LET ME GO, ELIAS

LUCAS

I stayed in the empty classroom like a sad puppy, well I was heartbroken than sad, especially after I saw a post about him....Elias

Damnit!, it's still fresh in my memory, and I can't freaking get it out no matter how hard I tried.

I saw it...I actually saw it earlier today, it was a post, more like a secret picture taken, and...and...and it was about him, the one I like: Elias, with that bastard Eliot. (God, I hate my fucking life already)

In the picture, they...they were kissing, and I swear I would have swore it was edited or something, but...but someone even had a video of the kiss with an hashtag "Spicy" on it, cause Elias hands were above his head as they kissed, and honestly?, honestly at this very point I don't know what to think anymore, cause am tired, fed up, and I can't get the fucking truth out of my head, the fucking truth that he was literally going to get back with that bastard, because he hated me more than he did to him, or did he even hate him anymore after that kiss?

I don't know anymore, but I just want to get him out of my head, cause he didn't return back to the room last night, and I bet he was with him, that fucking fool, he might have even did stuff together with him, and ahhhh!

I don't really want to think about it, about what they might have did with each other. Damnit!, I just really really want to get him, that no good heartless Elias out of my head, so I got up to get some alcohol, that I would take back to the class, cause why not? alcohol was the best friend to a broken heart, but when I returned back, I wasn't alone anymore, I had company.....and it was her....

The same girl that bumped into me the first day I arrived at this shitty university, and the same girl that I had exchanged numbers with, but never for once called, and I kinda felt so guilty now, so I wanted to leave, cause I didn't wanted any girl drama from her, but she rushed up to me, and stopped me halfway like a flash.

"Stay with me"

She beamed happily, and before I knew it, she took one of the alcohol in my hand, and made me sit down next to her.

Why she did that, and why she still wanted to associate herself with me, I had no freaking clue, but I kinda was glad a little that I wasn't alone now, but...but at the same time, it didn't stop me from speaking my mind out, cause I hated confusions

"Why?"

I said, and looked at her in the eyes unsure if I should continue or not, but her bright eyes somehow calmed me down and it made me part my lips again

"Why are you still trying to be my friend, despite I being a complete douchebag"

I said it all at once, and completed my sentence, but surprisingly it made her laugh out

"Well am glad you know you are a douchebag, but am not a bad toxic person, so tell me what's wrong, hmm?"

She placed the strands of her yellow hair at the back of her right ear, and looked at me in the eyes with a wide smile on her face, and her gesture told me that it was either she was genuinely interested in the shit I was facing, or she was just bored, and wanted someone to talk to.

All this kinda made my tongue tied up, so I become dumb, and didn't say anything, and after some minutes of just staring at me, she sighed out

"Well, then can you just tell me how your presentation is going on?"

She brought that damn topic up, and it kinda pissed me off why it was this stupid presentation she knew she would say, that reminded me of that dickhead, but I don't show my frustration out, cause it wasn't still her fault though for trying to start a conversation with a mess like me

"Uh...I...I...mean..."

I tried to speak, to talk freely with her, but I blew it, cause I had so much in my mind, and when I mean so much, I mean I couldn't stop thinking about that damn kiss, and just wanted some alcohol already, so that I would become drunk, and forget it at last

"I mean...isn't it stressful to work with a guy like Elias?"

I heard her voice again, and it made me look at her, cause I didn't know exactly where she was heading to with her words, and I guess she kinda notice my look, so she spoke out again

"What I mean is that, isn't it hard to work with him, cause doesn't he hate you?"

She asked again, and I felt like just putting my bottle of beer in her mouth, and shutting her up, cause I hated hearing that he hated me even though it was the awful damn truth

"He doesn't hate me!"

I yelled out at her....it wasn't intentional though, it just that I lost control, and couldn't stop myself, and I kinda immediately regretted it after I did

"Do...do you like him?"

She dropped the banger, and asked me with a unreadable expression on her face, and it made my eyes widen, cause...cause...

"Me?, No!, why should I?, I mean it is wrong and stupid isn't it?"

