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5| Am I Being Crazy?
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2023-11-22 01:10:33“Jay, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit. What the hell happened to you? David isn't talking to us either; it's like you both just fell off the face of the earth," Maddie said as she took a dainty sip of her iced tea.
I took a giant gulp of my mimosa, polishing it off before setting my glass on the table. I took the sleeve of my sweater and swiped it across my mouth in a completely unladylike fashion before replying. "Yeah... about that; David dumped me."Maddie's eyes immediately widened to the point I thought they would pop out of her head. "He what!? That bastard. Why?! You two seemed perfect together."I let out a sound somewhere between a snort and a laugh. "Yeah well, apparently we weren't. Don't feel bad for not knowing though; I didn't either.""Excuse me," Maddie called over to our server, "I'm going to need a mimosa as well; heck, can we just get a bottle of champagne over here please? Thanks.""Would you like to just do bottomless?" Our server asked as he made his way to our table."Oh, you have bottomless here?" Maddie asked, her brow furrowed in contemplation, "Then yes, absolutely. We both do.""Good call," I added."Thanks. Okay, so did he say why?" she asked."He met someone else," I said with a flat tone."That's fucked up. I'm so sorry."I thanked Maddie before launching into the story about how I not only got dumped, but also got fired. Unlike with my mom, this time I disclosed every single detail."Damn..." she said, taking another swig of her mimosa."I know what you're gonna say..." I sighed, finishing off another glass. At least my hangover was gone. And yes, I knew drinking wasn't the answer, but in my defense, I really went through a lot in the last couple days."No you don't. No lectures," she sighed. "Honestly, I'm proud of you."I almost spit out my newly refilled drink, "You are?""Absolutely! Jay, you bust your ass at your job, and I've watched you for 3 years lose more and more of your passion for journalism. That job was killing you, and lets just call it how it is, your boss is a bitch. Losing David... yeah, I am really sorry about that, and it hurts me to see you sad, but don't feel for even a second that losing your job was a bad thing; you'll find a better one.""Thank you, Maddie. You're such a good friend. I'm sorry that I worried you. Now, enough about me! What was your news?" I asked, happy to change the subject."Oh... um, it was nothing," she replied, waving her hand in the air as if to dismiss the topic."Come on! It doesn't sound like nothing! Tell me, please?" I pressed."Um... I would; you know I would, and I really want to, but I just... I don't think after everything you're going through, that you need to hear my news.""Maddie, I'm your best friend. Whatever it is, I can handle it.""Okay... Um... Mike proposed to me last night... and we're engaged," she said slowly, her eyes searching my face for signs that I was about to lose it.As I listened to her words, I was flooded with emotions. It was almost hard to decipher them, there was just so much going on in my mind. First, I was so happy for my friend — really, I was. She and Mike were great together; perfect even. I'd had a front row seat for the entirety of their relationship, so I knew this was right for them. On the other hand, that was supposed to be me, and I was not only jealous, but truly heartbroken.I was supposed to be wearing a ring right now; Mads and I could have been sitting here together drinking celebratory mimosas and planning our weddings. But no; David left me, found someone else, and I was back at square one while my best friend was living my dream.What's wrong with me that I am continuously abandoned?"Oh no..." Maddie interrupted my thoughts, "Jay, I'm sorry. I knew I should have waited to tell you."I shook my head to snap out of it, "No. Please, don't be silly, I'm glad you told me! I'm so happy for you. Really, Mike is a great guy; and a lucky one to have you as his fiancé.""Thank you! We don't have to talk about it any more though; I can tell this is hard for you, and that's okay— I don't blame you at all. We can celebrate at a later date once you're back on your feet," she concluded.I nodded and took another sip of my drink. "Thank you for understanding. Don't think for a second I'm not happy for you though, Mads. I am.""I know," she said, polishing off her drink. "So, want to hang out after brunch? Maybe go to the beach and relax?"I smiled at my friends suggestion; that did seem nice. "I would, but I need to go to