Wakas IV

Isaiah’s Point of View

"I break hearts..”

I thought she's just kidding when she said that, never thought it was real. We became close as weeks passed by. It started when I lend her my clothes, I intentionally forget to took it from her so that I could get the chance to be with her again. As days passes by, she became comfortable with me. I worked really hard to gain her trust, it's not that easy but I manage to do it.

All my life, I'm so used to be called Nikolai or Niko but here's Treia, she chose to call me Isaiah instead. I really hated that name before but hearing her calling me that way, God knows how much I thank my parents for giving me such name. It is like a music to my ears and everytime she's calling me that way, I felt alive. She's the only one who have the privilege to call me that.

"It's not easy son but we have connections so leave it to me, I'll sue everyone who harmed your girl!” Dad said, full of authority.

He called someone from his team to do me a favor, my father has many connections and I think of it as a curse before, I never knew it would be helpful for me someday, especially this day. Treia got bullied in social media because of me, I have to do something to stop it.

Honestly, I'm scared. What if she decided to leave me because of that? I'm almost there, I can see progress and I cannot afford losing this chance again. Ngayon lang ako naging ganito kalapit sakaniya, ayokong mabalewala lahat 'yon. Luckily my father found a way to delete those.

After that incident, I assure her that nothing bad will ever happen to her again. I promised myself to protect her and each day of being with her is a blessing. Those days are one of the most memorable days of my life but I guess she's right, she really is a heart breaker. She broke my heart by choosing that jerk over me, not just once or twice.

I'm broke, I admit it. But I can't just stood here and watched her with other guys. I did everything to bring her back, I did everything to talk to her, even if it caused me humiliation, even if it caused me pain. She's always choosing that jerk over me and each day, it is frustrating the hell out of me.

I almost lose hope not until she confessed to me. She fucking likes me, too! Akala ko pagkatapos ng gabing 'yon, magiging maayos na ang lahat. I almost fucking celebrated because of her confession but hearing her right now, asking me to leave her behind, I feel like I'm attacked multiple times. She's hesitating, I know.. and it will take time for her to realize something. Of course I fucking did everything to make her mine, and God knows how happy I am when she hugged me.

"Is that a ring, son?" my Mom overreacted, her eyes are wide open so as her mouth because of shocked.

I'm holding the ring I did last night, I thought I wouldn't finished it. Biglaan pa ang pagbili ko ng mga gamit para magawa ito kaya akala ko hindi ko matatapos. I want to do it myself, I want this ring to be special because the girl I'm giving this ring is very much special for me.

"Stating what's obvious, Mom.” Isagani boredly said.

Mom told me to bring her in our house. Both of them are excited to meet her but Treia doesn't believe me when I told her that. Hindi pa siya kilala ng pamilya ko, tanggap na siya nito.

We spent time together as a happy couple and each day with her feels magical. Pinapangarap ko lang 'to dati, ngayon katabi ko na. I'm holding her in my arms now and I can't help but to be amazed. If this is just a dream, please don't wake me up. I'll gladly live with it, even if it caused me death.

"I love you.. and I will always love you baby." I whispered to her ears.

She gave herself to me. I'm always doing it whenever she's peacefully asleep, I always tell her how much I love her, I always tell her how scared I am that maybe one day she will leave me. I'm always telling her that when she's asleep because I'm scared that she might know how much I love her. I can do everything for her and I know it scares her so as much as possible, I don't want her to feel that I'm depending on her.

I really admire her for being herself. She has her own principles and she doesn't let anyone affect any of it. She has her word, when she said no, you can't change her mind. And that trait of her scares me because I'm depending on her. Whatever she wants, fine, I'll give it to her. Kahit ano pa 'yan basta gusto niya at masaya siya kahit pa alam kong masasaktan ako, I'll gladly let her.

I'm now holding the sketch pad she gave me. She called it the dreamer's sketch pad, she told me to draw everything I want in life and make sure I'll get it and make it happen so I drew her, she's the first one I drew in this sketch pad but I guess, I'll never get her.. Scam 'tong dreamer's sketch pad niya, scam..

Finally, she learned how to decide on herself so who am I to deprived her of her freedom? Who am I to chain her in the life she never wanted? Who am I to limit her? I already know that days like this would come, I promised myself to let her go if she begs for it. And right now, right in front of me. She's begging me to let her go, to respect her decisions, to break up with her.

Fuck, baby! You don't know what I can do for you! I would fucking give you the world if you ask me to!

"You’re hurting me, you know that..” I said painfully while staring at the sun that is slowly fading out of the sky.

I saw her crying and it's not helping because I'm fucking hurting! Why is she crying? She wants this, right? She shouldn't cry because I swear, I would chain her with me!

"I love you.." she whispered.

Damn, this is the first time I heard her saying those three words. It feels magical, bakit ngayon niya pa sinabi? Bakit ngayon pa kung kailan pakakawalan na namin ang isa't-isa? Oh God, she will be the death of me! I swear, if she said that again, I'll fucking impregnate her now para hindi na siya makawala sa’kin.

We stayed quiet until I decided to speak, I can't just stood there and listen to her cries, it pains me to hell.

"How does it feel?" I asked while staring at the view, without facing her, the woman who brought life and unfamiliar feelings to me.

I cannot glance at her because I know, if I do, that would be the end of me.

She suddenly glance at me, couldn't speak. She's out of words by my sudden question. Her tears is still falling down her eyes, it weakens me..

"How does it feel when you hurt someone you claimed you love" I whispered, I'm in the verge of crying but I stop myself. I don't want her to feel pity on me, ayokong maisip niyang manatili nalang dahil naaawa siya sa’kin. I want her to grow and if letting her go means having the life she desires, I'll gladly oblige.

"Why are you asking me?" she chuckled but I know she's hurting too.

This time, I glance at her. All I can see is pain, she smiled weakly at me.

"Because you told me you love me but then.. you hurt me." I bravely said.

I'm trying to remain calm but deep down within me, I'm in pain, mad and frustrated.

No one dared to talk, I don't know what she's thinking and it's bothering me.

"Should I say goodbye?" she painfully asked.

That's when the tears starts flowing down my eyes.. And that's when I knew, it was a dead end.. for now.