A NEW LIFE WITHOUT YOU

LANDON's POV

Four years had passed pero parang kahapon lang lahat ng nangayari. I can't even drive myself to find any motivation to find the will to find love again.

Ang iniisip ko lang ay si Samsara. I've been trying to find her all these years pero I failed. Kahit na ang pamilya niya, hindi na ako kinakausap.

I tried going to Adelaide but they turned me away. Kahit na si tonton na kapatid ni Samsara na kasundo ko noon, itinaboy ako. They despise me now.

Lemery hates me too, but she still talks to me. Skyler on the other hand is now okay with me. Pero bago kami maging okay, ipinamukha niya muna sa akin lahat ng katarantaduhan na ginawa ko kay Samsara.

Pinipilit ko si Skyler na kausapin ang asawa niya sa kung nasaan ba si Samsara. But even Lemery does not now where she is. It sucks, alam ko kasi na hindi aalis si Samsara nang hindi nagsasabi kay Lemery.

But what choice do I have? Ako naman ang naglagay sa sarili ko sa ganitong sitwasyon.

Isa pa, I've been punished enough now that I am living with my pregnant girlfriend.

"Baby, can you please buy me some pastry sa sb? I'm craving a chocolate cake." Binuksan ni Eleanor ang pinto ko.

Napatingin ako sa kanya at sinenyasan na sandali lang. I'm almost finished with my work from home tasks.

When I finished, I found Eleanor sitting at the sofa watching her favorite k-drama 'The Penthouse' habang pinapapak ang nutella.

"You sure cake pa rin ang gusto mo? Baka naman magka diabetes ka sa ginagawa mo." I reminded her.

Puro na lang kasi matatamis ang pinagkakakain niya.

Tumingin ito sa akin at tsaka hinimas ang tiyan niya. Hindi pa naman ito ganoon kalaki pero nakikita na rin ang baby bump niya.

"Well, it is what the baby wants." Then she shrugs her shoulders at bumalik na sa panonood ng k-drama.

I rolled my eyes while I grabbed the keys. And while I drive, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pagod, antok, at kalungkutan na mayroon ako.

When Samsara left, I also left Eleanor. But then, she said that she is pregnant. She really was. Hindi ko inexpect na makakabuo kami. As much as I remembered I did not cum insider her kaya ipinagtataka ko kung bakit siya nabuntis.

Samantalang si Samsara, sinusubukan naming bumuo pero hindi kami nakabuo.

Desidido akong iwanan si Eleanor non, sinabi ko na susutentuhan ko siya at hindi ko papabayaan ang bata. I just can't be with her. But when the fetus inside her died, she blamed me.

Sabi niya, the fetus died dahil sa stress niya sa akin-- that I was going to leave her.

And because of the guilt, I know I can't leave her again. I just planned to stay by her side, at pag lumipas na ang panahon, iiwanan ko siya. But when i was setting myself up to break up with her, inabutan niya ako ng pregnancy test that says she's pregnant once again with our child.

Gumuho ang mundo ko noong araw na iyon. I was physically sick na gusto ko na lang sumuko. The though of being with her for more years makes me want to vomit.

But I guess I deserve this. Ito na ang kaparusahan sa ginawa kong panloloko kay Samsara.

"Hi sir." Masayang bati ng baristang regular ko nang nakikita. "Pinagtabi na kita, sir. Wait niyo na lang po."

I smiled at him. "Can you add a venti iced white mocha? Stir whipped, please. Tas a slice na rin ng cake of your choice."

"For here or to go, sir?"

"For here, please. Thank you."

When he rang up my ordered ang paid. I found a good spot beside the windows. Hindi rin naman nagtagal ng tawagin na ang pangalan ko sa counter kaya cinlaim ko na agad ang order ko.

I took my time drinking my iced coffee and eating this slice of cake. Eto na lang naman ang oras para masolo ko ang sarili ko. Eleanor would understand naman kung bakit ako matagal dahil usually madami talagang customers sa coffee shop na ito.

My life now is miserable. My Pops does not even talk to me. Ang mga kapatid ko naman, are too busy with their life.

Shernon is still mad at me while Casper does not give a fvck and still hangs out with me.

Pero kahit ganon, araw araw akong nagdudusa sa piling ni Eleanor. That woman gives me the ick. I hate seeing her and I hate hearing her voice. Everything about her makes me think about Samsara ang why I betrayed her.

And I promise to my self that if one day I see Samsara, I will do everything in my power to have her back with me again.

And that time, I will love her the way she deserves it.