3| What I Know

As I walked through the streets of Chicago with a small box of crap from my desk, I felt almost like a zombie; like my physical body was there, but my brain was a million miles away. I wasn't even crying anymore... I just felt empty; like I didn't have anything going for me anymore.

I had lost David. He was the man that I planned to spend the rest of my life with, and now he was gone. The shock of losing him led me to having an emotional outburst at work; not that anything I said wasn't true, but it was definitely unprofessional. However, if I was being honest, I wasn't too upset about losing that specific job, more just upset about being fired in general. Oh, and the timeline; it really sucked to lose my boyfriend and job within 24 hours.

I wasn't sure where I was going as I let my thoughts wander. I supposed I should have headed home to sleep or to think about everything; perhaps have a good cry and talk to Maddie. However, there was a part of me that just didn't want to come to terms with anything that had happened, and I knew that going home would force me to confront my emotions.

Next thing I knew, I was inside the doors of a small bar not too far from my apartment. I had seen it around before, but never been inside. It seemed kind of like a dive bar from the outside, which wasn't my usual scene, but hey, nothing in my life was going to plan right now. I made my way inside, and as luck would have it, it was empty aside from one heavy-set older female. She was sitting in a booth in the corner of the restaurant, and I couldn't help but admire the tattoos that coated both of her arms. I had one tattoo, but it was small and sentimental; I loved the way some people coated their skin, treating it like a canvas for expression.

I took my seat at the bar, setting my small box on the stool beside me. It didn't look like anyone would need the seat. After all, it was only 1:30 in the afternoon.

"Hello Miss. What can I get for you today?" The bartender asked. He was an older man—probably in his 50's. He looked like a tough guy with a bushy beard, shorter build, and bulging muscles. If I had to stereotype, I'd say he looked like a biker. However, he had a very kind smile and pleasant demeanor, which I wouldn't have expected at first glance.

"Hi. Can I please have a double shot of Patrón with maybe some ice in it so I can just drink it? Oh, and also a margarita on the side because I probably won't like drinking straight Patrón. Thanks."

The bartender chuckled, "Rough day?"

I gave a half-assed smile back to him, "Oh yeah... and night, yes. The worst."

"Coming right up," he replied.

When he set my drinks down in front of me, I was quick to dive into the tequila. The more I drank of it, the more I found myself opening up to the bartender, who's name I found out to be Eddie.

Eddie was actually very easy to talk to, not that he asked to hear my story in the first place. However, he gave me his full attention, and after hearing the shit storm I called Thursday night and Friday morning, he gave me my first round on the house.

As Eddie was pouring me up a second round, the door to the bar swung open, and in walked a very striking man. At first, I thought I was hallucinating from my alcohol already because he looked so out of place in this bar. He was gorgeous, and if I wasn't so heartbroken, I would have fallen in love right there. He was literally the definition of tall, dark, and handsome; and although he looked to be around my age, there was something about him that seemed different than the usual men I went for.

"Ryan! What's up, buddy!?" Eddie called as he strode forward into the bar.

"Nothin' much, Eddie. I'm here for my usual," he replied. "Hey there, sweetie! Mind if I sit by you?" He asked me when he was close enough.

Normally I would say no, but by the tone of his voice and his word choice, I had a feeling this man was gay. Not to mention his outfit; It was hot, don't get me wrong, but he also was dressed way more stylish than anything I ever saw in David's closet. He had on a tight, white, designer t-shirt, paired with a baby blue cardigan, and tight, black, skinny jeans. His shoes looked brand new as the white shone bright in contrast to his jeans; not a scuff to be seen. I just had a feeling, and my "gaydar" wasn't usually wrong.

He shot me a vibrant white smile, "Thanks. I'm Ryan."

"Nice to meet you, Ryan. I'm Jayna," I offered while taking another swig of my drink.

"Jayna... That's a pretty name. So tell me, Jayna, what's wrong?" He bluntly asked.

