LOGINShare
Fear Filled Love
Last Updated:
2021-08-10 21:40:43Two feelings come to mind as the Doctor gently lays his hand on my shoulder. Strangely the very first to come to mind is love.
Yet, then there is the place that is created for a great monster that can take hold of your heart and twist it in directions that the mind will be tormented at. This, my dear friend, is none other than fear.
A good man once said, expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, the fear shrinks, and vanishes and you are free.
There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create.
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our he
Related chapters
Chasing Broken Destinies A Journey Has Ended
…Tyler POV...Over the past few weeks, I have learned a lot about myself. I thought that being a Sheriff means that you are the strongest man that there can be. Yet, learning about hope and faith, having the will to see that there is always going to be a tomorrow, is a far greater strength than what a man in uniform can bring.This has by far been the greatest learning experience for me, and even though we might have come through it this far, it does not mean that the battle is not over. I think that only now the true healing will begin. And that I can with almost all certainty say as I am now staring Jenna in eyes that are very much wide open.And as she nearly leaps in my arms, the flood of emotions, the fear of losing her comes flooding like a raging river from eyes that have grown far puffier than they should be.With only but a gentle squeeze of my hand instead, she softly whispers to me, “It is good you finally joining us.”
Last Updated : 2021-08-11Chasing Broken Destinies Having Second Thoughts
…Tyler POV…It takes a near-death experience to give you the perspective that you need in life. It shows you the mistakes that you have made, and yet, it shows you what you can do not to make them again. It gives you the opportunity to change your life.Now Jenna and I have been through some changes already, and I can, and I will be dead honest, I think that they were for the wrong. I think that my hastily desire to run away made me make a choice that I am not happy with.And if you look at it this way, it has lead to events that could have been avoided. So yes, I am set to make things right before they can turn out to be even more wrong than before. Now, I am in no way saying that the decisions that I am about to make are the right ones, but I guess you just need to go on your gut.So it is with a very eager Jenna waiting for me, perhaps now, just having come out of theatre is the right time, but I guess there is no right time as the presen
Last Updated : 2021-08-12Chasing Broken Destinies At A Crossroads
Fate is what takes you down that road you ever so often avoid taking. Take, for instance, driving down a deserted road and finding a woman that was stuck and helpless pulled off on the side. At the time, I had no idea that it was where I was supposed to be with whom I am meant to be, doing what I should be doing...falling in love.I wish I could have blamed gravity, but the truth was I fell in love. I fell deeper and deeper until I reached the deepest point. In the middle of all my chaos, there she was. You can call it destiny, or you can call it fate; the point is you will fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.Now that unexpected love has brought us to this point where both our lives, our love, and our future depend on what will happen next.I know that this is a crossroad that we are finding ourselves. We know how we got here, but we are not sure where it is headed.And it’s confusing. One way seems smooth and e
Last Updated : 2021-08-13Chasing Broken Destinies Leaving The Old Behind
…Tyler POV…A week has gone by faster than I anticipated; last night, after what seems like an endless stay in the hospital, Jenna could finally bring me home. Well, it does not quite feel like it, for I have not been here for much of the time that we have been staying out here. That is why I can say with the utmost confidence that I am delighted that in a little less than an hour, we will be on our way to our real home.I am beyond excited to be back where my roots are; I am more relieved that we will have a life that will return back to normal again. The past month, I can even go as far as say that about seven weeks of our lives were nothing but heartache and pain. I do not think our relationship would survive anything else bad happen to us.And as I watch her trying to get out of those godawful pajamas that she wears, I know that I will do anything to protect my wife and my children, but this body can only take so much there is, and that is one
Last Updated : 2021-08-14Chasing Broken Destinies The Old Familiar
They say that happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know that you left open.Should this be said about fear?I wish I knew. All that I know is that changes are often very scary, especially if you do not know where you are heading.Though we are heading back to where it all started…well, that is for me, and perhaps for this chapter in Tyler’s life. But the only thing that I can say is that I have not seen him so happy in a while. The happiness that is radiating from his face brings a warmth to my heart.I just wished that he had told me this sooner then none of this would have happened. But as we have come to known is that if there is a monster out there that is waiting for you, he will come; no matter what, he will find you.Well, I can, with all honesty, say that there will be no more monsters coming my way. So in a way, we are getting a clean start but only back where we truly wanted to be, or should I say where w
Last Updated : 2021-08-15Chasing Broken Destinies Made Up By Naughty