the mall and find some new outfits. You're welcome to join me if you want.""New outfits? What's the occasion?" She asked.I couldn't help the smile that graced my face as I told Maddie about Ryan, and our time together last night. I told her about his offer to bring me with him to Siesta Key, how he brought me home safely, and I even followed up my story by showing her pictures from his I*******m."Oh wow... he's insanely gorgeous," Maddie commented as she scrolled through his pictures. "Plus, it's actually probably a good thing that he's gay— no complications with you two then, and you can focus on yourself.""True. I don't know though... am I being crazy?"She chuckled, "Maybe; but you need this, and he's hot, so I support this decision 100%.""Thank you. That's exactly what I needed to hear.""Of course!" She said as she signed her credit card slip. "Now, Let's go find you the perfect outfits!”Related chapters
Toxic Paradise 6| Here We Go
"Yessss girl! Those outfits look perfect!" Ryan encouraged through FaceTime.I had all my new purchases strewn out on my bed, showing Ryan the display as I hovered my phone above each outfit."You think so? It wasn't easy to spend hours in the mall, while half-drunk, trying to find hot vacation outfits," I admitted.Ryan chuckled his melodious laugh, "Well, you did good. Pack it all! I'm staying for at least a month. You're welcome to join me in its entirety or leave when you please."I doubted I would stay the full month, but I figured it never hurts to overpack; better safe than sorry. "Will do! I'm so excited. Thank you again for this, Ryan... really.""Don't mention it! With those hot new outfits, we're going to meet so many men. It's gonna be a blast, I promise.""Yay!" I cheered with an overly enthusiastic clap. "Okay, so what time should I be ready tomorrow?""I'll pick you up at 9:30. What kind of coffee do you like?" He offered."You don't have to bring me coffee; you're alre
Last Updated : 2023-11-25Toxic Paradise 7| First Class Bonding
“So, my new bff," Ryan finally broke the silence, "Tell me a little more about yourself aside from the drunken shit you told me the other night. Other than all that, I still don't know much about you."I thought hard about the other night before responding. "In all fairness... I don't remember a lot of what I told you," I admitted.Ryan let out a laugh, "You're somethin' else. Okay, so I know about your shitty job, the fact that you lost your shitty job, and your ass-hat ex boyfriend, but I don't know much else.""Ah yes, that helped fill in the blanks, thanks," I chuckled, "but honestly, there's really not a lot to know about me. I lived a pretty boring life so far, and was committed to David way longer than he deserved; what else... I love journalism. I worked my ass off in grad school to be the kind of writer that allows people to see the world without ever needing to step out of their comfort zone, and I spent 3 years at a job that I thought would get me there.""I bet you're an a
Last Updated : 2023-11-27Toxic Paradise 8| Brothers
What the hell? I thought as I was knocked to the ground. It only took me a second to realize that running towards me was a giant Newfoundland. I was not expecting there to be a dog... let alone one that outweighed me. If I had been prepared, I could have braced myself; but since Ryan never mentioned a dog, I was stunned, off-balance, and instantly knocked down as the large dog landed on top of me.It immediately began licking my face, and despite the scrapes, bruises, and possible mild concussion, I couldn't help but smile. I was such a dog person.I was so focused on the love I was receiving from the Newfie that I didn't register the commotion Ryan was making around me.If I thought I was having trouble processing the situation before, I was even more stunned by the man who was hovering above me.He was incredibly, jaw-droppingly, insanely gorgeous. Even though Ryan had the looks of a superstar, I couldn't deny that this guy was extraordinary—as if he was literally hand crafted in
Last Updated : 2023-11-28Toxic Paradise 9| Decisions
"Alright, have a seat," Ryan offered once we were both inside the bathroom. I looked around the spacious bathroom, briefly wondering where he wanted me. I glanced initially at the toilet, then at the edge of the large tiled tub, connected stand up shower with a rainfall shower-head, and lastly, at the white marble counter top. "Where?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow at Ryan.His hardened expression he had been wearing immediately softened as he regarded me. "Counter top is fine," he answered while opening up a medicine cabinet.I was about to put my hands down onto the counter to pull myself up, but stopped when I noticed they were both bloodied. The last thing I needed to do was smear more blood all over this beautiful home.Ryan turned to look at me once he found what he needed from the cabinet. "Need some help?" He asked."I um... I don't want to get my bloody handprints on your counter," I admitted. I wasn't sure why I was feeling so shy around Ryan now. We were having so much fun b
