SOPHIEI was alone, I was alone in the class, but I felt a bit sad, and it was because when I looked left and right, everyone seemed like a couple to me, and I see them doing lovey dovey couple stuff, Nah...screw them all!, but I really felt sad because of him, the one guy that I couldn't get out of my mind no matter how I tried (You know the one)....Him...Lucas!, and I also felt sad, cause the last time we talked, which was yesterday, he looked like a mess, well not that he wasn't still hot or anything, but he looked...really stressed out like what he had told me. He looked disturbed, and when I think about it more, it kinda made my sadness turn into frustration, cause even though he didn't really tell me the exact reason, I knew it was because of that dickhead, Elias!My prince charming was working his ass off for a person like him, and the more I thought about it, the more angrier I became, cause he, my poor prince charming, whether he liked it or not was slowly dying for someone e
SOPHIEFive days flew by, and I became a maniac, hysterical, ridiculous, but a maniac that couldn't forget about that damn guy Charlie, as if he had casted a spell on me.I was literally the complete maniac who couldn't concentrate, cause ugh, as much as I hated myself for it, a part of me kind of felt guilty for taking all the blame, even though he deserved itI know I should just like tell myself that forget about it, and really do listen to myself, but in reality?, in reality it doesn't really works that way, cause I was no Wednesday Addams like in the tv series, I had emotions, and there was no way to cut my heart out of me, but the most worst thing of them all, was that a part of me that was the most confusing part felt happy when he texted me again...Yes, he decided to play dumb, and let that incident slide, and still keep on texting me, and at first?, at first when he started to text me again, I was like what the heck was he trying to achieve by all this, I don't even use to re
[Prepare you tissues darlings, you might need it]…"How does it feels like to burn, not in fire, but in hot dripping larva...How does it feels like to be lost, with not a single sense of direction...How does it feels like to want to tear your heart out, and rid of yourself of every single shit called emotions and feelings...How does it feels like to be lifeless and feel at peace like that is what you always wantedNot to go deep, What is the even the definition of peace?What is love?And what is happiness?...I don't know all this things, and to say I have ever even felt it was when I was a kid, you know innocent and all naïve, but now?, now it is something forbidden, and rather replaced with the feeling of been buried in a water, the feeling of drowning, suffocating, dying, even though you are livingI knew it all too well...A feeling that tore me apart, broke me into pieces, and made sure there was not any single remains leftA feeling that no fucking amount of shitty "Sorry" c
ELIAS….Third stupid year started some weeks ago, and men! I feel on top of the world, cause not only would I be out of the fucking hellhole soon, but also because of the fact that am all alone, just like how I like it.Alone?Why on earth would anyone like to be alone?To give a brief flashback, let me take you back to my pathetic damn sad story.First year: I was bullied like a complete dickhead, that nothing good I do made anyone happy, they didn't even fucking cared that I was a living human, but that wasn't the climax, hell no!. The climax was my father, the only family I had left, dying and leaving me behind all alone, but life, fucking life finally became absolutely shitty and pointless when I found out that the fucking one I dated, only dated me so that he could learn all my secrets and sell me off to the freaking bullies, that was the finally draw...It made me cut myself away from the world, and vow to never tolerate any shit from anyone ever again. Fast forward to the prese
ELIAS..."Is it that you're getting old, or have forgotten the damn incident that you literally chose to bring a new scapegoat into my room"I said...No, I yelled it out all at once immediately I stomped up to the damn housemaster with my voice pissed and ill mannered, but he didn't seem to care about the way I spoke to him. Instead, he sipped his damn coffee some more, that I wish I could just throw away, before finally looking at me"We, or should I say, I know you didn't kill anyone"He said with a cheerful smile on his shitty face, and placed his coffee on the table, even though I wasn't smiling one bit, because I was keen on making this old man get it into his damn skull that I was nothing but poison"I would do it..."I yelled out and looked straight into his eyes"I would make that green eyes life hellfire"I spat out at him, but he?, he only shrugged my words off as if it was nothing, and it fucking made my blood boil ten times more hotter than before, so I slammed my hand har
LUCAS...At least the sun is shinning today...I woke up very early, and left for my lecture, cause I don't want to have to deal with that dickhead when he wakes up. Am at least glad that nuisance sleeps like a pig, and he ain't an early riser.As I walked to class, a thought popped into my head "Did he even attend any lectures at all?", but I immediately waved it aside, cause who was I to care about that trashy foul mouthed dickhead, and especially after all he had said to me yesterday, what a warm welcome indeed!I scoffed out as I thought to myself, but what made me more mad was the fact that when I went to the housemaster to complain about that blue eyes, all he said was that I had to deal with it, but how exactly on earth was I suppose to deal with a damn guy like that, that literally threatened me with my life, How!!??My mind was exploding, literally fucking exploding, as I died deeper into my thought, and scribbled out some nonsense in my book to ease my anger, but it didn't w
