Wala akong ibang makakausap dahil ayuko namang umiyak sa harap ni mama dahil alam ko na kapag sinabi ko lahat ay masisira yung image niya sa'min.
I was still waiting for him to come clean to me pero wala, there are no messages from him at all. Hindi niya alam kung gaano kasakit yung ginawa niya at sana makarma siyang hayop siya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at nag bike ako at umalis ng bahay. I felt like tearing apart into pieces habang nag mamaneho pero hindi, kailangan kong may masabihan at iyakan ng lahat ng nangyayari. I went at Glea's house since siya lang din yung kalapit ko and she was one of my best friend too, kaso pagka dating ko doon ay wala pa daw si Glea so bumalik na lamang ako. Pagka balik ko nadaanan ko si Glea at doon na ako umiyak. "Gleaa.." my tears started falling down and voice cracked. "Hala anong nangyari?? Bakit shanty? Wag kang ganyan, naiiyak din ako." imbes na icomfort naman ako ng babae na 'to sabay pa kaming umiyak. Kwinento ko sakanya lahat ng nangyari habang nag lalakad kami paalis sa bahay nila and to look a place to chill. Nang makahanap na kami, we both settled down and talked. "Kaya naman pala kung ano-ano nalang yung nirerepost mo sa tiktok, meron na pala kayong lamat." sambit niya naman sa'kin. "Actually yes, nung una pinalagpas ko kasi nakiusap siya sa'kin and birthday niya kinabukasan so ganun." although dapat naman talaga iiwan ko na siya naawa lang ako at mahal ko pa rin kasi. "Pero if babawiin niya 'yon ngayon, babalik kapa ba?" tanong naman sa'kin ni glea. Babalik pa ba ako? Tatanggap pa rin ako? Pag bibigyan ko pa rin ba? Ang daming tanong sa utak ko na hindi ko masagot. Pagod na pagod na rin ako sa mga ginagawa niya at sa lhat ng pang aabuso sa ginagawa niya. Feeling ko naman talaga minamanipulate niya nalang ako ngayon, pinapaniwala niya ako sa mga walang kwentang bagay na wala namang connect sa buhay niya. Lagi nga niyang sinasabi na ayaw niya akong makita na mapupunta ako sa iba pero siya mismo sa sarili niya ang pumupunta sa iba. Paano naman ako? Mag se-settle pa ba ako sa less? Puro sakit, overthink, away nalang din kami lagi dahil kapag sinasabi ko nararamdaman ko tinatablahan niya pa. Pero deep inside kahit naiisip ko na ayuko na gusto ko pa rin ipag patuloy dahil sakanya ko naranasan lahat ng first time ko sa lalaki, sakanya ako naging masaya kahit papaano, siya lang nakakaintindi sa'kin kapag may nagiging problema ako. Pero hindi pa rin. "I'll give him 3 days, kapag wala then it's over. Sinanay niya rin naman na ako na wala siya eh maybe it will be easy, I guess." Totoo naman yung sinabi ko na sinasanay jiya na ako na wala siya sa buhay ko, it's like he's there but he's not. Pero naiisip ko rin na kahit gaano ko kamahal yung tao if that is not still enough to make him stay and be contented with me then it's time for me to leave. Me and glea chatted more about life and how was she going through her own with her man too. Nakakainggit nga na minamahal na siya ng totoo and I was so proud and happy for her, it's just that why can't the world be fair to me too? Bakit parang sila lang yung pwedeng sumaya at hindi ako? Why do I keep on attracting wrong men in my life when I just wanted to be loved the way I love? After ng chit-chat namin pinauwi ko na rin siya, she also had things to do kaya I won't keep her that long. Dumiretso na rin ako ng uwi and fixed myself up, feeling ko kapag bumabalik ako dito sa bahay parang naka kulong yung nararamdaman ko. Hindi ako mapalagay masyado but this will do since it's night time na and I needed myself to be safe. I still hoped that he would message me back pero wala, wala man lang ni isang notification na galing sakanya and that made me realize that he was able to be ignore me. The old him wouldn't want us to be like that, the old him wouldn't do that. Too bad he wasn't that man anymore. Actually simula palang naman talaga hindi na talaga maganda pakiki tungo niya sa'kin eh, ngayon ko lang narealize na naabuso ako sa mga ginagawa niya before. Tulad nalang ng pag pupumilit niya na isama ko siya kapag naliligo ako kesyo gusto daw niya makita k*tawan ko, nacucurios daw siya about sa'kin and so on. Wala pa kaming isang buwan na nag uusap ganun na agad tingin niya sa'kin, pinag nan*saan niya ako sa paraan na napipilit niya ako dahil kesyo magkakaroon daw ng sakit kapag hindi daw nakakapag release. I can't believe na nag pauto din ako sa isang manipulator na cheater, paunti-unti akong nagigising sa katotohanan