…Jenna POV… We are finding ourselves stopped on the side of the road, well, not because we have broken down, but to relive the moments of old memories. I can remember those days as if it was only yesterday; if it was not me, then it was Tyler that could not keep our hands off each other. A simple three-hour ride would normally have taken us almost five. But it seems that memory is not going to happen today, for there is a car that is pulling up from behind us. Now I have a dress shoved over my breasts, and Tyler has his pants almost down to his knees. And if we thought we were fast to compose ourselves, we are totally wrong, for next, there is a voice from behind scaring the shit out of me. “Whoa, for one second there, I thought you needed some help, but this is something that I cannot help you with.” As Tyler has his pants on in mere seconds, he spins around to face the person that has only but ruined our fun for today. “What the fuck are you doing h
Last Updated : 2021-08-16Chasing Broken Destinies The Miracle Of Life
…Jenna POV…I am fourteen weeks pregnant now.The morning sickness has mostly passed, and I am starting to feel the best parts of being an expecting mother. I have stopped counting how many times Tyler rubs my belly a day. He has, in the times that I really get sick, he has started reading to our baby. We decided that we do not want to know what the sex of the baby is, even though I still firmly believe it is a boy. We need something to look forward to, not only the pregnancy but the joy of a surprise.So it is with great difficulty that I am finding something to wear. Even though I do not keep much in these days, I have grown rather bigger than what Tyler likes to refer to as a bus. This rules out the option of trying to fit into one of my favorite skinny jeans completely out. With much frustration, I slip on my very favorite dress and meet up with Tyler that is patiently jumping out of his skin."I have always love that dress," he says as
Last Updated : 2021-08-17Chasing Broken Destinies Accidental Slip
…Jenna POV…Tyler has just gone and called the Doctor back now; to say that I am not beyond scared would be an understatement. What has he seen that has got him so alarmed? The anticipation is nearly killing me as he finally arrives with the Doctor dragged by the arm."Okay,” Tyler starts. “Am I seeing right?"The Doctor studies the monitor for only but a second; then, he nods at Tyler. “Yes, Mr. Moore, you are right.” The Doctor pauses for a while. “This is rather the wrong way around for this to happen. Now, do you want to tell your wife?”Tyler looks at me rather shocked and not knowing what to say, yet after a few moments in silence, he finally mumbles underneath his breath, “Do you want to know the gender of the babies?”I only but shake my head at him, “I told you I don’t want to know until the day.” There is a slight irritation that is building inside, I told him
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
Latest chapter
Chasing Broken Destinies Love Will Never Be Enough
…Jenna POV… You can't have healing without sickness. Your body can stand almost anything; it is your mind that you need to convince. It is two weeks today. Two weeks. Fuck. Time is just gone. It is two weeks since the chemo has started, and I am getting really sick. I am still trying to convince myself that my body can win this. But each day, as I look in the mirror and I see something new that is slipping away, I am losing hope. The only one that is not losing hope is Tyler. It is you that are fighting for both of us. You have been there beyond what is even required. From the moment I met you, I knew I'd love you forever, that you were something precious, perfect. After four months of marriage, I still get butterflies when looking into your eyes. You've made me a better person, given me a more fulfilled life, and you've given me a happiness that I didn't know existed. Our lives have changed immensely since that frightening, confusing, life-ch
Chasing Broken Destinies All I Need Is The Air I Breathe
…Tyler POV…Jenna, when I think about you, I understand what the Hollies meant when they sang, "Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you."Our love life can be rivaled to the 4th of July fireworks.I still love you and I always will.I have spent my life believing in Love. My heart has been beaten, my heart has been ripped, it has been stamped on, and more than once as you know. But I kept on believing. Because I love Love because I consider life not worth living if you don’t allow your heart to pound.And it is pounding and it is being pounded on, and you turned it all upside down. My schedule, my emotional comfort zone, my whole life. I couldn’t understand what was going on, and really I didn’t want to understand. I didn’t try to plan ahead, I didn’t want to build false hopes, for the very first time in my life I completely let go.I really fell in love…Lovin
Chasing Broken Destinies The Love Of My Life
...Tyler POV...I have just brought Jenna back home after her first session of chemotherapy. She does seem somewhat surprisingly fine at the moment, but I know that it is only but a matter of time before the fatigue and nausea will hit her.Does this Cancer not scare me? It scares the hell out of me. But I love her. And love will outnumber, overshadow and overcome all obstacles and odds that are thrown in our way.She is the love of my life. She is my wife. And there is no other place I would rather be.Thinking of her brings me warmth, it fills me up and threatens to consume me in every possible way. I would simply die if I could not be with her."Can I kiss you?""You are so polite in asking.""I cannot go…"I place my fingers against his soft lips and wrap his face in my hands. I pull his face closer until there is nothing but a mere breath between our lips. Then I softly whisper. "I thought you would never ask."
