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Exposure Pt. 2
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Three Little Birds Exposure Pt. 3
"I've never been in love before, Liz. But, I..." I sighed. "I don't want to be a replacement for what he lost with Kaiden. I don't want him to kiss me and think of him or...anything else. I don't even know how he feels about me at this point, so I've...just...been taking it moment by moment." I looked at her then, my eyes pleading for understanding. "Please don't tell him, Liz."She smiled lightly and kissed my temple. "I won't, Mattie."When we pulled into the parking lot of the Cooke County Mall, I stared at the entrance in an anxious haze."You okay there? Did your sails lose their wind?" She chuckled to herself at the joke."I just...I don't have any idea what I could even possibly begin looking for as a gift. I'm looking for a needle in a haystack large as Texas."
Three Little Birds Exposure Pt. 4
He smiled again, though lighter, not reaching his eyes. "When I was a kid I had this book. I saw a program where they were doing a documentary about her and in it, they recited some of her poems. I fell in love with her work. It...touched me somehow."I would sit and read it over and over again. There was a tree that provided a lot of shade in the play yard. I'd sit and read it there while the other kids played sports."That's how I met Kaiden, actually. I was reading it and some older kids started picking on me for it. I was small for my age. I didn't hit a decent growth spurt until I was about sixteen. Anyway, they grabbed my book from me and started making fun of me and it as they shredded it. Kaiden came, being the martial artist that he was, even in third grade...he, uh, came to my rescue. He gathered all the pages that were strewn across the ground and took me to
Three Little Birds Exposure Pt. 5
His feelings for me were growing deeper and for the first time since Kaiden's death, he had an interest in more than a one-night stand. I gave way to the thought that that's possibly why he didn't look at me.I was a reminder that he was alive, that his first love wasn't, and he was beginning to move on.Subconsciously, as he began the process of life and living, and as he started falling in love, he was hanging on tooth and nail to the promise of a devotion that had died six years before.Once everything was smoked, we collectively stood and made our way back to the house. The temperature was dropping and while Liz and I had had the presence of mind to put on a jacket, Mykel had not. We entered the house, quiet and morose, shrouded in grief, and the darkness of the past.
Three Little Birds Exposure Pt. 6
"I was wondering if you could maybe, um, t-take me to the m-m-mall? I, uh, I want to get something for Mykel. I want to maybe cheer him up."Through the whole stuttering mess of my supplication, I disconnected and reestablished eye contact several times. She said nothing about this. She told me it was progress. At the time she said this she pointed out that in the last few weeks I had made eye contact with her more times than in the three years she had known me.I could not argue with this logic. Nor did I try to, as I saw the truth in this.Liz smiled, settling her palm smoothly against my face and kissed my forehead. "I wouldn't mind in the least, sweet cheeks. What did you have in mind?"I stopped, a chair mid-way up to be placed on the table. I lowered my arms
Three Little Birds Exposure Pt. 7
I raced into the store and made my purchase, my heart beating in both titillation and anticipation.When we got home Mykel wasn't there yet, not yet done with overseeing the transformation of his shop into his own, private vision."You wanna help me make dinner? Mykel won't be home for a bit, it might distract you enough until he gets home."I nodded following her into the kitchen. For the last several weeks Liz had been teaching me to cook. I had never learned and had survived off of delivery pizzas and whatever I could microwave."Liz?" I asked as I set the butter next to the raw chicken she had just placed in the skillet. I took a deep breath, fortifying my will, my heart pounding in a different kind of titillation and anticipation.
Three Little Birds Wednesday Pt. 1
By the time Tuesday night rolled around, Mykel's depression of the following day's anniversary had set firmly.Unlike he had the previous week, or even the previous night, when he came home he was devoid of any smile, any jovial moods, and to say he was laconic that night was to say he was talking too much.We heard him open the front door, Liz and I, engaged as we were in our nightly cooking lesson. We each gave pause, her mid-instruction, myself in mid-application, and we shared a glance at one another.We had earlier discussed our theories on how tonight was going to turn out. Liz had more of a hypothesis than I, being as how she'd been there each of the five years previous.He came into the kitchen, as customary, and grabbed a drink before turning to Liz.
