Water Pt. 3

He hadn't made a move toward the tub, his hand still trapped completely in mine. His touch gave me peace, a spark of hope among the chaos. For so many years I wondered why I had to suffer through it. 

 

It never occurred to me to try and kill myself. Not out of some religious sense, I was brought up as nothing. I had nothing. I was nothing. I always just assumed someone else would do it for me.

 

"Mykel," I heard myself say in a breathy pant. 

 

"Trust me. I won't let anything happen. You're not restricted or restrained. I'm not forcing you. Any time you can walk away."

 

In a way he was right. In a way he was wrong. I was rooted to the spot. My eyes were drawn to the tap and I couldn't breathe.

 

"Mattie," Mykel stepped into my sights, "look at me." I did.

 

He began again to sing and I felt calm as my eyes never broke contact with his.

 

Rise up this morning

Sit with the rising sun

The little birds 

Pitch by my doorstep 

Singing sweet songs 

Of melodies pure and true

Singing this is my message to you

Sing don't worry about a thing

Cause every little thing

Is gonna be alright

 

He kept singing as he turned on the water and slowly began to undress me. There was nothing sexual in his actions. His touches were soft and kind, his movements tempered with the rhythm of the song. 

 

My parents never bothered undressing me, nor giving me the opportunity to undress. They just threw me in and held me down. Afterward leaving me cold in my wet clothes to air dry in my hole.

 

He paid no mind to the connect the dots pattern of cigarette and cigar burns. Soon we were both naked and he was standing behind me. He ran his hands smoothly down my arms before wrapping them around me.

 

I could see the gentle wafting of steam coming from the water. With one hand in his, he extended our arms out so that they were under the stream coming from the showerhead above us. The water was magically warm.

 

He kept singing into my ear. 

 

Every little thing is gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright now.

 

My ever dreaded weakness rolled down my cheeks. I did not stop nor wipe them away. Mykel acted as if they were not even present, to begin with.

 

Every little thing is gonna be alright.

Woke up this morning

Sit with the rising sun

Three little birds pitched by my doorstep singing sweet songs

 

I let my mind take me to a different place. Where three little birds pitched by my doorstep. His voice calming me as we entered the shower. Once our feet were firmly inside the contraption and the curtain drawn I turned into his arms, holding onto him like I had when he hauled me from under the pond's surface.

 

My despairing grew more intense then, my arms wrapped around him in a vice-like grip. He kept an equal hold around me, secure, safe. We stayed still, the water spraying at my feet, reaching halfway up my calves. 

 

"I'm scared," I told him, my voice little more than a fearful squeak.

 

"Trust me, mon bonheur. I won't let you go under."

 

We stepped once, twice, three times and we were under the spray. My grip on him was bruising; I would apologize for the marks two days later.

 

Without completely letting me go, he gathered body wash on a lufa and stepped out of the stream. Slowly he began to wash my skin. He scrubbed just hard enough that it felt like a massage and I felt the heat from the water and steam begin to loosen the knots that had always been.

 

He washed me completely, then himself, then we walked back under the stream.

 

"Alright, mon bonheur, this is the hardest part." He smiled at me encouragingly, then, as if on impulse, gently kissed me. To say I was caught off guard would be an understatement, but I did not pull away from his affections. When he pulled back again he smiled.

 

"But you're doing great. We need to wash your hair." My face must have contorted into a horrid display of fright because he quickly continued, "Listen, Mattie, we don't have to get your face wet." He skirted around me until he was at my back.

 

"What I want you to do is slightly tilt your head back. You'll feel the water and know it isn't going into your mouth and nose. Just along here." He traced my hairline with his fingertip. A drop of water from his hand rolled down my cheek, mingling with the tears that still flowed.

 

I tipped my head back. Breath was hard to come by and I was so damned scared, but I felt Mykel's presence behind me, touching and guiding my head so it doesn't tip too much. 

 

I felt his fingers run through my hair to get it wet. My hair is thick and curly to boot, which did not help get my hair wet any quicker.

 

"Alright, up." I straightened. I heard him pour some shampoo into the palm of his hand before he began lathering my hair. His fingers felt magical against my scalp, massaging and rubbing as he cleaned my hair. I felt like putty as his expert fingers roamed me.

 

"Alright." My eyes jerked open at his words. I had no idea they had even closed. The relaxation took me by surprise.

 

"Now I want you to do the exact same thing you did before so I can rinse your hair. Okay?"

 

I did as he instructed. When my hair was rinsed he made short order of washing and rinsing his. I watched him go under the spray with ease, the water cascading over his face like it was nothing.

