Your Secret's Safe with Me

Your Secret's Safe with Me

last updateLast Updated : 2022-06-13
By:  Blair SterlingCompleted
Language: English
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Jacob is the school's basketball star and son of the minister at First Baptist. Seth is the only out, gay kid in the school and a flamboyant drama geek. After Seth confronts Jacob about the secret he's been hiding, will Jacob give in to his desires and risk losing everything, or continue living the lie that threatens to crush him?

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Chapter 1

Coming to Terms

Feminine moans of pleasure crashed into the silence of Jacob’s room. He sprang forward to mute his computer audio. Hopefully, no one had heard. The naked woman looked longingly out of the screen at Jacob as she touched herself. He felt nothing. He almost felt sorry for her efforts, but he knew she either enjoyed what she was doing or she was payed for it, or both. He closed the video and loaded another from the same site. This time, it was a couple engaging in play. The man began jerking himself off as he waited for the woman to get into position. Jacob felt the stirrings of arousal.

Fuck, Jacob thought. Failure. Again.

He closed the last window and stared at his computer desktop in frustration. He was sure he could suppress those feelings this time. He had done everything he knew how. He had done his best to connect feelings of arousal inspired by other men to painful things or unpleasant things. He had tried inflicting physical pain when it happened. He had tried immediately filling his thoughts with unsexy things as soon as anything came up. Nothing worked.

 This “perversion,” as his dad would call it if he knew, was still tormenting him. Jacob had been in seventh grade when he first felt shame for his feelings. He couldn’t remember what he thought about it before, but when his father delivered a sermon about “disgusting homosexuals”, he realized his father was talking about the feelings he was having for other boys. He vowed then to purge himself of the sins his father described. 

So far, he had been unsuccessful. He hadn’t actually done anything, though. His only sins were of feelings he couldn’t control. He could still fix himself. Right? He’d been trying for five years. 

Functionally, he wasn’t really gay. He had sex with chicks; lots of them, in fact, and he enjoyed it, well enough. It did the job. He still couldn’t get aroused by women on their own. He always had to use other tricks to get himself going. He knew his friends didn’t have that problem. They actually complained about it being too easy, like they’d get hard just by brushing past a girl in the hall. Jacob knew what they meant, only in his case it wasn’t the girls that caused him that problem at school. He could just give up, accept it, live in sin… it would be so easy. But then he might lose everything.

Jacob sat at his computer with his head in his hands. He had run the whole scenario through his head so many times. What if he just gave in? Let himself have these desires? He knew there were gay kids in his school. He also knew they got beat up. He was always a little resentful of those guys, the ones who weren’t hiding it, who just let it go. Jacob’s dad would condemn them, of course. They were going to hell; couldn’t be saved. They were abominations. God, what would he do if he knew that included his own son? Don’t take the lord’s name in vain, Jacob.

“Jake, dinner,” his mother called from down the hall.

Jacob lifted his head and shut his monitor off. “Coming,” he called back. He took a deep breath, lifted himself from his chair, and made his way down the long hallway lined with crosses and various imagery depicting Jesus. He felt the eyes of the savior follow him as he walked. His family may not know about him, but he knew Jesus would. Did Jesus really care as much as Jacob’s father made it seem? Did God care? Did that even matter? Jacob wasn’t sure anymore. Maybe it was wishful thinking.

The next morning, Jacob stood with his friends in the hall before school. They always gathered outside the gym until the bell. They piled their backpacks together against the wall and sat around, commenting on the passing girls. Jacob’s closest friend, Bret, was nudging him and tilting his head toward a girl walking past wearing a blue knee-length skirt and white shirt. She was thin but shapely.

“Yeah,” said Jacob.

“Yeah, hot?” Bret asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been there already,” said Jacob.

“No way...” Bret shook his head. “Come on, man. You gotta leave a few for the rest of us. Help us out here, shit.”

Colin, who sat on the other side of Bret, leaned over. “Seriously, asshole, it’s like every girl in this school is Jacob’s leftovers now. I’m gonna have to start dating Middleton girls.”

“Traitor,” said Bret as he shoved Colin in the arm. “You do that, see how gross your junk gets doing girls from Middleton.”

“What do you want me to do, then? Fucking Casanova over here’s fucked all the options. All we’re left with is dudes,” said Colin, “and I ain't no fucking cocksucker, so fuck off. I’ll date Middleton girls if I want.” Colin shoved Bret back. He pointed across the hall at a guy standing in another group. “There you go, Pansy, that’s what you get. Unless Jacob’s been there already, too.” He doubled over, laughing.