LUCAS...I left that dickhead, and returned back to the class, thank goodness the lecturer wasn't there yet, or else my first official day would have been ruined because of that pile of shit, but I don't still feel at ease, so I typed with my phone as I walked, about the person that was murdered by the damn blue eyes, but what I got was that the toxic guy was innocent, and honestly, it made me so damn confused, if the internet was wrong, or if the university only covered up the shit that damn guy did, and if it was the case, that was so fucking messed up and disgusting!, but I couldn't still help feeling like I was in a maze, and it kinda made me think about that bright eyes that I had spoke with a while ago, so I wanted to ask him what he thought about this, but sadly, some trashy person was already sitting on the spot I sat down on, and he kinda looked like a thug, so I didn't wanted to look for trouble, and ruin my low profile, so I walked away from that direction to sit somewhere
ELIAS.....After I had calm down and reminded myself of a reason to hate that British asshole, I returned back into the room, only to meet him still sitting down on the floor like a broken mess, and yes I don't feel any shitty remorse, rather it made me scoff out."If you keep sitting on the cold floor, you would freeze and be dead before sunrise"I tell him coldly, but still in the most genuine way I could cause it was the truth, but all that asshole did was glare at me with his swollen eyes that was as a result of his shitty tears...that was because of me, and looked away"If I die, it's none of your fucking business!"It was toxic, and he literally replied that way to me as he shifted his gaze away to the side, but I don't care, yes I don't care about his shitty damn drama, or if he listens to me, cause it was his pathetic funeral, and to think again, if he dies, he would finally be out of my life for good, and maybe finally make me get arrested at last, so I looked back at him wit
SOPHIEFive days flew by, and I became a maniac, hysterical, ridiculous, but a maniac that couldn't forget about that damn guy Charlie, as if he had casted a spell on me.I was literally the complete maniac who couldn't concentrate, cause ugh, as much as I hated myself for it, a part of me kind of felt guilty for taking all the blame, even though he deserved itI know I should just like tell myself that forget about it, and really do listen to myself, but in reality?, in reality it doesn't really works that way, cause I was no Wednesday Addams like in the tv series, I had emotions, and there was no way to cut my heart out of me, but the most worst thing of them all, was that a part of me that was the most confusing part felt happy when he texted me again...Yes, he decided to play dumb, and let that incident slide, and still keep on texting me, and at first?, at first when he started to text me again, I was like what the heck was he trying to achieve by all this, I don't even use to re
SOPHIEI was alone, I was alone in the class, but I felt a bit sad, and it was because when I looked left and right, everyone seemed like a couple to me, and I see them doing lovey dovey couple stuff, Nah...screw them all!, but I really felt sad because of him, the one guy that I couldn't get out of my mind no matter how I tried (You know the one)....Him...Lucas!, and I also felt sad, cause the last time we talked, which was yesterday, he looked like a mess, well not that he wasn't still hot or anything, but he looked...really stressed out like what he had told me. He looked disturbed, and when I think about it more, it kinda made my sadness turn into frustration, cause even though he didn't really tell me the exact reason, I knew it was because of that dickhead, Elias!My prince charming was working his ass off for a person like him, and the more I thought about it, the more angrier I became, cause he, my poor prince charming, whether he liked it or not was slowly dying for someone e
ELIASI stared at the window of our room, I was alone, so I had a little time to think about everything that has being happening, bu...but at the same time, I didn't want to think, cause anytime I think about how Lucas was doing just so much for me just so that I could become normal again, I tarnish all his efforts by becoming more depressed, like my depression would literally increase to 40....50%?Yes, I do know that it was so shitty, and I should just probably talk it out with him, that I didn't want to be a burden to him anymore....well I kinda did actually one time. I did sat him down, and told him I could heal on my own just fine without him having to do so much for me. God, I really just wanted him to be the same old Lucas that I knew. and fell in love with, cause this super caring one felt as if I was.... pitied or something, but when I told him, he didn't take it seriously, and volunteered himself even more, and I...I was suppose to be happy that someone cared about me, and do
