Weakness Pt. 2

Was it really seven o'clock? I asked her. She smiled sadly and nodded. I felt wretched. Three hours? It didn't feel like three hours.

Liz noticed I'd stopped and was no longer following behind. She turned with a questioning look on her face. I had been in her office acting like a baby for three hours of my shift. I felt like I had robbed her somehow.

"You don't have to pay me for the last three hours. I-I don't deserve it." Even as I said it I started to panic. If I didn't get a full check, I would be short on rent this month. The alternative to making quick cash left a sour taste in my mouth. It was something I never wanted to go back to.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm not going to dock your pay. Come on, honey, let's go."

I took a calming breath. "Where are we going?" I asked as she took my hand.

"My place. I don't think you should be alone tonight."

I wanted to protest. I wanted to tell her I would be fine. I wanted to. But I didn't because the truth of the matter was, I didn't want to be alone, either.

When we got to her car I was startled to see that Mykel occupied the passenger seat; the car door was propped open and his right leg bounced in rhythm with the song coming from the car speakers.

The bouncy melody and the uplifting tone of the song made me smile. As much of a smile as I could produce at that moment. Which was barely a twitching of my lips.

He smiled when I walked past him to slide into the back seat. He shut his door as Liz plopped down behind the wheel. They shared a look that I wished I understood. It seemed to speak loudly between them before a sudden flash of deep sadness crossed over his face. I frowned slightly at the thought, not liking seeing any pain in those beautiful features.

I wondered what happened in his life to bring that kind of look to his face. I frowned further when I realized that I really did want to know. And I wanted to take away that pain in any way I could.

The sudden cognizance of this really took me by surprise, to say the least. I had never had feelings of romantic involvement before that singular moment of the consummation of such a simple truth.

It left me terrified. Flipped upside down and shaken about; like a personified snow globe my mind spun, and I was left dazed and confused.

When we got to Liz's house I was awed. It was beautiful. Two stories with dark red brick inlay, a wrap-around porch that extended into the darkness behind the house. Off to the west, the sun was making its presence known in fading colors of orange and purple.

I followed behind Mykel, Liz coming up behind me. She locked the door behind her once we were all inside.

"Come on, cutie, let's get you something to eat." She grabbed my hand and dragged me bodily to the sizeable kitchen.

"Pick out anything you want. It's Mykel's turn to cook." She grinned at me. "Which is a good thing because," she pointed her pointer finger up to visualize her point, "with as awesome of a cook as I am...he's your regular Gordon Ramsey."

Mykel rolled his eyes but didn't comment as he came to stand next to us. We were facing a huge walk-in pantry. I'd never seen so much food in one place that wasn't a store in my life. My eyes widened and I was overwhelmed at the number of selections to choose from.

"There's more in the fridge." I jumped at the sudden voice in my ear, the impetuous culmination of Mykel's nigh contiguous presence.

He smiled at me and I looked away, feeling myself blushing at his attention. I heard him chuckle at my blush.

"You're adorable, you know that? Come on, I'll show you what's in the fridge."

I gaped into the refrigerator much as I had with the pantry. The overwhelming feeling came back as my options broadened. I looked at Mykel, who was staring at me, with a pleading eye.

He smiled and shut the fridge. "Want me to rescue you?"

"Please." The invocation came out whispered and broken. He looked at me then and we both understood I wasn't only referring to the dinner selection.

That look returned to his face like he was remembering something from a distant past before it faded and he smiled. He nodded lightly, his gaze deeply boring into mine, as if he were postulating to lock horns with my demons.

The moment was broken as he moved past me, back to the pantry, and began gathering items for the meal.

I sat down at the kitchen island and watched his back as he set himself to cook. He was well built. Strong. His hair was light brown, his eyes golden, reminding me of a wheat field.

His arms and legs were toned to perfection, his skin tanned, kissed with the sun.

Liz came back shortly after fresh from the shower, her hair hanging in wet ringlets down her face. She smiled at me as she passed, ruffling my hair. I smiled, blushing heavily.

"So what's for dinner then?" she asked coming to stand next to Mykel. She poked his side and he jumped. He glared at her and she grinned, the picture of innocence.

"You know I hate being tickled." His voice was serious, though his face was gentle.

She grinned at him wider. "I know. Does it stop me? Nope!" She popped her 'p' at the end of 'nope' and backed away with another giggle as he reached for her. She came over and hid behind me.

"Mattie will protect me!" she proclaimed, laughter in her voice. She wound her arms around my chest, resting her chin on my shoulder. Lightly she kissed my cheek.

