3. Fifty

I thought about it for so many months, because the act of being marked by Harper seemed final. It felt like a full stop and in a way, it was final, an end. I knew the meaning of being marked even before I had decided to go away when I had learned of Natalie's pregnancy. I had asked him to mark me so many months ago and he had refused. It seemed so long ago, Aiden's birthday party when he found out that Samantha was his mate. So much has happened since then, things that have made me value the most precious things in life, let go of grudges, and the importance of relationships. 

After all, I have been through, I believe I have grown as a person. Not just me either, I know that all of us, Harper, Natalie, Samantha, and Aiden have grown up and matured in a way that most eighteen-year-olds don't. Well, Natalie is nineteen years old and so is Harper, as of today. 

So, I want to stress the fact that the decision to mate with Harper wasn't a light one even though I know most people wouldn't support my actions. But the truth of the matter was that I loved Harper, I have loved him for almost a year now. It crept on me slowly and I wasn't even ready for it. I can't recall the exact moment when I began needing him for support, acknowledgment, love, and peace. Of course, if I hadn't been in love with him, the thought of him and Natalie wouldn't have pierced me and I wouldn't have left. 

When I had first accepted Harper, I'd known that Harper had a very active sexual life and had had sex with hordes of girls, one of them my sister. I had known all about it and I had still given him a chance and I didn't regret it at all. My hesitation in getting back with Harper was because of two reasons, one of them being the vision of seeing my best friend and Harper falling in love with each other. Now that I know that Natalie isn't interested in men, I feel a weight on my chest rising. The possibility of them getting together is impossible and slowly, over the months, I grew to accept the idea of them being friends. 

The second thing that mattered to me, strangely more than the former, was Mason. Of course, I understood that he was innocent in this mess but as I recalled the goddess's words, so were Natalie and Harper. They had been acting as puppets, like me, on the whims of powers who were so much superior and vengeful. I had gotten together with Harper knowing that there was a possibility that I may have difficulties in conceiving. But I had done it, I had fallen in love with him, knowing that there were certainly other ways to have children and it certainly can't be the end of the world. Surely, there were normal human couples out there who couldn't have children. Harper being a father to Mason somehow eased a heavy pressure from my chest because I couldn't imagine me and Harper going on the same path as Eva and Sebastian. 

The heaviest lesson came from Harper's parents. They taught me how fragile relationships are. I could have been a she-wolf mated to Harper and still, our relationship could have ended in disaster, like Harper's great-grandparents and those before them. So, I choose a different path, after going over the pros and cons after a million times. 

And now, as I lay beside Harper in the alpha's quarters, I have no regrets. I smile sleepily and my hand automatically touches the spot where my neck and shoulder meet. The exact spot where Harper marked me. Touching the mark sends pleasurable tingles all over my body and the sensations intensify when Harper touches me even though he has only marked me a few hours ago, I can't help but look forward to the nights in the future when we will be free to touch each other all night long. Harper told me the sensations increase exponentially when I mark him. 

I look beside me to see Harper snoring softly and an involuntary smile creeps onto my face. I move closer to him and put my head on his bare chest. Instinctively, his arms are set on my naked waist and he pulls me closer to his body. I sigh as the tingles break out all over my skin and snuggle closer to him. I settle my face in the crook of his neck and smell the scent that is uniquely him. Sleep envelops me as does Harper's body heat. 

*** 

The next time I open my eyes, I am gazing into the soft eyes of the moon goddess and for the first time, I don't exactly know how to feel about her. No intense need to get away from her comes to mind because I know that in her way, she has done the best she could to make these last few months as easy for us as she possibly could, without directly interfering in our lives. I had not visited her in my sleep for so many months that I had almost forgotten about her.

Even though my feelings for her have changed, I have no idea why she has called me now. Isn't everything settled now, that everyone is happy? Well, almost everyone as the image of Harper's parents flashes in my mind. But surely, it would have been impossible for all of us to come out unscathed. Before I could ask her myself, the goddess gestured for me to sit and I obeyed her. I sat down cross-legged on the soft grass while she assumed her favored rock close to the drop of the cliff.

"I wanted to come clean to you about something I said. A long time ago, I told you that I was the one responsible for the reduced fertility of the white alphas with their mates. I wanted to tell you that I was not the one who did this. It was another revenge scheme concocted by my father to make me realize that love for mortals was futile and always a dead end. So, he spun some magic and altered the genetic composition of the white wolves which made them incompatible with any mate I chose for them." The goddess said these words with the perfect calm of a person reciting some ordinary news and I had no clue what to say.

"Then why did you tell me that you were the one who did it?" I whispered, aghast that she would want to take responsibility for such a heinous act. 

"Because after what happened between Harper and Natalie, you were so angry. At that moment, you needed to hate someone. You needed a face to hate." I open my mouth to deny this but the goddess goes on. "I couldn't have possibly done this to my children but I said what you needed to hear because at least then, your anger was directed at someone you don't love, such as Harper or Natalie."

"Also, I wanted to show you something," She points to something behind me and my eyes widen as I see Harper coming towards us. My stomach churns as I recall what happened the last time he was here. He had all but begged the goddess to take him with her. I had tried to make him remember all the reasons he had for going back, but he had seemed dazed and didn't want to listen to me. 

