3. Seven

I opened my eyes slowly and blinked them rapidly to ward off any residual sleepiness. When I had rested my head on the pillow of MY bed, which somehow mysteriously smelt of Harper and did an amazing job of relaxing me, I had planned to doze off for a few hours because sleep was the best damn cure for anxiety and all the confusing jumble of emotions I had been feeling. 

What I hadn't expected was to excel in that motive because when I looked out the blinded window of my room, the sky had an orange glow, which either meant that I had woken up in the evening or slept straight through the night and into the morning light. I wasn't sure which and didn't know what it said about me. 

I groaned out loud as my cranked-up muscles came back to life. The magical beauty sleep had done the job and I was feeling well rested and relaxed. I still wasn't sure how I felt about Harper's alpha ceremony, but I wasn't having an emotional breakdown either. Which was good, all things considered.

I picked up my phone from the nightstand and frowned when I looked at the time. It was 7 p.m., which meant that I hadn't slept through the night. Oh, well.

Reluctantly, I got up from the bed and walked to the attached bathroom. I splashed some water onto my face in a desperate attempt to wake myself up. Seeing my reflection in the familiar mirror brought a sense of contentment in me. I stretched my arms behind my back to crack up my joints. 

It was 7 p.m., which meant that my parents as well as my brother had gotten back home a couple of hours ago. I yawned, sleepiness still hovering around the edges. They very well knew not to wake me up during my sleep, which was why they must have let me sleep after I had decided to surprise them. 

I wondered what Ethan was doing. Wait, hold up. If my parents had gotten back, they must have met Ethan already. Shit!

All thoughts of sleeping went right out of the window as I realized that my dad must have met Ethan by now. I wouldn't be surprised if I found Ethan's head mounted on the living room wall and my dad polishing his shotgun. 

My mom must be putting up dinner, right about now and I dreaded going down right now. On one hand, I was excited to see my family after four long months. Four months of voice calling, sending text messages, and video calling. But on the other hand, I was afraid of the possible bloodbath going on downstairs. 

Not caring about my crumpled clothes, I opened my bedroom door, hoping to gauge the mood of the conversation downstairs. Was there even a conversation going on downstairs?

I hesitantly climbed down the stairs and deftly walked in the direction of the dining table, where the soft lull of conversation could be heard. I blindly took the final turn, only to find everyone casually sitting at the dining table, talking and eating. 

Ethan spotted me first, or better yet, made it look like he spotted me first. All thanks to his werewolf senses, he must have heard me come down the stairs and readied himself for the drama. 

"Look who finally woke up," Ethan said, gathering everyone's attention. Three heads whipped around to look at me and I waved my hand, unaware as to what was happening. 

My mom got up from the table, walked around it, and enveloped me in a bone-crushing hug. I was engulfed in her lavender scent, which was so her, and put my arms around her. It was at this moment that I realized how much I had missed her all these months. The comfort she gave me, the way she cooked everything I liked, and a reassurance that all mothers seemed naturally able to do.

"Oh, Zara. I have missed you so much." I heard the break in my mom's voice and immediately felt guilty for the way she was feeling. It was, after all, my fault that we were separated in the first place. She leaned back and put her arms around my shoulders. "Come, sit. I have cooked your favorite." 

"You have?" I whispered, choked up with emotions. She nodded and steered me in the direction of the table. 

Before I sat down, I went to hug my father. His arms went around me and brought the same sense of safety I had felt when I was a mere toddler. "I missed you, Zara." He whispered in my ear and I kissed him on his cheek. I did too and he knew that. I had always been a daddy's girl and we could have conversations with each other without ever speaking a word. 

At last, I went to Cody and landed a big and sloppy kiss on his cheek before he could protest. He pretended to act disgusted and wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. Everyone laughed as he hugged me back with equal fervor, after his little show. 

