CHAPTER: 5

Ano nanaman kaya ang kailangan ni papa this time? Without any further due, nag ayos na ako ng sarili ko since baka may investors na kasama niya at tumungo na agad sa office niya. Quite weird but every step that I take while going closer at the door made my body tremble and I don't know what's the cause of it, hindi naman ako ganito eh pero bakit? May masama kaya na nangyari kay papa? Does it have to be about our company or maybe does it have to do with me.

It doesn't matter, wala naman akong masama na ginawa at baka may sasabihin lang sa'kin.

Pagka bukas ko ng pinto I spotted my dad talking to 2 gentlemen in his office. Mukha silang mag ama since magkamukha sila but I might be wrong, kinda bit strange but the younger one looked so familiar to me kaso hindi ko nga lang alam kung saan ko siya nakita or nakasama. I have a feeling that we both met before but I can't really recall.

"Hi everyone." I said and I caught their attention immediately.

I approach them with a big smile while my dad was introducing me to them. Tama nga ang hinala ko na mag ama nga silang dalawa since magka mukha nga and I can't deny for the very first time again in my life, ngayon lang ako ulit na aattract sa isang lalaki. He is good looking, his features were outstanding and he had an expensive taste based on his suite that he was wearing.

But then I noticed the way he stares at me like I was the only girl in this room and his eyes were mesmerizing. Is it just me and my delusional thoughts or maybe this guy had fallen for me already.

"Maiiwan na muna namin kayo okay?" My dad said at umalis naman silang dalawa ng kumpare niya while I was stuck here with him.

I was really so curious kung saan ko nga ba siya nakikita or nakasama since ang tagal ko na ring nag iignore ng mga lalaki dahil sa trauma na binigay ng ex ko sa'kin. I think deeply and drown myself back in my memory and that's when I recall na naging crush ko siya before nung grade school and high shool. Tinanong ko naman siya agad kung sa faith school din ba siya nag aaral dati and he said yes.

Well atleast ngayon alam ko na kung saan. Back then I don't know what 'crush' means, bata pa'ko nun mga 9 or maybe even 10 years old before ko malaman yung crush crush na 'yan.

Flashback

I was grade 4 when that crush thing started and it was recess time, magkakatabi lang yung room ng grade 4 and 6 and all of the sudden 2 gentlemen came in my way, they looked kind and familiar since madalas ko na rin silang nakikita sa hallway or kapag may events sa school.

"Kilala mo si Ryfer?" The other guy asked.

I was so confused who ryfer was since hindi naman ako masyadong friendly sa campus and hindi rin ako masyadong lumalabas ng campus. Napailing na lamang ako at medyo dinistansya ang sarili ko sakanila since hindi ko naman sila kilala.

"Halika papakilala namin siya sa'yo." sumunod naman ako sakanila even though I know to myself that I couldn't trust them.

When we got down, I saw a cute boy wearing goffy girly sunglasses right at the top of his head, he has moreno skin, pointed nose and  cute smile. He stoppedright in front of me and stared at me for a sec.

"Siya 'yan oh." The guy at me pointed at him and he left.

Maybe because he was embarrassed about it but I find it really cute and that's when I started to feel weird inside my stomach and I can't describe how my heart felt deep inside me and yet I stayed quiet about what I felt outside.

"Mukhang bakla naman." I said and they both loked at me.

"Gentleman 'yon ano ka ba." Sabi naman ng isa sa'kin.

Well since kaibigan nila 'yon talagang pag tatakpan nila 'yon diba? Moving on, bumalik na'ko sa classroom namin para naman bumalik na rin sa klase and to stay focused on acads. I was just a kid and being a kid you're learning new things, learning how to do new things and so on, but one thing's for sure is that I have this weird feeling towards that mukhang bakla and it keep on developing.

It was vacant and wala kaming teacher sa classroom kaya nakikipag daldalan na muna ako sa mga kaklase ko, mostly we talked about our crushes and since wala pa naman sa utak ko yung mga ganun ay nag go on the flow nalang ako sakanila.

"Ikaw Shantella? Wala ka bang crush?" Bumaling ang tanong sa'kin.

All of my classmates became quiet and were waiting for an answer, nakakahiya naman kung hindi ko sila sasagutin right?

