Twenty-four

Everything was ready. Harper was supposed to come to my house at 9 when Cody would be at school and my parents would be at work.

We would have total privacy and that was exactly what we needed. Me and Harper needed to talk and I was pretty sure the word Werewolf would be used quite often, and I was sure my parents would not like to hear the word.

Everything was set now and Harper would come here any moment. We would talk in the living room where I would tell him that I wasn't in any place to start a relationship with him, not now, and maybe not ever. 

I would sit across from him. He would sit on the couch and I would sit on the armchair, and have the center table between us because distance between us was necessary. Completely necessary. Things happened whenever Harper was too close to me and I now knew why, because we were mates. I had already begun to accept the fact and I had no idea why. 

Now that I thought about it, I did take everything fairly well if you exclude the fact that I had a complete mental breakdown and was bedridden for two whole days.

I needed to be away from him and that was why I had come up with the seating arrangement. Across from him, with the center table in between us.

The doorbell rang and I prepped myself up to see Harper again. I wasn't ready to see him again, I don't know why, it was as if I needed more time or something, does that even make sense?! 

I took a deep breath in when I reached the front door opened it before I could have any second thoughts, and asked him to leave.

When I opened the door, I didn't like the sight that met me. Harper looked bad, like really, really bad. He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair was messed up, his grey V-neck was tousled and he looked like he hadn't shaved in days. He looked unkempt and that was a look he didn't look good in. 

My first instinct was to hug him after seeing his dreadful state and I had to resist myself from doing the same thing. Hugging him would mean something else and I wanted a distance between us. 

I knew I looked awful too. After all, I was sick these past few days but I could still guarantee that Harper won the competition and was looking more miserable than me.

"Wow! You look horrible." The words flew out my mouth before I could stop and I blushed when I realized I said the words out loud.

He chuckled and shrugged casually. "I couldn't sleep." 

I didn't know what to say to that so I just moved aside and let him in. I closed the door after him and gestured at him to follow me into the living room.

Keep your distance. I kept chanting these words in my head because having Harper this close to me after these days was affecting me. It irritated me beyond belief, I wanted to have some control over myself, was that too much to ask?!

Harper walked inside the living room and took a seat on the couch. I stupidly followed him and sat my butt on the other side of the couch. 

So much for maintaining distance.

I turned my body to face him. My whole plan of keeping control just went down the drain. I nervously tucked a strand of brown hair behind my ear.

Harper ran a hand through his hair, messing it up even more and my thoughts ran wild. I imagined myself perched on his lap, stroking his soft and shiny hair myself.

I shook my head to rid myself of these thoughts. See, that was what Harper did to me and to be able to say no to a relationship with him, I had to get some semblance of control.

I'm so stupid!

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Harper asked me. 

I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship with you, considering everything that has been going on.

"Tell me about mates." He had just sounded so hopeful and I didn't have it in me to shut him down. I just didn't want to be the reason his face fell. I knew that I had something to do with his disheveled appearance.

We weren't even in a relationship and I was afraid a simple no would hurt him. God help us when we are in one.

Harper faintly smiled at my question. "Aiden told you?" 

I had no idea how much Harper knew about Aiden's visit to my house, so I just nodded.

He took a deep breath before looking into my eyes and saying the words. "We wolves worship the moon goddess because we believe we are the descendants of the moon. I don't know how much of it's true, I'm just telling you what I know." I nodded, silently urging him to continue. "We believe that the goddess pairs every wolf to their other half, otherwise called as a mate. We are supposed to live our lives loving them and cherishing them."

"We can be happy without them too, but there is no other person who can make us happy as much as our mates can. You can call them soulmates too, or whatever other names you humans use."

"The first thing parents teach their children in my words is about mates. We are taught to love them and make the most of the time we have with them because they are worth everything to us."

He said the last sentence while staring at me intently and I squirmed under his gaze. 

"Do you believe that? That mates are worth everything?" I asked him.

