Find Your Path

…Jenna POV…

We all know that our time in this world is limited and that eventually, all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet, it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and thinking there is one more stair than there is.

When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose them all at once; you lose them in pieces over a long time, the way the mail stops coming, and their scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in the closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of them that are gone. Just when the day comes, when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that they are gone, forever, there comes another day and another specifically missing part.

This has made me realize once again how precious life is. It has made me realize that you can do everything in your own power to protect the person you love, and yet there will be an evil that will find its way in.

Coming so close to losing each other has reminded me how fragile our relationship is. Even though we have known each other for over a year, it still seems yet so new and vulnerable. What does bring my heart the joy is that no matter what gets kicked in our way that we always come out stronger than before. Each day I pray for the day that it shall all be without any problems in our life.

Do I believe that we are getting tested?

I believe that we are getting pushed to a limit to see how much we can break. We have broken many times, and sometimes we did not know that we can be put back to getter again. But there is nothing stronger than love; there is no glue stronger than love that can fix the pieces.

Your mom always tells you that life is never going to be easy, and she tries as hard as she can to teach you those important lessons of life. Those lessons, that in times like these that we always forget.

Life is a continuous learning experience. Throughout our lives, we keep rising and falling, picking up important lessons along the way. Some of these lessons come from experience, yet there are others that we learn by watching others or even as simple as read a book.

There are some life lessons that we cannot learn until we face them. Most people would say that there are some lessons that come too late; they catch us off-guard when we are unprepared.

What Tyler and I were never prepared for was that somewhere along the line, we realized that though we always want to be together, that we…

Need to walk our own path.

Now do not get me wrong here; I surely do not mean what happened with Luke. That was a mistake; that was choosing a road that was not well thought through. But is that not choosing a path then?

I do not see it as one.

We have strived to build a future for ourselves. This is the path that you need to walk on your own. Your future, you are not listening to what other people say when they judge you. Never shall Tyler nor I let anyone influence our vision in life.

This is a lesson that I need my children to learn one day.

Walk your own path.

When you were young, yes, you are supposed to do as your mother and father say. Your dreams are not yet formed, for you are only but a young child. You do not even know what life has to offer, and you only live by the rules that your parents set for you. Life is simple, and you follow the path that they chose for you. They, when they see they are going the wrong way, they shall direct you in the way that you should go. Teaching a child to live towards what their goal and their dreams are is easy.

Yes, and that is what I shall teach my children, but only in a sense until they can one day start making their own choice.

Once you reach that age when they ask you, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" That is the time that you have the power to starting walking towards your own dream, and you are creating your own path.

Did Tyler, when he was at a tender age, have this planned for himself?

There is nothing that he did wrong or could have even done to have prevented this from creeping into his body. His dream was not to be sick. He did not want to spend endless hours in pain. He once told me it is taking a cheese grater and start grating your head to pieces. The mere thought sent horror through my body.

He did not even stray from his path and thought that this would happen?

What path did he choose then?

It was chosen for him. Not by himself nor by his parents. Not only has he been given a raw deal, but he is also nearly completely alone.

It is up to me to try to keep him on a path, what path; as I said, I do not know.

Every time he tries to do something different, something that he has not done the day before, but yet, as now, while I am waiting for him to come back from theatre, he still has not chosen this path.

Everyone thinks it is easy. "How is Tyler?" Is all that they say. What do you tell them?

He does not have a path to follow.

I cannot imagine anything worse that has happened in my life to compare it to his. Yes, all those years when I went out and got drunk and sick and woke up with a headache. I would take a simple little aspirin, and my headache would be away.

Not Tyler.

There is nothing so strong that the Doctor can give him to take his pain away. He carries himself through it every day, and every day his life is the same. That, which is even sad to say.

But we are not losing hope.

Tyler will have a path which he can choose.

It might not happen today or tomorrow, but I believe with a strong heart that he shall edge closer and closer to that.

What does bring my heart further torment is that every second that he is in pain, he cries.

Whoever said that life is not fair, well, I am saying that he is very wise. But don't they also say you get what you give. Now I would love to know what Tyler has done to get what he is given?

My heart breaks every second, and yes, I said that love is the strongest glue, but the illness cannot put Tyler and me back. Our love is what keeps us hanging on together. Our love is choosing our path.

And even though I know what the path is that I want to follow, this is telling, sorry, not today.

So, see, it is not only people that make you stray from your path; it is an illness, an evil that tells you what shall happen to you today. And, god, it is not predictable because yesterday he was fine; today, he cannot move.

I honestly, and they say that it is such a strong word, but I hate this illness. It has ruined the man that I love. It has let him stray from a path even before he could choose it. The one thing that I can not give him is health; yes, "In sickness and health," I will be there. But how do you start taking that away?

My path has become to find a way for him to get better. But my hands are tied, and there is nothing that I can do at all. I am a weak woman, and I have no idea where I am going. We have two beautiful little babies coming, and we both don't know where we are going.

Can anyone help us?

No.

We only have each other, and we both need to push this through. Our goal is for him to get better. Our goal is for the babies to be born. I can with certainty say that one of these we shall achieve.

As for the second.

We need to find that path.

And it is that path that the Doctor walks as he brings me the news of the outcome of the operation.