2. Thirty- one

I gasped and clutched my sweaty throat as I woke up from the scary nightmare. Even while sleeping, I was aware that I was physically thrashing my arms around because the nightmare seemed so real and close to what I had suffered last week.

I frantically moved my eyes around, relieved that I was in my room and not back in that scary alley with those scary men. 

My duvet was a tangled mess around my body and my sheets were sweaty. I was breathing hard, aware of my hair sticking to my face and the back of my neck, which only made me feel hotter.

The event in the alley had happened last Saturday and since then, I had worked out with Ethan every day. As it was Sunday today, Ethan had let me have some rest, which proved to be counterproductive because my body had been fully relaxed to conjure up nightmares.

I closed my eyes and leaned back against the headboard. I took several deep breaths to get rid of the panic inside my body and to calm myself down. The scenes from my nightmare flashed vividly behind my eyes.

My hands were once again trapped by the two men while their ring leader was having sadistic fun with me. I was crying hysterically and was thrashing wildly in an attempt to free myself but ended up getting a hard slap. Before things could get more serious, I had woken up and I was really glad that I had.

I knew it was a nightmare and thus, wasn't real then why did one side of my face feel warmer than the other? Was I just making things up because of PTSD? I had read something about it somewhere. Was I manifesting my reality into dreams and vice versa?

I laid down on the bed once again, secured between my sheets. I closed my eyes and changed in my head repeatedly that it was just a dream. I grabbed my phone and saw that it was around 2 a.m.

Great! There was no chance of me going to sleep now because I was afraid, I'd have another nightmare and I wasn't looking forward to reliving those horrible moments again.

My phone pinged and my eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Who would message me at this time of the night? I lowered the brightness of my phone and unlocked it to find an unread message from Ethan. He must have seen the green light against my name and must have been checking to see if I was awake.

I sighed and got up from my bed. I put my phone into my shorts and without thinking walked out of my sister's apartment. I stood outside Ethan's apartment, feeling like a little kid who had had a bad dream and ran to their parents to help them sleep again. 

I was half awake and half asleep and my body didn't respond well to standing in the dark and debating about knocking on Ethan's door. So, without much thinking, I pushed Ethan's doorbell. I cringed a little as I heard the loud bell chime on the other side of the door. Well, if he hadn't been sleeping, this loud bell would surely wake him up.

The door swings open to reveal a very shirtless Ethan, his hair sticking in all directions possible and a half-awake smirk on his lips. He didn't seem surprised to see me standing in his doorway in the middle of the night nor did he make me feel awkward for coming there. He acted like it was perfectly usual and ushered me into his apartment like a good man in a storm.

After repeatedly declining any offers of beverages and refreshments, we both sat down on the couch. I didn't know what I was hoping to get out of meeting him. What was I expecting really?

"You look like a corpse!" He said and chuckled while I shot him my deadliest glare.

"I had a nightmare," I whispered and my voice seemed to echo inside the almost dark living room, which was only illuminated by the faint light coming from the kitchen.

"Oh! Do you want to talk about it?" His voice changed tones and I instantly knew that he understood what my nightmare was about. It was weird that I had become somewhat attuned to his thought process in such a short amount of time.

I gently shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about my stupid and irrational dream. "I'm sorry about your mate. I didn't get to say it the last time." I said, afraid my words would call his calm and collected mod to shift. The first and the last time he had told me about his mate was when I had jokingly accused him of torturing me and I hadn't yet got a chance to apologize to him.

His body tensed and his gaze rested on me. He just nodded; his jaw clenched. After a few seconds, he relaxed and I felt myself relax too. "It's alright." 

"Ethan, why did you ignore me after you came to know that I had a mate?" I asked the question which had subconsciously bugging me for a while now.

He smiled sadly at me. "The most important thing to a werewolf is their mate but I'm sure that you know that already. Adam had told me how his mate's sister was going to stay because of some problems at home, so I knew that you were here because of some very strong reasons. What I didn't expect was for you to hide from your mates. I mean, sure if you're here, there must be some big problem between you two."

Big problem? If you count your mate and your best friend having a baby together as a big problem, then yeah sure. Basic semantics.

"There is," I said as I remembered the differences between me and Harper. Like all the other times I thought about Harper, my heart clenched in pain.

"It's just I would give anything to spend more time with my mate." He closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "And to realize that you were, are practically throwing this precious time away made me so damn angry. Angry at you, at the world, and the moon goddess. I know it wasn't fair to you but I couldn't help but remember my dying mate every time I looked at you."

I understood him completely. He was right, if I wasn't human, if I was a werewolf, I probably would have still stayed back in the pack and worked things out with Harper. I liked to believe we would have found a way to work through everything together. 

But the problem was that I wasn't a werewolf and it wasn't exactly easy for me to breeze through the circumstances my beloved mate had put me in. As much as I wanted to work things out with Harper and ride into the sunset with him on his white horse, I couldn't help but factor in my very pregnant best friend and their baby. Where did they fit in the picture? Hell, where did I fit in the picture? It was just so messed up that even if I could forgive Harper, I didn't see our relationship going anywhere. I knew that I couldn't just stop loving him and I was afraid that a part of me would always be his.

"Here you are, wearing silver to dull your bond while I went mad when I lost my mate. I couldn't function, I couldn't think straight. I was a hollow shell." He shook his head and I watched as his past washed over his face like the shadows of the night.

"Is that why you became a rogue?" 

He took a deep breath before looking at me again. "After I lost her, I lost my mind for some time. I couldn't be the alpha of the pack then because the idea of choosing someone else as my mate repulsed me. I decided to let my little brother Ajax become alpha whenever he found his mate. I persuaded my parents and convinced them to let me go to college so that I could escape my mate's memories everywhere I went. They reluctantly agreed and I became a rogue because you can't stay from your pack members for a long time and I planned on going away for a very long time. So, I had to become a rogue. I chose to become a rogue. I came here when I was nineteen and that was almost four years ago."

"Do you miss them, your family?" 

"I do. I haven't been back since. They have come to visit me a couple of times and they understand what I'm going through. Ajax found his mate two years ago and was crowned the alpha of the pack. I was happy for him and congratulated him, I knew he had it in him."

I sighed as I took him in. Ethan had suffered so much and still looked so strong and acted cool as ever.

He suddenly got up and cracked his neck. He stood in front of him and placed his palm in front of me. "I'm going to bed. Don't think I'll be able to sleep, though. Come with me."

Without a thought, I placed my palm in his.