I turned to face him, "How do you know something's wrong? Don't lots of people sit alone at a local bar, mid-day, sipping on straight shots of Patrón?"

Ryan chuckled a melodious laugh. "Well they can, but not usually. Plus, even if they did, those people usually don't look like you or have tear stains on their cheeks."

"Busted," I sighed, "Well, if you must know, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost 3 years. Then, to make things worse for myself, I showed up to work irritable and hungover, chewed out my boss, and got myself fired." I wasn't sure why I was opening up to Ryan so easily; there was just something about him. Besides, I was already feeling my alcohol.

"Ouch. That does sound terrible," Ryan agreed, "If it helps you any, I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years as well. Last week. And I'm still here drowning my sorrows."

Eddie came over and set a whisky sour in front of Ryan, who nodded at him in thanks.

I held up my almost empty glass at that moment, "Well, that proves it. Men are scum."

"I hear that, sister," he replied as we clinked our glasses together.

I took a sip before continuing my rant, "And working a shitty, 9-5 job as an assistant isn't fun either! I busted my ass for years and have gotten nowhere! I'm a journalist, and have yet to see any of the world or write anything of importance."

"You'll get there, Jayna. I can feel it," Just then Ryan signaled to Eddie to get me another round.

The two of us sat together then, drinking and talking for another hour. I was definitely drunk, but talking to Ryan was making me feel so much better. Not to mention, he was terribly easy on the eyes. His tanned skin, dark brunette hair, dark eyebrows, and light brown eyes were stunning. He was also tall and muscular, and yet, such a nice guy. I was shocked someone like him could ever be dumped.

Ryan polished off his 3rd drink as he spoke, "Can I tell you something that has always helped me in these situations?"

I finished off my margarita as well and shoved my empty glass forward. "Please. I'm all ears."

"My dad used to say this when I was little. He said there are two types of things in this world—what I know, and what I don't. For example, for me, 1. I don't know why Dario broke up with me, 2. I don't know why I can't seem to get over him, and 3. I don't know why anyone in their right mind would dump someone as awesome as you. Now, what I do know, is that 1. I am having a delightful time right now in this bar, 2. I am incredibly good looking, and 3. I am not going to give up on finding true love," he stopped to shoot me a dazzling 1,000 watt smile. "So, the point of that, is to not focus on the things you don't know—the things that are out of your control—and focus on the things you do."

I found myself actually returning his smile, "You know? I actually love that. Thank you, Ryan."

"You're welcome, but you're not off the hook. Try one," he replied.

I took a deep breath, "Okay, um, 1. I don't know what David's new girlfriend has that I don't, 2. I don't know what I am going to do now for a job, and 3. I guess... I don't know how to be alone anymore," I felt myself getting upset at my admissions, and tears began welling up in my eyes.

"Hey, no crying gorgeous; finish it. What are some things you do know?"

I sniffed and tried to blink my tears back, "I... I know that I want to see the world, and now I have the time and freedom to do it. 2. I know that I deserve someone to love me and treat me right; and... 3. I know that I'm really glad to have met you today."

"That's my girl," he said as he raised his now refilled glass. Eddie was really on top of things. "Now, did we just become best friends?"

I giggled at his reference to Step Brothers. "Ya know what, Mr. Ryan? I think we did."

We both took a sip, and there was a brief moment of silence before I started talking again. "Can I just say, and I hope this isn't insensitive, but since we're friends now, I feel like I can say it."

Ryan chuckled, "Go ahead."

"You're like, wicked attractive. I'm actually a little bummed that you're gay, because otherwise you'd help me get over my ex real quick," I blurted.

Ryan let out another laugh, loudly this time. "Well if any consolation, that guy David was an idiot. I may be gay, but I can still tell you're a very attractive woman."

I smiled at him. "Do you have any brothers? Straight ones? That look like you perhaps?"

Ryan hesitated briefly before responding, "I do have an older brother actually, his name's Alec, and honestly, he's always been the looker of the two of us," he replied.

"I'm finding that hard to believe," I chuckled. "You two close?"

