Bonus Chapter

Bonus Chapter: Ethan's POV

When you grow up as a werewolf, all you ever hear is the word 'mate', because people around you can't stop talking about them. Some elders talk about mates with a dazed but happy look in their eyes and you can easily tell how much they love their mates. When young people talked to mates, you could practically feel their longing and the love they had for their mates. When teenagers talk about mates, you can feel their desperation to find their mates and be one with them. Rejections in my pack were extremely rare and every werewolf lived happily ever after with their fated mates. There were no doubts, no questions asked because your mate could be the exact fit of your soul, your second half, and the one who you are supposed to live as long as you live. Growing up and watching my parents and pack members, this is all I had watched and learned, that a mate was for you to love, hold and protect till the end of your days. 

When you're brought up like that, the ideology becomes your whole world, the reason you live, the part of your life you look forward to. Some people are brought up to terrorize people, I was taught my whole life to love my other half, the mate the goddess would choose for me. I embraced it with open arms and so did my wolf. I'm not going to say that this was my only reason for living, that I had no other motivation to live other than meeting and loving my mate for as long as I lived. 

I was the eldest son of alpha and so was destined to become the next alpha. More than that, I was supposed to be the next scroll keeper, the keeper of all the secrets and ways of our kind, ready to help the white alpha whenever he needed it. The white alphas had forgotten us over the centuries but we hadn't because we were privy to the kind of knowledge that had been passed down to the centuries and carefully preserved. So, in addition to waiting for my mate, I trained with my father for my alpha position and the art of secret-keeping and learned facts and information I couldn't believe was true or had happened years ago. 

Unlike most packs, my father had taught me not to hate rogues. He explained that not all wolves were rogues because they were crazy or had committed some atrocious crime. Many run away from their packs or take up voluntary exiles with their mates and still some others are born into it. So, when I met my mate in the woods while I was out for a run, I didn't care at all that she was a rogue. I was overjoyed that I had met her so soon, in some cases werewolves had to wait years for their mates. I counted myself blessed. 

I had known instant that I was meant to be with her and I could see that it was true to her too. She had been abandoned by her family when she was 7 years old and left to survive the woods on her own. My heart hurt for her and I had vowed to protect her with my life. If only keeping my promise had been that easy!

I had two good years with her. Two whole years where I was as happy as I had ever been and ready to take on the role of the alpha and the official secret keeper of the pack. My parents had been young when they had me, so they were in their mid-forties by the time came of age to take over the alpha position. I had always known my father would give me the alpha position when I was 20, even though generally most alphas hand down rules to their heirs when they become 18 years of age. This was primarily because my father said he wanted me to be carefree a little bit longer, to enjoy my youth a little bit longer. After all, the alpha position would always be there for me. 

Not all rogues were cruel, it was true but some were raving mad and sought out to kill for no particular reason. Such rogues envied the alphas and the organized packs because they were cast out and their wolves had failed to connect with other wolves. So, they went on murderous rampages and harmed people who did nothing to them, meant nothing to them. One such person was my mate, Aisha. Even remembering her name crates a painful throb in my chest. 

When the time of my alpha ceremony drew near, some rogues I had never seen before kidnapped her when she was alone on a run. When the news reached me, my wolf had become mentally paralyzed, unable to think and act. My father took over the reins and searched my mate for a week, all while I could barely function, my mind completely blank and full of fear. When they found Aisha a week later, she was battered and bruised. But worst of all she was broke, both in mind and body. When I saw her, I felt like a failure. Could I have possibly rescued her earlier if I had gone out to search for her, rather than sitting at home and waiting for news from my father? It was the sheer terror that had kept me from going out but shouldn't it have propelled me to go outside and search for my mate?

I watched her, my mate, close on herself and find myself helpless. I could only imagine the horrors she must have gone through in seven long days of captivity. She would shrink every time I would move to touch her and my wolf whimpered day and night to see her as a shell of the girl I had come to love. It was not a surprise to anyone when we found that she had taken her own life after a month and when the realization had settled in, I felt crippled and changed in ways I had thought impossible. The house I had lived in all my life seemed to haunt me because, in those very halls, I had come to know and love her. So, like the coward I was, with guilt bearing down on me, I asked my father to let me go and I vowed only to return home if I ever got over the death of my mate and the part I played in it. 

