Event Horizon

“What?” Jacob touched his face reflexively. He and Seth were almost nose to nose. He couldn’t move. His heart was pounding so hard he was sure Seth could hear it. All of his skin felt warm. It’s just the alcohol, Jacob thought to himself. It has to be just the alcohol. He knew it wasn’t. Seth’s lips were pink, and the side where Jacob had split his lip was plump and a little darker.

“Maybe you’re just scared. Maybe I make you uncomfortable. Or maybe you have checked me out after all,” Seth said softly. Jacob could feel Seth’s breath as he spoke. It was sweet but carried the sharp edge of the vodka and smoke. The smell of him was intoxicating.

Jacob could picture his friends on Monday. He would walk into school and they would know. He could see himself bloodied in the gym. He could see the look of disgust on his father’s face at home as he was thrown out. What a disgrace he was. He could see the judgment in his father’s eyes. He could also see his life as it was before. He could feel himself screaming inside every day, constantly afraid that someone would find out, afraid of that look on his father’s face. He remembered all the days he practiced extra long on the court so he could change after everyone was gone and avoid the possibility of suspicion. Why did he do it? Would he spend the rest of his life living in fear of people finding out? Which life was really worse, having bad things happen to who he really was, or constantly fearing the bad things while living the lie? He was making his own hell.

Jacob was terrified. He wanted to get up and run out the door. He wanted to pretend he and Seth had never started talking. He wanted to like women. He wanted, more than anything, to feel what he was feeling right now when he was sitting next to Cindy or Ashley from school. But it wasn’t Ashley or Cindy sitting next to him now. It was Seth Thompson sitting there, and Jacob’s body didn’t want to go anywhere.

“I’m not scared of shit, asshole.” For the second time that day, Jacob’s body acted before he knew what he was doing. He crushed his mouth to Seth’s. Warmth flooded from Seth’s lips to his. He could taste the bite of the vodka and the coppery tinge of blood from the split he put there earlier. His body was on fire. His skin tingled anywhere it touched Seth’s. He felt simultaneously like he was going to melt and as if he was the strongest man in the world. He could take on the world; he could certainly take on his friends. He could worry about the rest later.

The flood of sensations nearly overwhelmed him. It surprised Jacob how enjoyable it was to kiss Seth. This was Seth Thompson, after all. Didn’t he hate Seth Thompson? He thought he did. 

Jacob felt Seth grab the side of his face, pulling him deeper into the open-mouthed kiss. Jacob’s heart skipped and dance in his chest. Their breaths came in short bursts as their tongues searched for one another.

Jacob’s last kiss had been with Sarah Williams when they had a quick tryst beneath the bleachers after the last game. She had made it clear earlier in the day that she was interested, and he had allowed her to follow him into the secluded area. She had been on him as soon as they were out of view. She had hungrily mouthed at his lips, and he responded in kind. He was used to that with Women. They always tasted like perfume and lipstick, soft and wet. 

Seth tasted like alcohol and cigarettes; like secrets and rainstorms. Kissing wasn’t unpleasant with women, but he never could have imagined what it would feel like to kiss someone who set his skin on fire. If kissing was this exhilarating, sex would be on a completely different level, and he found himself grappling at Seth’s bare skin under his shirt, and longing to --

What?

Jacob broke the kiss.

“Well, that was unexpected,” drawled Seth, clearly pleased with himself.

“That was a mistake,” spat Jacob, his heart now pounding for a different reason. What had he done? He had been arrogant and drunk. All his efforts to reform himself suddenly made worthless. He felt himself craving to return to that kiss, to return to that feeling of power, that rush of adrenaline and hormones, but he was more terrified of it now than he had been before. He wanted it. He wanted it bad, and that scared him. “I have to go,” he said without looking at Seth.

“Go? You’re still drunk. Are you really going to walk home like that in the dark?” Seth sat up on the bed, genuinely concerned.

“It’s fine. It’s only a couple of miles.” He could use the walk to sober up before getting home. God knows he didn’t want to have that conversation with his parents, either. Jacob pushed himself up from the bed.

Seth stood up and tried to help him up.

“Stay the fuck off me.” Jacob slapped Seth’s hand away. He felt guilty at the hurt in Seth’s eyes, but couldn’t bring himself to apologize. He had to get out of here. He had to get away from the temptation and clear his head.

“Hey, asshole, it was you who kissed me, okay?” Seth’s hurt turned quickly to indignation.

“Fine, whatever. Forget it happened. I’m out of here.” Jacob stumbled his way down the stairs and out into the cool night air. He breathed deeply and slowed his racing heart, but he couldn’t slow his thoughts.

Jacob replayed the evening in his head as he walked. It was Seth who invited him over. It was Seth who gave him alcohol. It was Seth who leaned in so close. He was clearly goading Jacob into action. He had intentionally tempted him. It wasn’t Jacob’s fault. His only mistake was following Seth home in the first place. That asshole had even blackmailed him into following. It was all Seth’s fault. Jacob didn’t do anything wrong. This was his last temptation… Now, he could get things right. 

The memory of the warmth of Seth’s lips blocked everything else out of Jacob’s mind.

“God Dammit!” he shouted at the night. Don’t take the Lord’s name in vain, he heard his father say.