He nodded and smiled at me while maintaining eye contact as if I wouldn't believe him if I didn't see it in his eyes and I probably wouldn't have. 

I didn't.

"So, you mean to say, that you knew throughout this time, that a mate was waiting for you, and yet, you still slept around with every girl?" My voice raised at the end, every word dripping with venom. I didn't know where the sudden anger had come from, but it was justified. He had no right to say that he believed everything he said right now, about mates being everything to a werewolf, if it had been the truth, I wouldn't be talking to the man-whore sitting in front of me.

His head dropped down in shame and I felt a weird satisfaction blossoming in my gut. He deserved to hear this. I had every right to ask this question, I may have not known about his kind or the fact that we were mates, but I sure knew what commitment was.

He smiled at me and looked at me with pain in his eyes. "I have only heard stories, Zara. I have never had a good example of how mates love each other." He fidgeted nervously on the couch and I knew that he didn't want to talk about the matter and I was no sadist.

"What happens when you don't like who your mate is?" I guess that was the wrong question because his eyes snapped up to meet mine, alarm clear in their eyes.

He took a deep breath while his eyes watched my every move. "You can always reject your mate."

An alarm went off in my head and I remembered something Harper had said to me, a few weeks ago, in the girl's washroom. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn't I realize this sooner?

"You rejected me." I looked down at my lap, nervously playing with my fingers.

When he didn't say anything, I looked up to look at him. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes at the thought that Harper didn't want me and he even wanted to get rid of me. Us being mates wasn't enough for him. Surely, he would have never done that if he wanted me to be by his side, if he wanted me as a mate too.

He seemed to read my thoughts and I wasn't surprised he did. "I would never." He moved forward to take my hands in his own like he had done a few times before but I inched away from him. 

Hurt flashed across his face but he regained composure. He clenched his fists. "I never wanted to do it. I was forced to."

I didn't want to believe him, I didn't but the way he said it made me believe him. The hard lines of his face, his steely gaze, and the determination in his voice made me believe him. 

Every fiber of my being wanted to move toward him wanted to be enveloped by him and comforted by him when I saw how hard he was trying to control himself.

"I will explain everything in time, I promise. It's just that there's so much you don't understand about my world."

I weakly nodded to show him I understood, even though I didn't. I just trusted him enough, and I knew he would tell me everything when the right time came.

Harper's gaze softened. "You didn't call me here to talk about mates, did you?"

I shook my head. I nervously gulped and took a deep breath in. Mates or not, it wasn't healthy for us to start a relationship under such circumstances, I knew that and so I was going to make it right.

"I don't think it's right for either of us if we start a relationship, Harper." Panic flared in Harper's eyes and he opened his mouth to argue with me, but I held up my hand, showing him, I wasn't finished.

He weakly nodded, his shoulders slumped in defeat and resignation. I hated seeing him like this and I hated myself more to be the cause of his forlorn expression. I was beginning to understand how the mate bond worked and I wasn't sure I liked it.

"I think we should be friends, for now and then maybe see where it goes." I weakly added with a soft smile on my face. 

Harper's eyes lit up and I could see them twinkling. "I think I would like that." He nodded enthusiastically. 

I laughed at his reaction.

He rubbed his palms on his jeans-clad thighs and got up from the couch. He put his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and turned to face me. "Be ready at 7 a.m. tomorrow."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What? Why?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "School starts at 7:30, doesn't it?! I'm going to pick you up."

I gently shook my head. He was going about it all wrong. That was not what I wanted. "Harper, I do-"

"Friends give each other rides all the time, don't they?! And that's what we are, right?! We are friends."

I closed my mouth and stopped whatever I was saying before. He was right. We were friends now and I don't think a ride to school would change anything.

"I have to go now." He checked his watch. I got up from the couch to follow him out.

I opened the door for him and stood at the doorway while he walked to his car, which stood on my driveway.

"Be ready for tomorrow." He winked and smiled mischievously at me and got inside the car.

I think I am in trouble now! Serious trouble!