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Prologue: Thinking Out Loud
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2023-01-03 21:40:00There will always be that one guy that you would constantly be pining for but never truly have.
That one guy that you would change your hairstyle for, hoping that he'd somehow notice. That one guy that you would spend sleepless nights thinking about, wondering if he's doing the same thing about you. That one guy that you secretly loved from afar, wishing that maybe someday he would somehow reciprocate your unrequited feelings. That one guy that you would still wish happiness for even if that happiness did not include you. For me, that one guy's name was Marcus Adrian Lee. I never even really existed in Adrian’s eyes. I never really had his heart. I could never truly make him smile the way that she used to. I could never really mend his heart no matter how hard I tried. I mean how do you even begin to fix a broken man? How can you became the person that he not only needs but also wants? I constantly ask myself why I even try but then I take one look at Adrian and immediately know why. My name is Madison Rain Rivera and this is how The Decadence of The Fallen’s Adrian changed me forever.Related chapters
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 1: Meeting The Ice Prince
I didn't know why but out of all the boys in school, my heart decided to fall for The Decadence of The Fallen's "Ice Prince" and lead vocalist. A nobody falling for the most popular boy in school had to be the greatest cliché of the century. A sort of cosmic joke that the universe decided to play on a mere mortal like me. And everyone in the whole universe seems to be laughing but me... As if explaining my situation with him wasn't hard enough, describing Adrian had to be a variation of complexities in itself. He had the face of an angel, a no-nonsense attitude, and a brooding facade and although he was blessed with undeniable good looks he was not your typical popular guy. Adrian did not want the attention nor took advantage of his horde of screaming groupies. Yes, there was always a horde and yes, they were always screaming. Although, shrieking might be the more accurate term. In fact, if not for the mandatory fan interaction imposed by their band status, you would mostly find
Last Updated : 2023-01-03The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 2: Facing The Groupies
No words were spoken between us as we made our way towards the next building. Since it was raining really hard, nobody else was around the area and it was completely silent except for the sound of raindrops falling. As we walked side by side with him holding out his umbrella for the both of us, for some reason, it felt like we were a couple. It may have even seemed that way if anybody else ever saw us because that kind of gesture was (almost) never done between strangers. Yes. Strangers. We were strangers. I didn't even know his name and he didn't know mine yet here I was daydreaming about him. And to think that I was starting to develop a crush on this guy who called me an idiot earlier...I really was a sucker for bad boys! As I silently berated myself upon this realization, I barely noticed that we had arrived at the building across and that the guy I was with had already closed his umbrella and was getting out of the pouring rain. But thanks to the feel of raindrops on my s
Last Updated : 2023-01-03The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 3: Taking Chances
And a miracle it was! I checked my watch and saw that it had just turned 7:30. Whew. I made it to my Literature class! Thank goodness! Our professor had not even arrived when I got there. Then suddenly, I noticed that my classmates were starting to leave. What's going on? Where were they going and why were they leaving? "Maddie! Where were you? I left several messages on your phone. What happened? Hey, do you even realize that you're completely barefoot right now?" a familiar voice called out to me. It was my high school friend and closest confidante, Leslie Soriano. Tall, slender, and had a face that could put several models to shame. She was a reformed party girl who now enjoyed the simpler things in life. Before, we became friends, she used to be head cheerleader at her former school and had a reputation as a partygoing socialite who only cared if the shoes she wore matched her outfit. But that was all behind Leslie now. She still liked to go out and wear nice cloth
Last Updated : 2023-01-03The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 4: Failing Expectations
The dressing room was quite small, with costumes used by the theater group placed on one side and a long wall-mounted mirror on the other. Two sofas were somehow fitted inside the room and it was there that we saw the members of The Decadence of The Fallen. I. Must. Be. Dreaming. Somebody pinch me! They were all absolutely gorgeous. Now I totally get why so many girls fall completely head over heels for them. Good looks plus musical talent equals The Decadence of The Fallen. That was probably the band's formula for fame and success. Of course, until now I was still guessing about the musical talent part since I haven't actually seen them perform yet...and I will. But right now I was just completely mesmerized by them as I looked over to my side and found Leslie, drooling along with me. The guy wearing a preppy blue sweater placed his electric guitar on the sofa and began to approach us. He had this boyish charm and had a smile that could rival that of a toothpaste model's. "Josh,"
Last Updated : 2023-01-03The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 5: Joining The Band
I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up with a headache the next morning. Good thing it was a Saturday and I had no scheduled classes because I barely had the strength to get up from bed. I was still in my pink dress, which was now completely soaked in sweat and tears, as I groggily got up and headed for the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw that my hair was all messed up, I had dark circles around my eyes and several eyeliner tear streaks on my cheeks. I was even paler than usual and my thin frame didn't help either as it made me appear sickly today. Well simply put, I looked terrible! On normal days, I must admit that I was paler than most girls but even if my black hair was long and curled at the ends, it wasn't this messy and I wasn't this pale. My eyes were almond shaped and since I was normally pale, I usually tried to avoid getting dark circles as they tend to be the first things you notice on my face. But lo and behold, I looked like a rac
Last Updated : 2023-01-03The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 6: Falling Into Place
Adrian looked as if he was having second thoughts. All eyes were on him as everyone waited for him to speak. Then, hesitantly, he agreed and finally said, "Yes." Cheers and congratulations were soon heard after that as JD, Warren, Bash, and Spencer welcomed me into The Decadence of The Fallen. While Leslie showed her support for me by shedding endless amounts of tears (of joy, I assumed). I was really happy that, finally, things were slowly falling into place...I knew that I still had a lot to prove but at least for now, I had somehow redeemed myself from that fiasco last Friday. With a slight boost in my morale, I went down from the stage to graciously accept their warm welcome. Jayden was the first to approach me and shook my hand. "Maddie, I'm really proud of you! I said that if I was going to lose the drummer position, I would much rather lose to you. And I'm glad that I did..." he smiled kindly at me before he continued, "...you really surprised me today. I'm impressed."