“Shut up, I’m not a fucking fag,” said Jacob. Not like him anyway, he thought as he looked across the hall.

The guy Colin pointed at was Seth Thompson. Jacob watched him for a moment until the bell rang, calling them to their classes.

Jacob couldn’t stand Seth Thompson. He’d never really talked to him, but he was completely contrary to everything Jacob wanted to be. He was out, for one. Everyone knew Seth was gay. He made no effort to hide it. He wore rainbow earrings, for Christ's sake! How stereotypical can a person be? Jacob scoffed to himself. He wore his hair in a mop-top of dark blond curls that was just short enough to see the small rainbow studs in his earlobes; both ears. He was slender and a head shorter than Jacob. He had a soft face and a small nose and always wore a smile. In stark contrast with Seth, Jacob had short, dark hair and sharp features. He was on the basketball team and was built for it, standing at six foot three. He put constant work into seeming “normal.” As far as he could tell, he and Seth only had one thing in common, and he wanted to beat Seth up himself just for being so carefree about it.

Jacob couldn’t get the conversation with Colin out of his head all day. How dare they insinuate that he had anything to do with Seth! He knew they didn’t mean it, but it got under his skin, anyway. Basketball practice in the afternoon went quickly and Jacob stayed after on the court as usual until he could be sure the other guys had already left. He had a reputation for being a hard worker, but what would they think if they knew his real reason for long practice? The locker room was empty when he changed and showered, just as it always was, just as he wanted it to be. The face of Seth Thompson flashed through Jacob’s mind again. That carefree grin of his with his perfect teeth... Why was it bothering him so much today? The night before had made him feel like his condition was hopeless. Perhaps that’s all it was. Seth’s nonchalant attitude about such things grated on Jacob’s nerves. He needed to drink, relax, and forget about it. He decided to wait outside Jackson’s on the way home to see if there was anyone who would grab a beer for him. If there wasn’t anyone, maybe he would just pocket one himself.

Jacob was lucky to see Carl, one of the graduated seniors from last year, behind the counter at Jackson’s. Carl wouldn’t say anything if Jacob sent money in with someone with ID. Everyone did it anyway. It was normal. Jacob hung outside the door, leaning up against the brick wall, waiting.

Seth came out of the convenience store door. He leaned up against the wall next to Jacob without looking at him and pulled out a cigarette. He put one end in his mouth, lit it, and exhaled the smoke. Jacob stared, dumfounded. Him? Of all people? What is he doing here now? He shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his gaze to the ground.

“Cigarette?” asked Seth.

Jacob glanced down at him. His lips were soft around the cigarette, and long lashes hid his eyes as he looked off across the street. “No,” said Jacob. He fidgeted and bounced his foot as he leaned against the wall and tried to ignore Seth’s presence.

“Do I make you uncomfortable?” Seth asked suddenly in his light, melodic voice.

Jacob didn’t know how to respond. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and tried to swallow the sand in his throat. Seth hadn’t looked at him once. 

“I saw you and your friends pointing at me today. Did you have a good laugh at my expense?” he chuckled, with a hint of disdain. “I’m the one who gets the real laugh.” He tapped the ash from the end of his cigarette.

“What do you mean?” Jacob asked, cautiously. He felt mildly ashamed at Seth’s words, but couldn’t stand the arrogance with which he said them.

“I know your secret,” said Seth.

“You what?” Jacob’s stomach rose into his throat. He rounded on Seth. He could feel his fingers get cold. “Secret? What secret? You don’t even know me.” 

“I know why you avoid changing with the team.”

Jacob’s heart pounded in his chest as his panic rose. 

“I know you aren’t interested in the girls you sleep with.”

His father’s angry shouting at the pulpit on Sundays rang through his mind.

“I know--”

Jacob was swinging his fist before he realized it.

