3

JUSTIN

I don't know how long I'd been sitting and staring into space…

I know I found my way back home and in here immediately the marriage rites were concluded. I couldn't have stayed there one second longer. I was sure of it. If I'd had to look at her pale doe eyed face for one more second, I was sure I wouldn't have been able to help myself from reaching out and grabbing her lithe, thin neck and snapping it in two.

I'd shifted and run through the woods to get here. I'd needed the distraction and the feel of the wind in my fur at such high speed. I remember being scared. The kind of fear that startled you and made you tremble. The kind that had anger so potently mixed in, you couldn't tell where one started and the other ended. I'd been scared that I wouldn't be able to stand her presence long enough to torture her. Scared that I would deliver a swift death to the being that deserved the most excruciating end.

I blinked, bringing my dazed vision back into focus. I had to find a way to balance myself. To hate her the way she deserved to be hated and still resist the urge to destroy her at once.

It was a sign of dominance more prevalent in those with alpha blood to be able to resist shifting during a full moon. I'd heard and read people speculate on what it felt like. Did it involve physically restraining oneself? Or was it mental restraint? As one with alpha blood I knew exactly what it felt like. It was neither of the two. It was just like attaining a level of self control. Like a ten year old who could now restrain themself from grabbing a piece of candy off the table just because they wanted it.

Stopping myself from snuffing the life out of Astrid was nothing like that. It hurt physically to have to just stand as I listened to breath enter and leave her body.

I let out a harsh laugh. Just take a look at me. I was now married to the person that killed my blood and my heart. I looked down at the wedding band on my finger. My first instinct had been to crush it to pieces. But I decided to leave it. To let the line of steel brand itself into my flesh and be a constant reminder of what I'd been forced to do. It all felt so… wrong. I was supposed to have been laughing and smiling and snuggling into Audrey's neck. Not sitting in a darkened room feeling like I'd been possessed by a demon which was threatening to swallow me whole from the inside out.

I wondered about a lot of things. Why hadn't she been exiled? Why did my father allow her back in here with the rest of us and worst of all to be married into the leading pack. I could have been asked to marry any other girl of closer noble blood.

I wasn't curious enough to care though. I didn't really feel that emotion anymore: care. I guess it had been buried with Kris and Audrey.

My lips curved into a tight-lipped smile. No. That was wrong. I did care about something. The only thing that could justify this band on my finger: Astrid's suffering. I cared very much about it. So much that I'd made myself god over it. I would decide her pain, her hurt, her ruin.

A familiar short rap sounded at my door and I lifted my head to watch my mother come into the room, followed closely by father. I didn't move, just stared up at them. At the smile on my mother's face that cried the tears that weren't in her eyes, and screamed the anguish that didn't flow from her lips. My chest ached and I swallowed as I put my head back down to salute my father who now stood by my side.

“Justin.” He patted me lightly on my back. “I am proud of you. Of the Alpha you are certain to become. You–” he cleared his throat. “You don't know it now. But you will understand soon.”

I didn't care much for Father's so-called nuggets of wisdom and I just continued staring at the pattern on the floor. He gave me a final pat.

“May the moon goddess visibly guide you on your path.” He murmured then walked out of the room.

I had expected even less from him. He wasn't a man of words.

Mum moved closer and lifted my head. Then she kissed my forehead.

“Try. Try my cub. Try to find happiness somewhere inside you. It feels like it's all pain, I know. But Kris would…” she swallowed as her eyes got a bit misty. “Kris would have had something much better to say in this situation.” She tried to joke.

I couldn't find it anywhere in me to laugh or even smile at the joke. I just cocked my brow at her. The silent message passed between us: If Kris were here, we wouldn't be here.

She gave that terribly sad smile again and then patted my cheek.

“Come on, it's time.”

My brow furrowed in confusion for a second and then I blinked in surprise. I'd been in here for quite a while. It was time for my coronation.

Resigned, I stood up and followed Mother outside.

