?

I don't have any choice but to deal with it.

"Alright, Amethyst. See you in a while." Tumango ako saka lumayo.

Pumuwesto ako sa bandang gilid ng mga abay. I wanted to be alone as much as possible as I focused my eyes on Seb while waiting for his bride.

"I saw that," rinig kong wika ng isang tinig na nagmumula sa aking likuran. I know he's just near me dahil nadama ko pa ang init ng hininga n'ya na tumama sa batok ko.

When I turned around, I saw Seb's best man, Wade Coleman. Ang boy best friend ni Seb maliban sa akin. We never been closed kahit pareho kaming best friend ni Seb. Taga-ibang bansa ito, pero kahit nandito s'ya sa pilipinas ay hindi ko naman s'ya pinagtutuunan ng pansin. Iba kasi ito kung makatingin. Nakakatunaw.

Ilang beses ko na s'yang nahuling nakatingin sa akin pero parang wala s'yang pakialam. Kahit pinandidilatan ko s'ya ng tingin ay hindi pa rin natitinag. He was like studying me, like he was seeing through me, like he was seeing and reading what others couldn't see and read in me. I don't know why but that's what I feel towards him and that's why, I don't like him. He made me like an open book in his eyes.

Madalas n'ya akong inaasar kaya madalas din kaming nag-aaway.

My forehead creased as I look at him sharply. "What?" mas lalo akong nairita nang ngumisi s'ya like he knew something and he wouldn't tell it until I beg. Minsan ay hindi ako makapaniwala na matanda na ito and not some teenager. Because he acted like one.

"I saw you," he repeated.

"Saw me what?"

"I saw you shed a tear while hugging your best friend." This time, he wasn't grinning anymore. In just a snap, he became serious.

"You what?" I unintentionally raised my voice in surprise. Napatingin tuloy sa amin ang karamihan sa mga bisita at bridesmaids.

I forced to smile at them as I turned my gaze back to Wade. "You what?" I asked again in a lower voice.

"You heard me, Amethyst," he said.

Damnit! Bakit sa lahat ng taong makasaksi ng pagluha ko ay si Wade pa?

"And so?" I said intently as I avoid my gaze at him. "Ano naman ngayon kung nakita mo akong napaluha?"

"I realized one thing just now."

"Ayokong marinig." I said not turning my gaze at him. Biglang tumayo ang balahibo sa batok ko sa sensasyong dulot ng mainit na hininga n'ya na naramdamn ko ulit sa batok ko.

"Oh, it has something to do with you."

"Talaga?"

"Yeah."

"Keep it."

"I realized-"

"Hindi ako interesado kaya tumigil ka na."

"Hindi ka pa rin nakakamove on sa kan'ya sa kabila ng mahabang panahong hindi kayo nagkita ni-"

"I said stop!"

"Seb," patatapos n'ya. Natigilan ako nang magsink-in sa akin ang sinabi n'ya.

Napalingon ako sa kan'ya. "What did you say?"

"Exactly what you heard, Amethyst."

"Paano mo naman nasabi ang bagay na yun?" mariin kong sabi sa kabila ng nerbyos at pagpapanic na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Alam n'ya ba ang nararamdaman ko para kay Seb? But, how could he possibly know that fact na wala naman akong pinagsabihan tungkol sa nararamdaman ko sa best friend ko?

"Alam ko ang lahat, Amethyst."

My jaw literally drop in disbelief.

"H-how—"

"I've been watching you all these years. Kung ang alam ni Seb na infatuation lang ang nararamdaman mo para sa kan'ya, puwes ako hindi. Mahal mo s'ya, and I've known that all these years just from watching you. Hindi ka naman mahirap basahin."

I was about to speak when I can't utter even a single word. Hanggang sa dumating na ang bride ay tahimik pa rin akong nakatitig ngayon sa seryosong mukha ni Wade. Nawala lang ang tingin ko sa kan'ya nang lumapit na si Seb habang nagsisimula nang pumila ang mga kasama namin sa entourage.

"Hey, Wade. Time to do your job," sabi nito. As his best man, si Wade ang mauunang maglakad sa aisle.

"I'm on my way," sabi n'ya kay Seb saka bumaling sa akin. "Puntahan mo na ang pinsan mo, Amethyst. I'll talk to you later."

Nagulat pa ako nang bigla n'ya lang akong dampian ng halik sa noo ko bago s'ya naglakad papunta sa pila.

"Wade!" I said in surprise.

He just winked at me as an answer.