yo mama jokes spongebob

"What would you be needing my help for?" I asked, curious. "Do you remember those times when we were little…whenever I do something wrong in our class, you always come forward pretending to be me and receive my punishment?" He asked, and I hummed in agreement. "And do you remember those times when I couldn't read for any exams and I was scared to fail, you would pretend to be me and write the exams for both of us and no one knew because we were so identical?" "Yeah, but where are you heading with all of this?" "I want you to do the same thing for me again." Nolan said, getting me more confused. "What exactly is it for you?" "I want you to pretend to be me and get married to Savannah, it will only be for some time till i'm really ready to face the responsibility of marriage." He said. I burst out laughing so hard that my stomach hurts. What he just said sounded so funny, he is really good at making jokes. "What's funny?" "Sor…Sorry, your jokes are just so funny." I said, trying to control my laughter. "What joke? This is no joke Nate, I am being serious. Think of it as a substitute, you will substitute for me till i'm ready." He said, looking all serious. He wasn't joking. He has gone mad!

Ano ang gagawin mo kung isang araw kailanganin mong magpanggap para sa kaligtasan ng kapatid mo? Kilalanin sina Audrey ang babaeng gagawin ang lahat para sa kapakanan ng pamilya niya. Ng dahil sa sakit ng mama niya mapipilitan siyang magpanggap at magpakasal bilang ang kakambal niya para lang maipagamot ang kanilang ina. She made a deal with her evil twin sister for money, and from there shr will experience the best six months of her life. There is love, memories lies within that span of time but will it be worth it to be THE SUBSTITUTE... "Tandaan mo Audrey hindi ikaw ang asawa niya, at iiwanan mo rin buhay na ito pagkatapos ng anim na buwan kaya hindu pwedeng mahulog ang loob mo sa kanya"

The story of 'EVERY WOMAN CANNOT BE PRETTY' is a message to millions of women around the world who feel inferior due to their average looks that ‘ Beauty is not in the face alone.’ The protagonist in this story, Sarah Liam suffers from PCOS ( Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) with side effects of being obese, acne prone and having more than normal hair growth on face and body. To top it she is short in height and has a prominent mole on her chin. In all, she is not what one can call “pretty”. Her husband wants to use her as a sex toy, her best friend betrays her trust by sleeping with her husband. Faced with treachery by loved ones, shunned by many, at the brunt of the unkindest of jokes, the story shows how Sarah manages to rise like a Phoenix, hold her head high and eke revenge on the people who have cheated her, solely with the strength of her talent and grit. But with her flawed appearance, will she ever find true love? Can she ever aspire to marry a handsome man or will she have to settle for someone similarly flawed? Read on..

“K-Kasal ako! H-Hindi ako pwedeng ibenta ng tatay ko! H-Hindi mo gugustohing malaman ang pangalan ng asawa ko dahil malalagot ka!” Pagbabanta pa ni Solene kahit na nauutal na ito. ~ Si Solene Jimenez ay isang twenty-year old College student. Pumapasok ng iba't-ibang part time jobs para tustusan ang pangangailangan ng kanyang pamilya habang nag-aaral sa isang sikat na unibersidad. Ipinakasal siya sa isang bilyonaryo upang tuparin ang hiling ng Mama niya at ng matanda niyang kaibigang mayaman na pakasalan ang apo nito. Ngunit kahit isang beses ay hindi niya pa man din nakikita. Ano kaya ang mangyayari sa buhay niya kapag nagkita sila sa unang pagkakataon? Will the billionaire keep their marriage o hihiwalayan siya nito nang tuluyan?

