2. Thirty

~ Harper’s POV ~

I clenched and unclenched my fist around the small and dainty necklace in my hand. The necklace I had stolen from Zara's room. I had finally resorted to stealing small nick-nacks from her room, just so I and my wolf could feel closer to her. I would have never thought I would do this, but desperation makes you do a lot of things.

It was a small heart-shaped pendant, probably gifted by her brother, and I remembered clearly that she wore it on our first date back at the cabin. She was pretty nervous the whole car ride and kept twisting her hand around the string. I had resisted yanking her hand away from the pretty necklace, entwining our hands together and calming her down.

Zara never really liked wearing heavy accessories. I fingered the pendant on the chain and wondered why I never got a random present for her. Boyfriends do that kind of stuff, don't they, buying their girlfriends meaningful gifts to remember them by.

Well, I had given her a pretty amazing gift, something she'll never be able to forget, I thought sarcastically. I fell back on my bed, my legs dangling off the edge.

I closed my eyes and darkly chuckled at my life. It was a week ago that I had nearly passed out from the horrible pain, the pain which had been caused because Zara was with someone else.

I still had a hard time believing that it had happened. For some time, I even refused to believe that Zara could do such a thing. I mean, I know that she made it clear that we weren't together anymore but she had asked me to mark her. Did her feelings for me vanish in the three months she had been away from me? I refused to believe that.

The mate only feels the pain of cheating when their other half intentionally goes ahead and decides to be with someone. So, it was pretty clear that Zara wanted to do whatever it was she did with whoever it was.

I clenched my eyes shut as despair washed over me once again. My wolf hadn't been in contact with me this entire week. He was somewhere in the back of my mind, crying for the loss of his mate. He didn't blame me nor did he blame her, he just cut off his ties with me and left me alone with my dark thoughts.

Questions and insecurities plagued me day and night. Granted, I hadn't felt any pain after last Saturday and I had no idea what this meant. Who was she with? Was it someone from her new school or was it someone close to where she was living? Was it a werewolf or was it a human? Did she really like him, maybe even love him if she had decided to take that step with whoever it was?

Jealousy coursed through me every time I thought about the guy she was with, who was spending time with my mate. I clenched my eyes shut again as tears full of helplessness and anguish rolled down my cheeks.

My parents were shocked too and when their shock wore off, they told me that the pain decreases with time and gets easier to handle. That was a shitty thing to say at that moment because it proved that they believed that there were chances Zara would do it again. 

How far did she go anyway? Did she have sex with some other guy? Was it a wild make-out session with some hard groping? Or was it just some kisses? Endless questions raced through my mind, making me lose my mind. So, I tried my best to not think about any of them. I kept trying to stop thinking. Period.

Gossip traveled through the pack like wildfire and I was pretty sure everyone knew about my cries of anguish in the middle of the night last week. It would clearly explain why everyone was subtly trying to avoid me and give me a clear berth. They were afraid that I was going to blow up any moment and snap at them. 

Nothing was worse than a jilted Alpha's wrath!

Instead of thinking and letting my imagination run wild, I chose to close off my mind and focus on the pack duties. I acted like a robot, mechanically performing my obligations, because even if my life was fucked up, I still had a pack to look after, which was under threat. I pushed myself harder and harder and motivated everyone to push themselves to do their best. At least something good was coming out of this.

A feeble knock on my door snapped me out of my depressing thoughts. I hastily wiped away the tears from my face and hid Zara's necklace in my pocket. I ordered whoever it was to come in.

The door opened and revealed Samantha timidly standing on the threshold. I sighed silently at finding her here.

I hadn't had much contact with Samantha since Zara's departure because I was so busy keeping myself together. I had no idea what Samantha's views were about whatever happened but I wouldn't be surprised if she blamed me for sending one of her best friends away and getting the other one pregnant.

She cautiously entered my room and closed the door behind her. Her gaze roamed around my room and she leaned her back on the door. It was possibly the first time that she had entered my room for the first time.

"We missed you at the hunt today." She said, no amount of annoyance or disappointment in her voice.

"Yeah!" I flinched and shifted uncomfortably on my bed under her soft gaze. 

