5

ASTRID

I lowered myself onto the bottom step in a stairwell that was mostly deserted because classes were still going on. I'd made it to my lecture hall but I couldn't bring myself to enter. My encounter with Justin had left me too shaken and reminded of my station in the pack. I was a traitor. The worst of my kind. And I wouldn't be welcome anywhere as long as I was here.

I pulled the hoodie I'd used to cover my head off so I could take a breather. I sighed and buried my face in my hands. I'd been doing so well all morning, no one had noticed or recognised me – until Justin had cornered me – and I'd been getting into the idea that I actually could pull off schooling here without suffering too much. But no. Justin had rid me of that delusion.

My life would never improve with Justin as my… husband? Goddess. Was that really what he was to me now? I couldn't even utter it with my mouth.

The realisation was like cold water pouring on me. I was married to my best friend’s brother now. My dead best friend. I had to remind myself of that part because it was the only reason I was still here. The only reason I'd agreed to being a pariah, to being an emotional punching bag for Justin. I couldn't leave the pack without finding justice for myself and Kris. As much as I wanted to.

She'd been more than my best friend. She was my sister. If I ran away and tried to start over somewhere it wouldn't change the fact that the wrong person was being held accountable for her death, it wouldn't change the fact that Audrey was still seen as a hero or a victim – the exact opposite of what she truly was. The injustice would be like an open wound, one that I couldn't just allow to fester without a solution.

Justin leaving me out in the cold last night had lit sort of warning light in my head. All this time I'd thought that whatever he did, he had every right to and I could take it, if I were in his shoes afterall I'd do the same. In a weird twisted way, I'd been okay with being his emotional punching bag. But last night made me realise firsthand just how bad things could get. I mean, it wasn't the first time he'd been cruel— when was he not? But this was by far the most.

I’d stood in the cold, the chill seeping into my bones, as I concluded that I needed to avoid him. It was the smartest thing to do— for my sanity and preservation at least. What could I possibly gain from constantly putting myself in his space, hoping he would see the truth? He wouldn't. I needed concrete proof first. And I needed to be alive to produce it. If by some chance or accident on his part he killed me, it would have all been for nothing. So I'd sucked it up and decided to stay as out of his path as I could from then on. But it seemed I'd failed. He'd sought me out himself and now he'd made me take my ring off. I sucked in a deep breath, my body shuddering as I remembered how his eyes were cold and devoid of any emotion other than pure hatred, as he demanded I take off the ring.

"Get it together, Astrid..." Sometimes I would hear Kris' voice in my head, encouraging and edging me on.

Relief and hurt warred within me. But the hurt far superseded any relief I was capable of feeling. I wanted to do anything that would make him leave me alone as much as possible, but he was still my mate. I ached for him. I wanted him to see me the way I saw him… but I couldn't. Or I didn't know if I could. 

But how could he still not know ny now? With Audrey gone, shouldn't the spell she cast on his have broken by now? How could he not feel the pull as strongly as I did, if not more? Have I truly lost him for good?

"You're nothing to me." he’d spat, disgust marring his features each time I'd try to get close to him.

I swear it cut deep. His words, the hateful emotions behind it, his treatment of me, everything.

I took a deep breath and shook my head, to get rid of the thoughts. I couldn't focus on the now. I had to focus on what I could get the future to be. I stood up, deciding to go to the library to at least get some reading done. I'd barely gotten up before I realised I was in trouble. I'd made the horrible mistake of not pulling my hoodie back over my head and below me at the bottom of the last flight of stairs, five girls stood, frozen, as they all immediately recognised me. They were all members of Audrey's cheerleading squad. How could I not know them? Audrey's constant attempts to pull Kris into her clique was noticed the most by me, her best friend.

I swallowed and stepped forward, breaking the standoff that had gone on few seconds too long in my opinion.

Camille, their leader, sneered, "If it isn't the little murderer. And where do you think you're going?”

“Hi guys.” I murmured, foolishly attempting to move past them. Camille pushed me back roughly. It had been a vain attempt, but it was worth trying. I guess.

“Look, she's deaf now too.” Another one spat.

Here we go again.

I sighed— more jabs, nothing new there. “Just let me go, Camille. I've got class.”

I tried to move past again but they all chimed in this time, pushing me back so hard that I fell over, scraping my knee and my side.

“You can't possibly be off in such a hurry, we just wanted to say hi. You know, see how you were holding up? After all, it's not every day a killer gets away with murder.” Camille sang sweetly and her minions laughed with her. But I didn't get away with it. I went to prison for a crime I didn't commit.