"You're breaking up with me kasi sa tingin mo mas magaan? Ganoon ba iyon?" ang mahinahon pero puno ng hinanakit na tanong-sagot sa kanya ni Uriel. Sinubukan niyang magbuka ng bibig para magpaliwanag pero walang anumang salita siyang naibulalas kaya nagpatuloy ang binata. "Kasi wala pa tayong isang taon kaya iniisip mong hindi pa kita ganoon kamahal?" noon na galit na napatayo si Uriel. "Very childish, and I should tell you, that was the most bullshit excuse that I have ever heard!" ang galit na sagot ni Uriel na tila ba hindi narinig ang sinabi niya. Malakas na sampal ang pinadapo ni Therese sa pisngi ng binata dahil doon. "Sa tingin mo madali ito? Ginagawa ko ito para sa'yo!" "Really?" ang binata na mapait pang tumawa. "para sa'kin o para sa sarili mo?" "How dare you!" si Therese na muling napaiyak. "Well same here! Bakit sa tingin mo ba may magbabago sa kundisyon mo kapag inalis mo ako sa buhay mo?" "Tumigil ka!" "No! Hayaan mo akong magsalita okay? You've done too much talking already so I guess it's my turn now!" Natigilan si Therese sa nakita niyang magkahalong galit at paghihirap sa mukha ni Uriel kaya hindi siya nakapagsalita at umiiyak na pinakinggan ang lahat ng sinabi ng binata. "Masakit oo, at ako mismo natatakot na ngayon palang. But I'm not like you. Kasi kahit natatakot ako at nahihirapan, sinusubukan ko paring ihanda ang sarili ko. Pinag-aaralan kong tanggapin ang lahat. Kasi gusto kong maging masaya ngayon, habang nandito ka pa, habang kilala mo pa ako," ani Uriel na tuluyan na nga ring napaiyak. "Simple lang naman ang gusto ko, bigyan mo ako ng role sa buhay mo, kahit maliit lang," ang pagpapatuloy nitong pakiusap saka nagpahid ng mga luha. "U-Uriel," aniyang isinubsob ang mukha sa palad saka napahagulhol.

Natali si Emely sa isang kasal na hindi niya ginusto at hindi kailanman gugustuhin. Ngunit para sa kaniyang pamilya, wala siyang hindi kayang gawin. Pinakasalan niya ang ama ng lalaking mahal niya, at nilunok ang lahat ng panghuhusga. Tiniis ang lahat ng masasakit na kapalaran, at pinilit lunukin ang kahihiyan. Kapalit ng pera, ibinenta niya ang sarili niyang kalayaan, pagmamahal, at kaligayahan. Sapat nga bang kabayaran ang pera kapalit ng kaniyang pagmamahal, kaligayahan, at kalayaan? Sapat nga ba ang pera para pawiin ang bawat masasalimuot niyang mga gabi? Sa pagpapakamartir at paghanap ng karamay, ano bang mas tamang piliin, kung ang pagpapakamartir ay papatay sa'yo at ang pagdamay ay mauuwi sa pangangaliwa? Saan hahantong ang kaniyang pag-ibig? Sa kaligayahan ba, katarungan, o sa bilangguan? [DISCLAIMER* The story contains sensitive themes such as marital rape, physical abuse, and adultery that are not suitable for young readers. The following chapters may trigger one's trauma. Read at your own risk.

"I love you, Luke?" "Hindi niyo alam ang sinabi niyo, ma'am!" "I'm old enough to know what I'm doing," gusto niyang isigaw iyon. "Why don't you want to believe?" Zarah Buenaflor ang dating anak-mayaman na walang ibang alam kundi ang mahalin ang kanilang hardinerong si Luke. That was six years ago. Noong langit at lupa pa ang pagitan nila. Ngunit sadyang bilog ang mundo at umiikot ang gulong ng kanilang kapalaran. Luke Guevarra was once a gardener who became to be a billionaire. Regardless of his wealth, he was inherently arrogant. "What have you done to your life, Zarah? You're playing the role of a whore!" asik ni Luke. "Wala kang pakialam!" "Pang-ilan na ba ako sa pinagregaluhan sa'yo?" "Hindi ko na mabilang!" Ang kauna- unahan nilang tagpo pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon. Ngunit bakit tila hanggang ngayon ay naroon parin ang familiar na tibok ng kanyang puso? Hindi pa ba sapat ang katagalang iyon upang tuluyan na itong mawalay sa kanyang sistema? Paano kung sa isang araw ay bibilhin siya nito sa isang napakalaking halaga? Papayag ba siya o tuluyan niya na itong iwasan at kalimutan? At paano niya ipaglaban ang sarili kung gayong nakatatak na sa isip nito, na siya ay isang mababang uri na babae? Tunghayan ang masalimuot na kuwento sa buhay nina Luke and Zarah. How their lives being twisted in a cruel twist of fate.