Today was the day Aiden had been finally appointed as the new beta of the pack. Simultaneously, Samantha had been passed down the position of the beta female of her pack. Even though I was jealous and hated my life, I still attended the event. I was the alpha, I had to be there for the pack. Even more than that, Aiden was my best friend and I wanted to be there for one of the best days of his life. I wasn't going to let my life problems get in the way of our friendship. I had learned to compartmentalize my feelings and I think I was doing a pretty good job of it.

After the ceremony, there was supposed to be a celebratory pack-hunting event to commemorate the new beta couple of the pack. I had refrained from participating in it because as the new beta, Aiden was supposed to kill a big enough animal that could be shared by the whole pack. I didn't need to be there and everyone knew that. My parents and I had stayed back to watch the new beta take charge of the pack for the first time. It was a proud moment for my best friend and his mate.

She hesitantly stepped forward and came to sit beside the bed. 

"I miss her, you know." Her voice rang out in the quiet room and my body stiffened because I knew who she was talking about. No one had the nerve to talk about Zara to my face because they knew it was a sensitive topic for me and they didn't want to face my wrath.

"I do too," I said quietly, which didn't completely describe how I felt but I knew she got the message.

"She hasn't been in contact with me, you know. I mean I know that she needed to get away because of everything that was happening but she could have stayed in touch with me. A simple message stating that she was alive and safe would have been great." She ranted, allowing me to know how hurt she was at Zara's actions. This was the first time I had heard about this. Aiden must have heard this time and again because if something was bothering Samantha, she believed in speaking out loud about it, preferably to someone who would listen to her.

"I'm sorry that she hurt you and I'm even more sorry that my actions led to that," I said, twiddling my thumbs in nervousness.

She chuckled. "I know you're sorry but it's not your fault."

My surprised gaze moved to her. "What do you mean?"

"I think your relationship was built on really rocky grounds and this thing was a final blow that led to everything crumbling down. Your history with Zara is one of a kind. I haven't seen more messed up mates than you."

"Yeah, thanks for that," I said dryly.

"Honestly, I'm so surprised that Natalie even slept with you. She has hated you so much and she even advised Zara against giving you a chance after you rejected her."

This surprised me even more. "She hated me? She doesn't act like that. Could've surprised me."

"The situation has changed now, silly. You are the father of her child. She can't go around hating you forever. She's a mother now, she has to prioritize her child before her personal feelings and that includes getting over her hate for you and accepting that you are going to be a permanent part of her life from now on."

I looked at her and took her words in. She was right, of course, she was. Wasn't I keeping my depressing thoughts about this whole situation aside and trying my best to be there for my child, who was going to be here in a few months? We had grown up a lot in these months. We had matured so much and have learned to keep the things that mattered to us at the foremost.

I smiled at her. "You're a good mate for Aiden." 

She blushed as I said those words and I laughed at her reaction. Their honeymoon phase wasn't over yet. 

"You know, sometimes I get jealous of you two. The way you two are so great together and accept each other." I said waiting for her blush to subside. 

"Really?" She asked, her eyes round and surprised. 

I nodded. "Sometimes, when I look at you guys together, I can't help but imagine the short time I spent with Zara. Those were the best days of my life. I'll probably never feel like that again." 

"Hey, don't say things like that. She could very well come back and forgive you." She touched my shoulder gently and I resisted the urge to burst into my tears then.

"We were together for two months; Sam and she have been gone for three months now. We have spent more time apart than we have spent it together." Her hand fell away from her but he eyes softened as she heard me out. 

"From the very point that I found out she was my mate; I have constantly hurt her. I rejected her, cheated on her, and at one point physically hurt her." I hunched over as tears streamed down my face, against my better judgment. I put my face in my hands in an attempt to preserve whatever dignity I had left.

Samantha moved closer to me and put her small arm around my broad shoulders in an attempt to comfort me. I gasped and took a deep breath. "What if the moon goddess finally realized that I couldn't make it up to her, that I didn't deserve her anymore, and made her meet someone else? Someone who was less psychotic than me and carried way less baggage. Someone who didn't come with a package deal of a child and a baby mama."

My shoulders shook as sobs wracked my body. I somehow controlled myself and looked at Samantha. She too, had tears streaming down her face, my pathetic situation did that to people. She empathized with me but even she didn't have any answer to my questions.