My father didn't want to see me go; I was his heir. I was supposed to succeed him and impart all the knowledge he had given me to my son but he could see how darkly I grieved, how she feared I would choose to take my own life than choosing to live on without my mate. So, with a heavy heart, he let me go and crowned my younger brother as the alpha of the pack. He accepted the fact that the art of secret-keeping would die with me as I was supposed to share it with my first son, something that seemed impossible to me without Aisha.

On a whim, I decided to move closer to the pack governed by the white wolves. All my life I had thought that my purpose was my mate, rule my pack as the alpha, and be a secret keeper. The first one had been snatched out of my hands, the second one I had forsaken but I still hoped to somehow find peace in the third one. So, I set out towards the famous red lakes pack where the white alphas of the continent ruled. I still struggled with the loss of my mate and I couldn't just barge into the pack territory as I had become a rogue now. So, to compose myself, I settled as close as possible to the pack territory and applied for a few college courses in the local community college. 

It was completely ironic; I had become the one thing I had begun to hate, a rogue. It was hate-filled so deep in me that everything that my father had taught went right out of my mind. I believed every rogue was cruel ad so I attacked every one of them. It wasn't one of my proud moments but I even harassed harmless and exiled girls, thinking they were out to get me. This is how I met Adam, who would later be one of my closest friends. He approached me in a bar, thinking I would be friendly to a fellow wolf but I was anything but and smashed his pretty face with my fist. After our misunderstandings cleared, we gradually became friends. In the meantime, Adam found his mate, Emily. 

I could never make up my mind about Emily. She was a good mate for Adam; she was loyal, truthful, and loved him as much as a human could love her mate without being marked. Most of the time she seemed self-centered and selfish, so I tried to stay away from her even though it was difficult considering she went everywhere Adam went. As long as she kept him happy, I would tolerate her and with time, I began to like her as well. 

The three of us took accommodation together in an apartment building and I told Adam the secret of being marked by Emily, for which he profusely thanked me. Even though I could never forget my mate, her visions haunted my dreams, and I and my wolf missed her with an intensity that I didn't know I was capable of. Slowly, over the two years I spent at university, I found myself sliding in bed with lots of girls. In the pack, I was popular because I was the future alpha, here I was popular because of my athleticism and my looks. I'm not proud of it but I did it because even if it was for a few moments, I felt a little less hollow and a little bit normal. I took care to not form any attachments and broke things off when I realized the girl expected things to mean more. Many girls were beautiful, someone I would have looked twice at if I had walked by them on the street but after being with Aisha all of them felt somehow less. Even though I recognized something was wrong with me, I couldn't exactly change it or myself. I realized it was a downward spiral but couldn't stop myself from stopping myself. 

It was this time Emily's sister Zara arrived to stay at her sister's place. As soon as I entered the room, I noticed something different about Adam's place and I rushed inside and found her talking to Adam. My wolf had stirred in my mind, had become awakened in a way and I found myself reacting to her in a way I hadn't reacted to a girl since my mate died. I know, classic asshole moves but I couldn't help myself. During that time, I was having a small affair with a girl in my class. I had known that she had wanted me to be serious about her for quite some time but all I could think about when Zara was sitting in front of me was my insane reaction to her. 

I would have had no problem controlling myself it had been just a physical reaction but my wolf had suddenly started acting crazy and I didn't know what to do. Speaking objectively, she wasn't the most attractive girl I had met in the last month so I found myself wondering the reason for such a subconscious response towards her. 

I had resolved to stay away from her because, to be honest, such a reaction towards her puzzled and made me afraid. On some level, it also made me feel wrong as if I had betrayed my mate even though she had been dead for a few years. It was ironic because it didn't feel like cheating when I slept with other girls around me. Moreover, it was pretty clear that she knew about the existence of werewolves; only those humans know about werewolves who have werewolf mates. This meant that there were pretty great chances of Zara having a werewolf mate and if it was true, she was strictly off-limits. Mates of werewolves were out of bounds even if they were drop-dead sexy. Werewolf code!

