All Chapters of Unapologetically Me: Chapter 51 - Chapter 60

We went back to my house to start moving some of my stuff to a storage building, since my apartment wasn't ready yet and my uncle was dead set on getting the house sold sooner, rather than later.I wasn't allowed to do much as Michael, James and Jordan loaded up vehicles full of my crap to take to the building I had rented. The big furniture that couldn't go with us I had put little signs on them with a price for an estate sale that I was going to do.On my mom's orders, I even put to sell a whole bunch of her designer purses and shoes. A bunch of this money was going to help with our move and with mom's continued rehab after she got out of jail.We would hold the sale over the weekend before the real estate agent would start having open houses for the place. I continued to put prices on things as they took sh*t to storage. My stuff was going to be taken to James' house until my apartment was ready.When they were done for the day and we went back

Spontaneous abortion. That's what they were calling what happened to my baby. The mild cramps, the peeing myself, the back pain, all of it was my body telling me that my baby was no longer alive. Or maybe it was telling me to save it. Either way, guilt was the foremost feeling I had. I lay in the hospital bed and stared up at the ceiling with stinging eyes. I had cried so hard when they told me and now I couldn't even cry anymore. I cried myself dry. I should have told James I didn't feel good. I should have just gone to the doctor as soon as I started feeling those minuscule cramps. I thought hard about the last movements I felt from her and hated myself for not knowing. I hated myself for letting her die. James squeezed my hand, but I couldn't even look him in the face. He had cried a little, but he didn't know how bad it was. He didn't know that I probably could have prevented it. I took my hand from his and wiped at

The days slogged on slowly. After two days of staying home, I was allowed back at school but it was so hard. People looked at me and whispered about me and what happened.My breasts leaked with milk, which surprised the sh*t out of me when I woke up one morning with sore breasts that were hard as rocks. So, I had to wear breast pads at school and had to change them out every so often because my breasts would start leaking randomly. I reeked of milk by the end of my first day back and when I got home, I had to take a long hot shower to make them decompress.James tried his hardest to keep up with my mood swings and I honestly felt so bad for being sh*tty to him, but I couldn't help myself. I would cry randomly for no reason and most times I just wanted to sleep.Chloe would come from time to time and try to keep me company, but it was hard listening to her talk about mindless gossip about Alicia and Dexter and how they broke up again because he was caught c

It seemed like time just began to fly by after our Valentine's date. Days passed by in school and I was slowly starting to fail, even with James' help because I had missed too much and my mind was on other things. I floated through every class as if I were on autopilot and only absorbed the fact that I couldn't focus on anything. I tried. I tried to sit through my classes and pay attention, but my mind was pulled elsewhere, to different topics in my brain. My baby. My boyfriend. My mom. She was set to be released soon and while I dreaded it, I was also hoping that seeing her as the changed woman she claimed to be would help me regain the person I was before everything started to go to sh*t around me. James, while not outwardly showing how messed up he was by the miscarriage, was struggling with it too. The mindf*ck of knowing we were going to be parents and it all being yanked out from under us was hard to swallow. He did

James Things seemed to have shifted after Kelly had agreed to move with me to Massachusetts. The first thing is that the sex was out of this f*cking world wild. It was almost hard to keep up with her sex drive. If she wasn't already on birth control, I would have thought she was trying to get pregnant. It was so much that we had even started f*cking in school. She would text me in the middle of class to meet her in a Janitor's closet or a bathroom and like the sex-crazed hormonal teenager I was, I was right there for it. We f*cked in school, at the grocery store, clothes shopping at the mall, in my car in a parking lot. You name it, we probably already did it there. Another thing that had shifted was her mood. She perked up a lot since we lost Lily, but it wasn't like before. Her smiles were dimmer than they had been before and she laughed a lot less and with less mirth, but I felt like she was trying. She was trying to be