Novels by Catherine MacKenzie

I watched him take a deep drag off the marijuana and hold the hit, his eyes squinted against the smoke that rolled upward along his face. He exhaled and looked at me. He looked the slightest bit calmer. His eyes had dried, though the clouds were still present."I've been battling myself that this is a means to an end," he began hoarsely. "I mean I don't want it to be. I want to fight through this together like you said. Get through it together, like you said." He paused and flicked the ash into the ashtray between us. He rocked nervously; just slightly. He made a sound of frustration deep in his throat. "Hey," I set my hands along his things and he looked at me. "Easy. Take a breath. There's no rush here. Gather your thoughts and when you're ready speak." Halfthe blunt was gone before he started speaking. I left one of my hands against

"Mykel." He turned back to her with a desperate look in his eyes. "Have you talked to him?"He shook his head. "I asked once if he was okay. He said he was. He wasn't flippant about it or anything...what if it's just in my head?""Hey, there you two are." Mattie's voice came from behind them. Mykel quickly schooled his features as Mattie came up behind them, his hand sliding up Mykel's shoulder. Mykel closed his eyes. "Everything alright?""When you asked that I knew you knew the answer. I could see it on your face," Rian told me. "So as someone who loves you both, this is my advice. I know you love him, Mattie. Let your guard down. Let him back in completely. He needs you as much as you need him and it's time to stop this." I took a shuddering breath but didn't interrupt her. Her tone was soft, caring, and full of worr

I stood, set the baby in the playpen, and followed him onto the front porch, sitting with him on the steps leading to the house. "Please don't tell my mom this, okay? Can this stay between you and me?""You can tell me anything, Mattie. I want you to be able to trust me." He smiled faintly."I know where I come from. I know what was done to her, and how and why she got pregnant with me." He looked at me, his eyes older than they should have been. Wiser with second-hand knowledge. "I overheard her talking about it with Dad once. I had gone to the bathroom and heard them through the crack in the door."They always have the door cracked open. In case one of us needs them. Anyway, I guess she had a nightmare about it. I could hear her crying as she told him.""She doe

Since going to Mattie's birthday a few months previous, my sister and I remained in almost daily contact. I couldn't be happier about the relationship she and I were building. I had confided in her about my fears after Mykel's...stunt...and many times did she pick me up and take me to her place to calm me down. We were as close as we could be at the moment, and I was surprised at the quick acceleration of our relationship. I was sitting on her couch holding Cory, who was chewing on the tiger's eye stone that was fastened to a leather string that hung around my neck. I smiled at her as her bright blue eyes met mine. She smiled around the necklace.Mattie andDaniel were upstairs playing video games. I smiled a bit more at the sounds of the children laughing. "So how are you and Mykel doing?" Rian asked me as she handed me a fresh glass of iced tea."Not quite as tense as we have b

"I never stopped loving you, Mykel," I told him as my throat tightened."Then what? I mean..." He sighed, his eyes pleading with me. "It hurts, Mattie." I saw his eyes begin to shine and he turned and continued walking, his head down. "I'm not going to try to make excuses for myself. What I did was stupid and it hurt you. And Liz. I just...wish you understood." He looked at me, his eyes dry again with a dullness to them I had never before seen present there."I do to some extent. But you did it in front of me. You had enough force where you could have died and..." I stopped walking and pulled my hand free. I felt his reluctance to let go. He looked at me as if he thought I'd dematerialize right before his eyes. I crossed my arms over my chest, drawing myself in tighter. "I feel betrayed, Mykel. I feel like..." I stopped as my lungs constricted behind my rib cage and tri

Slowly I lowered myself onto the bed, buried my face in his pillow, and, surrounded by his scent, screamed. I heard the sounds of footsteps on the stairs sometime later, but I knew they didn't belong to Mykel. They were too light. I felt Liz's hand on my shoulder and slide around my back as she sat next to me."Baby, why don't you just talk to him?" My cries came harder, my face still obfuscated by the pillow. Liz's fingers found their way into my hair. She said nothing more as she waited for me to calm down. "Mattie." Her voice was so soft as she spoke to me. So full of patience and worry it broke my heart further."I can't, Liz, I can't," I wailed, my words muffled. "I just can't.""Why not, my love?" I couldn't answer her as my cries increased and she pulled me into her. I latched my arms around her, holding on as I

