2. Thirty- eight

It has been two weeks since I saw the moon goddess in my sleep and told me that she told me that the sacred race of white wolves was going to finally end, that the reproductive problems they were having with their mates were a result of a carefully put-together plan of slowing them down. 

It has also been two weeks since I have analyzed and over-analyzed everything she had told me. She had indirectly told me that Harper getting Natalie pregnant was part of a bigger plan, something which I wouldn't be able to comprehend. 

But instead of satisfying me, she had just left me with more questions. Honestly, I wasn't even surprised at this point. She always did that and it didn't matter to her that I found it frustrating or confusing.

I just wanted to what Harper getting pregnant meant. Was she just a means to an end? Was she just acting as a surrogate so the pack could have an alpha after Harper, so the alpha line could continue? Or was she much more than that?

Did Harper have sex with her because he found her attractive and the condom just happened to fail because of the supposedly master plan? Was he actively involved with her?

Was there any chance I could have overlooked any lingering feelings between them, in the time we were together? Was Natalie a vessel for breeding a child, as demeaning as that sounds, as a solution to a bigger problem or were there potential feelings involved, if not now, maybe in the future? Because I had to be real, Harper and Natalie were having a baby together, they were going to be a family and it wouldn't be surprising if they developed feelings for each other, if they haven't already in the time I have been gone. 

What if I went back and found them a perfect and happy family and had my heart broken for the second time? It could also pan out the other way. What if I went back and everything worked in my favor, Harper missed me, they both don't have feelings for each other and we work out a way to make our relationship work again?

A thousand questions have plagued my mind these last few days and I didn't know if I had the strength to know the answers. It would be relatively easy obviously, I could just take my sister's car and drive back to my hometown, meet with Harper, talk to him, and settle the demons inside my head.

I just couldn't master up courage to do that because I was afraid. So damn afraid. I knew that life gave you shit and it doesn't stop just because you have had enough or you are already going through a rough patch. If you have hit a bottom, there's no certainty that you won't hit another one. That's just how life works. It wasn't fair but that's how it is.

At least if I was away from the source of all my problems and heart ache, I could be oblivious. I could pretend that I was fine, paste a smile on my face, and act as if everything was alright. This attitude would never work if I was back in my house, surrounded by people who have hurt me so badly.

As much as I would like to believe otherwise, I had to accept that nothing has changed. Natalie was still pregnant and Harper was still going to be a father. My boyfriend and best friend had still slept behind my back and the evidence of their betrayal would stare me every time in the face and I didn't know if I was strong enough right now to go through it. I had just been feeling okay after such a long time.

So, even though it may be childish or it may seem like running away, I was going to stay here. I was going to stay till I mentally prepared myself for all the different routes my life could take if I chose to go back home. 

I closed my eyes to stop the different thoughts that had been sucking off my energy. I was stressing and overthinking to a dangerous point, which was making me mad.

These thoughts tormented me when I would be idle like I was right now. I was sitting in the gym inside the apartment building where Emily lived. I honestly had no idea how she was even able to afford an apartment here but I wasn't going to ask. Maybe werewolves were born with an endless supply of money. 

To not sit idly, I had thrown myself into Ethan's training. When I had woken up because of a haunting nightmare, I had asked him to teach me some defense techniques and how to fight. He had kept good on his promise and had helped me bring up my stamina and build my upper body strength step by step. 

I sighed and clenched my fingers into a fist as I looked around the gym, which was only occupied by me. He had promised to be here twenty minutes ago, but as he worked as a part-time trainer here, he had keys to the gym, which helped in the easy availability of the venue for our lessons.

I eyed the new silver ring on my finger, a new addition to the silver bracelet and a ring, which proved to be useful to numb the effects of the bond. Sebastian had given me a single bracelet and two rings to numb the bond and now I had used all of them. Maybe, it was a sign that my time here was running out. I had started wearing it two days ago and I knew Ethan had noticed it but he hadn't mentioned anything about it either.

Ethan opened the door and walked inside, holding his gym bag over his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm late. Got caught up at uni."