“Gusto mo akong maging sa ‘yo ulit? Then, kailangan mong mamili. Ako o ang asawa mo?” “Gusto mo bang ikaw ang piliin ko?” “Kung tunay kang lalaki, alam mo kung sino ang pipiliin mo.” Napangisi si Warren at bumulong sa kaniyang tenga. “It doesn't matter if I am a man or not. Mas alam ng katawan mo kung gaano ako kalalaki, kaysa ng bibig mo.” **** Lubos ang sakit at paghihirap na dinanas ni Allison nang siya ay manganak, habang ang kaniyang asawa na si Warren ay nagpakasal sa bago nitong asawa. Ang akala ng lahat ay namatay siya noong araw na 'yon, ngunit ang totoo ay buhay siya sa ibang pangalan at pagkatao. Ngunit ang akala niyang kambal na anak, ay triplets pala! Hindi siya papayag na ibang babae ang kikilalanin nitong ina. Ngayon, ay gagawin niya ang lahat makuha lang ang anak niya, kahit pa isang Warren Harrison na isang bilyonaryo ang makakalaban niya. Pero paano kung hindi lang ang tadhana ang gagawa ng paraan para sa kanila? What if ang triplets nilang anak ay tila nasa isang secret mission para magkabalikan sila? OMG! Triplets On A Secret Mission!

Audrey Nathan, twenty years old, notorious hacker since the age of ten. She's the most scouted hacker in the whole of the continent and probably worldwide, but no-one could really get to her. Different Mafia organisations has been searching for her but she's as slippery as an eel. Luck left her side for few minutes that she got caught in two Biggest Mafia organisations' fight and was shot. Jordan Van Arthur, leader of Lone Wolves found a frail redhead in his penthouse fighting for her life, clutching to a lilac tote bag. "No.. no hospital please.... Doctor....call .....call a..." She fell conscious. **** Audrey Nathan swore her loyalty to Jordan Van Arthur when she found out he had saved her life and protect her identity away from the people looking for her , most importantly, Lone Wolves has never been part of those scouting for her and killing anyone involved with her just to get her. Jordan Van Arthur is rumoured to have facial paralysis due to his always expressionless face, even at the face of death, he is never moved, even when he was betrayed by the person he loved most and his most trusted aide, he never showed how hurt he was, but with Audrey Nathan, Things changed that he himself could hardly predict his next wave of emotions with Audrey around. *** "Nghnn... Jord... I want you.....all of you" Audrey moaned out, her eyes hooded with lust, she didn't care if his shadow crew could hear her, she wanted him in her, home where he belongs. "I got you mama" Jordan's voice always dripping with lust just like his lips were dripping of her juices.....

Roxanne Rowan is a spiritual news editor. After an accident in the year twenty-two, Roxanne Rowan was able to see ghosts. She goes around trying to find a way to solve this ability. Her fear of ghosts makes her taciturn and closed off. During an encounter with evil spirits, Roxanne met Egan Griffith, the demon employee of hell. He has the task of catching the demons that are causing trouble in the living world to bring them to hell and punish them. According to the orders of the spirit world, if Roxanne wants to break the ability to see ghosts in her eyes, she must cooperate with Egan to catch the devil spirits. The contract is signed and many bad jokes happen. Roxanne's fate and secret are also revealed. She also realizes that demons come in two forms: disrupting people in the living world and trying to earn money in order to survive like a normal person. Every night, Roxanne has to lie in bed waiting for Egan to finish processing the documents for the company. She doesn’t think from an unequal partnership to rolling in bed so close together.