My resolve quickly broke down as I started driving her around after her study sessions. It was just so easy to communicate with her, to be myself with her, to be friends with her. The closer I got to her, the more I realized that she was someone's mate because I had noticed it several times how she leaned forward in anticipation when I talked about human-werewolf relationships. So, I tried to stay away, I did but being with her was easier than forcing myself to stay away from her. 

Something about her made my protective instincts stand on end. My wolf didn't understand what was happening but I found myself giving an evil eye to anyone who looked at her the wrong way. I could feel that she was attracted to me and it brought a sort of satisfaction to my ego that this connection wasn't just in my mind. 

Just as easily, I could feel her guilt about having these feelings for me, and for once, I was able to completely relate to a person about this kind of stuff. When Zara told me about how her mate had impregnated her best friend, I felt so angry. There was a rage inside me that I desperately wanted to let out. Here was a guy who treated his fated mate like this while my fated mate was taken away from me. It was at this point that all my regret about being attracted to Zara went out the window. If she had such a mate, who had gone out and cheated on her best friend and got her pregnant, he didn't deserve Zara. I could still see that she had feelings for him which were completely understandable considering they were mates but I had vowed to respect her and treat her the way she deserved to be treated.

I didn't believe her when she told me that the moon goddess came in her dreams. I mean, who would? It wasn't exactly unheard of, but the last time the goddess had visited someone in their dreams, it was a couple of centuries ago but then she had asked me what a batair meant. That word had made me stop because there was no way she could have heard that term by accident. The term was more than a thousand years old and was something extremely important in the werewolf world. It was her use of this term that made me faintly believe that what she was saying could be possibly true, the goddess must be visiting in her dreams. But if that was true, the Zara was no ordinary human and wasn't mated to a regular pack member. Her mate must have been as important to her but it didn't matter because usually, importance didn't breed civility. When I found out that her mate was the white wolf, I still didn't feel any guilt even though I had settled here to serve the white wolf. 

When she told me she was going back home because of a special message the goddess had asked to deliver, it felt obvious to me to offer to go with her. No doubts crept into my mind at the moment. She looked relieved at my offer and it was then that my being there would be a comfort to her. My aim of accompanying her had been purely selfish because I wanted to bask in her still. After all, it made me and my wolf happy after a long tie. Although, now that I think about it, I would have had to go with her nonetheless because I was her protector. 

I had imagined Harper Cain, Zara's mate and the white alpha to the pack Red Lakes, as an asshole playboy who didn't know and respect his responsibilities towards his pack and his mate. When we reached the pack ground and watched him take his alpha vows with another female, presumably Zara's ex-best friend, my opinion was pretty much set in stone. 

It was only when I noticed him in the days that followed that my opinion began to change. Harper may have been a playboy before he found Zara as I heard a lot of people talk about but the more, I observed this white alpha now, the more I grew confused because serial cheaters and playboys don't act the way he acted. I would know because I have been one for the past two years. I could see how devoted Harper was towards Zara, how he genuinely had feelings for her and cared for her, and not just because his wolf wanted to be close to his mate. Harper loved Zara as much as I had loved my mate and that was saying something. 

So, everything felt wrong. I immediately thought that Zara's best friend must have trapped him somehow, either because she liked Harper or the power that came with him but as I observed everyone, I could hardly find anything that would support this notion too because Natalie several times deliberately chose to stay away from Harper which I found odd. I could see no physical attraction between the two of them, or even their wolves, and deduced then that something greater was at work here. 

I had read about stuff like this when I was undergoing my scroll-keeper training about why unexplained things happened in ancient times and how all the credit went to the witches. Such events were believed to be manipulated by the gods above but obviously, we had no proof about it and as we became smarter these events happened far less. I was determined to get to the bottom of what happened because I wasn't just meant to physically protect Zara, I was also meant to support her in any way she needed. 

 When she finally came to terms with what happened, and when she told me that she loved Harper, I let her go. Not because it was meant to be and because they were mates but because they genuinely loved each other and I could see that Zara had gone through everything in her mind a gazillion times. It was simple really. Harper loved her more than anything and she did the same. What happened between him and Natalie had been out of their hands, so it didn't exactly weigh on the decision anymore. They didn't have any feelings for each other and I knew that Zara had figured it out to not let go of her future for something that meant nothing to Harper or Natalie. So, when she finally told me she wanted to try to sort things out with Harper, I told her that she had made the right choice and let her go.