habang tumatagal ng tumatagal ang pagka tulala ko. —Kinabukasan— Nagising ako ng maaga para makapag ready sa performance namin, para hindi na rin hassle if ever na ma la-late ako. Hindi pa rin ako mapakali hanggang ngayon at lagi akong tingin ng tingin sa phone ko if ever man na mag me-message siya kasi gusto ko malaman yung side niya. Pero wala ni isa, nag hihintay ako sa wala at ginagawa niya pa akong tanga. I acted fine in front of my family dahil alam ko once I spill something is magiging masama na si ked sa paningin nila and ayuko ng ganun eh. Hanggat wala akong explanation, sige mag hihintay ako. Nag paalam na ako kela mama at papa para makaalis na ako at baka ma late pa'ko sa gagawin naming film, nag cha-chat na rin sa'kin si cam sa'kin kung nasaan na ba ako kaya lalarga na ako. Pagka dating ko doon sa park ay bumungad naman agad saakin si cam, mukhang kanina pa niya akong hinihintay doon. "Ate ko ang tagal mo naman, kanina pa sila nag hihintay." bungad niya agad sa'kin. "Na saan naba sila para makapag start na tayo." sambit ko naman. "Halikana." hinila nalang ako ni cam papasok sa park at agad naman kaming pumunta doon kung nasaan yung mga ka group mates namin. Nag usap usap pa naman sila sa mga kailangan na gawin kaya hindi na muna kami nakisali at umalis na muna kami ni cam at naupo sa may gilid. "Parang matamlay ka ata?" napansin ata ni cam na kanina pa akong tulala. "Wala na kami." sagot ko agad at nagulat naman siya. "Ha? Bakit parang kahapon okay pa kayo? Anong nangyari??" nag alala agad si cam at naupo sa tabi ko. Kwinento ko kung ano yung nangyari at kung ano yung magiging desisyon ko if ever man na babalik siya ngayon. Wag sana niya hintayin na sumang-ayon ang isip ko sa puso ko dahil kapag nangyari 'yon wala na siyang babalikan na katulad ko. "Grabe, ang ganda ganda mo na at lahat lahat pero pinag palit ka pa rin." sambit naman ni cam. "Wala naman akkng magagawa kung cheater talaga siya eh diba? Wala eh, pinapakita ni Lord sa'kin yung mga signs pero hindi ako nakikinig. Ang tigas ng ulo ko masyado." sagot ko. "Lahat naman tayo dumadaan sa ganyan, anong gagawin mo if ever man na mag message siya na babalik siya sa'yo?" Ayon din yung tanong na hindi ko pa masasagot dahil hanggang ngayon andoon pa rin yung pag mamahal na hindi maalis- alis. Na sana kung maibabalik ko yung panahon, sana hindi ko nalang siya nakilala at hindi ko naibigay lahat ng pag mamahal ko. Nakakainis, bakit niya nagawa 'yon when he knew from the start na takot na takot ako na maloko. My phone pop a notification, hindi ko sana papansinin kasi baka gc 'yon eh but then I couldn't resist the urge na baka siya nga 'yon and when I opened it, siya nga 'yon. [Hey, sorry for all the things I've caused you, pero just so you know hindi cheating yung ginawa ko. Kumausap lang ako ng iba at magulo na utak ko hindi ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar, mag fofocus na muna ako sa motor at pag aaral ko tulad nalang ng dati. Salamat sa lahat ng pag mamahal na binigay mo, hopefully when we cross paths again, may things work again, padayon my future flight attendant] He finally messaged but this time it was a goodbye message. ....._......I expected na babawiin niya yung salita niya pero bumitaw siya, he let me go that easily. Sa lahat ng pinag samahan namin, pag iintindi ko sakanya, still I wasn't enough for him to stay. What's wrong? What did that woman have that I haven't? Why would he choose a one day woman from me? Bakit? Bakit niya nagawa 'yon sa'kin? Up until now from the very first time in my life I questioned my worth that I have if I was really worthy enough to keep but now? Parang hindi na importante 'yon sakanya. Pinabasa ko kay cam yung sinend niyang long message and based on her reaction, she was disappointed from the fact that she wasn't also expecting na ganun yung mang yayari. As much as I wanted to handle my tears and to stay stable, hindi ko kinaya at umiyak ako at napa higa nalang ang ulo ko sa balikat ni cam. "Hindi ako maka relate since hindi ko pa nararanasan 'yan but kaya mo 'yan girl, iiyak mo lang and ilabas mo lahat ng sama ng loob mo." she comforted me in her own way and I felt a little
