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LEGIONS
Last Updated:
2023-06-13 14:14:00WARNING: MIGHT BE DEPRESSING...
"They weren't one, but they were many, all after my life, all after my doom...
I tell you, my life is no fairy tales with happy ending..."
....
ELIAS
"Okay Mr. Lucas, or should I say Boyfriend Lucas"
Was this even me speaking?, I don't even recognize my own words word anymore, but I said it, I said it either way, and received a back to back blush attack, but that punk head made it worst by laughing out at my reaction, before waving at me
"You are cute"
I made out the words from lips, I bet he didn't even realize he said that, but he did, and closed the door gently, before I could say anything back to him
Damn that sly dunderhead for making my heart go thud thud thud
Yes, I know my thoughts sounded so fucking cheesy that anyone could literally puke, but I didn't care, because he was really the cause the it
Damnit!
I rushed back to my bed, and punched my pillow for only god knows how long, as I kept on grinning out sheepishly to myself. To be honest, and give the completely raw detail, I even bit my pillow with my teeth, and hug it tight too, and...and if anyone had literally saw me, if he had returned back and saw me, my tough guy career would completely be over, and he would burst out laughing, cause I wasn't myself anymore, and the cold way I had once being, but I liked it....No, I loved being this way: Happy at last, and finally realizing how it felt like to be really in love.
It felt so fucking good, and I can't really believe that I had really hinder myself from ever wanting to experience this before, but thank God, I confessed to him, and finally knew this version of love, this version that he showed me, this version that wasn't violent, bloody, and one sided like that fucking bastard definition of it, Eliot!
I mumbled his shitty name, and immediately regretted it, cause damnit, I hated his fucking guts so much, and how he had kicked me the last time, but I didn't wanted to ruin my happy moment, and keep thinking about some worthless trash, so I get up from the bed as fast as I could, and went to the bathroom to shower, so that I would quickly go and see Lucas, or should I say my boyfriend
Men, it sounded fun, and at the same time weird to say that, cause I had once hated his guts, or maybe I really didn't, maybe I had only treated him like shit, because I was surprise that he was the only one that could tolerate me
I thought to myself, but I don't dwell in the thought cause I don't want to rack my brain about the past, and especially now that he was already mine
I should be living in the present, and let go of the past
I told myself as I finished brushing my teeth, and locked the bathroom door, but before I could pull my boxers off, my eyes spotted one of his t-shirt that he had dumped on the shelf, but I don't feel angry that he was disorganized...Nah!
Rather, I chose the perverted version of myself that I never knew I had, and before I knew it, I was sniffing his t shirt like some kind of dog, but I was enjoying every single bit of it, but...but before I could reach the climax of ectascy, my happy moment is cut off, killed, destroyed, murdered, and ruined completely by the voices, no the demons in my head, and it made me let go of the t shirt, cause I was so confused, because they only ever come to torment and kill me, when I was weak, and feeling like shit, but...but why where they here, and why did it have to be now? WHY!!!
WHY CAN'T THEY FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!
I screamed in pain, and placed my hands on my ears to stop them, as I looked at myself in the mirror, but what...what I saw was a heartbreaking sight, and reflection of a guy who was broken,...still broken
I looked at myself in the mirror, and saw a reflection of a guy who still had cut marks on the side of his wrists, a guy who was deep down still a puddle of dark mess, even though he was, he felt like he was happy now
Such irony, and it made me finally realize that maybe I was, I have being ruined and broken to the extend, that there was, and would never truly be any place....Lucas might be my happiness now, but no matter what, I was still the same fool who cuts him, the same fool who lost everything, the same fool that being happy was just like a day, it comes, and then it would leave, it always leaves in the end, and leaves us with the dark nights, the dark awful nights, so what was the point of always staying happy to see the day, when you know in the end, it would always be gone?, WHAT EXACTLY WAS THE POINT?!
The twisted sick voice inside me told me, they sang out to me a loud heartbreaking song, and made me go mad, just like how they always want
"STOP IT!, ALL OF YOU!"
I screamed out as I looked at my reflection again, I was sweating, and shaking all over, and couldn't fight the demons that wanted my doom, and kept on reminding me that I would never really run away from the depressed broken person I always was, the broken mess I would ever be!
"NO!...PLEASE!....SOMEBODY HELP ME!"
I literally started to plead, to anyone for help, for...for Lucas to come back and hold me tight, and tell me it was all going to be fine, but...but my demons pierced harder, and told me I wasn't in love with Lucas, but I was only using him to try to escape my certain doom, and...and it made me slid to the floor, and....and hold unto my ears tighter, but they didn't let me go, they...they didn't leave me, they...they knew what they wanted...My blood, my life, and my ending, and they would never ever let me go until they get just that
I turned to the side of the bathroom with my red teary eyes, I sighted a new pair of razor blades, and...and I knew what to do next
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