I didn't know why but out of all the boys in school, my heart decided to fall for The Decadence of The Fallen's "Ice Prince" and lead vocalist. A nobody falling for the most popular boy in school had to be the greatest cliché of the century. A sort of cosmic joke that the universe decided to play on a mere mortal like me. And everyone in the whole universe seems to be laughing but me...
As if explaining my situation with him wasn't hard enough, describing Adrian had to be a variation of complexities in itself. He had the face of an angel, a no-nonsense attitude, and a brooding facade and although he was blessed with undeniable good looks he was not your typical popular guy. Adrian did not want the attention nor took advantage of his horde of screaming groupies. Yes, there was always a horde and yes, they were always screaming. Although, shrieking might be the more accurate term. In fact, if not for the mandatory fan interaction imposed by their band status, you would mostly find Adrian alone and deep in thought. Maybe it was somehow because of the pressures of being a part of a very affluent family and the sole heir to the prestigious Lee Group of Companies. Yes. He was perfect. But even though it appeared that Adrian had it all, he always seemed like he did not belong with the upper class society that he was entitled to. He was different and out of place just like me and I guess that was what drew me to him. At least, that was one thing we had in common because unlike Adrian, I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth nor was I, in any way, popular. I did not have a horde of screaming fans after me nor did anyone consider me a heartthrob. I would describe myself as a an average girl who preferred the company of books to the company of people. I had friends but they were a select few people who truly understood the quirks and contradictions, that was a Madison Rain Rivera... To say that I was a walking contradiction had to be the understatement of the decade. With all of my quirks, I sometimes even surprised myself. I enjoyed girly things like makeup and pretty clothes but I also could not resist playing the drums and being the goalkeeper at a soccer game. I can appreciate the aesthetically beautiful but the downright macabre does not necessarily make me cringe either. I like completely opposite things and that was what most people don't get about me but it was okay because everyone's entitled to their own opinions and I never aimed to please everybody to begin with. Teenage angst at its finest, right? The typical rantings of a sixteen year old teenage girl, with a lot of inner conflict, trying to catch the attention of the boy she liked. Sounded like an overrated plot to a really sappy movie, right? If only it was that simple. If only my life was like in the movies where the guy falls for the girl in the end or like in fairy tales where happily ever afters existed. But this was real life...a life that became even more complicated the day I met Adrian... It was the 5th of June, 2006 and my first day at West Lane University - the most prestigious school this part of the metropolis. The majority of the students here were mostly trust fund babies who were set for life as most of them would inherit vast amounts of their families fortunes. Always clad in designer outfits and driving the most expensive luxury cars on the market. They were the heirs and heiresses of business tycoons, diplomats and wealthy elites. I, on the other hand, belonged to the minority. I had neither a trust fund nor a big inheritance under my name and I could only afford to buy designer clothes during special occasions. Not that I was complaining or anything, it was quite the opposite actually. I was completely grateful for having hardworking parents who wanted nothing but the best for me, including the best quality of education possible. I had just entered the main gate when I looked at my watch and saw that it was already 7:15. I still had to find my classroom at Westerfield Hall and I only had 15 minutes to do that. I was already slightly panicking at the thought of being late on my first day and since our school was really big and easy to get lost in I'd say the probability of that happening was...most likely. I was too embarrassed to ask the other students who were passing me by as they seemed too preoccupied with finding their own classes. So, I decided to take a look at the map I had downloaded from the school's website. I took out the printed copy from my pocket and frantically searched for Westerfield on the map. By some miracle, I somehow managed to find it given my poor navigational skills. Now that I knew where it was, I instantly started walking briskly towards my destination and said a silent prayer in my head that I would somehow make it on time. Then as luck would have it, heavy rain started to fall. I immediately checked inside my bag to find an umbrella and of course, it wasn't there! Out of all the days, I had to choose this one to forget my umbrella and to make matters worse I was wearing my new purple lace dress and flat beige shoes. Perfect. Welcome to college, Madison... I ran to the nearest area I could find and had decided to take refuge under the covered walk where the bulletin boards were lined up. Now I was standing just across the main building where my class was as I helplessly watched relentless amounts of raindrops fall to the concrete pavements surrounding me. Then, just as I was pondering on whether to risk being late and wait until the rain stops or ignore the rain completely and run across the nearly flooded pathway, this guy suddenly appears out of nowhere. Umbrella in hand, he quietly motioned for me to walk with him across to the next building. I was completely dumbfounded and just stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. During that eternity though, I still noticed that he was wearing a black hoodie jacket and faded denim pants which was a wardrobe staple for every emo boy/musician wannabe at our school. But unlike most of them who were posers, he appeared to have the musical credentials to back it up. Having been around musicians for most of my free time, I could already tell the poser-wannabes from the real deal. His angelic features and cool persona aside, there was an air of mystery and sophistication about him that made me even