Last Updated : 2023-11-30Toxic Paradise 10| Taco Night
Once I was settled, Ryan and I reconvened in the living room. We were both sitting on the sectional, debating what we wanted to do with our night. Alec still had not returned, and honestly, I was wondering where he went with such a large dog... but since he was gone, we decided to just hang around the house. We were both tired from travel, so the consensus was to order Mexican food and make margaritas.Ryan ordered from a local Mexican restaurant. I couldn't make up my mind about what I wanted to get, so he took it upon himself to order for us both. In about an hour or so, I'd be stuffing my face full of guacamole, elote, and a wide assortment of tacos—chicken, beef, fish, etc; you name it, Ryan ordered it. Not that I would complain about the excessive amount of food—I thoroughly enjoyed eating.After we ordered, Ryan lead me to the kitchen to make margaritas. I perched myself up on my knees on one of the bar stools as I fumbled with the tequila, removing the cap. I watched as Ryan mo
Last Updated : 2023-12-01Toxic Paradise 11| Grilled cheese
After sleeping for what felt like forever, I woke up dying of thirst.The clock informed me that it was only 2:30 AM. I hadn't actually been sleeping for very long, and I mentally scolded myself for not getting a water to put on my nightstand before turning in for the night. I debated just dealing with my thirst until the morning, but my dry mouth and throat were screaming at me to get up.I blamed it on the salty tacos and pitchers of margaritas.I also blamed my lack of balance on the margaritas as well. It didn't take me long to realize that I was definitely still drunk as I eased myself up from my bed and crossed the dark bedroom. I fumbled with my phone to turn on the flashlight as I made my way silently down the hallway and into the kitchen. I thought about turning on a light, but I really didn't want to wake up Ryan— or worse, Alec— or even worse, his dog. I could just see it now, a giant Newfie barking at me as an angry, handsome Alec glares in my direction after being woken u
Last Updated : 2023-12-04Toxic Paradise 12| Just Married
"Jayyyynnnaaa!" A melodious voice boomed from beside me, "Wakeeee upppp!"Just then, the curtains were pulled open and bright beams of sunlight were striking me in the face. I rolled over, facing the other way and pulling the duvet over my head.I felt the bed dip beside me, and I knew that Ryan had crawled onto the bed with me. He placed his large palms on my back, shaking me with force and trying to pull the blankets off of me. "Ughhhhhhhh..." I groaned from underneath the covers. "Ryannn 5 more minutes, pleassseee.""Hellll to the no. It's already 9:30," he replied, "You're not a morning person, are you?""Not in the slightest," I replied, still refusing to open my eyes. "But Jaynnaaa, I got something for us!" He whined, "Plus, I made breakfast, and it's ready!"At the mention of food, I finally pulled the blankets off of myself, ready to become an actual human again. I opened my eyes to see Ryan sitting beside me, holding something behind his back with a smile already on his fac
Last Updated : 2023-12-05Toxic Paradise 13| Excursions
The drive to the resort was quick, and it wasn't long before we pulled up to the most classic looking, beautiful resort. I was admiring the way the sun reflected off my fake diamond ring when we arrived at the front. Although the look of Ryan's home was surprising to me, this resort looked exactly how I pictured it in my mind.The driveway wrapped around the front of the building, where valet drivers were patiently waiting to park our car. The building was lined with palm trees, and rows of tropical, beautiful flowers. I could feel the warm breeze as I exited the car, taking with it the smell of salt in the air. Excitement took over again knowing that the beach was just on the other side of this tall, white building."Come along, dear," Ryan teased, hooking a strong arm around my waist and guiding me into the building.I chuckled as I followed along, "Oh honey, this place is just beautiful." Ryan shifted so his arm was hanging over my shoulder while I curled slightly into his muscled