 

He hadn't made a move toward the tub, his hand still trapped completely in mine. His touch gave me peace, a spark of hope among the chaos. For so many years I wondered why I had to suffer through it. 

 

It never occurred to me to try and kill myself. Not out of some religious sense, I was brought up as nothing. I had nothing. I was nothing. I always just assumed someone else would do it for me.

 

"Mykel," I heard myself say in a breathy pant. 

 

"Trust me. I won't let anything happen. You're not restricted or restrained. I'm not forcing you. Any time you can walk away."

 

In a way he was right. In a way he was wrong. I was rooted to the spot. My eyes were drawn to the tap and I couldn't breathe.

 

"Mattie," Mykel stepped into my sights, "look at me." I did.

 

He began again to sing and I felt calm as my eyes never broke contact with his.

 

Rise up this morning

Sit with the rising sun

The little birds 

Pitch by my doorstep 

Singing sweet songs 

Of melodies pure and true

Singing this is my message to you

Sing don't worry about a thing

Cause every little thing

Is gonna be alright

 

He kept singing as he turned on the water and slowly began to undress me. There was nothing sexual in his actions. His touches were soft and kind, his movements tempered with the rhythm of the song. 

 

My parents never bothered undressing me, nor giving me the opportunity to undress. They just threw me in and held me down. Afterward leaving me cold in my wet clothes to air dry in my hole.

 

He paid no mind to the connect the dots pattern of cigarette and cigar burns. Soon we were both naked and he was standing behind me. He ran his hands smoothly down my arms before wrapping them around me.

 

I could see the gentle wafting of steam coming from the water. With one hand in his, he extended our arms out so that they were under the stream coming from the showerhead above us. The water was magically warm.

 

He kept singing into my ear. 

 

Every little thing is gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright now.

 

My ever dreaded weakness rolled down my cheeks. I did not stop nor wipe them away. Mykel acted as if they were not even present, to begin with.

 

Every little thing is gonna be alright.

Woke up this morning

Sit with the rising sun

Three little birds pitched by my doorstep singing sweet songs

 

I let my mind take me to a different place. Where three little birds pitched by my doorstep. His voice calming me as we entered the shower. Once our feet were firmly inside the contraption and the curtain drawn I turned into his arms, holding onto him like I had when he hauled me from under the pond's surface.

 

My despairing grew more intense then, my arms wrapped around him in a vice-like grip. He kept an equal hold around me, secure, safe. We stayed still, the water spraying at my feet, reaching halfway up my calves. 

 

"I'm scared," I told him, my voice little more than a fearful squeak.

 

"Trust me, mon bonheur. I won't let you go under."

 

We stepped once, twice, three times and we were under the spray. My grip on him was bruising; I would apologize for the marks two days later.

 

Without completely letting me go, he gathered body wash on a lufa and stepped out of the stream. Slowly he began to wash my skin. He scrubbed just hard enough that it felt like a massage and I felt the heat from the water and steam begin to loosen the knots that had always been.

 

He washed me completely, then himself, then we walked back under the stream.

 

"Alright, mon bonheur, this is the hardest part." He smiled at me encouragingly, then, as if on impulse, gently kissed me. To say I was caught off guard would be an understatement, but I did not pull away from his affections. When he pulled back again he smiled.

 

"But you're doing great. We need to wash your hair." My face must have contorted into a horrid display of fright because he quickly continued, "Listen, Mattie, we don't have to get your face wet." He skirted around me until he was at my back.

 

"What I want you to do is slightly tilt your head back. You'll feel the water and know it isn't going into your mouth and nose. Just along here." He traced my hairline with his fingertip. A drop of water from his hand rolled down my cheek, mingling with the tears that still flowed.

 

I tipped my head back. Breath was hard to come by and I was so damned scared, but I felt Mykel's presence behind me, touching and guiding my head so it doesn't tip too much. 

 

I felt his fingers run through my hair to get it wet. My hair is thick and curly to boot, which did not help get my hair wet any quicker.

 

"Alright, up." I straightened. I heard him pour some shampoo into the palm of his hand before he began lathering my hair. His fingers felt magical against my scalp, massaging and rubbing as he cleaned my hair. I felt like putty as his expert fingers roamed me.

 

"Alright." My eyes jerked open at his words. I had no idea they had even closed. The relaxation took me by surprise.

 

"Now I want you to do the exact same thing you did before so I can rinse your hair. Okay?"

 

I did as he instructed. When my hair was rinsed he made short order of washing and rinsing his. I watched him go under the spray with ease, the water cascading over his face like it was nothing.