2. Forty- three

I had broken up with Harper. It sounded so simple. The words themselves sounded so simple but only I knew how much weight they carried and how I felt the realization of the fact breaking my heart. 

I lay on my bed, sobbing as my shoulders shook. It was so damn hard to believe that everything was over just like that. All the struggle that we had been through to come together, all the chances I had taken with myself to decide to love him, it had all come to nothing. Nothing but pain and heartbreak. 

It was depressing and gut-wrenching to know that we were done, that I was done with him. I had heard and read so many times that love was never enough and that love doesn't always conquer anything and everything but this was probably the first time I was coming in turns with the sayings.

It would have been easier if I could just make my feelings for Harper go away. Like maybe a snap of fingers or something. It would be so much easier than to be a heap of crying mess on my bed. 

I didn't know how long I sat there, crying and feeling sorry for my pathetic life when the door of my room opened and Ethan walked in. He must have knocked but I didn't hear because of the loud ringing in my ears.

His eyes quickly zeroed in on me and widened in surprise. I was sure he didn't expect me to see like that, hopelessly lying there on my bed, like a crumpled-up piece of paper.

In a second, he was beside me am took me in his arms. I let him hug me and cringed as I felt his shirt go wet because of my tears. It was not a pretty sight. 

I put my arms around him and hugged him back as a new wave of tears threatened to break out. Having someone with me in the moment calmed me down a lot and the fact that he was Ethan helped me relax a lot more.

"What happened?" He inquired hesitantly, wondering if he was encroaching on a hazardous territory.

"Me and Harper broke up," I whispered and clenched my eyes shut. It was such a light term, 'broke up' as if we weren't soul mates who were in love with each other. Saying the words out loud brought another wave of pain because it felt so surreal. After all, I still have hope for us. I had no idea how, but I did and now it all felt so final. So done.

"What?" He took hold of my arms and pushed me a little so he could look at my face.

I wiped the tears on my face and nodded. 

"I am so sorry." He put his arms around me again and let me cry to my heart's content. And I did. I cried till I could, till my eyes felt dry, my throat felt hoarse and scratchy and my body was exhausted from the tear-works. Crying isn't as easy as it looks. It drained me and didn't make me feel any better. If anything, it made me feel heavy and it felt like my heart was heavy and resting at the soles of my feet.

After my sobbing fest was over, Ethan and I lay on top of the bed together, not speaking and ignoring each other's presence in the room. I think, I even dozed for an hour or two. 

When I woke up, I turned my head to find Ethan there beside me, looking at me.

"Get ready." 

I knew my eyes were puffy, I was tired and I was pretty sure he knew that too. "What?" 

No way was I going anywhere in the state I was in.

"I'm going to order some pizza. You want in?" 

I weakly nodded, blooming inside at the idea of a pizza. I was tired and hungry and I could do with some free, cheesy, and delicious pizza. It sounded like the solution to all my problems at the moment.

Ethan laughed and I smiled shyly at his booming laugh. We both knew he could get me to do practically anything by adding food to the equation. And I wanted to feel better. I didn't want to think about Harper because it was depressing and I wasn't keen on drying my eyes out.

He got off the bed to call the nearest pizza shop and gave a smile before he exited my room. I sighed, got up from the bed too, and went to the bathroom. I had already prepared myself but I still cringed as I saw my ghostly reflection in the mirror. As predicted, my eyes were puffy and my cheeks were more flushed than I'd like them to be. 

I splashed some water on my face to look more like the human I was, and not like the zombie of some third-grade movie. I did my business in the bathroom and entered the room when I was sure I looked presentable and not like a sad, heartbroken teen. 

I picked up my phone from the nightstand and sat down on the bed. I wanted to call Harper again and talk to him. Explain to him how I felt about the whole situation and what I was afraid of the most. I desperately wanted to know what was happening there back home. I had been in touch with my parents but they couldn't exactly tell me how the werewolves of town were doing.

Without thinking, I dialed Samantha's number. She would tell me if there were any chances of something happening between Harper and Natalie. She was my best friend, so she wouldn't care if I sounded like a jealous psychotic bitch. It kept dialing and dialing and then went straight to voicemail. I groaned, maybe the universe didn't want me to know what was happening and maybe it was for good. What if Samantha told me something I already suspected and hard my heart has broken down all over again? I couldn't have that, so I blocked her again and switched my phone off.

Poor Ethan because he had to deal with all the baggage, I carried with me and he didn't even know the whole story. I had already broken ties with Harper, so it wouldn't matter if Ethan suddenly saw me more as the mate to a white wolf than his friend. After his mate died, he lost his sanity and with that, any purpose for his soul. He thought he could have some purpose in life by serving the white wolf and if I could help in the right direction then it would be fruitful for him and maybe for Harper too.

Ethan had been so good to me, treated me so well, and had been there for me whenever I needed him, so the least I could do was tell him the truth about the white wolf, Harper, and in turn, the truth about myself. I would leave the part of decision-making to him.

When I finally decided that I would tell Ethan the whole story about my mate, the door opened and Ethan walked on carrying two boxes of pizza. My mouth watered as the aroma of the amazing pizza from two blocks away reached my nose.

Ethan chuckled when he saw my eager expression and I beamed back at him. He handed over the boxes to me, got on the bed, and settled beside me. We were leaning against the headboard, our shoulders touching when I opened the first box.

I moaned as the extra cheese melted in my mouth. No better feeling than having a pizza in your hand and a friend by your side. For a moment, I was going to pretend that everything was alright in my life and enjoy the heavenly goodness in my hand.

"You feeling better?" Ethan asked, his mouth full. I scrunched my nose at his disgusting act of annoying me. He knew it irritated me to no end whenever he talked with his mouth full.

I playfully hit him on the shoulder but sobered up just as quickly when I remembered that I had promised myself that I would tell Ethan the truth. No matter the truth.

"Ethan?" 

"Hmmm." He grunted and took a large bite of the slice.

"I haven't been really honest with you about my mate. I know it won't exactly excuse my lies or anything, but I just wanted you to not see me in a different light."

"What are you talking about?" 

"I didn't tell you the whole truth about Harper, my mate," I said, not willing to turn and look at him. "Harper Cain." If Ethan was the alleged scroll-keeper, he would know that the Cains were the white wolves on this continent.

I turned my gaze to look at Ethan, who was staring at me, without blinking his eyes. I surprised him with this revelation. Taking it as a chance to confess and get everything off my chest, I told him everything. About Harper and Sebastian being the white wolves, about the red lakes pack, the problems the white wolves experienced with procreating with their mates, Harper's rejection and then his acceptance, and lastly, my dreams about the moon goddess's visits.

Ethan didn't say anything through my ramble and I was growing worried every second. His face was blank and I had no idea how he was taking all this in and how was he going to react.

He broke the eye contact between us and put down the half-eaten pizza slice back in the box. "That's a lot to take in."

"I know." 

He moved to get up from the bed and suddenly I remembered that I had to ask him about one other thing, which completely escaped my mind. 

"Ethan, what's a Batair?" 

He turned to face me again, his eyes wide in surprise and mouth open in astonishment.