I clutched my side and prayed to the goddess for help. I didn't know what could possibly be on their minds but obviously it couldn't be anything remotely good.

“What do you say we show her just how murderers deserve to be treated, girls?”

Oh no..

“Camille,” I began frantically, “I might be a murderer but I'm still your Beta’s daughter. If you–”

A hard slap crossed my face immediately and my head jerked back. I blinked in shock as I stared up into Camille's face.

“Fucking bitch!” she snarled. “Take her!” She gestured to her minions.

The next thing I knew, I was being dragged into a bathroom, their fingers digging painfully into my arms and around my mouth to prevent me from screaming. A lump formed in my throat and I tried hard to struggle against their grip but I was overpowered. I was pushed into a stall, crowded by their presence, and fear immediately surged through me. Their snarling faces and sharp nails dug into me, forcing my head down the toilet bowl. I struggled against them, tears clouding my eyes as the disgusting water in the filthy bowl loomed nearer in my vision.

Suddenly, and to my utter shock, my usually silent wolf took over.

It was so unexpected, but there was no time to be surprised— I pushed them all off me with a roar, tossing two of the girls into the wall like they were ragdolls. I snarled and growled at the rest of them, daring them to touch me. Camille's eyes were round with fear as she whimpered, curled in a corner. It was obvious in her eyes that she was seeing the real murderer. The person who had murdered one of her best friends, the person who truly deserved every treatment she got. It hurt me to the marrow and I howled, pained. But there was nothing I could do. Once again an act of self defence would be misinterpreted as me being a rabid menace, a threat to the members of my pack.

I felt all my energy leave me. My so called strength had only lasted seconds and the effort left me exerted, my limbs shaky with exhaustion. It all just served as a painful reminder to me how my wolf was not as strong as it was supposed to be, despite my being a Beta's daughter.

I fled before they could realise how weak I'd gotten and hid in an empty classroom, my breath coming in ragged gasps.

This wasn’t high school, but it sure felt like it. Who the hell gets bullied in college? Not that I was bullied in high school either— but I guess then I hadn't been accused of murder.

When I was sure the girls wouldn't find me, I finally let myself relax. I sat, tears quietly streaming down my face. Only Kris had really known my secret.

Only she truly knew how wrong something was with my wolf; every time it took over, I grew very weak. And it's strength – vicious as it was when it appeared, never lasted more than a few minutes. Kris and I had been searching for some kind of remedy. Anything that could help, really— we'd pored over every boring ancient text we could find and everything else in between, but so far, our efforts had been in vain, and now she's… dead.

There was one time, before all of this obviously, when Audrey had overheard a conversation I'd been having with Kris about my secret. Ever since, she'd been persistent, very insistent on finding out more. Worming her way into whatever relationship I had with anyone, especially Kris.

I sighed as my tears flowed more freely as I also remember Kris finally succumbing and telling her what she'd been dying to know. The flashback struck a painful chord within me and I remembered my anger. I remember how it'd taken time to forgive Kris— I’d eventually did, but I never for once trusted Audrey. The snake's interest in my… condition had always seemed too intense, too probing, but I suppose she'd seemed like she could help, which was the most likely reason Kris had given in. To help me. Three heads are better than two, or some shit like that. But it had felt like a betrayal.

Despite Kris's insistence that Audrey could be trusted, I knew better. There was something off about her. And I was right.

Consumed by a mixture of grief and rage, I left the classroom and headed home. School was already over. I almost couldn't believe I'd spent the entire day rehashing the past.

I was on my way to my room when I passed by Justin's room – the room we were supposed to share. And that's when I heard it. He was on the phone, and I could overhear him speaking… sweetly? And not so subtly in a way he'd reserved only for Audrey. Well, before the bitch decided to die by my hands and ruin my life.

His tone was soft, almost tender, and it made my stomach churn with a mixture of incredulity, anger and something close to… jealousy?

I stood there for a second longer, hand hovering over the door handle before I decided against it and pressed my ear to the door instead. My mind was racing with possibilities.

Who was Justin speaking to? Curiosity got the better of me and I was almost prepared to go to any lengths to get answers. Just then,

“Eavesdropping now are we, Astrid?”

It was my mother-in-law. No, she wasn't my mother-in-law in that moment, not with that sharp and authoritative voice, cutting through the haze of my thoughts and causing me to stiffen. In that moment she was the Luna of the Nightfang pack, ready to do anything to defend her territory.