Today I Am You

Sometimes you the moments that you are the most frightened of are the moments that feel right.

And this brings me to this moment; as I watch the Doctor come through that door, it is as if my very own life starts flashing in front of my eyes, and all I can think of is Tyler.

The man that I have and will give my life up for.

It feels like just yesterday that we met each other. He, Tyler, you, you were and still are my one and only love.

From the moment we first met to this day, if there is one thing that has always been constant is love, care and excitement, and the fear of the unknown. I was single and likely to stay single until I didn't meet you. Going back in time, from the day I saw you first, stared into your eyes, and dived deep into your soul, and everything appears to me as a fairy tale. Time has never passed so fast. This is, by all means, the best time of my life. It's like I have got everything I ever asked for. A partner for life, a best friend, and my partner in crime. I have never felt luckier.

I'll be lying if I say I am not scared. I'll be lying if I say I am ready. I'll be lying if I say this is what I planned for. I'll be lying if I say I believed in marriages. I'll be lying if I say I want to settle down.

I do not. I did not.

I am scared, but I know perfect love drives out all fear. I am not ready, but the idea of being with you looks just perfect. I never planned for this, but you are the best thing that happened to me. I don't believe in marriages until I met you. I don't want to settle down, and with you along, I just want to stargaze and see the clouds pass by in slow-mo.

So it's not going to be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're going to have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, every day. You and me… every day.

No matter how long we dated and how long we have been together, I want you to know the real me. I want you to learn the deepest and darkest secrets of my short life so far. I know you are more scared and confused. I understand you are very unsure, and it's perfectly fine to be.

I want to start the journey of my life from the very bottom with you. I want to reach the pinnacle of this journey only with you. I want to eventuate a haphazard journey and travel through the length of the roads and flow of the rivers, take a road as it comes by without any pronounced destination. Only with you.

I want to stargaze with your hands in mine and keep looking at them till eternity. I want to play those eye contact games with you until I lose. I want to listen to you, talk to you and look at you for my entire life. I want to travel the globe and walk across all the roads with you by my side. I want to dance in the rain and kiss the sun with you in my arms.

From the extreme sadness to the times of super happiness, I want to cherish all of it only and only with you. From luxurious life to making this world a better place to live, I want to achieve all this only with you. From realizing my dreams to live the life you always dreamt of, all this only with you.

I am honored to have you by my side. I am elated with the idea of spending my entire life with you. Thank you for holding my hands; I swear to life, I will keep them safe forever. Thank you for loving me once; mark my words; I will love you for life. No matter what, no matter where no matter when, you can always count on me. Go ahead and win the world, and whenever you turn back, I'll be there as your strongest pillar of support.

We fight a million times. At times you are disappointed with the way I think and at times me. At times I hurt you so much, and sometimes you do. I apologize for all the times I made you feel so bad. And we will fight a million more times. I know, and I am very sure about it. I can't promise we won't fight. But I can promise I will never give up on you. NEVER.

I promise that after every fight and post all disagreements, you'll still find me poking your cheeks and irritating you. Despite all this, I promise I won't let a night of loneliness creep into our lives. I promise every day will be a new day. I promise I'll be there if you need a glass of water at 3 AM. I promise I'll be there to hold you and cuddle you whenever you have been through a bad dream. I promise I'll love you. I'll love you till my last breath.

We are different. Very different. And that's the most beautiful part of our relationship. We complete each other. We compliment each other. While I am full of life, you are an introvert. While I am a shopaholic, you are a miser. While I believe in investing in experiences, you believe in investing. While you forget everything post-fight, I keep a manual in your head (every woman, I guess). I have learned so much from you. You make me a better person. 

We are very similar as well. We both are demanding. We both love each other like there is no tomorrow (I am sure you do). We are ambitious. Both of us want to make this world a better placed to live. We love to teach. And last, hold on, both of us love to kiss.

Thank you for all your love, happiness, care, and surprises. Thank you for parking your heart in mine. Trust me, that's the safest place for it to be in the entire universe. Thank you for trusting me for your happiness. Thank you for all the songs. Thank you for the most meaningful conversation of my life. Thank you for all the learnings, experiences, and adventures. Thank you for all the surprises. Never, I was so excited for anything as much I am for you. Thank you for completing me. Together, we will win the world.

  I want you—all of you. I want to look into your eyes when I wake up, every day, every night. I want to lie beside you in bed and snuggle for warmth during winters. I want to feel your sleep-laden arms around me, feeling me up in your dreams. I want you to wake me up in the middle of the night to have your fill of me.

  I want you—all of you. I want to know the tiny details of your everyday life. I want to know who told you what, who made you feel what, what you saw on the way to work, and what you thought while you nibbled on the sandwich during lunch. I want you to share every single detail of your life until it becomes mine. All of it, until it fills me up, my body, soul, and mind.

I want the security of your arm as my blanket. And I want the freedom of our travels. I want to feel the smooth skin and sooty smell of your body against mine. And I want to feel your lashes blink against my cheeks as you fall asleep.

All this and more, until your life becomes mine, and mine yours.

I want to carry the warm, invisible stamp on me, the mark that says I am a taken woman, owned in entirety. That I'm a woman conquered.

A woman who finally, willingly, chose to admit defeat and surrendered her life at the feet of happiness. That I've been touched so deeply that no one other touch matters.

I want to love you until you're my sun, my sin, and my heaven. And I want you to love me back. I want you to smile into my eyes and laugh at my jokes, poor as they may be. I want you to share your dreams and your fears, your likes and your dislikes, the things that you love, and those that fill you with awe. And I want to take those and make them mine until I practically see through your eyes.

You see, I was once a woman who kept a part untouched, hidden away from the world. I was once a woman who sought to hide in frivolous flings, uncaring and distant. I was a woman who didn't appreciate the full intensity of love. I once ran away from all this.

Not anymore. Not with you.

Today, I want to give you my all and more. Today, I want to be with you. Today, I am combustible, and only you know how to light me up. Today, I am yours. Today, I am you.

And as the Doctor finally comes to a stand in front of me, as I close my eyes for but a brief moment, I think of this and more.

Then, the Doctor finally speaks, “Mrs. Moore, I am afraid…”