-3 years later-Years had passed and since then my life became more peaceful, fulfilling and happier now that I've thrown away every single trash that has been bothering my life. I am finally graduating from college with a cum laude on my diploma! After all the hardships, tears, sleepless nights I am going to be free and taking a new step forward in my life. Ilang years na rin ang nakalipas pero hindi pab rin maalis yung trauma na binigay ng ex ko na 'yon, ang daming lumalapit sa'kin and they looked all serious naman pero it's ashamed that I am not ready enough to commit. Lalo na at mah trust issues na ako at mas lumalala ito. I can't help it rin naman and I blame everything on him since hindi naman ako magkaka ganito if hindi niyako niloko in the first place. Moving on, even though naman na sobrang unbothered ko na sakanya. Ked still hasn't given up begging for me to comeback. Kaso wala na eh, ayuko na rin talaga and when I said it's over, everything is over. I just hope he wasn't
Ano nanaman kaya ang kailangan ni papa this time? Without any further due, nag ayos na ako ng sarili ko since baka may investors na kasama niya at tumungo na agad sa office niya. Quite weird but every step that I take while going closer at the door made my body tremble and I don't know what's the cause of it, hindi naman ako ganito eh pero bakit? May masama kaya na nangyari kay papa? Does it have to be about our company or maybe does it have to do with me.It doesn't matter, wala naman akong masama na ginawa at baka may sasabihin lang sa'kin.Pagka bukas ko ng pinto I spotted my dad talking to 2 gentlemen in his office. Mukha silang mag ama since magkamukha sila but I might be wrong, kinda bit strange but the younger one looked so familiar to me kaso hindi ko nga lang alam kung saan ko siya nakita or nakasama. I have a feeling that we both met before but I can't really recall."Hi everyone." I said and I caught their attention immediately.I approach them with a big smile while my dad
It felt weird but I can feel someone's presence behind me and mukhang sinundan ata ako ng lalaki na 'yon, how could he know? "Leave me be." "Andito ako para makipag usap sa'yo about sa deal and I won't go away until you talk to me." Napaka tapang niya naman pala para sumagot sa'kin ng ganun."Why? Bakit parang pursigido ka pa na ikasal tayo? Is it because of the wealth that you wanted to offer? Or baka may gusto kang makuha sa'kin." I don't care if below the belt na mga pinagsasabi ko or I was straight forward, gusto ko lang malaman kung bakit gusto niya akong pakasalan ng ganun ganun nalang. "Look gusto ko lang naman tulungan si papa atsaka it will be a good chance din naman for the both of us, tayong dalawa din naman yung mag be-benifit nun eh and don't worry hindi naman kita pipilitin sa mga bagay na ayaw mo." He remained calm while explaining things to me. Pero ayuko makasal at ayukong pumunta ng altar na hindiko mahal yung pakakasalan ko. Lumapit siya sa'kin at tumayo sa har
Ilang days na yng nakalilipas pero hindi pa rin mawawala yung mga tanong sa isip ko, they were all busy with the wedding planning and all of them were really excited. Nag announce na sila sa public na ikakasal na kaming dalawa and everyone was shocked and yet happy at the same time. I keep wondering and wondering wht marriage life would look like and I really need to ease my mind from all of those questions."Cam are you busy? Kailangan ko lumabas and I needed someone to talk to." "Nag book ako ng spa appointment so tamang tama lag yung aya mo, let's talk about it." Sagot niya nama sa'kin. I love how thoughtful my best friend was and we've been together na talaga ever since and this is just what I needed. Nag pa drive nalang ako since I was too lazy to drive and once I arrived there, sinalubong agad ako ni cam and we both went at the sauna and relaxed ourselves with a cup of tea. "So you're getting married na girl!" She sounded so excited for me. "Yeah and it's weird but I felt a
I can't help but to be curious with what was going on and how did everything happened all of the sudden but there's one thing I am sure about and that is I am marrying that woman either she likes it or not. ........................Kapag ba nag mamahal ka ulit and willing ka na buksan muli ang puso mo, makakaya mo kaya ito? Kaya ko kaya 'yon? Sobrang daling sabihin na pwede at oo pero sobrang hirap din lalo na at may napag daanan kana sa maling tao. Nagpaka t*nga ako noon, nagpa-loko, ginawang alipin at lahat lahat na. Wala eh, wala naman akong magagawa dahil mahal ko pero dati pa naman 'yon. Nakakapag taka dahil matapos kang ipag tabuyan na para bang wala kayong pinagsamahan ay babalik sa'yo at mang hihingi pa ng pagkakataon pero ikaw, nakausad kana. Wala ng babalikan at hinding-hindi na muling babalik pa. Matapos din akong lokohin ng dati kong girlfriend ay hindi na ako umulit at hindi na'ko nag mahal pa