I stammered out, asked too many questions even, as I looked at her right in the eyes, and hoped and prayed she would buy my lie, but I guess only a dummy would, immediately I heard her speak

"It's okay, I understand"

She sighed out, and whispered out to me, but it sounded as if she was sad, and it seriously made me confused, cause I don't know the reason why, but before I could ask, she immediately brighten up to stop me, and it kinda made me more confused, but my problems that were bigger, ate me ip, and made me care less about it

"I just don't know how to feel about him anymore"

I blurted out, it was a sincere confession, cause I guess I wanted to at least open my heart up to her, rather than keep bottling it up, and killing myself

"I mean I just feel so confused...and...and I don't know what to do, cause today is the last day"

I whispered out to her, I knew I wasn't been direct at all, about telling her that today was the last day of the week, and I might have to leave him, but I said it anyway, and I should have knew that she would misunderstand me

"No one is forcing you to come out if you are not ready"

I heard her speak, she said after some minutes of silence, and gave me a little smile, but I knew she misunderstood me, and thought I was having difficulty accepting I was gay, and coming out, when that wasn't even the case here

"It's just..."

I try to let her understand my plight

"It's just?..."

She arched one of her eyebrows up, and repeated after me, and it kinda made me swallow everything back in, cause I didn't know if she would think I was a dummy, if I told her about the fucking deal I made with Elias

"Forget it!"

I mumbled out, and looked away from her and tried to think of how to change the topic, before she forces the truth out of me, and thankfully, my eyes immediately diverted to the alcohol bottle that was on the table

"Since you are here, why don't we drink!"

I look back at her, and gave her a little smile

"You can see it as a sorry for not calling you"

I added to my words, and smiled wider, even though she looked at me first blankly, before finally smiling back at me

"Okay, I would drink with you"

She said and it sounded like some kind of acceptance to a proposal, and it made my smile grow wider like a complete idiot

"Let's drink our sorrow away, even though we might get punished if we get caught"

She mumbled out, but it was loud enough for me to hear, and it made me laugh out, she joined me to laugh too, and helped me open the alcohol bottle, but she was like a pro

"Cheers to a dramatic life"

She yelled out, and it made a little grin appear on my face as I immediately clicked out bottles....That wasn't so bad....

I thought to myself as we spent the rest of the day going on about endless rubbish, but it was fun, and yes, she was kinda like the first girl that I actually felt comfortable talking with, and it was all nice, and peaceful, until....until....that night....that one night.....

.....

I returned back to the room a little bit tipsy, cause we got more beers and drank like a hundred of them before we called it a day, and honestly, honestly I expected it to be the same quiet room like I had been alone the previous night, cause he was out doing god knows fucking what with that fucking bastard, but this time, this time I knew life had a different whole story, cause immediately I flicked the door nob open, locked it shut and turned around, I saw...him.

He was staring at the dark sky through the balcony, but immediately he heard the door lick, he turned around, and walked up to me, but what I had on my head was what the fucking was he doing here, even though he was meant to think and say that to me the next morning, before finally kicking me out, cause the deal was over, but I didn't fucking care if he kicks me out, cause he was nothing but a heartless punk, that a sucker like me foolishly fell for

Damnit!, I hate you Elias!

I whispered out inwardly to myself, cause I remembered about that damn post again, and it made me so angry, that...that I actually turned around to leave the room for him, cause I couldn't bare seeing his face, cause it fucking reminds me of that damn post, but immediately I turned around to disappear from his sight, like he probably always ever wanted, he stops...me

No, that was a lie...

Immediately I turned around to leave, he rushed to me, and hugged my back, and...and it made...and it made something in my heart heal that I thought was shattered

"Do...don't...go"

I heard his voice, he said it, but...but I don't want to believe it, and thought to myself if I was still drunk. Fuck, I don't want to be the one hallucinating it, so I immediately took his hands off my waist, turned around, and looked at his face with my eyes widen up, but all he had on his face was redness...

Was...was he shy?, and...and embarrassed about what he said?...

I thought to myself, but immediately slapped the thought out of my head

Lucas, you idiot!, you are thinking too far, and you are freaking hearing things!

