Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with Alec between the wedding and dinner, since the wedding party had to take pictures. I was able to see him just long enough for him to give me his jacket, and a quick kiss, before he headed to the bar. I told him not to get too drunk until I got back, but who even knew with him. He went crazy for free alcohol… as did I. It was awkward taking so many pictures with David by my side. But, he and I were civil, and as promised, I was there for him during the hard times with his mother. She was currently getting treatment, and so far she seemed to be responding well. There haven’t been any new tumors, and most of the original ones were gone or shrinking. We definitely had high hopes for her, and his family seemed to he doing quite well all things considered. Alec was also surprisingly cool about my role in David's life; after I explained it all, he understood and supported me being there for him as a friend. Albeit a distant friend- but
The internet defines a toxic relationship as "any relationship [between people who] don't support each other, where there's conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there's competition, where there's disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness." The problem is... sometimes there's excitement in competition. Sometimes the disrespect and lack of support just makes you want someone more. Sometimes, the passion and intense feelings outweigh the negatives. It's easy to say you'd never find yourself in one of these relationships. I never thought I would find myself wanting someone's attention so badly; wanting to be liked by them despite toxic fights. Most of all, being the one to see the potential in that other person, and wanting so badly to be the one to save them. ********* Tonight is the night... I thought to myself. I set down my curling wand on my tiny bathroom countertop in my one-bedroom apar
Everything felt like a haze around me. It was like I heard the words, but my poor brain couldn't process what had just happened to me. I saw David reach out a hand and hover it towards me as he spoke, "Jeez; Jay, you broke your wine glass! Are you okay? Did you cut yourself?" I completely ignored him as I spoke my next words. "I'm sorry... What? You can't be serious. I don't think I heard you right." "Jay... I—," David tried to explain before I cut him off. "Because if I heard you right, it sounded like you just said you want to break up, which would be insane considering there wasn't anything wrong in our relationship to begin with." "Jayna, listen to me. It's not you. It's—," I put up a hand to silence him and felt tears forming in my eyes that I refused to let spill over. "Don't you dare. Don't you fucking give me that cheesy 'it's not you it's me' bullshit. It must be me, because I still want to be with you, and you don't want to be with me, so it's clearly something wrong w
As I walked through the streets of Chicago with a small box of crap from my desk, I felt almost like a zombie; like my physical body was there, but my brain was a million miles away. I wasn't even crying anymore... I just felt empty; like I didn't have anything going for me anymore. I had lost David. He was the man that I planned to spend the rest of my life with, and now he was gone. The shock of losing him led me to having an emotional outburst at work; not that anything I said wasn't true, but it was definitely unprofessional. However, if I was being honest, I wasn't too upset about losing that specific job, more just upset about being fired in general. Oh, and the timeline; it really sucked to lose my boyfriend and job within 24 hours. I wasn't sure where I was going as I let my thoughts wander. I supposed I should have headed home to sleep or to think about everything; perhaps have a good cry and talk to Maddie. However, there was a part of me that just didn't want to come to t
The obnoxious ringing of my phone woke me from my deep sleep, and I knew instantly that my hangover would be an absolute killer.You'd think after all I'd been through the past two days, my dreams would have revolved around my current situation. However, my dreams were centered around me chugging water... which is how I knew it was going to be bad.My phone continued to ring as I blinked one eye open. Who was calling me this early on a Saturday? I was fairly certain I didn't set an alarm; I had no obligations anymore anyway.I let the caller go to voicemail, knowing I certainly couldn't answer until I got my hangover under control. I pulled my covers over my throbbing head, attempting to block the morning sun that was streaming in from my window.My foggy memories from last night flooded back one by one. First, I realized that I opened my unusually large mouth at work, and word-vomited all of my feelings onto my very scary boss. I inwardly cringed at myself and took a moment to wallow
“Jay, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit. What the hell happened to you? David isn't talking to us either; it's like you both just fell off the face of the earth," Maddie said as she took a dainty sip of her iced tea.I took a giant gulp of my mimosa, polishing it off before setting my glass on the table. I took the sleeve of my sweater and swiped it across my mouth in a completely unladylike fashion before replying. "Yeah... about that; David dumped me."Maddie's eyes immediately widened to the point I thought they would pop out of her head. "He what!? That bastard. Why?! You two seemed perfect together."I let out a sound somewhere between a snort and a laugh. "Yeah well, apparently we weren't. Don't feel bad for not knowing though; I didn't either.""Excuse me," Maddie called over to our server, "I'm going to need a mimosa as well; heck, can we just get a bottle of champagne over here please? Thanks.""Would you like to just do bottomless?" Our server asked as he
"Yessss girl! Those outfits look perfect!" Ryan encouraged through FaceTime.I had all my new purchases strewn out on my bed, showing Ryan the display as I hovered my phone above each outfit."You think so? It wasn't easy to spend hours in the mall, while half-drunk, trying to find hot vacation outfits," I admitted.Ryan chuckled his melodious laugh, "Well, you did good. Pack it all! I'm staying for at least a month. You're welcome to join me in its entirety or leave when you please."I doubted I would stay the full month, but I figured it never hurts to overpack; better safe than sorry. "Will do! I'm so excited. Thank you again for this, Ryan... really.""Don't mention it! With those hot new outfits, we're going to meet so many men. It's gonna be a blast, I promise.""Yay!" I cheered with an overly enthusiastic clap. "Okay, so what time should I be ready tomorrow?""I'll pick you up at 9:30. What kind of coffee do you like?" He offered."You don't have to bring me coffee; you're alre
“So, my new bff," Ryan finally broke the silence, "Tell me a little more about yourself aside from the drunken shit you told me the other night. Other than all that, I still don't know much about you."I thought hard about the other night before responding. "In all fairness... I don't remember a lot of what I told you," I admitted.Ryan let out a laugh, "You're somethin' else. Okay, so I know about your shitty job, the fact that you lost your shitty job, and your ass-hat ex boyfriend, but I don't know much else.""Ah yes, that helped fill in the blanks, thanks," I chuckled, "but honestly, there's really not a lot to know about me. I lived a pretty boring life so far, and was committed to David way longer than he deserved; what else... I love journalism. I worked my ass off in grad school to be the kind of writer that allows people to see the world without ever needing to step out of their comfort zone, and I spent 3 years at a job that I thought would get me there.""I bet you're an a