1| Is This Rock Bottom?

The internet defines a toxic relationship as "any relationship [between people who] don't support each other, where there's conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there's competition, where there's disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness."

The problem is... sometimes there's excitement in competition. Sometimes the disrespect and lack of support just makes you want someone more. Sometimes, the passion and intense feelings outweigh the negatives.

It's easy to say you'd never find yourself in one of these relationships. I never thought I would find myself wanting someone's attention so badly; wanting to be liked by them despite toxic fights. Most of all, being the one to see the potential in that other person, and wanting so badly to be the one to save them.

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Tonight is the night... I thought to myself.

I set down my curling wand on my tiny bathroom countertop in my one-bedroom apartment. Running a hand through my long, dark brown hair, I admired the way my silky curls bounced and cascaded down my back, framing my face perfectly.

Once I was satisfied, I spun on my heel, moseying out of my bathroom to sift through my closet in order to find the perfect outfit. To get there, I had to cross through my living room, stopping for a moment to soak in the beautiful Chicago skyline as the sun was beginning to set. My apartment was small, but I was proud of it because it was my first year finally having enough money to live by myself. Even though it wasn't a large place, I was able to set everything up the way I liked it, and it had incredible views of the city.

When I finally got to my closet, I had forgotten all of the outfits I had been planning in my mind. I didn't know where my boyfriend, David, would be taking me for dinner tonight, but I had been with him long enough to know it was usually somewhere fancy. I never struggled this hard to find an outfit, but I had a feeling tonight would be special. Something about the way David had been acting gave me the gut feeling that he was going to propose. After all, we had been dating for almost 3 years.

While staring blankly into my messy closet, I decided that I needed some backup.

I immediately pulled out my phone, scrolling until I found my best friend Maddie, and hit FaceTime.

Luckily for me, she answered on the second ring. "Hey Jayna! Mike and I were just talking about you," she chuckled.

I smiled at my friend as she held her wine glass to her face and took a swig. "Oh really? All good things I hope."

"Well duh!" She boomed, "We were just saying how excited we are for you! Not trying to give much away, but Mike said David told him that tonight's dinner would be important, and that you guys have a lot to talk about!"

My heart leapt. This was it; I had been waiting for him to propose and here the moment was. "That's why I called you Mads! I'm freaking out right now. I want to wear something that says, 'I am in no way expecting to get proposed to, but yes, this is a new outfit and I do look hot in it-- I'm glad you noticed."

Maddie chuckled on the other end, "Okay. Show me your options."

I set my phone down on my bed as I pulled out my assortment of clothes: a red dress, a black dress, a white dress, a skirt option, or black jeans with a sexy maroon top and leather jacket.

In the end, we both felt the red dress may be trying too hard, and white was giving off too much of a wedding vibe, but black was always a safe bet. The skirt was ruled out because I couldn't find the top I wanted, and the jeans were out because well... who wants to wear jeans on the night they are getting engaged!? The struggles of being a girl are real.

The black dress in question was a tight, bodycon, tank-top dress, with a mesh fabric making up the middle section. After some deliberation, we decided to pair the dress with my dark red, leather jacket and black, strappy heels.

"Thank you Mads. You're a lifesaver!" I gushed.

"Anytime girl. Good luck tonight! Call me as soon as it happens," she said before the phone was taken forcefully out of her hands. "Hey!" I heard her squeal.

Mike's face immediately appeared on my screen, "You got this, Jay! Take care of my boy for me," he said with a smirk.

Mike was a handsome guy. He and David were best friends, and actually that's how he met Maddie. David and I met at a bar one night about 3 years ago. I wish I could say that he won me over with some super-romantic gesture, but really our story isn't anything too spectacular. He saw me in the bar, offered to buy me a drink, and we ended up talking all night until the bar closed. After about a week of dating, we decided to set up our two best friends, Mike and Maddie. The two of them fell for each other just as hard and fast as David and I had, and we all became a tight-knit group of 4. Like I said, this was years ago and sometimes I wondered how I managed to get so lucky.

After promising to relay all the dirty details to the two of them, I said my goodbyes. Besides, I needed to hurry up and finish getting ready before David arrived.