I tell myself, and backed away from him a few steps, cause I don't know what was happening, and didn't wanted to do anything to him either now that he said all this, cause...cause maybe I was still drunk, and misunderstanding everything, but immediately I backed away, he bridges the distance again, and walked closer

"Eli...Elias?"

I parted my lips, to try to ask him what was literally happening right now, but the words stammered out of my lips, and scattered the words I was trying to say, cause my head was confused and blank, so blank that I didn't even know how to think anymore, and he...he...he made it worst, he made my fucking head more blank

"I...I.."

I heard his voice, and...and it made me look into his eyes surprised again, cause...cause a cold guy like him was actually capable of stammering out?, what?...But no matter how red his face was, he didn't stop talking

"I know...I know you saw the fucking post..."

He said and brought that shitty topic up, when I was just trying to forget about it, and it made me angry, so freaking angry

"Yeah, and I hoped you like the kiss..."

I whispered out, and looked away from him.

Yes, I know I do have no right to be jealous , cause we weren't a thing or anything, but...but I couldn't stop myself, cause what I hated, I hated, and couldn't tolerate it, or this fucking conversation anymore, so I turned around again to just get the fuck out of here, but before I could even take any shitty step, he grabs my right hand tightly, and pulled me hard to the wall

Was he literally trying to kiss me the way he kissed that damn shit, huh!!!!

"What the freaking heck!"

I yelled out angrily as I tried to free myself from him, but...but he rested both of his hands on the wall, and used it to block my way

"You have every right to be fucking angry with me, I deserve it!"

He yelled back at me, and looked at me right in the eyes, but...but...but in a way...in a way that told me, he regretted rejecting me....

He looked at me in a way that told me, he actually missed me, but NO!, HELL NO!, DON'T BE A STUPID IDIOT AND FALL FOR THIS AGAIN, AND DON'T LET HIM FUCKNG GET YOUR HOPES UP, ONLY TO CRUSH IT AGAIN, NO!, FIGHT BACK!

My mind told me, so I tried to free myself again, and harder than ever before, but indeed I was nothing but a dumpling, a fragile, pathetic dumpling, so no matter how I tried to let him move away from me, he didn't let go, and when I was tired of trying, and he knew I was weak, he moved yet again closer to me, and....and fu...fucking made us...made us...inches...inches apart

What? WHAT!!!...WHAT THE HECK WAS LITERALLY HAPPENING!!!

My mind screamed out to me as I tried to immediately look away, but he used two of his cold fingers to hold unto my chin, to prevent me from doing that

"Don't...."

He spoke, I heard him, but am I really sure I heard him right?, am I really sure if was literally telling me not to look away?...

Millions of thoughts raced in my poor head, and made my heart explode, but I hated it, I hated it so much, I hated fucking confusions, I hated feeling this way, cause I don't want to be hurt again, God it would kill me the second time, it would really kill my heart

"Then...then why?"

I lose it, yelled out and burst into tears, and it made him startled, but I don't freaking care if I was suppose to be his friend first before love anymore, I don't freaking care anymore

"You push me away when you feel like it, and makes my hopes go up when you feel like it too. WHY!!!"

I cried louder, but didn't stop talking even though my tears blurred my gaze, and made it difficult for me to see him

"Please tell me why?, give me an answer, why are you messing with me?, huh?"

I yelled out again, even though I was crying, and my voice had crack, cause I was angry, so angry at him, and fed up with every single shit, I was fed up with falling in love with him, when I got confusions and daggers in a platter as my reward

"Lu...Lucas..."

He stammered and whispered out my name, but I don't stop, I don't want to fucking stop talking, but give him a piece, no, I want to give him all of my burning heart out today right now, and right here

"Tell me, why did you fucking kiss him..."

I yelled out at him, and hit his chest with my shaking hands as I cried louder, but the strangest thing was that he didn't stop me, he didn't slap my face for hitting his chest, but yelled back at me

"I didn't!"

He yelled out back at me, but why on earth would I believe him now....No!

"Ugh, don't fucking lie to me!"

I cried louder like a baby who was lost, but I didn't care, cause it hurts, it hurts so fucking much.

