Pause for a while

 Chapter 04

Stella

I woke up, feeling giddy. What happened? Seconds later, I began to realize that I am at the Hospital. Rhea is sleeping beside me, she’s wearing a green jacket, the one that I gave to her on her 18th birthday.  I was supposed to wake her up when I noticed a familiar figure sleeping also at the couch. Then, I remember! I fainted the moment I received a text, saying that my mom was too close on ending her life.

As I sat on my bed, Rhea’s boyfriend slowly opened his eyes too, our gaze met.

“Oh, you’re awake. Are you fine?” he instantly got a hold on his hair, maybe to fix it so that he’ll look presentable.

I touched my hair too, God! Do I look like a mother of fifty children now? “Um, I feel fine. Thank you.” I smiled widely. After that, he walked towards me, wait… Is he going to feel my forehead too? But I told him I’m fine?

“Love, she’s awake. Wake up.” Ah, it’s not for me. He gradually tapped Rhea’s back. Moment later, she opened her eyes. She looked at me in a fast pace.

“Thank God, you’re fine! Are you feeling better?” I signaled an okay sign.

“Love, did you buy foods? I already instructed you, she’s maybe tired and hungry.” said her. Tristan just touched her face.

“Yes, I know. I already bought some. You need to eat also, you look pale.”

“How’s my mom? I just can’t keep my control at that time. I am sorry, I passed out.” I let out a long sigh. 

“I already checked her out, she needs an extra assistance. She shows no sign of improvement these past few days. But don’t worry, her physician told me that they’re doing their best. Just keep in touch, she’ll be fine.” she assured me.

“How about the payment? You can use my account, I still have some digits in there.  I persuaded her yet she just frowned. “It’s fine, my mom paid for it. In this month and for the next six months you’ll not be charge. So, just rest. You need the ener- hey! Don’t cry, hey!” she stretched out her hands, pulling me for a hug. “Shh, that’s fine. Don’t cry.”

I continuously cried my heart out. I am truly blessed for having a friend like her, she’s like a sister to me. Well, we aren’t connected by blood but the strings attached to us cannot be abandoned no matter how hard the situation is, and if ever…things will be difficult for the both of us, or might be the only option is to play apart, I know to myself that she isn’t the type to let me go that easy.

“What if, I’ll hurt you in the near future, will you be able to forgive me?” I asked her once.

“You will not hurt me, I’m sure of that.” I shook my head. “You’re not answering my question! I am asking if you are willing to forgive me?” she glared at me.

“You idiot, of course I’ll forgive you. What kind of question is that?”

“What if… it is unforgivable?”

“You’re literally out of your mind. I can and will always forgive you, I know you have your reason on doing that.” her expression is clear this time, she’s serious.

“What if that reason will destroy you?” I continued. “Are you on drugs? You’re not making any sense here Stella Louise Ocampo.” She mentioned my whole name!

“That’s unfair, you always mention my name whenever you’re out of words!”

“Life is fair.” she insisted. “It is not!” I exclaimed.

“Life is fair because it is unfair to everybody.”

Here we go again, to her philosophy in life. I am still wondering why she took medicine course when see can obviously be a counselor or a teacher, she’s full of wisdom! 

"Life is fair, it is fair for everyone, it is the mentality of people that makes it unfair.” she explained.

“How can you remain positive at all times, don’t you doubt yourself?” I pulled some strokes of her hair.  “See the sky!” she pointed out the clear skies above.

“What about it?” I sounded so curious. “It was clear right? It was full of bright vibes!” I’m out of words, what is she trying to imply? “That’s life for me, it was surrounded by positive energy!”

“Tsk, after some hours' darkness will color it out.” I made a pout. “And that’s fine, after 12 hours, the sun will still shine!”

What? She turned her gaze at me and played with my cheeks, “That’s the things we cannot control Stella, only the deity can. But as I’ve said, after the long wait, the sun will still rise up meaning, we are still alive. Instead of questioning why life is unfair, why you have many scars and such, why don’t you try to appreciate life a little easier? After all, we are all humans, we’ll be born, and we’ll die as well.” she paused.