I sat down finally, with Ethan sitting directly opposite me, in what would have been Emily's seat, had she been here. Ethan smiled softly at me and I returned it, feeling at home after such a long time. How could I have ever forgotten how these people made me feel when I decided to go away? How did I not miss the warmth my mother emanated the safety my father projected or the pretense of hatred my brother had for me? How could I have thought, even for a second, that I didn't have a home, because I felt a home right now, with my family, sitting with me, having dinner after so many months?

"So, I see you all have met Ethan," I said hesitantly, crossing my fingers under the table. I didn't want anyone on the table to blow up. 

"Yes, we have. The boy introduced himself while you were busy spending your time in your little dreamland." My father teased and I gaped at him. He was fine with a boy I had brought home? My father was okay with Ethan sitting at the dinner table.

"Yeah, he told us how he is Emily's friend and how he is a neighbor," Mom remarked and my wide eyes moved onto her. Well, granted I didn't expect much resistance from her, but still, I didn't expect this degree of acceptance.

"Yeah, they are," I said, confused about which parallel dimension I was in.

"We were glad that he is responsible enough to drive you back home." Dad nodded appreciatively at Ethan, who soaked up all the good reviews. "We particularly noticed how you two were in different beds." My dad added as an afterthought and I cringed in response. Of course, I didn't expect anything less from him. 

Cody muffled his laughter behind his hand and Ethan choked on his pasta, while I sat there, my face red with his untoward comment. Why, Dad, why?

Thankfully, the rest of the dinner passed by without any snarky comments or pretended nuances. 

***

When I finally settled in for the night, I knew that it would be a long time before I could sleep so I decided to use that time to compartmentalize my thoughts and think about everything that had been bothering me. 

Harper just had his alpha ceremony with Natalie, who was also having his baby. I didn't know how to feel about that. No, scratch that. I knew exactly how to feel about that. I felt angry, betrayed, sad, upset, heartbroken and regretful. I felt angry because after all Harper had done to me, he still had the guts to make things worse and have his alpha ceremony with someone other than me. I felt betrayed because after being with me, Harper had told me countless times that there would be no one else for him, and then he dared to make some other she-wolf his Luna. I felt sad because even though I knew he did have the ceremony; I understood his reasons even when I didn't want to. I felt upset because things didn't need to be this way, we, me and Harper, could have our alpha ceremony, without all the drama in our lives. I felt heartbroken because watching him take the oaths he was supposed to take with me, with someone else, physically pained me and I knew that it wasn't just because of the bond. And I was regretful because I was the one who had told Harper that I wasn't coming back anytime soon, even though here I was, back home, exactly ten days later. 

I was still so confused and my thoughts were still so jumbled. J didn't know what to think but at the same time, I knew exactly what to think. I was going mad. 

I was sure about a few things though. I knew I still loved Harper to some capacity, otherwise his alpha ceremony wouldn't have struck me so much. Some part of me knew that these feelings weren't just because of the bond between us, I somehow felt it in my gut. I had also come to terms with the fact that Harper was having Natalie's baby and that wasn't going to change anytime soon, if ever. Harper had told me again and again that he didn't love Natalie and some part of me believed him. Somehow, after all this time, I believed Harper when he said that he didn't love Natalie. That he could not love her. 

What I couldn't accept was how Harper, Natalie, and the baby would make a family of their own and if I paid heed to the words of the moon goddess, I would never have that. Harper had his own family, without me in the picture and I could have the same, a small family of my own, but without him in the picture. In this case, I felt as if I was encroaching on Natalie's territory and I shouldn't have to feel like that, considering Harper was my mate. 

And if my feelings weren't confusing enough, I had somehow started feeling something for Ethan too. I shared a supernatural bond with him too, he was my Batair and again, if I listened to what the moon goddess said, there was some genuine attraction between us. The best part about Ethan was that he was unattached. 

Thinking about being with Harper somehow felt like being the other woman, while Natalie was his spouse, whereas Ethan seemed like a fresh start. It would have been such an easy choice if I didn't love Harper.

I was a little disappointed too. I had expected Harper to barge his way into my room in an attempt to see me by now. I was low-key anticipating it. His wolf would have forced him to do exactly that, so why didn't he come?