"I know you want to get back with him, so just say it, tell me face to face, so that my heart ca know already, and stop already....Tell me face to face, so that I would be able to quit already"

I was pathetic, I know, but I cried louder, harder than never before when I said it and hit his chest harder, cause it was the truth, the painful truth.

Yes, I do know I might have not being making any sense at all, but I didn't care in the slightest what was sensible, and what was not anymore. God I was far done with caring

"LET ME GO, ELIAS!"

I yelled out at him, and pushed him harder, but he doesn't move, he doesn't fucking back away, and it made me more angrier

"I said fucking let me go!"

I yelled out, and pushed him harder, and it was at this point, he finally staggered away from me, but I didn't care I had pushed him too hard, and hurt him, cause he didn't see me as anything but a emotionless rag doll he could play with, and I was so sick of it!

"I would give you the peace you want, Elias"

I wipe my tears away from my eyes, and whispered out to him, the same cold way he always kills me with

"What...what do you mean?"

He yelled out at me, he was angry, boiling even at my words, but I didn't fucking want to care, so I continued to speak

"What I mean Mr. Elias, is that I would give myself an head start, and leave your room this night, cause the deal is off"

I said to him all at once, even though I knew I had no where else to go, but it was better, far better than staying here. It was a foolish thing to say, I knew, but it was far better than having to see his face any longer, and keep shattering my poor heart, so I walked away from him, and started to pack all my clothes I could gather

"No!"

He yelled out, and tried to stop me, but I push him away, packed them all, and headed to the door to leave as I continue to silently cry, but before I could flick the door nob, he appears in front of me, and blocks the way

"You are not going anywhere"

He commanded, and it made me more angrier, but he didn't freaking stop speaking

"Am not going to let you leave me"

I heard his voice again, he said it, and looked at me in my shaking eyes, his eyes was shaking too, and was...was...teary?, but...but I don't want to deceived, and I don't want to fucking think about anything either

"Out of my way or else, I would push you again"

I sniffed out, wiped the tears that had gathered up in my eyes, and told him, but he refused, and blocked the door with his two hands the more

"No!"

His voice broke, but he said it out either way as a teardrop left his eyes. I don't understand him, and could have pushed him away, but seeing him fucking tear up, teared me up too, and I become stupid again, and asked...

"Why?, why don't you want me to leave, huh?"

I shouted out at him as I cried louder, cause I was breaking down so much that my tears blurred my vision again, so I didn't know the exact time he moved closer to me, until...he...until he crashed his lips on mine

"Eli..."

The tears fell off, and my eyes widen as I tried to speak, but...but...but that was all I could say, that was all my body could let me say, nothing more

The bags packed with my cloth fell down to the floor, cause my hands shook, and let them go, my whole body was shaking too, and my heart?, my heart was racing as if I was hanging on a lifeline...

"Because I need you, and I can't let you go, because I...am...am in love with you!"

He said it immediately he broke the kiss, and looked into my eyes with a sad smile on his face, but he was relieved, as if he had been hiding this for a very long time

Eh? Eh!!!, he loved me!!

"You...love?, you love....you love me...?"

I stammered and trembled, and fumbled on my words, cause it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all, to confess at last his feelings to me this way, cause...cause my heart couldn't be able to handle it, but I guess...I guess that was what he wanted, so that he could have his way with me

That little...dic...

He didn't let me finish my thought, he crashed his lips into mine again, but this time more rougher than before, and before...before I knew it, he lifted me up into his arms, and took me to the bed...his bed

"Hmm..."

He made a sound, this sound as he dropped me on the bed, but didn't stop kissing me, and tried to take my shirt off, but...but I blew it, and immediately broke the kiss..

"Wait, what...what are you going to do with me"

I stammered out, and looked at him in the eyes, but immediately he heard me, he curved his lips into a sly grin, that made me blush hard. Yes I was blushing hard now, the same guy who was crying his eyes out minutes ago

Was this a dream?, I don't even know, but I wish it doesn't ever ends...

"Am going to show you just how much I love you"

He whispered out to me, and kissed me hard before I could reply or think, and finally took my top off swiftly, as if he had fantasied doing that...maybe he had...

Gosh I don't know anymore...