I scurried off to my kitchen, pulling out my cheap bottle of Pinot Grigio and pouring a hefty glass to sip on while I did my makeup.

I took my time, applying my best makeup and making sure that for once, my eyebrows were actually 100% even. I mentally cursed at myself for how unorganized and messy my makeup drawer was, struggling to find the shade of red lipstick that would match my jacket.

Finally, when my look was complete, I gave myself a quick once-over in my bedroom full-length mirror. I had to admit... I looked damn good tonight. I was a petite girl; Honestly though, I couldn't tell you how. I ate terribly, so it had to be genetics. Working out was something I did on occasion, but it certainly wasn't enough to counteract all the junk I fed myself on a daily basis.

I was pretty short too, standing about 5'2," although the heels I had on tonight definitely made me appear way taller. My tanned skin was glowing with the highlighter I had applied earlier, and my bright green eyes were heavily contrasted with my dark makeup, red lips, and dark brown hair.

Just as I had finished the last drop of my wine, I heard a knock at my door and my heart leapt. This is it Jayna... deep breaths, I chanted in my head. I had to remember that this was just another date with David, the man I loved, and I needed to stay cool and collected.

Practically running to the door, I eagerly swung it open to reveal my handsome man. He looked incredible, as always. He was about 5'10," which wasn't super tall, but it was definitely tall enough for me. He had sandy blonde hair and brown eyes, and I admired the way his navy, button-up shirt strained over his muscles. His signature lopsided grin graced his face as his eyes scanned my entire body.

"Wow... Jayna, you look incredible," he commented.

I returned his smile, "Thank you, David. You look handsome as always. Did you want to come in for a drink before we go?"

He ran a hand against the back of his head in what looked like a nervous gesture, "Um... No, that's okay. Not this time. I don't want to be late for our reservation."

"Oh... Okay no problem. Let me go grab my keys," I responded. That was strange; he always came in for a pre-dinner drink with me, and I found it odd the way he was lingering outside my door without stepping inside.

Oh well... my subconscious chimed in... he's probably just nervous about tonight. I know I'm freaking out and I'm not even the one doing the proposing.

I pushed my thoughts and nerves to the back of my mind as we made our way to the restaurant David picked. It wasn't a new place, but it was our favorite, and it was walking distance from my apartment. It was a cute little Italian place; nothing overly fancy, but it did have the best Italian food that I've ever had.

The night air had a bit of a chill to it, so I kept my jacket on as I sat down at our table. Besides, I fully expected that later on, David would get a better look at my bare arms and the way the sexy material of my dress hugged my body.

"So... how was your day today?" I asked as my eyes greedily scanned the wine list. I knew that since it was Thursday I still had work tomorrow, but I felt I needed the wine tonight to keep my cool.

David gave me his usual run-of-the-mill answer about how he was fine, and launched into a story about one of his clients. Throughout the story I couldn't help but notice he wasn't making eye contact with me, and seemed to be distracted and almost anxious. My heart welled up at the thought of him being nervous to propose. Part of me wanted to just tell him I knew what he was about to do, and yes, I'd marry him. I just wanted to ease his nerves a bit.

When our server came over, we ordered everything right away. I ordered a glass of Cabernet along with my usual Chicken Alfredo, and David ordered a glass of Merlot with his Spaghetti Bolognese. I couldn't help but picture us doing this for a lifetime. Aside from the clear anxiety radiating from David, we were both so comfortable in each other's company. Every time I hung out with David, I felt free to be myself and I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. Our small talk continued until our server arrived back with our wine.

We both took a sip in silence, and I took the opportunity to prod at him a little; I figured he had a plan, but I really wished he would propose already so that he could relax and we could enjoy our evening together.

"Hey David... Are you okay? You seem a little bit off tonight," I pressed.

David set his glass of wine down on the table. "Yeah... um. I actually have something I need to talk to you about."

"Yeah... I kind of assumed. Go ahead, I'm listening," I replied, taking a sip of my wine to appear casual.

"I... you and I have been together a long time... and..."

Here it comes...

"And... I'm just not happy anymore. Jay... I think we should break up," he finished.

And there it was.

Just like the wine glass that I let slip through my fingers, my heart was completely shattered.