8

ASTRID

I shivered and trembled as I lay on the cold hardwood floor. Tears flowed freely from my eyes and I couldn't help but whimper in pain. Physical and emotional pain. I curled in on myself and wept and wept. I forgot to be scared of someone finding me lying in the hallway like that. When I'd cried enough for the fear to seep back into my bones, my heart collapsed at the cruel realisation that if anyone found me lying there in the pitiable state I was in, they would feel anything but pity. They might even try to inflict more pain on me.

I’d started to pride myself on being strong of heart and logical about feelings since I returned from prison. Justin thought I killed his mate and sister, he believed I was evil, any action he carried out against me should be justified and I shouldn't take it to heart because he was acting on ignorance. I'd been acting on this principle all this time and I'd been impressed with myself for being able to bear all his harsh treatments so far with this ideology in mind.

But this… this was the stroke that literally broke the wolf’s back. I couldn't not feel hurt. How? How could someone be so mean? In what way could I have possibly offended the moon goddess for her to have placed me in a position for my mate to treat me like this?

My body racked with moe sobs and I just couldn't find the strength to stand up. This was too much. This was just too much. Kris' face flashed before my eyes. Kris asking me to promise to always be there for her family because in that way I would be there for her. I cried out in pain.

How could you ask this of me Kris?

My body shook with emotion. I was going to be here forever. Until I avenged her. I would have to endure everything they put me through. "I can't go for long Kris. I'm barely hanging on."

I was way past the pain that was in my hands, arms, legs, and the pain that was around my neck and I ached for the fact that I couldn't run and save myself. At this point I didn't think I had it in me anymore to stay and uncover the truth to everyone… but I had to. And the realisation hurt more than anything I'd ever felt. The realisation that I would most definitely go through even worse pain than this and I would still have to stay. It hurt worse than going to prison for two years for a crime I didn't commit. It hurt, and it hurt some more.

I wasn't know how long it took me but I eventually found the strength to begin crawling. My hands and knees stung where I was wounded by the glass shards of the table I'd fallen into but I knew I had to leave the hallway. I crawled to the guest room I'd been given which wasn't too far from Justin's room – for which I was grateful – and I collapsed against the door as I closed it behind me. I sat and just stared off into space, feeling the stinging of the bruises and cuts all over my body in full force now. I couldn't find any more tears in me to cry. So I just stared and thought.

If I hadn't stopped to eavesdrop I would probably still be whole and uninjured. It was my fault in that sense.

But then there was the issue of someone outside of those who were supposed to, knowing about I and Justin's marriage. There was nobody for me to tell. Why didn't he understand that? Who did he think I really was?

It was most definitely the person he'd been talking so comfortably with that had told him. Which sprang the curiosity in my mind again of who the person was. But I made it die at that. It was none of my business and I'd indirectly suffered enough at the hands of the person.

I forced myself into the bathroom to clean myself up. My clothing was a mess and I decided I never wanted to see them again as a reminder of those horrid minutes of torture so I just put them in a corner of the bathroom. I pulled pieces of glass out of several places in my skin, tears welling up in my eyes at several points as I recalled how he'd kicked my elbow, or how he'd dragged me through the rubble of glass shards.

"I really hate it here, Kris." I mumbled in tears.

While I cleaned myself up, it occurred to me that things might improve for me if Justin didn't see me so often. My room was not far from his and the chances of us running into each other and my getting hurt was greatly increased with that. I sighed as my thought process arrived at the point where I knew that there was no way anyone here would be accommodating enough to give me a new room just because I was uncomfortable with being hurt.

But I had to find a way to stay out of his way. I couldn't continue to endure this.

A light bulb immediately sprang on my head. The basement.

I suddenly remembered it from I and Kris' adventures all over the house and our occasional underground sleepovers. In truth I was as familiar with this house as I was with mine. I knew there were some camp beds down there and it wouldn't be difficult for me to just set up a little corner for myself in there.

I didn't waste any time packing up a few clothes, dressing up and going down there. I figured I'd just test the theory out for a few days and based on how well it worked I would decide whether or not I would be staying in the basement permanently.