Last Updated : 2023-01-03The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 7: Living The Dream
When I got home that day my parents were already there and mom had already prepared dinner for us. I sent them a text earlier saying that I was auditioning for a new band and after when I got the drummer position. They had always been supportive of all my undertakings especially my passion for playing the drums. They had paid for my drum lessons and had patiently drove me to and from gigs that usually ended late. Mom and dad worked really hard and usually went home late but they always tried their best to make time for me. I knew that they had their flaws but to me they were the perfect parents and I loved them very much. "Hi, sweetie! Welcome home! I got your text earlier and told your dad that we should surprise you. I made your favorite, chicken carbonara," mom affectionately greeted me when I entered the front door. She probably heard me coming in and had left the kitchen in a hurry because she still had her apron on. "Thanks, mom. You know me too well," I replied smiling wi
Last Updated : 2023-01-03The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 8: Appreciating The Mundane
Gigs and weeks passed by and slowly, the first semester was coming to a close. By now Adrian, JD, Warren, Spence and I had finally gotten so used to one another that we could already read each other's minds during our performances. The fans and groupies had also seemed to accept me as the newest addition to their favorite band. And now that I had adjusted to my role as their new drummer, I always seemed to look forward to our band practices and gigs. I knew that many people would have killed to be in my position all because my bandmates were the coolest guys on campus. Like moths to a flame, everybody was attracted to them and was fascinated by them. They were always treated like rock gods and people constantly wanted to be around them all the time. I don't want to sound like a traitor to my band or ruin the idea that most people have about my bandmates but once you get to know them better and start spending more time with them, you would be surprised to know that they really are ju
Last Updated : 2023-01-03
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The Decadence of The Fallen Epilogue: Changing Perspectives
Graduation Day. I stood helpless in my graduation robe as I looked at Madison from afar. She didn't even notice me looking at her, which was probably for the best. Today though, I noticed that Madison looked completely different. She looked happy. I guess it was because she was with JD now. He held her hand and she looked up at him lovingly. I wanted to be happy for them so I tried to force a smile on my face but all it did was leave a bitter taste in my mouth. That should be me beside you and not JD. I couldn't help but think about what could have been...what should have been...but in the end, I had nobody else to blame but myself. I'm sorry, Maddie. I wasn't man enough or strong enough to tell you the truth and admit my true feelings for you. I guess all I am is a jerk and a coward who doesn't deserve your love. I regret not telling you. I never intended to hurt you. But I did. I wish I was braver. But I'm not. I never wanted this to happen to us. But it did. I wish
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 25: Fading Feelings and Bitter Goodbyes
Graduation Day. I never wanted for this day to come but it did and now it's almost over. The thought of leaving was hard and saying goodbye was harder...but saying goodbye to the one you love was the hardest and the most painful. I heard many speeches and quotes throughout this day but as I stood in the middle of West Lane's function hall in my graduation gown, the one quote that kept playing in my head was a quote from a book that I read a long time ago... I'll tell you...what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to someone who smites it. Charles Dickens pretty much sums up what it feels like when love is unrequited in Great Expectations and what it feels like to love you, Adrian. I didn't even see you at all today but you are the only one I kept thinking about. I know that it's probably useless because you'll never get to hea
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 24: Facing The Music
They say that love isn't supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be worth it. It's not easy to love him but I know that it's worth it. That's why I chose him. I chose Adrian. I had made up my mind but it took me another two years to finally have enough courage to confess my feelings to the guy who stole my heart. It wasn't easy though. I had to break JD's heart and tell him about my decision. The Decadence of The Fallen began to accept gigs again so I also had to endure hours of band practice with both him and Adrian around. Then, I had to put my best poker face on just to pretend like nothing was wrong. But through it all, I just kept telling myself that my love for Adrian will overcome anything... Of course, I had to choose the perfect day to tell Adrian - the day after Valentine's Day of 2010. I don't know if I was being romantic or ironic but these days, I can't really tell the difference. Frankly, I don't exactly know why it took me this long. It could have been because I wa
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 23: Choosing Love