I just nodded even though I was irritated. The least he could do at times like these was to leave a message. Was that a big thing to ask?

Ethan had already shown me a few basic defensive postures which I had got a hang of, pretty quickly. After being attacked in a dark alley and feeling helpless, I was a keen student and wanted to absorb everything he taught me.

Ethan rolled a large gym mat in the center of the floor where there weren't any machines and took off his shoes. He gestured for me to do the same and I complied, wondering what he was up to.

"Today, I want to see your blind hits. Unleash your anger, your frustration on me. Hit me as hard as you can and I will study your stance and your technique and then we will work with that. Sounds good?" He rummaged in his gym bag and took out boxing pads, which he proceeded to wear. 

Was he kidding? Unleash my anger and frustration on him? It felt like a godsend invitation to me right then. I didn't think he knew what he was getting himself into but he wouldn't know until it was too late. Well, his problem.

He clapped the padded gloves, or whatever they are called, and motioned for me to take the stance he taught me. I increased the length between my legs and my shoulders thrown back. I put my hands in front of my face, not barring my vision but enough to block any blow to my head.

"Come on, punch me." He said and jumped on the mat.

It felt weird punching him, a friend, and I threw a halfhearted punch on his padded gloves. He landed a rough jab on my head with his glove and looked pointedly at me. "Do you think I'm joking here? Is that what you called a punch?"

I huffed, took a deep breath again, and landed two soft blows in the center of the pads. 

"Good. Try again." He smiled and urged me to go again.

I landed five continuous punches, alternatively with my hands. I won't lie, it felt really good, to let out all my frustrations like this.

"Good, now take a breath before each blow you land, ok?" Ethan suggested and I nodded, commanding my brain to follow his instructions.

I landed another five blows, remembering to take a breath between each punch. I noticed that it somehow made the punches more powerful. I smiled at my small progress and smiled at Ethan.

He smiled back at me. "Go again."

I moved forward and kept landing blows on him till I was out of breath. I took a step back to take a deep breath. "Good, take two deep breaths and start punching again. I want you to punch me till your arms start hurting."

I nodded and with that, I moved forward and landed a series of blows on him. I jumped, remembering to take a deep breath between the blows. I kept landing punches and somehow, I got lost. All the frustrating and confusion about my situation seeped out of me at the physical exertion and I smiled to myself for the liberating feeling.

I was so lost that I stumbled a little when Ethan's padded arms came around me and the next thing, I knew I fell on the mat, with Ethan on top of me.

The air rushed out of my lungs as Ethan's heavy body landed on top of mine and I closed my eyes at the shock of the fall.

"I asked you to stop two minutes ago," Ethan whispered from above me and I gathered the strength to open my eyes. His eyes stared back into me; his proximity was too real to ignore.

"You did?" I hesitantly asked.

He slowly nodded. "I figured you weren't listening, so I put my arms around you to stop you."

"You startled me."

"I guess I did." He said, his eyes moving from my eyes to my lips, an action so small I was surprised I even caught it. "And here we are."

"Here we are," I whispered. 

I don't know who moved closer or who initiated it, maybe it was the both of us, but the next second I was kissing him and he was kissing me back. 

I felt his muscled body on top of mine and let out a breathy moan when he bit my bottom lip. I put my arms around his shoulders, his hands now supporting most of his weight over me.

I raked my nails in his scalp, brushing his hair slowly and he groaned, the vibrations traveling through his body and mine. 

It was surreal. I was making out with Ethan on a gym mat in an empty gym. I couldn't seem to care because honestly, I was enjoying it.

I didn't know for how long we kissed but it felt really good.

Suddenly, he leaned back from me, his eyes shit closed, as if he was in pain. I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering what happened. I put my hand on his face, telepathically asking him to open his eyes.

I felt his body weight lifted off from me and he landed heavily beside me, his eyes still closed shut. I turned my head to look at him, still confused about his sudden mood change.

Ethan opened his eyes and smiled sadly at me. "You have a mate."

I did. I did have a mate.