Panic unfurls in my gut and my eyes swivel towards the goddess, only to find her unperturbed, uncaring, and unaffected by this panic rising within me. I stand still as Harper comes closer to us and wait for his eyes to fall on me. His confused eyes immediately relax upon seeing me and a feeling of contentedness washes over me as I realize the calming effect I have on him and his wolf. 

I watched as Harper's eyes landed on the petite figure standing beside me and I waited for bated breath to see his reaction. He opens his mouth to say something but even I can see that he is so surprised to set his eyes upon the goddess that he has no idea what to say. Watching him go through these emotions feels like deja vu and I desperately want to fast forward the next few moments. 

Harper immediately falls to the ground and bows reverentially in front of the goddess. "I can't believe I'm seeing you", he whispered, unadulterated awe evident in his voice. I faintly recall how the goddess had erased Harper's memory because she explained that he would go made otherwise. His wolf would forget about all the reasons to stay alive and want to follow the goddess to the ends of the Earth. 

I watch as dread settles in my belly, threatening to upturn the contents of my stomach, even though I know it isn't possible to throw up here, in this spirit world. Even then, I am forced to watch as Harper stays in his eyes. "I can't believe I have the honor of seeing you."

"Get up, Harper", She commands him to get up and he does so immediately. "This isn't the first time you have met me."

"This isn't?" Harper looks confused and his eyes land on me as if to ascertain what the goddess was talking about. I wanted to answer him, to explain what the goddess was doing, but I felt frozen in time and found myself unable to speak. 

"No, it isn't. You don't remember the first and the last time you met me because I erased your memory but at that time, you made a request and I would like to give you a chance and see if you still want it." Frustration bubbles in my stone and I watch as Harper's eyes hesitantly land on me, clearly contemplating what was happening to him and what this was all about. "The last time you met me, you asked me to take you with you so that you could serve me." 

I wait for the full meaning of the goddess' words to settle in Harper's expressions and I watch as his face displays disbelief, wonder, and then suspicion. "What do you mean you want to take me with you?"

"It simply means that you will leave the mortal world and you and your wolf will come with me, live in the spirit world, and serve me like all the other white alphas and their mates do." I watch and exchange words helplessly, unable to do or say anything. 

"Go with you?" Harper whispers and his words get lost in the cool wind and I struggle to see his thoughts displayed on his face. He suddenly has a guarded expression on his face but his eyes never land on me. He gazes at the goddess and simply says," I can't."

The moon goddess shows no emotion whatsoever and it's as if I can breathe again. I mentally will Harper to look at me so that I can sense the direction of his thoughts, but he doesn't glance my way. "And why not?" 

It is at this moment that Harper glances my way and without breaking eye contact with me says," Because I want to live with my mate." Disbelief and love work through the core of my being and reside in my very skin, which is itching to touch Harper at this moment. Even if I would be able to speak right now, I don't know if I would have been able to say anything. He looks at the goddess again and I feel the absence of his stare on me. "I'm sorry, but I can't."

"I understand."

"Will I forget to meet you this time too?" Harper asks, no trace of the crazy mania I had seen him the last time he had been in front of the goddess and I had no idea what was happening. 

"No, you won't forget this meeting, Harper. You have no reason to forget it. Nonetheless, I need you to go now. You and your wolf don't belong in the spirit world and the longer you stay here, the weaker you'll become." The goddess explains and Harper nods in understanding. He walks towards me and plants his soft lips on my forehead. "See you when you're awake, mate." With that, I see him fade away into the air. After a moment, I had difficulty believing that he was even here.

It is when Harper vanishes in thin air that I get the ability to move and speak aloud. My brain is in stark disbelief and is failing to comprehend what I just witnessed. How could Harper change so drastically in just a few months? Didn't his wolf want to follow the moon goddess into oblivion? So, even though, I have regained the ability to speak, I can only gasp and reach for words. 

"I wanted to show you what you mean to Harper. Earlier, he was willing to give up everything, his life, his son, his sister, the duties to his pack, to ascend with me even though you did make him hesitate but now that you have finally given yourself to him and he to you, there is no one more important to you than him. Not his son, not his sister, not Natalie, no one. No one except you." I open my mouth to say something but no words come out. "My methods may be crude sometimes, but they are certainly effective."

My ears are ringing and a sense of calm washes over me at the goddess' words. "You know, I genuinely didn't think you or Harper would get together and be mates but I'm so glad that you did and I want to thank you for all that you've done for him. I want you to be fearless in your love and not worry about his feelings for you. His utmost devotion is to you and I'm beginning to sense that it is the same for you too. So, Zara, you won't be seeing me again because your journey with me ends here and a new part of your life begins. You have my blessing and I wish you luck for everything you face in your life."

I try to force the words out of my mouth to thank the goddess, to say anything but gasp when I blink and darkness surrounds me. I sit up immediately and strong arms engulf me the next second. 

"Shhh, I'm here." I suddenly relax when Harper's soothing voice registers in my brain and a soft smile graces my face.