The people outside weren't very many and weren't few either. The oldest members of the pack, and every adult old enough to know what this meant. At least those were who I thought were there, I didn't really bother looking past the elders. My eyes were drawn to… my bride. She was dressed in all white and had the audacity to look innocent. My rage burned. I clenched my fists to keep myself in check.

The preamble was nothing more than a blur. Next thing I knew, Reece, the youngest of the elders and a woman I'd looked up to as a child, came up to me with a jar. She beckoned for me to lower my head and then she used the mixture in the jar to mark my head and the tips of my ears. Then she bowed her head low,

“Alpha.” She greeted me.

It was like a wind suddenly blew through the arena. Everyone bowed their heads and muttered, “Alpha.”

My chest tightened and I nodded. I looked towards my mother who nodded. Of course my father wasn't here, he had just renounced and he had to go through his own rites. He was now one of my elders.

I cleared my throat.

“Under the moon and with the goddess’ hem on my heels, I take this oath and I swear to be bound to you. In blood and in mind, I will serve and protect. My pack and my bride. Whom I will stand by, come sun, come moon and with whom I will lead this pack to greater heights.”

Whom I will destroy, piece by horrible piece until she is unrecognisable in soul and in body and my true bride truly avenged.

I stared straight into Astrid's eyes as I vowed this to myself. She looked like she heard me because it was almost like my glare made her wither.

She disappeared after that. All through the solemn reception I didn't see her once. Better for her, better for me.

I decided I couldn't take being here anymore. I hadn't noticed until there weren't very many people around to offer ‘condolence-y congratulations’ but I was drowning. In despair.

I made my way to my room and took off the damn ceremonial clothing. Then with my jaw clenched so hard I could have lost teeth, I slowly took off the wedding band. I stared at it for a heated moment and then I stalked angrily into the bathroom and tossed it into the back of my medicine cabinet. I hurried out, my steps robotic as I struggled to keep my emotions in check.

“Justin?” Mother called as I stepped onto the porch. She'd been hiding in the shadows so I'd almost not noticed her. “Where are you–?”

“Out.” I spat through gritted teeth and then continued my journey to my vehicle.

My eyes are seeing red as I key the ignition and drive out like a mad man. I can barely see the road but my brain is in tune to my destination and in no time I arrive.

I fell to my knees at their tombstones, my entire being collapsing into anguished tears for the second time in seven days.

“I'm sorry... I'm sorry...” My nails scraped against the concrete as I wept over Audrey's grave with reckless abandon.

“I know I shouldn't have. I don't want to.” I moved to Kris' grave. “Sis you always said to keep your enemies closer. I know you were joking. But that's what I'm doing now. I want to make her pay. I want her to feel you and Audrey's pain. I want her to feel the hurt I live with everyday. I want to destroy her from the inside out! And I swear! I swear by both your deaths I will make her pay.”

I stayed until it was completely dark. And until I could see clearly and my heart didn't feel like it would explode through my chest. Then, exhausted, I made my way back home, ready to just fall into bed and sleep forever.

I push my door open and… her scent. I became on high alert again, the anger that had forgotten me in the last hour returning in full force.

I stared at her sitting on the floor, her eyes widened as she scrambled farther into the room. I counted to ten so I could get myself under control and then I stalked toward her and grabbed her off the floor.

“What are you doing in my room?”

“I– I–”

“You do realise that this is my personal space right? You might have wormed your way into this home but you sure as hell will have no place in here!”

“Your mum locked me in here!” She blurted in a pleading voice.

All I could see was a whining bitch.

But I could see my mother doing that.

Snarling, I pushed her forward toward the balcony. I didn't have to deal with her right now. I would have this talk with Mother in the morning.

I pulled the sliding door open and pushed her out into the cold air. She couldn't say she didn't deserve it. Then I shit the door and locked it. Her gasp was like the seal of approval I needed. I felt better knowing she would spend the night in utter discomfort. My smile was more like a leer as I looked at her through the glass. Then I pulled the curtain closed on her shocked and pained expression, ready to have a good night's rest.