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Comments

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Diane
Love this book. Can’t wait to read your next book ...️
2025-03-24 05:18:54
0
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Ngozika Onuzulike
Wow! Touching and endearing.
2023-04-19 22:27:27
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Ruth Robinson
Absolutely loved it! Hope you write more books! Thank you
2022-08-16 20:44:07
1
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Thera Rhodes
amazing story so far! I wish it was finished. I don't want to wait to find out what else will happen. great job!
2022-03-09 12:34:31
1
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Goddy Francis
This book is amazing. I really hope you update more frequently.
2021-09-16 15:42:47
1
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Eva Harlowe
please keep writing. you are such a good writer
2021-08-23 07:34:26
2
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Superovkata
This must be one if the best stories you can find online. Great idea and amazing writing!
2021-08-12 01:51:03
3
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Eva Harlowe
Boooo! I thought you have more chapters than this. where's the rest? I demand to see them now! ;)
2021-03-18 04:28:31
3
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xobrittanyboo
When do we get more chapters?!
2021-03-18 01:21:05
1
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xobrittanyboo
Loving it so far! Can't wait to read more.
2021-03-17 08:14:42
1
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Nidia Berríos
Very well written. I am enjoying the read.
2024-10-02 16:39:05
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Magdalena Thorén
Loved this book!! So sweet, nice and funny and the characters are very good
2024-08-15 03:03:27
0
48 Chapters
Coming to Terms
Feminine moans of pleasure crashed into the silence of Jacob’s room. He sprang forward to mute his computer audio. Hopefully, no one had heard. The naked woman looked longingly out of the screen at Jacob as she touched herself. He felt nothing. He almost felt sorry for her efforts, but he knew she either enjoyed what she was doing or she was payed for it, or both. He closed the video and loaded another from the same site. This time, it was a couple engaging in play. The man began jerking himself off as he waited for the woman to get into position. Jacob felt the stirrings of arousal. Fuck, Jacob thought. Failure. Again. He closed the last window and stared at his computer desktop in frustration. He was sure he could suppress those feelings this time. He had done everything he knew how. He had done his best to connect feelings of arousal inspired by other men to painful things or unpleasant things. He had tried inflicting physical pain when it happened. He had tried immediately fillin
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-10
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The Secret
“Shut up!” Jacob felt his knuckle meet lip and teeth. His hand came away bloody before he knew what happened. “Fuck! What the fuck, man?” Seth steadied himself against the wall and flashed a glare up at Jacob. He touched his lip with his hand and looked discouraged at the blood he saw on his fingers. “Jesus, it’s not like I told anyone. Damn. Thanks for confirming, though.” He sucked on his split lip and tried to look for somewhere to wipe his hand other than his shirt. “Shit!” Jacob slammed the wall next to Seth. He glanced around to check for witnesses. No one had seemed to notice. “God. Dammit, dude... Sorry... I mean...” Jacob hurried into the store and grabbed a few napkins, muttering a thank you to Carl without looking up. He brought them back to Seth, who gladly accepted them and wiped his face and hands. His lip still bled, so he pressed the napkin to it. “Dude, I’m sorry... I haven’t punched anyone like that before. That wasn’t cool. Fuck.” “I don’t accept.” Seth spat blood
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-15
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Event Horizon
“What?” Jacob touched his face reflexively. He and Seth were almost nose to nose. He couldn’t move. His heart was pounding so hard he was sure Seth could hear it. All of his skin felt warm. It’s just the alcohol, Jacob thought to himself. It has to be just the alcohol. He knew it wasn’t. Seth’s lips were pink, and the side where Jacob had split his lip was plump and a little darker. “Maybe you’re just scared. Maybe I make you uncomfortable. Or maybe you have checked me out after all,” Seth said softly. Jacob could feel Seth’s breath as he spoke. It was sweet but carried the sharp edge of the vodka and smoke. The smell of him was intoxicating. Jacob could picture his friends on Monday. He would walk into school and they would know. He could see himself bloodied in the gym. He could see the look of disgust on his father’s face at home as he was thrown out. What a disgrace he was. He could see the judgment in his father’s eyes. He could also see his life as it was before. He could feel
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-17
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One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
The warm, soft sensation of Seth’s lips against his trailed through Jacob’s memory as he lay in bed Saturday morning. Real lips; not a dream of celebrities, or unbidden fantasy; real lips. It didn’t matter at the moment who's they were, they were real. Jacob’s senses wouldn’t let him forget that. His body responded to his sense memory almost immediately.He threw his arms over his face, trying to dispel the image, trying to shut it out, but it was no use. It had been real.The idea of having to go to school on Monday sent waves of dread through him. He already planned to miss his morning practice; He couldn’t face the guys on the team right now, but he couldn’t justify missing the evening practice as well. Even more so than before, he felt like they would just know by looking at him.And what if Seth hadn’t kept his mouth shut? He said he talked to the girls about this kind of stuff. What if it got out? He didn’t think Seth would do that to him, but the anxiety sti
