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Freedom
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Jacob pushed through the doors of the long-term ward at West Valley Medical center. Seth was in the back corner of a communal room with a curtain pulled around his bed, creating a private space roughly the size of Jacob’s bedroom at home. Not at home. He couldn’t go back there. He didn’t have a home anymore. He had slept in Seth’s bed, at Seth’s house, for the last few nights.
Seth had been moved to the long-term ward after twenty-four hours of observation for complications of his surgery.
Seth lay on the hospital bed, as still as the dead except for the slow rise and fall of his chest. He wore a mask with tubes connected to a beeping tower of computers. Sensor wires sprouted from a mesh cap pulled down over Seth’s trademark curls and connected to another computer. On the monitor, several lines ticked zigzags across the
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Jacob rolled over and fumbled with his phone to stop the blaring alarm. It was in the wrong place. The table beside his bed was too low. As the fog of sleep faded, he remembered why. This wasn’t his room, or side table, or bed. This was Seth’s room. Jacob grabbed Seth’s pillow and pulled it over his face, inhaling Seth’s familiar and calming scent. He ached to be able to roll over and bury his face in Seth’s curls. It was Saturday, but he was up early because it was game day two of the state championships. They had not gone out to celebrate their win versus Preston last night. One win was pointless if they couldn’t win them all. They had agreed as a team to save their celebrations for when they won the final game.Today, they were playing the Century Diamondbacks from Pocatello. They were a good team. They even had one player scouted to the University of Kentucky a couple of years back. Jacob heard that that player was already being courted by the NBA. Century didn’t have that playe
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Feminine moans of pleasure crashed into the silence of Jacob’s room. He sprang forward to mute his computer audio. Hopefully, no one had heard. The naked woman looked longingly out of the screen at Jacob as she touched herself. He felt nothing. He almost felt sorry for her efforts, but he knew she either enjoyed what she was doing or she was payed for it, or both. He closed the video and loaded another from the same site. This time, it was a couple engaging in play. The man began jerking himself off as he waited for the woman to get into position. Jacob felt the stirrings of arousal. Fuck, Jacob thought. Failure. Again. He closed the last window and stared at his computer desktop in frustration. He was sure he could suppress those feelings this time. He had done everything he knew how. He had done his best to connect feelings of arousal inspired by other men to painful things or unpleasant things. He had tried inflicting physical pain when it happened. He had tried immediately fillin
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“Shut up!” Jacob felt his knuckle meet lip and teeth. His hand came away bloody before he knew what happened. “Fuck! What the fuck, man?” Seth steadied himself against the wall and flashed a glare up at Jacob. He touched his lip with his hand and looked discouraged at the blood he saw on his fingers. “Jesus, it’s not like I told anyone. Damn. Thanks for confirming, though.” He sucked on his split lip and tried to look for somewhere to wipe his hand other than his shirt. “Shit!” Jacob slammed the wall next to Seth. He glanced around to check for witnesses. No one had seemed to notice. “God. Dammit, dude... Sorry... I mean...” Jacob hurried into the store and grabbed a few napkins, muttering a thank you to Carl without looking up. He brought them back to Seth, who gladly accepted them and wiped his face and hands. His lip still bled, so he pressed the napkin to it. “Dude, I’m sorry... I haven’t punched anyone like that before. That wasn’t cool. Fuck.” “I don’t accept.” Seth spat blood
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Beep.Beep.Beep.The rise and fall of the electrocardiogram signaled Seth’s beating heart.Jacob and Mark sat in silence on opposite sides of the bed. Both watched Seth’s peaceful face as his chest slowly rose and fell with each breath.Beep.Beep.Beep.Jacob’s own heart beat in double time. He wanted to say something. He wanted to apologize again, but Mark wouldn’t hear it. Mark had already told him more than once that it wasn’t his fault; that he had nothing to apologize for, but Jacob still couldn’t make himself believe it. The only reason Seth
