Chapter Fifty Nine

I didn’t know how long I struggled against Jonathan but at a point, I just stopped, allowing tears to run down my cheeks in torrent. I was sad. I was hurt. I was in pain and my heart ached badly. Even worse now that I was in his arms.

The familiar comfort cloaked over me as he hugged me tighter. I didn’t hug him back and I just stood in his arms, allowing him to hug me. His head pressed tightly to head and I sobbed slowly.

“Do you hate me so much, your highness, that you wouldn’t hesitate to sacrifice me for your people?” I asked slowly and that made Jonathan slowly let me go. He stepped back as he stared into my eyes and swallowed.

“No, no, Princess, you’ve got it all wrong” He replied softly. It was the softest voice ever. I had never heard Jonathan use this voice with anyone ever.

“I don’t hate you” he replied as he met my eyes and I froze.

“I promise you, I don’t hate you” he repeated again pausing a bit, “I can’t” he added quietly but I heard him clearly and I chuckled.

“Of course you don’t hate me, if you did, you would certainly have to explain why you kissed me” I replied and Jonathan laughed.

“Okay, what issue are we setting right now? The kiss or the other issue?” he asked, his eyes gaining a mischievous tingle that I had never seen before. He looked ridiculously sexy with that look in his eyes and I gulped hard, forgetting all my anger towards him in an instant.

“I’m sorry” Jonathan breathed and I was immediately reminded of why we were here ein the first place.

‘Why are you always acting like this, your highness?’ I asked, my voice carrying an edge, “Why do you keep confusing me?” I continued.

“Today you are nice to me and the next day, you are telling the closest people to you that I am a leverage and I’m just a slave to you. What do you want me to do?” I asked, shaking my head.

“I refuse all of this” I told him and Jonathan nodded his head.

“Everything I’m going to tell you right now is the truth, Amira. The truth, I have no reason to lie to you, I gain nothing from lying to you” He informed me and I swallowed watching him.

“I don’t hate you Princess, I don’t have the capacity to do so” Jonathan started and I froze.

What did he mean by he didn’t have the capacity to hate me?

The words made my heart beat faster and blood rushed to me. Was he acknowledging his feelings for me?

“I don’t hate you, however, you are the only reason why your kingdom will never attack mine kingdom” Jonathan added and my heart slowed down immediately.

“So i have to keep you here” he continued, “I can never bring myself to sacrifice you for my people but if you being here can keep them safe, so be it” he continued and I blinked my eyes at him as tears ran down my cheeks.

“You are keeping me prisoner here to save your people. You won’t sacrifice me but you are keeping me here, what is the difference? Tell me!” I yelled at him as I fell to my knees.

“You are not understanding me Amira. You and I know your people, no matter how much influence I have, they will break away and attack us, your presence here will prevent that. I need you here, please” He pleaded again and I stared at him, not believing both my eyes and ears.

Jonathan was right, the Zadok Kingdom were hot blooded people. Being oppressed and wanting something they were used to or would survive under, they would eventually snap and considering how powerful they were, they were bound to attack the Berg Kingdom.

“Have you asked me?” I said slowly and Jonathan met my eyes again as tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Have you asked me if I want to be here?’ i asked him again, “I see that you are making decisions about my life without my permission, you make the decisions and I just have to follow them isn't that right?” I asked, shaking my head annoyed.

“Isn’t that right? You even want to control my life, isn't that your highness?” I asked, shaking my head.

“How did I ever trust you?” I whispered.

“So I’m not here to protect my people anymore, I’m here to restrain them, to keep their heads down. I’m here to make sure your people are safe” I said and I laughed hard.

My heart was clenching and unclenching as I spoke. I couldn’t believe what I had turned to or what I had been turned to. I wasn’t even allowed to live my life for myself. Here I was thinking that I was doing one or two things to make my dream come through with the hope that one day I would go home.

“Allow me to go to the back mountains, to learn medicine, all of that wasn’t because you cared but because you wanted me to stay, you needed to give me a reason to stay” I whispered, my voice breaking at the thought.

“That’s a lie Princess, That’s not true at all” Jonathan defended immediately as he cupped my face in between his palms and made me face him. His eyes were red and he looked tired as I was.

“No my princess, that’s not true at all” he whispered to me, “I did all of that because you wanted, not because I wanted you to stay” he continued.

“How do I even believe whatever comes out of your mouth, your highness?” I asked, staring at him, ‘All you do is lie to me” I whispered, staring at him and Jonathan’s lips parted to speak but he couldn’t say anything.

“I promise you Princess, I will only tell you the truth” he finally spoke, the firmness in his eyes and tone told me that he wasn’t lying but I was too heartbroken to even believe or think anything at all.

“Your promise doesn’t mean anything your highness” I whispered to him and Jonathan stared at him and the next second, he dipped his head and kissed me. His lips captured mine in a heartbeat and I froze, my mind blanking as he pulled me to himself kissing me slowly. He coaxed my lips open and his tongue dove into my mouth, licking every corner and wiping it clean. Our tongues were entwined with each other as we kissed and before I knew what was happening, I was already actively kissing him back but I wasn’t as slow or as gentle as he was, I was kissing him aggressively, with anger.

I kissed him hard, smashing him back but he remained firm on his knees, his arms wrapping around my waist as I half straddled him. My arms went around his neck pulling him even closer as we kissed.

The kiss got hotter and hotter as we both fought for the upper hand kissing each other like our lives depended on it. I gasped so lightly as his teeth grazed my lower lips. Shock of pleasure were sent through me in that single second and he groaned as I pressed on him still kissing him fiercely.

For whatever reason that he wanted me to stay, I didn’t care. I wanted to leave, I didn’t want to be a tool for my people to stay oppressed. I wouldn’t stand for it. I wouldn’t. I would never…

The kiss turned slow and gentle once again as tears streamed down my cheeks. I would neve but I knew the truth, Jonathan wouldn’t allow me to go anywhere, if he was here, I didn’t think I wanted to go anywhere, not yet at least.

We slowly parted from each other, gasping for breath, our breathing mixing together and I stared at Jonathan with hooded eyes, my head slowly resting against his forehead. I

I was a monster.

A monster who betrayed her people for love.

“Amira, look at me” Jonathan said as he used his fingers to raise my chin to face him.

“I promise you, I won’t lie to you. Only the truth” He said firmly and my head dropped to his shoulder as I sobbed. 

The fact that I hadn’t answered was my acquiescence to the whole charade. I would stay, I would sacrifice my people so that his own people could live. I would use myself as the middle man so that his people would be safe, my people would be safe that way too.

But what about me? What would happen to me?

“Amira” Jonathan said slowly as he raised my head from his neck, “Look at me” he said as he grabbed my face and turned me to him.

“You people will be safe, I praise. Your family is safe and everyone is safe, please don’t cry” he said softly and I suddenly hated how much everything was true.

The truth was that Jonathan didn’t hate me, at least, not anymore.

The truth was that he needed me as leverage over my people.

The truth was that my presence at Berg Kingdom would keep his people safe.

The truth was that I was in love with Jonathan.

The truth was that I loved my people.

The truth was that I wanted to protect Jonathan and if I wanted to, I would have to stay.

The truth was that I couldn’t even leave if I wanted to.

So many truths, all coexisting together. I sucked in a breadth as I asked Jonathan, ‘So tell me, will I even leave this place?”