Three Little Birds Wednesday Pt. 2
"It's not your fault, Mykel. And from what I gathered, he didn't blame you, either. He blamed himself. I understand his mindset...growing up abused it's all your fault whether it's your fault or not. He just snapped.""But...if I hadn't had left..." He started before hanging his head.The look in his eyes as he looked at me at that moment was an absolute raw pain. Raw pain and buried guilt and those honey-wheat eyes were dark as molasses. The tears that now seemed to be slowly trekking down his face reminded me of sap being pulled from the trees to make syrup. They fell slowly, almost as if they were attempting to defy gravity, and while the battle was a fierce one, gravity still won the war."Can I ask you something?" He nodded and sighed and wiped his eyes."You walk
Three Little Birds Wednesday Pt. 3
"About Kaiden?""Yes," I answered, meeting her gaze. "We talked about Kaiden.""What did he say?" She wasn't looking at me, but at the horizon."Liz..." I started. I was going to deny her. Trust was something...it is something...that I hold to the highest regard. I had never been trusted as I had the night before and I was loathed to break that confidence."Mattie, this is my brother. He hasn't acted like that in a long time. In the beginning, he was so angry all the time. I know he's keeping things from me. I'm not stupid, I always knew there was something. I just never knew what." She wiped her face and asked silently for another drink. I complied willingly, handing the cup over to her."Please, Mattie." I could
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Three Little Birds I See You Pt. 2
I watched him take a deep drag off the marijuana and hold the hit, his eyes squinted against the smoke that rolled upward along his face. He exhaled and looked at me. He looked the slightest bit calmer. His eyes had dried, though the clouds were still present."I've been battling myself that this is a means to an end," he began hoarsely. "I mean I don't want it to be. I want to fight through this together like you said. Get through it together, like you said." He paused and flicked the ash into the ashtray between us. He rocked nervously; just slightly. He made a sound of frustration deep in his throat. "Hey," I set my hands along his things and he looked at me. "Easy. Take a breath. There's no rush here. Gather your thoughts and when you're ready speak." Halfthe blunt was gone before he started speaking. I left one of my hands against
Three Little Birds I See You Pt. 1
"Mykel." He turned back to her with a desperate look in his eyes. "Have you talked to him?"He shook his head. "I asked once if he was okay. He said he was. He wasn't flippant about it or anything...what if it's just in my head?""Hey, there you two are." Mattie's voice came from behind them. Mykel quickly schooled his features as Mattie came up behind them, his hand sliding up Mykel's shoulder. Mykel closed his eyes. "Everything alright?""When you asked that I knew you knew the answer. I could see it on your face," Rian told me. "So as someone who loves you both, this is my advice. I know you love him, Mattie. Let your guard down. Let him back in completely. He needs you as much as you need him and it's time to stop this." I took a shuddering breath but didn't interrupt her. Her tone was soft, caring, and full of worr
Three Little Birds Rian Pt. 2
I stood, set the baby in the playpen, and followed him onto the front porch, sitting with him on the steps leading to the house. "Please don't tell my mom this, okay? Can this stay between you and me?""You can tell me anything, Mattie. I want you to be able to trust me." He smiled faintly."I know where I come from. I know what was done to her, and how and why she got pregnant with me." He looked at me, his eyes older than they should have been. Wiser with second-hand knowledge. "I overheard her talking about it with Dad once. I had gone to the bathroom and heard them through the crack in the door."They always have the door cracked open. In case one of us needs them. Anyway, I guess she had a nightmare about it. I could hear her crying as she told him.""She doe
Three Little Birds Rian Pt. 1
Since going to Mattie's birthday a few months previous, my sister and I remained in almost daily contact. I couldn't be happier about the relationship she and I were building. I had confided in her about my fears after Mykel's...stunt...and many times did she pick me up and take me to her place to calm me down. We were as close as we could be at the moment, and I was surprised at the quick acceleration of our relationship. I was sitting on her couch holding Cory, who was chewing on the tiger's eye stone that was fastened to a leather string that hung around my neck. I smiled at her as her bright blue eyes met mine. She smiled around the necklace.Mattie andDaniel were upstairs playing video games. I smiled a bit more at the sounds of the children laughing. "So how are you and Mykel doing?" Rian asked me as she handed me a fresh glass of iced tea."Not quite as tense as we have b