I wrinkled my nose as I stepped into the basement. A veil of dust and spiderwebs greeted me and I was momentarily surprised. I'd forgotten my wounds for a moment and in my scrambling to get away from some spiderwebs, I bumped into various items which made the cuts start bleeding again. My eyes stung and tears welled up in them as I continued to basically dance around the room to avoid the webs. And I kept bumping into things along the way.

As I arrived at the other end of the room where…

I couldn't hold it in any longer, I burst into tears and collapsed onto the floor.

In the two years since Kris' death, no one had been in this basement. The mini sleepover set up that was usually always clean and pretty at the edge of the room was dilapidated and barely recognisable. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I knelt beside it, gripping the camp bed tightly as for the third time that day, my body was given over to violent sobbing. At one point I thought I caught a whiff of her scent and it almost broke me.

I did my best to pull myself together and I began to clean up the area. I didn't know how I would clean the entire basement itself but I didn't let myself think about that at that moment.

I picked up the string of lights we usually used when we had the sleepovers and I couldn't help the thousands of memories that flooded me. Kris and I, lying inside our fort made of duvets, staring up at the lights which were stuck to the top. Talking about the other girls in our grade, talking about our test scores, talking about guys… My chest clenched at that. I remembered the day I'd finally confessed that I had feelings for Justin. I'd been so surprised that she'd been in support of it. It was like she'd known he was my mate even when I hadn't known then. I remembered how she comforted me everytime he dismissed me and made me feel like he'd never have my time.

It dawned on me then that Justin's hatred of me probably didn't start after he thought I'd killed Kris and Audrey. He'd always been slightly mean to me growing up. Usually yelling at me at the slightest provocation. We'd just thought it was because Kris and I were like younger sister pests to him but now I wondered, what if it was so easy for him to disbelieve me when I'd told him I was innocent and for him to treat me so animalistically because he'd always had a hard spot for me in his heart.

I couldn't help but smile sadly as I shut my eyes and shook my head. It wasn't exactly like I'd done it deliberately but at that moment I felt like such a fool for letting myself fall for my best friend's older brother. I mean I now knew he was my mate but it didn't exactly matter. If I hadn't fallen for him, it might make this pain all the more easier to bear.

I didn't know when or how I slept off but I was startled awake by a rustling sound near the door and, thinking that someone had found me and was here to inflict harm on me in some way, I sprang up immediately, my body trembling.

But it was just a rat. "No one is here to kill me yet. Just a rat."

I collapsed back onto the floor in relief and miscalculating the distance between the bed I wanted to lean against and a couple of boxes, I crashed into the boxes. Groaning, I immediately got to my feet and bent to rearrange the boxes. I didn't remember them being here back then so I decided to take a closer look at the spilled contents.

My heart froze.

It took me a moment to recover and I stiffly picked up the items and stared at them like they were strange artifacts. They were Kris's belongings.

I swallowed as I continued to inspect them and bask in the feeling of being closer to her even if for a moment. I felt a lump rise in my throat but I forced it back down. I'd done enough crying for the day.

I picked up a picture. It was actually a string of pictures connected together. My chest twisted as I recalled the day we'd DIYed the strings and connected the pictures. But I couldn't help but smile as I looked through the pictures. I missed her so much and it hurt so much but we'd had good times. I came across a good number of the pictures that Audrey photobombed and my blood ran cold as I stared hard at the girl who had ruined my life. The hate nearly overwhelmed me and I really wished I could get a chance to kill her for a second time. I swore again at that moment to find my evidence and show everyone what she really was, whether or not I died in the process.

My jaw hardened and I tucked the pictures back into the box roughly then I picked up the next item. I realised it was Kris's diary. I had been the kind of best friend that let her have her own secrets. I knew basically everything about her and I didn't mind that she had a diary where she documented both the parts of her life that I knew and the little I didn't.

It occurred to me at that moment that some clues to the proof I needed could be in here.

I pursed my lips as I struggled within myself. Weirdly enough, a part of me still wanted to preserve Kris’s privacy and not go through the diary. But I needed answers. Kris had always been smarter. She'd most likely observed or discovered things I hadn't noticed.

I swallowed and slowly opened the diary’s last page.

“What are you doing here?”

I jerked, surprised. Immediately, I chucked the diary into a corner, not wanting to be caught with it and turned to face the familiar voice.

Luna Eloise.

“I–”

“There's nothing for you to steal here Astrid.” her voice spat with such venom, I knew I was in for it.