I was a woman filled with purity and love within me, when I love, I love hard and strong but when I am done it is over from everything that we've been through. It doesn't matter to me if we've been together for years or decades, once I receive disrespect and dishonesty it will be over for me and everything that we build. I just can't believe that I settled for someone so low that I didn't realize that I've been manipulated and hurt...... ...........................Kakauwi ko lang galing school and grabe yung pagod since kakatapos lang namin mag perform ng folk dance and gustong gusto ko na magpahinga kaso kailangan pa namin umattend sa isa pa naming sinasalihan na contest since pang pataas naman din 'yon ng grades. "Pagod na ako, asan na ba sila at bakit parang wala naman din tayong gagawin dito." nag rereklamo na ako sa gilid dahil kaming dalawa ni camiell ay naiinitan na. Camiell or cam for short is a good friend of mine since nung nag start ang pasukan and we've through a lo
Ilang days na yng nakalilipas pero hindi pa rin mawawala yung mga tanong sa isip ko, they were all busy with the wedding planning and all of them were really excited. Nag announce na sila sa public na ikakasal na kaming dalawa and everyone was shocked and yet happy at the same time. I keep wondering and wondering wht marriage life would look like and I really need to ease my mind from all of those questions."Cam are you busy? Kailangan ko lumabas and I needed someone to talk to." "Nag book ako ng spa appointment so tamang tama lag yung aya mo, let's talk about it." Sagot niya nama sa'kin. I love how thoughtful my best friend was and we've been together na talaga ever since and this is just what I needed. Nag pa drive nalang ako since I was too lazy to drive and once I arrived there, sinalubong agad ako ni cam and we both went at the sauna and relaxed ourselves with a cup of tea. "So you're getting married na girl!" She sounded so excited for me. "Yeah and it's weird but I felt a
It felt weird but I can feel someone's presence behind me and mukhang sinundan ata ako ng lalaki na 'yon, how could he know? "Leave me be." "Andito ako para makipag usap sa'yo about sa deal and I won't go away until you talk to me." Napaka tapang niya naman pala para sumagot sa'kin ng ganun."Why? Bakit parang pursigido ka pa na ikasal tayo? Is it because of the wealth that you wanted to offer? Or baka may gusto kang makuha sa'kin." I don't care if below the belt na mga pinagsasabi ko or I was straight forward, gusto ko lang malaman kung bakit gusto niya akong pakasalan ng ganun ganun nalang. "Look gusto ko lang naman tulungan si papa atsaka it will be a good chance din naman for the both of us, tayong dalawa din naman yung mag be-benifit nun eh and don't worry hindi naman kita pipilitin sa mga bagay na ayaw mo." He remained calm while explaining things to me. Pero ayuko makasal at ayukong pumunta ng altar na hindiko mahal yung pakakasalan ko. Lumapit siya sa'kin at tumayo sa har
Ano nanaman kaya ang kailangan ni papa this time? Without any further due, nag ayos na ako ng sarili ko since baka may investors na kasama niya at tumungo na agad sa office niya. Quite weird but every step that I take while going closer at the door made my body tremble and I don't know what's the cause of it, hindi naman ako ganito eh pero bakit? May masama kaya na nangyari kay papa? Does it have to be about our company or maybe does it have to do with me.It doesn't matter, wala naman akong masama na ginawa at baka may sasabihin lang sa'kin.Pagka bukas ko ng pinto I spotted my dad talking to 2 gentlemen in his office. Mukha silang mag ama since magkamukha sila but I might be wrong, kinda bit strange but the younger one looked so familiar to me kaso hindi ko nga lang alam kung saan ko siya nakita or nakasama. I have a feeling that we both met before but I can't really recall."Hi everyone." I said and I caught their attention immediately.I approach them with a big smile while my dad