"We used to be but not anymore; and before you ask, I don't really want to talk about it right now," Ryan stated.

"Okay, no problem. Hey, Eddie! 2 shots of tequila please!" I ordered.

When the shots arrived, I raised my glass for what felt like the hundredth time this evening. "To new friendship, and not needing anyone else to complete us!"

Ryan smiled, "Cheers to that!"

He finished his shot, tossing his lime back into his glass when finished. "Ya know? I really like you, Jay. So... Here's what I'm about to offer you. I was going to fly to my family's vacation house in Siesta Key. It's super nice, close to the beach, and better yet, it's a free place to stay. I need to get out of here, and if anyone needs to get out of here more than me, it's you. Come with me. We can leave on Sunday. That will give you a day to kick the hangover I'm sure you'll have and pack up."

"Oh my god... really? That sounds amazing! And it's not like I have any other obligations anymore... so I think I'm gonna say yes. I'm down," I immediately accepted.

"Yay! Are you just agreeing because you're absolutely hammered?" Ryan teased.

I giggled, "Probably, but please don't let me back out of it tomorrow. I need this."

"I know you do. It'll be fun!" Ryan agreed.

After finishing off a few more drinks and a large pile of fries, I decided it was time for me to go home. I was completely hammered, and had been off the grid drinking all day.

I scooted my bar stool out and attempted to jump down. Since I was so drunk, and hadn't stood up in well over an hour, it wasn't very graceful.

My foot got caught on one of the lower bars of the stool, and I stumbled, catching myself with an obnoxiously loud slap of my hands onto the wooden bar top.

Ryan immediately reached his hands out as if to steady me, although I had already taken care of that myself. "Woah! I probably shoulda cut you off a while ago, but I was having too much fun."

I giggled, "Ooops! It's okay, Ry. I'm good. I had fun toooo." I slowly released my grip on the bar once I knew I was stable and pulled my purse over my shoulder, remembering to grab my small box of office crap.

"How are you getting home?" He asked.

"Oh, I live just down the street," I replied as I started to head for the door, stumbling in my heels.

"Oh hell no," Ryan chuckled, "as much as I love your tenacity, I can't let you walk home alone." He walked over and hooked an arm over my shoulders. "Come on drunkie, I'm walking ya back."

I latched onto his waist as we headed for the door, "Okay thanks. Bye Eddie!" I called on my way out.

I stumbled as we headed out the door. At first it was funny, but now I was actually a little alarmed at how uncoordinated I was. I couldn't recall a time where I was ever so drunk that I had trouble staying upright.

"Shit," Ryan said as he caught me from falling and set me back on my feet, "Note to self, don't let you drink this much in Siesta Key."

I stumbled along as I replied, "Yes; for real, please don't," I wobbled again and nearly rolled my ankle in my high heels. "Ughhh, hold on, I can't walk in these shoes." I held on to Ryan's toned bicep as I reached down to pull them off.

"Ewww don't! You can't walk barefoot!" Ryan protested, "Come here."

I let him easily scoop me up in his arms and hold me tight to his chest. "Those shoes are killer by the way," he commented.

"Thank you! And thank you for carrying me; I swear I never get this drunk," I slurred.

"You're welcome. It's okay. I know you had a rough day. I don't know where you live though, so you gotta stay awake to guide me," he chuckled and bounced me in his arms.

"Right, sorry!"

The rest of the way home went by quickly and we chatted the whole way. Ryan didn't set me down until we reached the front door of my apartment. His kindness made me feel way better about agreeing to flee the state with a total stranger.

"Hey, Ryan? Thank you again. I'm really glad I met you," I said as I fumbled with my keys.

"You too, Jay. Drink lots of water tonight. I'll call you tomorrow to go over more of the trip details!" He said with a wave as he began walking down the sidewalk.

"Okay! Get home safe, sweetie!" I called after him.

This may have been rock bottom... but if Ryan was going to be a part of my life from now on, I had a feeling I'd make it through okay.

Siesta Key... here I come.