Last Updated : 2023-12-06
Latest chapter
Toxic Paradise Epilogue (pt. 2)
Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with Alec between the wedding and dinner, since the wedding party had to take pictures. I was able to see him just long enough for him to give me his jacket, and a quick kiss, before he headed to the bar. I told him not to get too drunk until I got back, but who even knew with him. He went crazy for free alcohol… as did I. It was awkward taking so many pictures with David by my side. But, he and I were civil, and as promised, I was there for him during the hard times with his mother. She was currently getting treatment, and so far she seemed to be responding well. There haven’t been any new tumors, and most of the original ones were gone or shrinking. We definitely had high hopes for her, and his family seemed to he doing quite well all things considered. Alec was also surprisingly cool about my role in David's life; after I explained it all, he understood and supported me being there for him as a friend. Albeit a distant friend- but
Toxic Paradise Epilogue (pt. 1)
6 months had passed since that night at my apartment. I still couldn't believe how fast the 6 months had gone by since Alec and I decided to officially be together. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this could have been the best 6 months of my life. For the first few months, Alec and I had a long distance relationship, and honestly, it wasn't always easy. I loved Alec, but he still knew how to push my buttons just as he always had, and I couldn't help but get under his skin sometimes too. The distance made this even more irritating since we were getting plenty of the banter and not enough of the physical connection.Sometimes, I would think that the distance was just too much, but then, he would show up at my apartment. He always had the timing perfect. It was like, when I was feeling like I needed him, he was always there. Maybe he felt the same way about me too in those moments; I liked to believe we were connected in that way. Occasionally, if he had to work, he would fly me o
Toxic Paradise 68| Worth Fighting For
Oh god, I freaked out, pushing against Alec's chest to move him further into the hallway... this was the worst timing ever. I followed him out, my hand still on his chest as I closed the door behind me. "Alec... what are you doing here?" I managed to ask. My heart was thudding so hard in my chest I was starting to worry about my health. It had been less than 2 weeks since I left Siesta Key, but damn... I missed him so much. He was so handsome, and as per usual, he smelled so good; so familiar. I just wanted to throw my arms around him and forget about our fight; forget about the fact that he walked away from me; and forget about the fact that David was down on one knee just on the other side of my door. But, the angry and confused look on Alec's face stopped me from doing what I wanted. "Well..." he said, "I guess it doesn't really matter why I'm here now." "Of course it matters!" I said, "Should I ask David to leave?" All I wanted in this moment was to have him tell me "yes." I
Toxic Paradise 67| Mistakes
As David sauntered into my place, I couldn't help but to be irritated by how easily he made himself comfortable. He shrugged off his jacket, took off his shoes, and headed right to the couch as if he was welcome here; as if he was still my boyfriend. The most irritating part, was how he patted an open palm on the couch cushion beside him, inviting me to sit down, as if it wasn't my own freaking couch!I took a deep breath to push back my irritation before wandering into the living room. Instead of sitting beside him though, I perched awkwardly on the arm of the couch on the way opposite side, plopping my fluffy, bunny-slipper, feet right onto the cushion. I crossed my hands over my chest as I waited for him to say something. There was an awkward moment of silence as we just stared at each other. Normally, I would have swooned at that look. The one he was giving me right now used to be one of my favorites. That was one of my favorite things about David. When he looked at me, he made m
Toxic Paradise 66| Alec (pt. 2)