-3 years later-Years had passed and since then my life became more peaceful, fulfilling and happier now that I've thrown away every single trash that has been bothering my life. I am finally graduating from college with a cum laude on my diploma! After all the hardships, tears, sleepless nights I am going to be free and taking a new step forward in my life. Ilang years na rin ang nakalipas pero hindi pab rin maalis yung trauma na binigay ng ex ko na 'yon, ang daming lumalapit sa'kin and they looked all serious naman pero it's ashamed that I am not ready enough to commit. Lalo na at mah trust issues na ako at mas lumalala ito. I can't help it rin naman and I blame everything on him since hindi naman ako magkaka ganito if hindi niyako niloko in the first place. Moving on, even though naman na sobrang unbothered ko na sakanya. Ked still hasn't given up begging for me to comeback. Kaso wala na eh, ayuko na rin talaga and when I said it's over, everything is over. I just hope he wasn't
I expected na babawiin niya yung salita niya pero bumitaw siya, he let me go that easily. Sa lahat ng pinag samahan namin, pag iintindi ko sakanya, still I wasn't enough for him to stay. What's wrong? What did that woman have that I haven't? Why would he choose a one day woman from me? Bakit? Bakit niya nagawa 'yon sa'kin? Up until now from the very first time in my life I questioned my worth that I have if I was really worthy enough to keep but now? Parang hindi na importante 'yon sakanya. Pinabasa ko kay cam yung sinend niyang long message and based on her reaction, she was disappointed from the fact that she wasn't also expecting na ganun yung mang yayari. As much as I wanted to handle my tears and to stay stable, hindi ko kinaya at umiyak ako at napa higa nalang ang ulo ko sa balikat ni cam. "Hindi ako maka relate since hindi ko pa nararanasan 'yan but kaya mo 'yan girl, iiyak mo lang and ilabas mo lahat ng sama ng loob mo." she comforted me in her own way and I felt a little
Wala akong ibang makakausap dahil ayuko namang umiyak sa harap ni mama dahil alam ko na kapag sinabi ko lahat ay masisira yung image niya sa'min. I was still waiting for him to come clean to me pero wala, there are no messages from him at all. Hindi niya alam kung gaano kasakit yung ginawa niya at sana makarma siyang hayop siya. Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at nag bike ako at umalis ng bahay. I felt like tearing apart into pieces habang nag mamaneho pero hindi, kailangan kong may masabihan at iyakan ng lahat ng nangyayari. I went at Glea's house since siya lang din yung kalapit ko and she was one of my best friend too, kaso pagka dating ko doon ay wala pa daw si Glea so bumalik na lamang ako. Pagka balik ko nadaanan ko si Glea at doon na ako umiyak. "Gleaa.." my tears started falling down and voice cracked. "Hala anong nangyari?? Bakit shanty? Wag kang ganyan, naiiyak din ako." imbes na icomfort naman ako ng babae na 'to sabay pa kaming umiyak. Kwinento ko sakanya lahat
I was a woman filled with purity and love within me, when I love, I love hard and strong but when I am done it is over from everything that we've been through. It doesn't matter to me if we've been together for years or decades, once I receive disrespect and dishonesty it will be over for me and everything that we build. I just can't believe that I settled for someone so low that I didn't realize that I've been manipulated and hurt...... ...........................Kakauwi ko lang galing school and grabe yung pagod since kakatapos lang namin mag perform ng folk dance and gustong gusto ko na magpahinga kaso kailangan pa namin umattend sa isa pa naming sinasalihan na contest since pang pataas naman din 'yon ng grades. "Pagod na ako, asan na ba sila at bakit parang wala naman din tayong gagawin dito." nag rereklamo na ako sa gilid dahil kaming dalawa ni camiell ay naiinitan na. Camiell or cam for short is a good friend of mine since nung nag start ang pasukan and we've through a lo
I can't help but to be curious with what was going on and how did everything happened all of the sudden but there's one thing I am sure about and that is I am marrying that woman either she likes it or not. ........................Kapag ba nag mamahal ka ulit and willing ka na buksan muli ang puso mo, makakaya mo kaya ito? Kaya ko kaya 'yon? Sobrang daling sabihin na pwede at oo pero sobrang hirap din lalo na at may napag daanan kana sa maling tao. Nagpaka t*nga ako noon, nagpa-loko, ginawang alipin at lahat lahat na. Wala eh, wala naman akong magagawa dahil mahal ko pero dati pa naman 'yon. Nakakapag taka dahil matapos kang ipag tabuyan na para bang wala kayong pinagsamahan ay babalik sa'yo at mang hihingi pa ng pagkakataon pero ikaw, nakausad kana. Wala ng babalikan at hinding-hindi na muling babalik pa. Matapos din akong lokohin ng dati kong girlfriend ay hindi na ako umulit at hindi na'ko nag mahal pa