2. Thirty- nine

"His name is Harper," I whispered, my eyes glued to the roof of the gym. My clothes were wet from the heavy workout session and were sticking to my skin. It was very uncomfortable and my nerves were somewhat frazzled because of our make-out session a few minutes ago. 

"What?" Ethan enquired, turning his head to look at me.

I felt his eyes boring into the side of my skull but I didn't have the strength to look into Ethan's eyes and tell him something I ought to have told him a long time ago.

Silence enveloped us and I fought the tension inside my body. Was it right to talk about Harper? How much should I tell him? Should I tell him that my mate is the white wolf? If I told him everything, would it also change the way he saw me?

"Harper is your mate." He confirmed and I nodded, still not turning to look at him.

"Our relationship has always been rocky from the start. I think it was bound to fail." I sadly chuckled, missing Harper and Sharing the feeling of missing him at the same time.

"What do you mean?" He asked gently. His voice compelled me to look at him. I turned my gaze again to watch the interesting ceiling because his eyes did something to me.

"He was the classic playboy, sleeping with anyone and everyone in the school. Can you believe he even slept with my sister?" I chuckled.

"I'm a human so I didn't know that werewolves existed and that my two best friends were werewolves too. So, on his eighteenth birthday, on the day you werewolves become capable of finding your mates, he found me. I hated him, you know because he was so demanding towards girls and he broke my sister's heart."

"He kissed me and invited me to his birthday party, where he kissed another girl. The very next day, he rejected me. It was all very confusing; he was all very confusing."

With that, I told him everything that had happened between me and Harper, excluding some parts. I didn't tell Ethan that harper belonged to a long line of white wolves and bent the truth a little when I explained Harper's reasons for rejecting me. Instead of telling him that harper rejected me because a white wolf and his mate have problems in having a baby, I told him that harper has a history of infertility and that his family suffered from azoospermia. 

I almost laughed when those words left my mouth because it was so funny. Harper was probably the most virile male I had seen of his age.

I turned my head to look at Ethan, wondering what he thought of my adventurous and dramatic life. It seemed like he too, had discovered how fascinating the ceiling was.

"So, let's start from the very beginning. Harper had seen that his infertility would create problems with his mate, just like it did with his parents and his grandparents before." I nodded, wondering where he was going with this. "He was a pack member, so he did know what a healthy relationship between mates could be like, he must have observed how happy they all were."

"He knew that mates were the most important part of Wolf's life but he also knew that he would never have that. Because of his infertility, he knew that his relationship with his mate would never be a healthy one, just like his parents and their parents before them. That is, he knew that his relationship with his mate was already doomed. That's all he had ever known."

"I'm sure he must have taken the possibility of not having kids at all. He must have thought about living with his mate without children but again there's a problem with it. Werewolves are part animals and one of the major life goals of an animal is to procreate." 

I bit my lip to resist telling Ethan that Harper couldn't have lived without children, without procreating, because he was a white alpha and it was imperative for his pack to have an alpha and for Harper to continue his bloodline, one way or the other.

Ethan went on to tell me how he had seen childless mated couples separate and hate each other. 

"Harper had mentally prepared himself that he wouldn't have any relationship with his mate. Most werewolves save themselves for their mates because it makes it more special. I saved myself for my mate, Zara because I wanted my mate to be my first and last." I noticed the sadness in his voice when he mentioned his mate.

"He knew there was no chance with his mate so he acted like a hormonal teenager who fucked everyone and anyone. He must have felt so angry and jealous of everyone else because he couldn't have that sacred bond, otherwise he would be hurting his mate, just like his parents."

"Zara, no one put up any effort for something they know is bound to fail. So, he never put up a respectable personality for his future mate and never cared about anyone." I took a deep breath as I took in Ethan's words. I let them resonate in my head and closed my eyes to search for the truth in them. It was true that if I knew I was bound to fail in something, I would probably choose another path and work on my chosen decision. That was exactly what Harper had done and I couldn't blame him.

"You know, when a child comes from a broken home, it affects them, deeply. You and I won't understand because we, thankfully, come from very functional families. Of course, you could argue that Harper could have taken a more same route and made good decisions but it's not that simple. You don't know how he thinks and hat sort of things he has seen and experienced. You just know the story but you didn't live it."

I gulped nervously, analyzing Ethan's words. I sighed, feeling conflicted about my feelings and everything that had been happening since Harper came into my life. At the same time, I could understand Harper more and look at him in a clearer light.

Hell, even my thoughts were confusing!

"When he did realize that you were his mate, his wolf must have gone crazy. His wolf must have asked him to throw caution to the wind and accept you as his mate. That's why he kissed you on his birthday." I remembered the kiss we shared in an empty classroom when school was over. He had been stumbling over his words and had pleaded with me to come to his party.

"He must have gotten very nervous during the part, knowing his mate was coming which could have led to kissing another girl, hours after he kissed you. I won't argue or support it because it was a real jerky move but I think he didn't know any better because he was brought up that way. He had seen his parents ‘messed up lifestyle and unknowingly got caught up in it."

"From the moment he knew that you were his mate, the mate bond between the two of you became active, prompting the two of you to make decisions that would help you come close. For example, if any other guy, with such a playboy history, had come to you, you wouldn't have accepted him. You accepted Harper because he was your mate, even if you didn't know it then."

"Mates fall in love with each other before they even realize what's happening. I'm not saying the only basis of your feeling towards Harper is because of the mate bond. I'm saying the mate bond just sped up the process. That's why werewolves mate with their destined partners within hours of meeting with each other."

"After you left his party, he must have remembered his reasons for being the way he was. So, the next day he rejected you, even though it pained him and his wolf. By doing this, he knew that he was setting you both free."

"But as you weren't eighteen, the mate bond persisted. The attraction you felt for him must have been nothing compared to what he felt for you. To distract himself, he went back to his playboy ways and chose another wolf as his mate, one who was already mateless and understood his situation."

Ethan got up and rested his weight on his elbows and looked down on me. "But that's not what's bothering you, right?"

I looked at him and damned him for being so perceptive. I slowly shook my head to confirm something he already knew.

"Something tells me that over time, you had decided to let the past be past. You decided to not let Harper's past come in the way of your future together. As you were slowly falling in love with him, you decided to let go of your past hate and forgive his past actions because you knew he was changing and that he was changing for you."

My vision blurred as tears streamed down from my eyes and dropped down on the gym mat. Ethan had explained things that I didn't even know I had subconsciously done. It was true, the moment I realized that harper loved me and that I loved him back, I let go of all my insecurities. I accepted his past because I knew I couldn't let it hang between us forever.

Except that was exactly what his past did.

"What bothers you is the fact that your mate and your best friend are having a baby. You worry about losing Harper to your best friend, when she was having his miracle baby."

I nodded silently because Ethan was right. I was terrified if losing Harper because I loved him too much. Their pregnancy was such a big bomb on me and I didn't know how and what to feel about it.

I didn't know what my attraction to Ethan was about, but it was nowhere near what I felt for Harper. Maybe it was the mate bond, maybe it wasn't but it seemed the right time to go back.

"I can't tell you if Harper would fall in love with your best friend but I do know that you won't find it out unless you talk to him." He said gently and got up from the mat. He slowly took off the boxing pads and placed them back in his gym.

I got up and watched as Ethan rolled the gym mat and placed it against the wall. He picked up his gym back effortlessly and smiled at me.

We walked back together to out apartments, with Ethan's words going on and on in my head.