"We all have different kind of poison, the one that's mild, the one that makes you dizzy, but this one?...this one was the most toxic of them all...SOPHIE...Dark shade eyeglass- CheckBig hat- CheckUmbrella- CheckSelf esteem?....Self esteem- Not Check, cause it was ruined, completely, brutally, awfully ruined, cause ever since that damn day, which was two days ago. I have become some kind of spy that was literally masked up and hiding away, cause I might bump into him anywhere, and...and God, so far am literally going mad, cause I remembered that diary also contained how my high school life was a crampYes and like a pathetic side character, I didn't had some fairytale back in high school, hell no!, all I had was fucking shit, suffering, and oh, I even got bullied too, and it was like the main thing that reduced my self esteem to nothingGod, it was that worst that I literally had to change the way I look, and become a change version of me, but the heart always remembers the bad
SOPHIELike in every drama series, and novels, there is always a side character that would fulfill the author's wish, and sometimes help unite the main characters together...In this novel, I was that pathetic useless side character, and I knew it. I knew I was the girl who doesn't, and would never ever get the guy that she choses to like, cause I am no main character, or special person, but nevertheless, I would still give a brief introduction about myselfAm Sophie, and am literally dying a silent killing death, cause...it might be outrageous and completely odd and the most stupidest thing any side character could ever do, but am just going to confess either way...I have liked Lucas for so long...No, I am literally crazy for him, and Yes, it was that same Lucas that I was his drinking buddy, that same Lucas I had advice on how to win that cold guy Elias over, and heck yeah, it was that same red hair, green eyes Lucas that I had a big fat crush onYes, I do know it's so wrong and stup
LUCASWe stared at each other for some time in silence, and I guess this was truly what people called another definition of love: To stay in silence with your lover, and not feel awkward in the slightest about it, cause we both enjoyed the peace we felt by just looking at each other.The peace that I wished could go on forever and ever, cause I swear I was truly satisfied with it, but in the end, I was the same one who broke the silence, cause I wasn't the type that kept his complete feelings and thoughts hidden, so I just had to let him know what I had decided"Elias"I called out his name, and he looked at me immediately, and stopped playing with his thumbs like a cute little baby he was, but I didn't let his cutest get into my head, cause I didn't wanted to make any mistake, hell no...I wanted to be as serious as I could ever be"I have decided that I want to help you..."I blurted out to him, but damnit!, it didn't come out right like I had wanted it to be, and it obviously made El
ELIASI stared at the ceiling of the damn hospital, and feel angry with myself, cause even though I hated it, I still hopped my little legs to this damn place today, but when I thought to through, I guess I did that, because I didn't wanted to die, cause...cause I had a purpose to live now, regardless of all my fucking demonsLucas was my purpose, and the only one that I wanted to live for.As I thought about all this things, and kept on looking at the ceiling lifelessly, the door clicking sound brought me out of my thoughts, and made me immediately wipe the tears that had gather in my eyes away, cause I didn't wanted Lucas to see me cry, and become suspicious that something was wrong with me, but when I saw the nylon that contained some shitty pills that he carried in his hands, I knew the drama was over, he already knew my trauma, but....but I still wanted to play dumb in case he might still believe me over the doctorsI know I know it sounded so stupid, but I gave it a try, and imme
LUCASI looked at him with my shakily swollen eyes immediately I barged into his ward, and it made him startled, but he didn't say anything to me, no....He just looked at me in the eyes as well, but it was only for some seconds before looking away from me, and it made me realize that he regretted it...Regretted landing in the hospital, regretted being the cause of the heartbreaking look I wore on my red face, and it was all I wanted to know, that he still actually cared about me, and was hurting too probably as much I was, so I didn't yell at him like I had told myself I would do if I find him, cause it would be the most stupidest thing to ever do, especially now that his dark barely alive eyes told me that he needed me, even though he didn't say the words out loud, so I walked up to him, sat on the side of his bed, and took his cold palms into mine"It's alright..."I knew I should have been the most comforting I could ever be, and I should have literally been the prince who saved the
LUCASI arrived at the lecture room an hour before the lecture started, so I had a lot of time to talk to my new gossip buddy about everything, and when I mean my new gossip buddy, I mean the blonde hair beaming Sophie, who was waving happily at me with a sly smile on her face, cause she could already figure out that something was upGosh, am I really that easy to read?I thought to myself as I walked up to her, but immediately I did, she pulled me to the chair next to her, and whispered into my right ear"Tell me everything, now!"She commanded impatiently, and I guess it was normal for her to react that way, cause when I woke up that morning next to Mr. boyfriend, I had literally panicked, and typed to her about a little bit of my crisis about waking up next to Elias, but I swear I didn't tell her that we...that we did it, had sex, cause I thought it might be weird to say that, and I would have just be blabbering early in the morning, but now I guess I was wrong, cause the look on he