Christmas vacation was over and a new year has arrived. The year 2008 was only beginning and yet I was already confronted with the reality that it wasn't going to be my year. I forgot to submit a project for one of my major subjects, my band was on the verge of a breakup, and my love life - if you can even call it that - was a big pile of mess. And just when I thought that things could not get any worse, it does. Warren suddenly called for an emergency band meeting at the concert hall one day. I felt that it was too soon because the last time we met, the tension was quite high and we weren't able to solve any of our issues. But he said that it was urgent and that he needed to talk to all of us as soon as possible so I had no choice but to give in. I came to the concert hall with a deep sense of foreboding but my mood immediately brightened up once I saw a familiar figure standing in front of the stage next to Warren. "Bash!" I ran over to him and gave him a tight hug. He hug
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 22: Struggling At The Crossroads
I did not expect that I would spend my Christmas vacation thinking about Adrian and JD. I never thought that I would ever be in a situation where I had to choose between the one I loved and the one who loved me. I guess I just wasn't lucky enough to have the one I love and the one who loved me be the same person. I loved Adrian but JD was the one who was in love with me. And now I was struggling... During Christmas dinner, even though the food that mom had worked so hard on and dad enjoyed so much was delicious, everything tasted bland to me. I excused myself to go to bed early and got my parents worried because they thought that I was sick. I'm such a bad daughter, I know, but I guess in a way I really was sick. Love sick to be exact. I know how cheesy that sounds right now but it was exactly what I was feeling at that moment. And so I ended up spending the rest of Christmas dinner locked up in my room and thinking about a way to get myself out of this mess. I have not given
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 21: Surprising Declarations
It was a week before the Christmas break and the last week of classes when Spence decided to call for a band meeting one last time for the year 2007. He wanted us to finally settle the issues that have been plaguing The Decadence of The Fallen for the last several weeks. With the exception of JD, who I have been hanging out with along with Leslie these past weeks, I haven't really seen much of my other band mates as of late. I think I saw Spence once on my way to class and Warren, maybe twice, at a cafe but that was it. I exchanged pleasantries with them but it was brief and we usually were in a rush to go somewhere else. I guess it was better than not seeing them at all...like my situation with Adrian. I have not really seen him and Celine in a while and JD never really spoke about them when we were together. It was true that I missed Adrian but the part of me that wanted to avoid him had prevailed all this time. But it was ending today. I was going to see Adrian for the first time
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 20: Finding Solace
I had been forcing myself to go to school and trying to avoid Adrian at all costs after that whole incident. Thankfully, today was a Saturday and band practices were over because our gig was apparently cancelled. I had no reason to interact with Adrian for the next couple of weeks and he was probably busy with Celine anyway so... I was mostly sulking these days and Les had been doing all she could to cheer me up, all to no avail. Surprisingly though, comfort came from a person that I least expected. A person whom I've ignored all this time. "JD!" I waved and called out to him as he pulled into our driveway. He had been checking up on me because Leslie told him all about the Below Zero incident and he saw how I reacted when I rushed off to find Adrian that day when Celine kissed him. He was such a good guy that even my parents couldn't help but root for him. He was the one who saved me from drowning and every time that I saw him, I wished that I could teach my heart to fall for h
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 19: Drowning Slowly
I woke up with a terrible hangover the day after and an uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach, all courtesy of my reckless behavior and my little stint at Below Zero last night. I don't think that I'll be able to show my face there ever again after that whole scene with Adrian and my very "classy" and "graceful" exit afterwards. I can't even remember how I got home last night, much less, get myself dressed in my pajamas and in bed after that but I guess I somehow managed. I brushed that thought off as I got up from under the sheets and headed to the bathroom. Halfway there, I suddenly realized that I didn't manage on my own and that someone had to carry me and bring me home last night. It was Adrian! The last person that I wanted to see me fall from grace witnessed it all firsthand. My life just keeps getting better and better. I felt sick and ran to the bathroom sink to relieve myself of the horrible feeling in my stomach. Apparently, there were still some cosmos left in my sys
The Decadence of The Fallen Chapter 18: Intoxicating Emotions
It was a Friday night and I was feeling rebellious so I put on more make up than usual and finally wore the "barely there" outfit that my cousin, Charlotte, gave me for my eighteenth birthday. It was a short, strapless dress in glittering silver that showed way too much cleavage and way too much leg or should I say thigh. It wasn't as if I had a lot to show anyway but I put a black coat over it just in case mom or dad saw me. I got my matching silver clutch bag, grabbed the keys, then hurriedly made my way towards my car. I was meeting Leslie at Below Zero for a girls night out since she insisted that I badly needed a distraction from Adrian. She knew all about what happened and had been trying to convince me to get over it and just focus on myself instead. It took a lot of time before I finally agreed because up until yesterday I had been locked up in my room, crying my nights away. It was a short drive to Below Zero and I was there in no time. I decided to leave my coat in t