Chasing Broken Destinies Prisoner Of Destiny
...Tyler POV...It breaks my heart that everything is again falling apart slowly. I always thought that we would get out of this stronger. But there was always this fear that I will lose her in more ways than one.So I am left here with nothing but my thoughts; if Jenna won't talk, then I hope that she will listen.What is the worst that she can do? Throw me out of the room?I can see there is a slight irritation in her eyes, but she allows me to take her hand. Once she is settled, I softly whisper. In the days before, I used to tell our babies stories. Now, now I am left with...well, it is just her and me again. So I need for her to listen."Jenna.""Yes, Tyler?""I don't want to lose you.""I don't want to talk about this, Tyler.""Then please just listen."She sits up straight and looks me into the eye, waiting rather impatient."Please, Tyler. Can this not wait until later?"With that, I sit back
Chasing Broken Destinies Faith Is About Believing
Faith is about believing. You don't know how it will happen, but it will happen.Sebastian is sitting next to me, holding my hand so tight that it is becoming numb. He has dozed off and looks so peaceful as he is sleeping. I do not want to wake him up; he has not had a decent night's rest in what seems to be ages. He stays up every night, every day; he is awake almost every waking moment looking after me. He needs these few moments.I am writing this letter as a token of my love to him, as a keepsake for him to treasure, and as a reminder of my commitment to us and to our life together."To my dear love,I want you to know that I love you, ALL OF YOU, and I always will. I am committed to our marriage until death does us part. At times, in moments of deep frustration, I may have questioned otherwise, but that was my immature way of seeking love from you when I should have been looking for you to fill the void in my temporarily wandering heart.Belov
Chasing Broken Destinies Strength Grows In Moments
...Jenna POV....Strength grows in the moments that you think you cannot go on, but keep going on anyway.That is so much easier said than done.This morning I do not have the strength to do anything at all. Even the dreaded steps that I need to the bathroom every time my body decides to give in is even too much for me.Much to Tyler's horror, I started getting really sick throughout the night. Now, this morning I wish I can say it is because I have morning sickness, but somehow I do not think it could ever be so bad.What is bad is Tyler insisting on holding my hand every time I do. I so wish that he did not have to go through this; in fact, I do wish that I did not have to go through this. But I guess that this is the hand that we have been dealt, and even though it is incredibly unfair, I need to find that strength that Tyler wants me to.But I can't.The sad thing is, I am going to die.So as Tyler takes me back for what se
Chasing Broken Destinies Note Before I Die
…Tyler POV…So it has begun.We have been married for four months now, and it feels like just four months ago that we overcame this battle. In fact, through all the craziness of the past four months, it only but feels like we have come full circle. We are right back to where we have started.Well, almost.Jenna has Cancer.There is a lot of speculation and so many unanswered questions.This time, I am not worried about myself; this time, I am worried about the babies, and most of all, I am concerned about Jenna. I do not even know, and I have not even dared to ask what the chances are for Jenna to carry a full-term pregnancy. I guess being left in the unknown sometimes is far easier than having to know all the answers. For once, I can honestly say that I do not wish to know any of them at all.The only question?Where do I find not one but two miracles?Well, I am searching, but by judging the fact at the r
Chasing Broken Destinies The Quiet Before The Storm
…Tyler POV…We have just come back from a great ordeal. Jenna has only just survived, should I even dare to say, an experience that could have gone different in so many ways with Brendan and then me with my very own near-death scare, now we are heading to the very same destination again. This is not something that one comes back from unscathed. I need Jenna to know that we are okay. This may not be tonight, tomorrow, or the next day, but everything is going to be okay.Now let me tell you a story of a man so lost and incomplete that he dwelled for years in trying to find that one thing that he eluded him so, love. The man that tells you that they do not desire to experience love and not be love in return is not only a liar and a fool. The craving to be loved is a desire that every man wants. I have that love for Jenna, and I know that she has that love for me. We can overcome all of this; we need to be strong.I, myself, am a strong person, but eve
Chasing Broken Destinies Four Lives Into The Unknown
...Jenna POV...We are getting the results of the tests back today.As I am sitting and waiting for Tyler in the bedroom, I can hear as he and the Doctor are having a full-blown argument over the phone. I saw that crushed look on his face when we left the Doctor's room the other day. He is feeling defeated once more again as we have entered the unknown. So he is at heads with the Doctor because they have not received the results. He is hurting once more again, and do I even dare to say it is my fault.So as I see him step through the door, it crushes my heart to pieces. His shoulders are slump, with his head hanging down to the floor. I can see his hands are trembling, and his knuckles are red; he must have hit the wall. The Tyler I know would not have done it; this is a broken man. I don't know where his pieces are to put him back together again. But as his eyes meet my concerned face, he forms the weakest of smiles around his lips. At least he is trying, but I