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-18
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Mistakes Were Made
Sarah tasted sweet. Her soft lips against Jacob's felt like velvet and her breath smelled like mint. The first time she had kissed him under the bleachers it had been a whirlwind of a kiss, but this was delicate and reserved. He could feel her smile.Even without sexual attraction, there was something special about a good kiss. This kiss with Sarah was a good kiss. It felt safe and comforting, and like they had been able to create a space for a moment that was just for them, where none of Jacob's other worries could touch them.Sarah put a hand on Jacob's chest and pulled away, biting her lower lip."This is really happening?" Sarah asked, clearly still apprehensive about Jacob's intentions. "I mean, you like me?"Jacob wasn't sure how to respond. He did like her, but probably not in the way she wanted him to. She was sweet and friendly, and more interesting than half the cheer squad. She was intelligent and kind to those who were less popular than her. J
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-18
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Have Your Cake...
Jacob asked the first question that came to mind, "What happened to you?""Like you even care," Seth spat back.Jacob bristled at that. He wanted to not care. He thought he didn't care but for some reason Seth's assertion that he didn't stung."Of course, I care!" he retorted."Right, like you're the only person who's allowed to punch me?" Seth's voice dripped with sarcasm."That's not... ugh!" This was not going how Jacob had planned. "That's not what I needed to talk to you about.""What then? I need to go catch my ride," said Seth."I need to make sure you're not going to say anything," Jacob finally said."About what?""About Friday," said Jacob with exasperation."Ah, right. Don't worry, you're secret's safe with me. I won't say anything." Seth looked away, but he finally seemed serious, and perhaps a little disappointed.Jacob visibly relaxed. "Thank God," he said. "I might actually get things to work
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-18
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...And Eat It Too
Jacob downed two drinks in the kitchen with Dana before he could get his nerves under control. He didn't plan to get wasted like last weekend, but there was no way he was going to make it through the rest of this party sober."What's got you all frazzled?" asked Dana."It's nothing," said Jacob. "I'm not great with large groups of people.""I know what you mean," said Dana. "Why do you think I'm in the kitchen myself? Don't get me wrong, I love a good party, and I love that people are having fun, but sometimes I just need a break, you know?"Jacob chuckled. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.""It's cool. It's nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone's different," she said with a smile. "You can hide out in the kitchen any time. There's also rooms upstairs. You don't have to be fuckin' to hide out in one."Jacob actually blushed. He knew people knew his reputation, but it wasn't something he spent much time talking about. He realized he had pr
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-18
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Heavy
"You just started dating, it shouldn't be too hard to break things off, especially if you tell her the truth," Seth suggested. "I can't do that!" Jacob lamented. "First, she was so excited. Second, I still don't want anyone else to know. If I break up with her without giving a reason she'll be devastated. I’ll feel like such an asshole.""You are the asshole, remember? You haven't been dating long, how devastated could she be?" "How devastated would you be?" They sat in silence. "Fuck. If I break up with her, how am I going to keep up the charade with the other girls? The only reason they're leaving me alone now is because I'm dating Sarah."
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-18
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Trapped
Jacob sat alone in the darkness.    What did he just do? He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as realization began to spread through his brain. He had admitted he liked Seth. He was still dating Sarah. Did that mean he was cheating on Sarah with Seth? Or was he cheating on Seth with Sarah? Seth knew about Sarah, so he supposed it must be Sarah getting the shittiest end of the stick here.    They were using her. Guilt ripped through his chest at the thought. He wasn’t lying when he told her he liked her. He did. She was kind. She didn’t deserve this, but what else could they do? He would have to tell her eventually, but he knew he wouldn’t have the guts to do it yet.    Seth liked him. As much dread as he felt thinking about what all this meant, he had an eq
last updateLast Updated : 2021-03-22
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Benchwarmer
Monday morning practice brought relief to Jacob's nerves. He always felt better on the court. This was his place, his purpose. The familiar feel of the bumpy rubber texture in his hands before a free-throw was comforting. He extended his arm and released the ball from his fingertips. It flew through the air and he felt at peace. The ball swished through the net of the basket, not even close to the rim. That was bliss.Practice ended and brought Jacob back to the present. For the first time since he joined, Jacob ended with the rest of the team. He didn't even notice their presence. They were just other guys; it's not like they were Seth. They were different now. The world was segregated into Seth and Not-Seth. Bret noticed Jacob was with them. "Look at you! Not doing overtime today? Finally giving the rest of us a chance to catch up?" It was no secret tha
last updateLast Updated : 2021-04-12
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