After about eight months, infinite eight months, I saw him again and my heart raced as if it were going to jump out of my chest, I remained motionless in the same place, watching his every feature, because I was afraid it was another daydream of mine and would soon end; my breath was failing, my hands were shaking and sweating and I couldn't stop staring at him, exactly seven steps away from me, and not kilometers as we were used to; At that moment I couldn't follow all the script I had in mind for when I found him, my lips couldn't pronounce a single word and with each step he took my heart accelerated by two beats. Was this even real? All the way there I wondered if I was really aware of the madness I was doing, but the moment he appeared there, standing in front of me with the same apparent nervousness as mine, I knew, inside his eyes I saw that There was no more right decision in life that I had ever taken like this one.
Another Monday morning when I didn't even want to be alive; okay, maybe I'm being too literal, actually I just didn't want to get out of my bed and face crowded buses again to go to work in that place that only brought me stress... at twenty-one years old I was in the first job, for those who saw me it seemed to be the dream job but it was very different from that, it was almost a modern system of slavery; It had been almost two years since I had been working at a travel agency earning half the minimum wage, with no time for lunch, vacations or holidays, every day I was forced to answer calls from stressed customers, some of them extremely rude and the fact that that money was never enough and my hair was falling out more and more and my weight was increasing when I barely ate, it made me closer to throwing everything away without thinking about anything else. Maybe that day was today.I got up lazily from the bed, and my stomach turned over when I felt the good smell coming from the
I arrived at work late for a change and all crammed in; I tried to smile when my supervisor passed by me, staring at me with his typical everyday contempt, but as if it was possible to smile at such a creature, and on top of that feel satisfied after facing wars to get there and that effort was worthless ?I occupied my table ignoring the memos placed on it, I went to the coffee machine while my Jurassic machine turned on; Helen was there flirting with Paulo as she would with anyone who wore pants and had a sports car; I felt the vein in her forehead throb as she stared at me.“Why, look who graced us with his presence today. I thought you wouldn't grace us with your company, did you sleep too much Esther?I took a deep breath as I picked up my cup and filled it with coffee, I wish I didn't have to put up with that woman every day, but I think pressing her head on the copier would be considered wrong.— I wish, not everyone has the availability to take a ride with Paulo to work Helen,
Pedro was watching a movie in half light with his crush when I arrived, I smiled and greeted them quickly and ran to the room, I didn't want to interrupt that; I hadn't seen him with anyone for a long time and he deserved someone who would really complete his happiness.I sat in front of the computer and went to check my emails and take a look at my social networks; something caught my attention that day, there was a message there, and I was surprised as soon as I opened it."It was nice to meet you again today, too bad we couldn't talk more".There he was, the Benjamin I had met a few years ago in an internet group of amateur writers; we established a friendship for years, until I realized that I was falling in love with someone who was miles away from me; at the time he was in São Paulo, living with an aunt so he could attend college there, and I was in the interior of the Northeast; as I said, miles away from him; at some point I thought of telling him how I felt, we had a great af
— What animal bit you? Why all this rush? — I asked still trying to reason why my body was clinging to the bed and my brain hadn't woken up yet.— Ah, I got a call from the service, Renata won't be able to go today, I'm going to have to open the clinic and a client called me in despair with a very bad puppy, I hope it's not what I'm thinking, because the symptoms match.I admired the professional that Rafa was, always very focused and had an immense love for what he did; it doesn't matter if they woke her up in the middle of the night, she would help without blinking.— I'll make you a sandwich to take and eat on the way, or there."Oh thank you, I love you!"I smiled and went towards the kitchen, separated the bread, cheese and ham and left it under the table to facilitate the preparation, I ran my eyes through the fridge looking for something that even I couldn't remember what it was, when I finally close giving up thanks to my recurrent amnesia I come across my friend at the door s
Maybe there was still something good in that day after all, my date with Benjamim, okay, not exactly a date, but it gave me the courage to get up off the couch and go find some comfortable clothes to wear.I tried on my old jeans with a black T-shirt, but it looked too tight and the jeans too tight around the waist; okay, maybe I should try on my embroidered red dress; I put it on and stared in the mirror, all I saw was a sack of potatoes standing on end, and I came to the conclusion that no matter what I wore, it wouldn't change who I am. And there I was once again, in front of the mirror staring at my reflection with extreme difficulty because of the tears that blurred my vision.It was an endless cycle, always the same thing... I was so tired of it, of seeing myself like this, of being like this.I was extremely overweight, but that wasn't the only thing that bothered me, it wasn't just my physical condition; the overweight, the stretch marks, the rounded face, the exaggerated bre
The next day everything was looking like grayscale; Pedro didn't go to work, and neither did Rafa; we were still digesting last night's events, but we didn't have time to regret it; we went to the police station and did the b.o, I wished that was enough but I knew it wasn't; there were many other people going through the same situation as my friend had last night.It was being one of those days when you wanted to be in a deep sleep and only wake up when everything was over; I wanted to do something more for Pedro at that moment but I knew I couldn't get that pain out of him, much less calculate the size of it.Arriving home, I headed to the kitchen while Rafa and he watched series on the couch; I started to prepare the pasta for a lasagna, I took it to the oven while I made mashed potatoes and rice, loose the way they liked it.I heard them laugh in front of the sofa and I stopped, watching them, I loved that sound, I loved those two people so much; that was what gave hope; in the mome
I was feeling good that night, one of the few times I got dressed and actually looked pretty in the mirror; but I should thank Jotapê who did my hair and Rafa who did a light make-up for me; my face was like porcelain; I was wearing a dark blue dress with straps that highlighted my coffee tone; my hair was down, shoulder length, bangs behind my ears and only one thing marring it... my glasses; I kept it in my purse, choosing to feel pretty instead of seeing that night.This involved a little time to take the bus, but everything worked out in the end.When I arrived at my destination, I saw Benjamim sitting at one of the tables on the terrace of the cafeteria, he was concentrated on a small paper, as if all his life planning was there.— Hey. I said a little awkwardly. He looked up and hurriedly put the paper in his pocket, he looked surprised and analyzed me from head to toe... I saw a certain wonder in his eyes that left me disconcerted, I was feeling shy now and wanted to run, but t
As soon as I got home, I found Rafa and Pedro making brigadeiro; the smell invaded my nostrils and had me practically running towards it.— Get your finger out of there. — said Pedro, slapping my hand when I stretched it out to take a bite of that gift from the gods. “I don't know where you've been, don't be disgusting.I rolled my eyes and smiled, even with him grumpy like that, it showed some improvement on his part.— What was it like anyway? — asked Rafa, extremely curious.— It was nice, we ate, we talked a little... I'm going to take a shower and go to bed now, I'm a little tired, but leave the brigadeiro for me, okay?I got out of there before either of them said or asked anything more, they both knew me well enough to know that I was getting off topic, sooner or later one of them would successfully extract everything from me because I couldn't hide anything from them; but now, I needed to be alone with myself and understand what this was all about.I stayed in the shower longe