"How are you feeling, honey, you alright?" She sounded so genuine when she asked it made tears pool behind my eyes. I nodded and swallowed.

"I'm always here for you, sweetie. Anytime you need me," she whispered and kissed my cheek again. I could only nod in response lest I start bawling right there in her kitchen. She squeezed me again, hugging me from behind before disconnecting with me to dig for something to drink in her fridge.

"Thirsty, sweetie? Want some apple juice or something?" She was looking at me and as I nodded, Mykel answered.

"I prefer orange juice, schnookums, but if apple's all you got, sure."

I smiled. Actually smiled. She smiled at me, wide and beautiful, as she rolled her eyes at her brother.

"Get over yourself. In no way was I talking to you," she told him as she poured me a drink.

They bantered back and forth and my mind gave thought to my own sister. I closed my eyes and forced myself to breathe. I didn't need to delve any deeper into that train of thought, as surely it would derail in a hailstorm of fire and destruction.

Mykel, as it turns out, is an incredible cook. That first meal no more amazing than any following it. My mouth watered as I began to eat. I didn't eat often. Once every other day...a childhood habit I had been unable to break. I ate like a starving man who had not had a decent meal in years.

I reflected it wasn't far from the truth. To my surprise I finished the plate, feeling for the first time in my life full. In my world, the world I ran away from but still unable to escape, food was for the privileged; I was never among those few.

"Good then?" I smiled at Mykel who had also finished his plate. He'd made a spaghetti casserole and I found myself wanting more. He stood up and reached out his hand. "You want some more?"

I nodded demurely and handed him my plate. He smiled as he took it causing me to smile back.

We talked throughout dinner. Should I say, they talked throughout dinner; them occasionally dragging me into the conversation when they assumed I was being too quiet.

After dinner we gathered around the television, Mykel and I on the couch, Liz settling in her oversized armchair.

"Any suggestions?" Liz asked as she grabbed the remote.

I kept quiet. I had no idea what to even possibly suggest. I do not even own a television.

"What about The Breakfast Club?"

At some point I curled up into myself, a position I was so used to being in that I didn't even notice I was sitting like that until Mykel touched my knee. He pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and beckoned me with it to come closer. I obliged his silent request by sliding slowly over to him, hesitant and unsure; yet somehow, emboldened with a courage I had never experienced in all my years prior.

At the time I was no stranger to the ways of a man's body. After all, I had to find a means to survive the post-apocalyptic world of torture from whence I came. Some were gentle. Some were not. A few took it with violent upheaval, leaving me battered and bruised on some cheap motel floor.

He folded the blanket around me, so soft like he thought I would break, shatter like misused porcelain if he moved too quickly, before drawing me closer to him. His warmth made me realize how cold I actually was, and he wrapped his arm a bit tighter around me as I began to shiver.

"You always this cold?" he whispered to me, his face so close to my ear I felt his breath against it.

"Yes," I replied with a nod, casting my eyes downward, shame filling me so expeditiously that my eyes began to water.

He drew me closer to him, covering me a bit more with the blanket, and smiled. Always with that smile.

"Let's get you warm then," he told me softly. I jumped slightly as he reached forward and swiped my bangs from my eyes. He frowned slightly at the reaction, running the back of his knuckle down my cheek. He looked deeply into my eyes before he spoke.

"I will never raise my hand to you, Mattie. You don't have to worry about me ever hurting you." I looked down at his comment, opulent despondency filling me.

No one had ever said that to me before in my twenty-two years of life, and it filled me with utter desolate disconsolateness, combined with a warmth I never wanted to leave.

I curled up into his side, my head resting atop his chest, his steady heartbeat lulling me to sleep.

I woke up alone on the couch sometime later, the television had been shut off and the lights left dimmed and not dark. I hated the dark. I wondered how he knew.

I stood hearing voices coming from the kitchen. I approached slowly unknowing if I interrupted what exactly I would be interrupting.

"You need to be careful, Mykel."

"Liz." His tone was full of warning and anguish.

"He's not Kaiden, Mykel. You can't..." she stopped, seemingly to catch herself. The look in his eyes turned dark, and the smile was not the one he had shown me all night, but of pain and guilt disguised.

"Can't what, Liza? Can't save them all? Is that what you were gonna say? If you remember, I didn't fucking save him, did I?" His voice cracked and I peeked around the corner. His head was hung low and he was gripping a coffee mug in his hands. "I failed, Kaiden, Liz. In the worst imaginable way. And he's...my hands will never be clean of his blood, Liz. I still see it every time I look at them." He opened his palms then, facing them upward as if demonstrating the blood that only he could see before wrapping them back around the mug.