"Yung umamin sa'kin na grade 6? Yah crush ko siya." Gulat nalang ako dahil bigla silang nag hiyawan at para bang mga hayop sila na nakawala sa hawla.

Kilala din kasi nila 'yon and since medyo maliit yung school ay mabilis nalang kumalat ang chismis so wala naman akong magagawa.

"Gumawa ka kaya ng letter sakanya tapos sabihin mo dun is crush mo siya." Aya naman ng isa kong kaklase.

"Oo nga dali!" Para masakyan ko sila sa trip nila kahit nag aalangan ako ay tinaggap ko ang ballepen at papel na binibigay nila sa'kin at sinulatan ko.

"Lagyan mo ng pirma para mag mukha namang galing talaga sa'yo." At sinunod ko rin naman.

Since yung kaklase ko ay may kuya din na kaklase nung ryfer na 'yon ay doon nila ibinigay, nahihiya ako sa ginagawa ko pero anong magagawa ko? Binigay na nila doon eh. Ang sabi saamin ng kuya ng kaklase ko ay tinago lang daw ni ryfer sa bag niya 'yon, hindi siya sumulat pabalikat buti naman kasi baka naman mamaya ano isipin niya eh. My feelings for him grew even more and the more it grew the louder I became.

Hindi ko na rin maiwasan na umiwas ng tingin whenever nagkaka salubong kaming dalawa, madalas ko ngang napapansin na nanjan lang siya sa tabi-tabi at tinitignan ako. I wonder what runs in his mind while looking at me, does he think i'm pretty? Or maybe does he think i'm too small or maybe out of his league? And maybe other things that runs in his mind but as for me, I admire his talent and his skills.

Matalino din kasi siya and lagi kong napapansin na he was the top of their class like always, I don't understand how did I not notice him before at ngayon lang. Nakalipas ang ilang mga araw at hindi na ako napakali at tinanong ko ang isa sa mga kaklase niya.

Practice naming lahat sa school nun since christian school siya, lahat kaming mga gusto mag paticipate at nakitaan ng potential sa sayaw ay isinasali nila and I am one of those at pati na rin si ryfer. It was our water break when one of his classmate walked past the hallway that I was walking, I stopped her ofcourse and gave her a smile.

"Hi ate can I ask you something? May crush ba sa'kin si Ryfer ba 'yon?" I directly asked her.

"Oo pero dati pa daw 'yon sabi niya." Sagot niya sa'kin and she smiled.

"Ah okay, thank you po." I left and I felt regret?

Maybe because ngayon na crush ko siya is hindi niya na ako crush and maybe i'm too late to confess? Well I just let things slide and forgot about everything in an instant, bata pa naman ako and I can meet more guys more than he is right? Wrong.

As years passed by lalo lang lumalala pagka crush ko sakanya and not just that I became slightly kinda obsessed with the idea of us being together.

We chatted before but that was just casual talk lang about life and how is he, kahit nga na pursigido ako mag chat sakanya he looked like he isn't interested talking to me so binaliwala ko nalang din. Years passed and I started entertaining other men, medyo nakalimutan ko siya but there is still a tiny part of me that still remembers him.

End of flashback

Kahit nung naging kami pa ni ken, siya pa rin naman naiisip ko pero lagi kong iniisip pakiramdam ni ken na baka masaktan siya sa ginagawa ko but deserve niya naman 'yon since cheater siya. Ni isang beses never akong nag tangkang mag cheat sakanyaand still I wasn't enough for him.

Bumalik naman sila papa and they looked like they needed to tell us something and once my father spit out everything I blew my anger and dahil hindi ko kayang huminga ay lumabas na muna ako. I wanted to be alone at mag isip, they wouldn't understand the fact that I just can't marry that man.

Sa lahat ng pwede nilang ibigay sa'kin yung pinaka kinatatakutan ko pa ang napunta saakin.

Marriage. Easy to say hard to be in that position.

Hindi ganun kadaling maikasal ng ganun ganun nalang lalo na at baka mamaya maling tao pa ang nagdala sa'yo sa altar. Marami na rin kasi akong nakikita na after marriage ay nag hihiwalay din, it's just so scary pero arranged naman yung sa'min diba? What could possibly go wrong with that right? 2 years lang naman yung contract and after that we can oth say goodbye to each other.

But could I really say goodbye?

....._......