Three Little Birds Whisper on a Scream Pt. 2
"I never stopped loving you, Mykel," I told him as my throat tightened."Then what? I mean..." He sighed, his eyes pleading with me. "It hurts, Mattie." I saw his eyes begin to shine and he turned and continued walking, his head down. "I'm not going to try to make excuses for myself. What I did was stupid and it hurt you. And Liz. I just...wish you understood." He looked at me, his eyes dry again with a dullness to them I had never before seen present there."I do to some extent. But you did it in front of me. You had enough force where you could have died and..." I stopped walking and pulled my hand free. I felt his reluctance to let go. He looked at me as if he thought I'd dematerialize right before his eyes. I crossed my arms over my chest, drawing myself in tighter. "I feel betrayed, Mykel. I feel like..." I stopped as my lungs constricted behind my rib cage and tri
Three Little Birds Whisper on a Scream Pt. 1
Slowly I lowered myself onto the bed, buried my face in his pillow, and, surrounded by his scent, screamed. I heard the sounds of footsteps on the stairs sometime later, but I knew they didn't belong to Mykel. They were too light. I felt Liz's hand on my shoulder and slide around my back as she sat next to me."Baby, why don't you just talk to him?" My cries came harder, my face still obfuscated by the pillow. Liz's fingers found their way into my hair. She said nothing more as she waited for me to calm down. "Mattie." Her voice was so soft as she spoke to me. So full of patience and worry it broke my heart further."I can't, Liz, I can't," I wailed, my words muffled. "I just can't.""Why not, my love?" I couldn't answer her as my cries increased and she pulled me into her. I latched my arms around her, holding on as I
Three Little Birds Admonish and Forgive Pt. 2
He shook his head slightly. "I tried talking to him about it...about how he feels...and he won't."Liz lit the forgotten blunt. "Of course he won't. Why would he right now? Beyond what he said as reasoning for not saying anything, he needs to process it all and come to terms with how he feels before he can talk to you about it." She paused. "You think he's the only one that's pissed off about this, Mykel? Cause, I gotta tell ya...I'm fucking livid. And I'm trying to be supportive of you and not make you feel worse about this whole shit hole of a situation, but...I don't even know anymore. I don't know what to think or what to say or how to say it. Or make things worse by saying anything. And I'm sure that's how he feels also. Mykel?""Yeah?""Don't you ever fucking do that again."
Three Little Birds Admonish and Forgive Pt. 1
I took a shuddering breath. "Is this really a conversation you want to get into right now, Mykel?"He looked at me. "If not now, when? This isn't a conversation that you'll willingly bring up later."I looked at him for a moment, my expression softening as I looked at him. "If I need to. But right now, emotions are high. Shit is still very raw...I would rather put it off until we've both had time to process so this doesn't turn into a fight. I don't want to fight with you. Do I want to talk about this? Yes. I do. Because it really fucking hurt. Do I want to fight and scream and argue? No, I'd rather not. So if not talking about it now and having to balls up to mention it later means that that won't happen tonight...that-that we won't fight because we're both very clearly upset...then, fine, I can do that."He scoffed at
Three Little Birds All Through the Night Pt. 3
She glanced up as Mykel took a seat next to her. She smiled sadly at him. I could see she was attempting to keep her composure. I knew the fear in her heart was one she hadn't quite experienced for her brother in several years. "Hey, Mykee." He smiled at her, but the smile was worn with an anxious pulling of his brows. "You want some coffee?" He nodded not speaking. I could see his throat bobbing as he swallowed impulsively, trying to keep himself from falling apart, by the look in her eyes. She set the mug down in front of him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, setting her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you, Mykel. Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, or I'll kill you myself." He half-smiled and nodded in a barely perceptible way, his eyes slipping closed momentarily. She kissed his cheek before disengaging from his shoulders and taking her seat.To Mykel she said, "I won't be gone too long today. I