“Therefore, as long as you’re alive, live with your life and chase for your own happiness, that’s the best thing you can do so far.”  I told you, she’s full of positivity in life. It’s not she doesn’t have struggles, but at the end of the day she still finds the courage to move forward. She’d already experience a heart break, the sudden lost of her father like me, a failing grade and everything, but she’s the person who’ll definitely look at the brighter side of the wall. And keep saying that…

“You’re fine, you’ll going to be fine.”

“I’ll go, you don’t need to accompany me. Rhea I am just going to the bathroom and for God’s sake I am not blind nor deaf!” she’s hardheaded, she keeps insisting that what if I lost control again? “I’ll be back in a few minutes!” I declared.

Before she knew, I walked towards the door already, as I closed it. I heard some noise from them… “She’ll be fine, you also need the energy love. Let’s eat while waiting for her.” said Tristan. By that, I heard the sounds of opening a plastic.

“What do you think going to Del Valle Love? Finals are already done. That would be fine, right?” as I slowly opened the door, I heard they are talking about having a vacation.  “Oh, you’re already here. I am thinking what will be the best trip now, city of Del Valle what do you think?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“I will not go, given the situation? I cannot.” I said truthfully. “Don’t worry about the travel expenses and such, I’ll take in charge.”

Even still, I need to take good care of my mom.

“I am sorry, you both can go. I’ll stay here.”

Then I slowly walk towards my bed, I fixed it a little, get the apple that is on the table and sat afterwards. “Please?” she pleaded. I sighed, how about my mom?

“My mom, Rhea.” I responded. “I promise, I’ll contact someone to pay a really good, as in superb attention to her, please?” But what i—“Please?” her eyes is close to chuchu’s expression, she’s using the puppy eyes this time.

A silence plays among us three, in the end I choose to agree. “Fine, as long as my mom is safe.” I told her, she nodded in response. “Don’t worry, let’s visit her before we go. Alright, let me discharge first.” I reminded her.

“You sure you can handle it alone? I’m here, let’s go together.” she suggested. “I can do this, she’s my mom. She won’t harm me, regardless of her situation right now.” I smiled.

“Alright, just take your time, we’ll be waiting her okay?”

“Yes, thank you, Rhea.” I sincerely thank her.

I walked towards the entrance, the bodyguard made an inspection to me. After that, I slowly let myself enter the center. Nurses and some patients are wandering around, maybe to get some air or what. I turned my gaze to the paper I was holding, fifth floor, room 502.

Without further ado, I let myself stepped in the elevator and instantly pressed the fifth floor. I made a deep breath as I break into the door, the neurotic feeling begins to develop throughout my whole system, what if she freaks out? What if, she can’t remember me anymore? What if… There’s so many what ifs going through on my mind, I cannot count them all at one. The sounds I made as I opened the door made it so clear, the person beside her smiled at me. I saw her name plate,

“Elisha.” I mumbled. “I bet you’re her daughter?” I made a continuous nod. “She’s talking about you more often.”

The eagerness of the tears in my eyes wants to drop. “R-really?” I stuttered a little.  “Yep, she’s telling me that her daughter is very beautiful and smart.”

There, my vision went blurry, the next thing I knew I am already crying.

“I’ll just leave you two, just ring this one once you feel something that is not appropriate.

She pointed out the red button that is attached at the table near the bed. I’ll be watching you, don’t worry.” she then turned her back against me.  My mom is sleeping, her face is too angelic. How I wish that this is just a nightmare for her and once she woke up, she’ll probably back to her normal routine.

“Mom, do you hear me?”  I hold her hands, it was soft. “I am sorry, I didn’t know. You told me before that I really need to learn how to cook. I have no other tutor here, only you.”

My face is really wet by the tears rushing into it.

“Your… your r-roses, they aren’t fresh now. I do not know how to take care of them, they need you.” I whispered on her ears, yet she didn’t even move an inch. “Please… Mom, I cannot do this without you, you know that you’re my number one source in everything that I do right? Let’s do this together hmm?”

I was expecting an answer but I only heard her deep, long breath. Maybe this isn’t the right time, I’ll come back here once she regained her consciousness. I was supposed to open the door so that I can leave when I heard a sudden noise coming from her. \

“Stella, my baby… D-don’t leave me… p-please.”

She was inhaling deeply as if catching for her breath. I will not mom, I’ll never do that to you, I love you so much and I will stay by your side, bear that in mind.