Alec’s POV:I relayed my entire story, the way I had when I was with Jayna that night in her bed. If I was being honest- it was a lot easier to tell Jayna than it was for me to tell my story right now. Telling Ryan was brutal; he listened, but I could see the hurt on his face. He felt betrayed by our parents—his dad in particular. I never wanted to hurt Ryan- that’s why I had hid everything from him all these years. "Wow... for once I honestly don't know what to say," Ryan finally replied."I told you. This is why I didn't want to say anything. You work with your dad. The two of you have been close your entire life, and I don't want to get in the way of that,” I explained, leaning back in my chair as if a heavy weight had just been lifted from my shoulders. "Yeah... I'm not gonna lie, it hurts to realize that the man you've looked up to your entire life is nothing but a giant asshole. But... I'm also pissed as hell that you felt you couldn't tell me this before!" "I..." I tried to
Toxic Paradise 65| Alec (pt. 1)
Alec's POV:"Fucking idiots," I thought as I had to tell my co-worker that his microphone was muted for the 10th time today.In his defense, everything had been pissing me off lately. I had gotten home over a week ago and still, Jayna was on my mind constantly. It was irritating as hell. I couldn't stop thinking about her scent, the feel of her small body safe in my arms, and the crazy thoughts that came out of her mouth. I tried everything to move on, and I thought it would be easy, but it hasn't been. I was even having trouble with sex... and I never had trouble with sex. I had tried multiple times and with several women, but I just couldn't get turned on. Even some of my regular hook-ups just weren't doing it for me any more; not unless I pretended they were Jayna.And it pissed me off. I knew she was probably back with her ex...whatever the fuck his name was...Dean? Derek? Dipshit? I supposed it didn't really matter. What mattered was that he probably had his undeserving hands
Toxic Paradise 64| Alone Together
I cried the rest of the night. As I packed the rest my stuff, the vacation house felt so different. It didn't have the inviting warmth and fun atmosphere that it had when Ryan was here; or the intimacy that I felt here alone with Alec. It just felt cold, empty, and impersonal.I couldn't believe that after all of this, after everything that has happened, I was leaving paradise feeling more broken and humiliated than when I arrived. It was a long, depressing flight back, but I finally made my way up the stairs and back to my familiar apartment. It's crazy how living in Chicago, you could be surrounded by tons of people, yet feel so incredibly alone. That's how I felt. Completely alone... again. I wheeled my suitcase through my apartment, which Maddie had been taking care of for me, so it actually was clean and warm when I arrived. I stopped for a minute to look out at the Chicago skyline, taking a deep breath before heading into my bedroom. I left my suitcase in the corner and out
Toxic Paradise 63| Text From the Ex (pt. 2)
Dinner was phenomenal. I'm talking 3 course, fancy drinks, beautiful presentation... phenomenal. At this point, I'd say the only downfall was that it's impossible to feel sexy with a literal food baby. I named him Trevor. Alec and I were in his bed now, my head laying on his warm chest while his hand lazily brushed the bare skin on my arm. "I don't want you to leave tomorrow," he said, breaking the silence."I know," I let out a sigh. "I don't want to go home tomorrow either, but I need to. It's time I get my life back on track." He smiled, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "As long as I get to be a part of that life from now on." I sat up, leaning down to plant another kiss on his full lips. "Well, that's a given." I placed a palm on his chest, pushing myself up and off the bed. "I'll be back. I need to pee." He chuckled. "So ladylike you are." I took my time in the bathroom, trying to make up for my food baby by finger combing my hair and applying some of Alec's chapstick.
Toxic Paradise 62| Text From the Ex (pt. 1)
The days following our little road trip were great, and dare I say, some of the best days of my life. We had returned back to the house the next day, and our days had been full of beach time, swimming, and napping, followed by nights of hot tubbing, dining, and snuggling. Oh... and of course the sex. The mind blowing sex was definitely a huge part of our time together. Despite everything negative that Alec and done and said to me back when we were feuding, he really was sweet now. He always put me first, and I could feel myself slowly chipping away at the walls he had built up over the years. Each night we spent together, he revealed more and more of himself, and really, I couldn't ask for more than that. He was trying, and I could see the efforts. It even seemed like Alec was coming around to the idea of a relationship. I didn't want to get ahead of myself, but the way things were going with us, I couldn't help but see a future with him. Albeit a way different future than the one I