Around one-thirty the telephone rang and with a big grin Nizhoni answered, listened, responded, and hung up.“Jaxsen, come outside with me, baby.”He took her outstretched hand with a puzzled look and allowed himself to be led outside. Moments later Sebastian pulled into the driveway. He got out and rounded the front, calling Jaxsen over to the passenger side of the truck. Sebastian smiled, his grin mirroring Nizhoni’s, who gently set her hands on Jaxsen’s shoulders. Jaxsen looked at Sebastian before looking up at her, a question in his eyes. Nizhoni smiled wider.“Jack, Zhoni and I have a surprise for you.”Jaxsen smiled. “You do? What is it?”“You ready?”

When they exited the monkey house Sebastian attempted to set Jaxsen down to make sure that he really was okay, but the boy would have none of it. He did not scream. Or panic, or make a scene. He simply whimpered and held tighter to him.“No, Daddy, don’t put me down. Take me home, Daddy, I wanna go home.”Sebastian nodded. “Okay, sweet boy. What happened, Jack?” Jaxsen, who was already trembling, began shaking quite a bit more.“Th-th-they found me, Daddy.”While still walking Sebastian glanced around, his stomach falling to his toes. He saw no one that struck him dangerous, but kept a sharp eye out nonetheless. When they reached the truck Sebastian had a hell of a time trying to convince the boy to let him go to get

Jaxsen spoke excitedly about all he’d seen so far during lunch. Sebastian wondered if the boy was going to collapse from insufficient oxygen.Sebastian didn’t dare attempt to taper his enthusiasm. He would much rather have a happy, chatty Jaxsen who was all laughter and childish giggles. He still remembered the frightened, teary-eyed boy he’d first met and was proud of the young man he was becoming.“Daddy, what can we go see next?” Jaxsen asked once their meal was eaten. Sebastian checked his watch.“It’s getting pretty late, Jack. We have time for probably one more exhibit before we have to head home,” Sebastian told him, checking his watch.“Are we still gonna eat dinner at the tower?” he asked excitedly.

“Did you have fun today, sweet boy?” Sebastian asked as the two of them walked back to the truck after the cave tour ended. Jaxsen smiled up at him, his face beaming with excitement.“Yes! That was so much fun, Daddy. Can we do it again next year?” He bounced a bit on his toes, turning toward Sebastian, that megawatt smile growing that much brighter.“If that’s what you want to do, Jack.” Sebastian unlocked the truck and opened the back door so Jaxsen could climb inside. “You want to stop and get some dinner on the way back to the hotel?”Jaxsen nodded. “Can we go eat at the tower?” he asked excitedly. Sebastian ruffled the boy’s hair and smiled.“How about we eat at the tower tomorrow be

Jaxsen smiled and nodded. “Can you, um, help me with my suitcase?” While Sebastian hauled Jaxsen’s luggage to the truck, Nizhoni gathered Jaxsen in a hug that made him giggle.“I love you, my sweet Yanaha. Take good care of your daddy for me, okay? Make sure he doesn’t do something stupid and lose an eye, or something, alright?”Jaxsen giggled again and hugged Nizhoni tightly, expressed his love for her, kissed her cheek and went out to the truck, Nizhoni following behind.“What time is Cori gonna be here?” Sebastian asked as he set the case in the bed of the truck. “Here, I thought you might want this inside with us.” Sebastian handed Jaxsen his backpack which contained his journal, a book, and a few other items to keep his occupation.

The boys met at the park a few minutes later. River and Phoenix were swinging lazily on the swings, their feet dragging the ground and kicking small clouds of dirt and dust with each pass.“Hey,” Jaxsen greeted.The twins smiled, River waved. “Hey, guys,” Phoenix said, hopping off the swings.“Are you okay, Basil?” River signed, a concerned look in his eyes.Jaxsen translated and Basil looked back to River. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just a hard day, you know?”River read lips well, therefore did not need either Jaxsen or his brother to sign Basil’s answer. He nodded and patted Basil on the back.&ld