Expectations

Pedro was watching a movie in half light with his crush when I arrived, I smiled and greeted them quickly and ran to the room, I didn't want to interrupt that; I hadn't seen him with anyone for a long time and he deserved someone who would really complete his happiness.

I sat in front of the computer and went to check my emails and take a look at my social networks; something caught my attention that day, there was a message there, and I was surprised as soon as I opened it.

"It was nice to meet you again today, too bad we couldn't talk more".

There he was, the Benjamin I had met a few years ago in an internet group of amateur writers; we established a friendship for years, until I realized that I was falling in love with someone who was miles away from me; at the time he was in São Paulo, living with an aunt so he could attend college there, and I was in the interior of the Northeast; as I said, miles away from him; at some point I thought of telling him how I felt, we had a great affinity, maybe I wasn't crazy; perhaps I would be reciprocated; but then he came to me, he needed help proposing to a college girl... That tormented me for days; I had two alternatives: give him the worst advice so that nothing worked and the path was clear for me or help him, even if it meant losing him; but can you lose what was never yours? I couldn't act selfishly like that, so I did more than encourage him to declare himself to that girl, I looked her up on social media and talked to her too; it was stupid of me, I shouldn't have gotten into it like that, but it seemed right to help him in his happiness; after that I moved away from Benjamim little by little, I needed to rip him off my chest and I didn't know if I could do it so easily, if I knew or saw him with someone else I would certainly be happy for him, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt me.

Years later I heard he was here in town; he had returned to his parents, but even so I didn't look for him, I wasn't sure how I would find him and how I would react to that.

Meeting him again today awakened a feeling in me that I was still deciphering; I wasn't sure how to react to that, my life was a mess now and Benjamim awakened something in me that gave me a certain peace and anguish; how could

And now? How would I respond to that message without reporting how I was feeling?

“Nice to see you too, stay the same.”

The answer came right away:

“I have some writings to show you if you're still interested in reading lol. Would like to see?"

An involuntary smile escaped me, because it reminded me of the old days.

“Of course, you can send it to me, I would love to read it, it will help me to occupy my mind.”

It took him a few minutes to send me the answer.

“I am sending it, hope you like it...”

I downloaded the file and closed the chat, started to read and travel in the words described there; Benjamim was writing a novel for the first time, I had never seen anything of his like this, but not something absolutely cliché, there was a lot of adventure around it and what surprised me the most is that one of the characters carried my name.

It was already dawn and I was still lost in reading, I put headphones on to muffle the laughter coming from the living room, Pedro seemed to be having a lot of fun; when Rafa entered the room and only then did I notice how late it was.

"Why are you back so late?"

— Oh, I missed the bus, the second bus I was on was robbed.

I jumped to my feet as my sister threw things under her bed.

- Oh my God, are you okay?  How was that? Did they take you anything?

- It is not alright. she said dismissively as if this were normal. “Actually, it's quite a funny story. She sat down in the chair in front of the computer, moving to the side to talk to me, loosened her hair clip, and stretched out where she was. — I was very tired, so I ended up sleeping on the bus, I passed out completely; when I woke up I had my head on the shoulder of a guy from my college, super hot including and with the bandit pointing a gun at me; super normal isn't it? She laughed in irony. — The worst thing is that I was completely disoriented, so the bandit laughed in my face and asked me for the money, I didn't have much; maybe he took pity or whatever.

I widened my eyes, a mixture of fear and laughter.

"You know you could have died, right?"

— Well, at least it would have been next to a super hot guy; seriously, he's so gorgeous he makes me blush; how is it possible?

I smiled, imagining the scene but wishing it would never happen again, it was certainly a release.

“You need to be more attentive; it's too dangerous to go back to that time.

— It's dangerous at any time and... —Rafa paused when he heard the laughter from the next room. — the party seems to be going well; How was your day today? You didn't resign, did you?

I nodded no, I wanted to have told her that I had found Benjamim again, but maybe it wasn't the right time, it was already late and we both needed to rest; Rafa hurried to take a shower and soon fell asleep on the bed on the other side of the room, it was late but I was anxious and euphoric so before falling asleep, I took the cell phone and sent him a message.

“I'm flattered that there's an Esther in the story and you never disappoint; I was hooked from start to finish, romance and espionage? Time travel? It’s great, it’s late but I needed to comment, we’ll talk about it later.”

A minute later the display lit up and the answer came:

"I look forward to hearing your views, but I won't bother you for today, sweet dreams Esther."

An involuntary smile escaped me, he was entering my life again, as if he had never left it, and even though it scared me, even afraid of awakening dormant feelings I was happy, knowing that we would talk again soon, for the feeling it caused me and above all, for the image of his brown eyes when he found me, being my last memory of that day before falling asleep.

As soon as I woke up, I found Rafa walking around the room like a silly cockroach, already dressed up, putting makeup on her face and trying to choose an outfit that fit her well, not that any would look bad on her, but it would be difficult to convince her otherwise.