Trapped

Jacob sat alone in the darkness. 

What did he just do? He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as realization began to spread through his brain. He had admitted he liked Seth. He was still dating Sarah. Did that mean he was cheating on Sarah with Seth? Or was he cheating on Seth with Sarah? Seth knew about Sarah, so he supposed it must be Sarah getting the shittiest end of the stick here. 

They were using her. Guilt ripped through his chest at the thought. He wasn’t lying when he told her he liked her. He did. She was kind. She didn’t deserve this, but what else could they do? He would have to tell her eventually, but he knew he wouldn’t have the guts to do it yet. 

Seth liked him. As much dread as he felt thinking about what all this meant, he had an equal amount of butterflies in his stomach at the thought that Seth actually liked him. Why hadn’t he realized he liked Seth? He had realized it, he just didn’t want to admit it to himself. If he admitted it, then he was admitting his failure. He didn’t care about that so much anymore. Liking Seth felt too good. If all of this could just remain their secret, everything would be fine. 

Were they dating? He was dating Sarah. Was he dating Seth too? A wave of dread rippled through him as he realized they hadn’t actually said that. Would Seth still be seeing other people? Jacob’s stomach did a summersault at the thought. Jealousy. That was a new feeling. He hadn’t recognized it when he was watching Seth talk to that other guy, but Jacob realized that’s what it must have been, and the thought of Seth with anyone else now turned Jacob’s intestines into knots. 

He couldn’t do anything about any of that at the moment. 

The music downstairs stopped. Jacob wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting in the dark room, but it couldn’t be that late yet. He pulled his phone out to check the time. 11:45 PM. Fuck, how did it get that late already? It was almost curfew. 

Jacob headed down the stairs. Sarah came around the corner and saw him coming.

“Jacob, I’ve been looking for you.” She looked concerned. “Where have you been?”

Kissing Seth, Jacob thought guiltily. There was no way around it, he was cheating on her. What could he do, though? “I’m not much of a party person. I just needed to go somewhere quiet,” he said, at least half-truthfully. 

“Okay,” Sarah said. She didn’t seem fully convinced. “Can you walk me home?” 

“Of course,” said Jacob. He owed her far more than that.

----

Jacob got up early the next morning to prepare for church. He had skipped last weekend so there was no way he would be able to skip this Sunday. There were three services every Sunday. Usually, they went to the second service, but to Jacob’s great relief they were going to the third service today. After the night before, he hadn’t slept well, and he savored the extra time to prepare in the morning. He dressed in blue slacks and a grey button-down. He hated ties, but he couldn’t get out of wearing them to church. As the son of the Pastor, he had to represent the family. 

His father, being the Pastor, was already at the chapel, so Jacob rode to church with his mother and Alice.

The white building was already packed when they arrived, but they were given choice seats near the front of the small chapel anyway. There were perks to being the family of the pastor. Jacob didn’t really care, but he liked not having to fight the crowds for a seat. 

The chapel was small and had white walls and vertical blinds behind the pulpit. One large cross hung above the pulpit, but other than that there was very little decoration. Shortly before the service began Seth felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find Sarah there in a lavender dress with a white collar. 

“You came to the third service,” she said excitedly, smiling broadly. 

“Yeah. We usually go to the second service, though.” Jacob hadn’t questioned why they were going to third service this time. He had just been glad for the extra time. 

Jacob’s mother leaned over the pew. “Why don’t you come and sit with us, Sarah?”

“May I?” Sarah asked. In response, everyone in the pew scooted down a person’s width to give Sarah room to sit next to Jacob. They must have known. There was no way they didn’t know. 

When Sarah sat down she leaned in and said quietly to Jacob, “I may have told Deacon Perry at youth group about you.” 

That was that, then. The whole church knew about them dating. Jacob wondered if that was the whole reason for attending the third service instead of the second.  Jacob looked over at his mother, who subtly winked at him. Yep. That was the reason. He wondered why neither of his parents had mentioned it yet. They were probably waiting for him to tell them himself. He had been kind of distracted by other things. 

Sarah laced her fingers through Jacob’s. One of the church members Jacob didn’t know began to play guitar and sing one of the hymns, signaling the beginning of the service. 

Jacob didn’t pay much attention to his father’s service. Usually, his mind was on basketball; coming up with new plays and thinking through how to improve his aim and technique. Today, he was thinking about Seth and Sarah. Okay, he was mostly thinking about Seth, but he couldn’t ignore the soft, dainty fingers currently twined through his. 

Mercifully, the service ended and the majority of the crowd dispersed to their homes. Jacob’s father came to meet his family, and arrived in time to reach out and shake the hand of a man who came to stand beside Sarah. He had the same dark auburn hair, and Jacob realized with a sudden sinking feeling that this must have been Sarah’s father. A meek, brown-haired woman herding a small ginger-haired boy was also coming over to join the group. 

“Pastor Foster, excellent sermon as always,” said the man as he shook Jacob’s father’s hand. 

“Please, call me Miles,” said Jacob’s father. “We’re practically family now, right Jacob?” 

Jacob could feel his face turning bright fuchsia. He wasn’t the only one. Sarah’s face had turned a splotchy shade of tomato. 

“It’s not that serious yet, dad,” Jacob hedged, trying not to appear too embarrassed. 

The adults chatted for a little while discussing the possible future as if Jacob and Sarah weren’t even there. Jacob was trying to find a reasonable escape when he heard his dad address him.

“How does Tuesday sound, Jacob?” 

“Uh, Tuesday?”

“For dinner.”

“Oh dear, they were so lost in each other’s company he didn’t even hear,” joked Jacob’s mother. “We’re inviting the Williams’ to dinner sometime this week, honey. Can you get permission to be absent from practice?”

Jacob felt steamrolled. He wasn’t ready for this. His parents were taking this way too seriously. 

“Sure,” he said, defeated. Tuesday it was, then.