JUSTINI slumped onto the bench, my chest heaving and my lungs burning as I struggled to catch my breath. Sweat dripped down my forehead, stinging my eyes, but I could barely feel it. I wiped it away with a shaky hand, struggling to centre myself. The whistle would blow in five minutes and I would have to go back into the game but as it was I could barely feel myself. It was like I was operating my body from some remote island and I wasn't actually inside it. The different emotions I was sorting through were so confusing and annoying.I could hear Coach's voice booming over the din of the crowd, each word a sharp reprimand slicing through the noise. I was suddenly able to bring his voice into focus and I realised the entire team was gathered in a semi circle around my left side and Coach was shouting down on me from my right."You call that playing, Justin? Where's your head at? You need to get your act together!"My eyes moved to the stands where they found Astrid easily. She was sit
ASTRIDI stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked and looked. Really looked. Every day since I'd returned from prison I looked at myself, trying to see if it really was me. If that innocent and almost care free girl was still there. Every day, I came up negatively.She was long gone. Gone like the blood of my best friend from the hardwood floor it'd been pooled on.That girl had been replaced by this abused husk. This unsmiling and constantly trembling husk.It constantly escaped me why I was the one living in fear. When I was the one who'd been framed. When I was the one who had served time, I had no business serving. I should have been let off the hook by now right?Wrong.It turns out death can't be forgiven at all. I'd thought knowing that I'd been more than punished for my ‘crimes’ would make things easier, but since I returned… I'd been treated worse than a pariah.There were days when I figured that ending things would be far better than living like this.Then I would re
JUSTINI don't know how long I'd been sitting and staring into space…I know I found my way back home and in here immediately the marriage rites were concluded. I couldn't have stayed there one second longer. I was sure of it. If I'd had to look at her pale doe eyed face for one more second, I was sure I wouldn't have been able to help myself from reaching out and grabbing her lithe, thin neck and snapping it in two.I'd shifted and run through the woods to get here. I'd needed the distraction and the feel of the wind in my fur at such high speed. I remember being scared. The kind of fear that startled you and made you tremble. The kind that had anger so potently mixed in, you couldn't tell where one started and the other ended. I'd been scared that I wouldn't be able to stand her presence long enough to torture her. Scared that I would deliver a swift death to the being that deserved the most excruciating end.I blinked, bringing my dazed vision back into focus. I had to find a way t
JUSTINI found myself standing in a room. It’s design was that from two years ago. The space was empty, I didn’t know what this was or why I was here.But then I heard it. That laugh I never thought I’d ever hear again. I walked in the direction the voice came and that was when I saw them.Before me were my most precious girls. Audrey, my mate, was seated on the couch with my sister beside her, chatting away.Seeing them again when I thought I’d never again knocked the wind out of me. I stood frozen, overwhelmed but fucking glad that they were here.This is a dream, isn’t it? It has to be. I thought to myself.Almost as soon as the thought left my mind, they spotted me. Audrey beckoned to me, calling me over to them.“You have been standing for forever, Justin. Get over here. Come sit with us…” Goddess, it was good to hear that voice again.A little laugh on the side I recognized as my sister’s rang in my ears as well.How were they here?Could I just stay here with them and never wake
ASTRIDI lowered myself onto the bottom step in a stairwell that was mostly deserted because classes were still going on. I'd made it to my lecture hall but I couldn't bring myself to enter. My encounter with Justin had left me too shaken and reminded of my station in the pack. I was a traitor. The worst of my kind. And I wouldn't be welcome anywhere as long as I was here.I pulled the hoodie I'd used to cover my head off so I could take a breather. I sighed and buried my face in my hands. I'd been doing so well all morning, no one had noticed or recognised me – until Justin had cornered me – and I'd been getting into the idea that I actually could pull off schooling here without suffering too much. But no. Justin had rid me of that delusion.My life would never improve with Justin as my… husband? Goddess. Was that really what he was to me now? I couldn't even utter it with my mouth.The realisation was like cold water pouring on me. I was married to my best friend’s brother now. My d
JUSTIN“Bro are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?” Jonah persisted as we both made our way to the locker room.He'd been pestering me since we left Astrid, demanding to know what I'd been doing with her. Honestly he was already getting on my nerves. It hurt me and made me hate myself enough that I'd married the evil bitch and couldn't tell my friends, but Jonah who was supposed to be my best friend and beta, refusing to understand when to drop something was making me feel all the more worse and annoyed.We arrived at the locker room and continuing to ignore him, I made my way to my locker and opened it against his face which he'd decided to plant on the other side.“The fuck?” He sputtered, punching my arm and coming to stand on my other side. The corner of my mouth rose in amusement. He'd deserved it anyway.“Fine. I don't care what you were doing with the traitor, why haven't you been picking up or returning my calls the past few days?”I bit down a sigh. I'd completely
JUSTIN“Asta…” I groaned, guilt washing over me.“I'd hoped it was a lie, hoped they hadn't gotten to you too –”“Asta, Asta please, it's not –”“It's not what I think? So I'm dreaming and you aren't really married to her?”“Asta I had to.” I began walking toward my room, sure I didn't want to have this conversation here, the walls had ears and eyes. “You have to believe me when I say I did this for Audrey, I –”“You married her murderer for her ?” Asta screeched. “Justin, have you lost your mind?”“Yes. Yes Asta I have lost my mind. I miss my mate so much it has driven me over the edge.” I settled onto my bed in slow motion.My words seemed to have shut her up and I decided to forge on. Asta would understand. She was one of the few people who actually understood my pain. She'd lost her sister too.“It's keep your friends close but your enemies closer, Asta.” I lowered my voice to a whisper. “The closer she is to me, the harder I know I can hurt her. And I want to hurt her Asta.” I sa
ASTRIDI shivered and trembled as I lay on the cold hardwood floor. Tears flowed freely from my eyes and I couldn't help but whimper in pain. Physical and emotional pain. I curled in on myself and wept and wept. I forgot to be scared of someone finding me lying in the hallway like that. When I'd cried enough for the fear to seep back into my bones, my heart collapsed at the cruel realisation that if anyone found me lying there in the pitiable state I was in, they would feel anything but pity. They might even try to inflict more pain on me.I’d started to pride myself on being strong of heart and logical about feelings since I returned from prison. Justin thought I killed his mate and sister, he believed I was evil, any action he carried out against me should be justified and I shouldn't take it to heart because he was acting on ignorance. I'd been acting on this principle all this time and I'd been impressed with myself for being able to bear all his harsh treatments so far with this