more curious. He was undoubtedly gorgeous and charismatic but these traits were completely overshadowed by the pained look in his eyes. "Are you coming or are you just gonna stand there all day, looking like a complete idiot?!" an irritated voice said, waking me up from the trance I was in and bringing me back to reality. As I tried to regain my composure, I attempted to think of a reply but was abruptly interrupted. "Whatever. I'm just gonna leave you then," after saying that he abruptly turned his back on me and started heading for the next building, leaving me frantically trying to keep up with his pace. This guy was a total jerk and normally, I would have come up with a witty comeback by now but suddenly all I could think of was how much I liked being near him, sharing an umbrella together, and how I did not want it to be over...No words were spoken between us as we made our way towards the next building. Since it was raining really hard, nobody else was around the area and it was completely silent except for the sound of raindrops falling. As we walked side by side with him holding out his umbrella for the both of us, for some reason, it felt like we were a couple. It may have even seemed that way if anybody else ever saw us because that kind of gesture was (almost) never done between strangers. Yes. Strangers. We were strangers. I didn't even know his name and he didn't know mine yet here I was daydreaming about him. And to think that I was starting to develop a crush on this guy who called me an idiot earlier...I really was a sucker for bad boys! As I silently berated myself upon this realization, I barely noticed that we had arrived at the building across and that the guy I was with had already closed his umbrella and was getting out of the pouring rain. But thanks to the feel of raindrops on my s
And a miracle it was! I checked my watch and saw that it had just turned 7:30. Whew. I made it to my Literature class! Thank goodness! Our professor had not even arrived when I got there. Then suddenly, I noticed that my classmates were starting to leave. What's going on? Where were they going and why were they leaving? "Maddie! Where were you? I left several messages on your phone. What happened? Hey, do you even realize that you're completely barefoot right now?" a familiar voice called out to me. It was my high school friend and closest confidante, Leslie Soriano. Tall, slender, and had a face that could put several models to shame. She was a reformed party girl who now enjoyed the simpler things in life. Before, we became friends, she used to be head cheerleader at her former school and had a reputation as a partygoing socialite who only cared if the shoes she wore matched her outfit. But that was all behind Leslie now. She still liked to go out and wear nice cloth
The dressing room was quite small, with costumes used by the theater group placed on one side and a long wall-mounted mirror on the other. Two sofas were somehow fitted inside the room and it was there that we saw the members of The Decadence of The Fallen. I. Must. Be. Dreaming. Somebody pinch me! They were all absolutely gorgeous. Now I totally get why so many girls fall completely head over heels for them. Good looks plus musical talent equals The Decadence of The Fallen. That was probably the band's formula for fame and success. Of course, until now I was still guessing about the musical talent part since I haven't actually seen them perform yet...and I will. But right now I was just completely mesmerized by them as I looked over to my side and found Leslie, drooling along with me. The guy wearing a preppy blue sweater placed his electric guitar on the sofa and began to approach us. He had this boyish charm and had a smile that could rival that of a toothpaste model's. "Josh,"
I cried myself to sleep that night and woke up with a headache the next morning. Good thing it was a Saturday and I had no scheduled classes because I barely had the strength to get up from bed. I was still in my pink dress, which was now completely soaked in sweat and tears, as I groggily got up and headed for the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and saw that my hair was all messed up, I had dark circles around my eyes and several eyeliner tear streaks on my cheeks. I was even paler than usual and my thin frame didn't help either as it made me appear sickly today. Well simply put, I looked terrible! On normal days, I must admit that I was paler than most girls but even if my black hair was long and curled at the ends, it wasn't this messy and I wasn't this pale. My eyes were almond shaped and since I was normally pale, I usually tried to avoid getting dark circles as they tend to be the first things you notice on my face. But lo and behold, I looked like a rac
Adrian looked as if he was having second thoughts. All eyes were on him as everyone waited for him to speak. Then, hesitantly, he agreed and finally said, "Yes." Cheers and congratulations were soon heard after that as JD, Warren, Bash, and Spencer welcomed me into The Decadence of The Fallen. While Leslie showed her support for me by shedding endless amounts of tears (of joy, I assumed). I was really happy that, finally, things were slowly falling into place...I knew that I still had a lot to prove but at least for now, I had somehow redeemed myself from that fiasco last Friday. With a slight boost in my morale, I went down from the stage to graciously accept their warm welcome. Jayden was the first to approach me and shook my hand. "Maddie, I'm really proud of you! I said that if I was going to lose the drummer position, I would much rather lose to you. And I'm glad that I did..." he smiled kindly at me before he continued, "...you really surprised me today. I'm impressed."
When I got home that day my parents were already there and mom had already prepared dinner for us. I sent them a text earlier saying that I was auditioning for a new band and after when I got the drummer position. They had always been supportive of all my undertakings especially my passion for playing the drums. They had paid for my drum lessons and had patiently drove me to and from gigs that usually ended late. Mom and dad worked really hard and usually went home late but they always tried their best to make time for me. I knew that they had their flaws but to me they were the perfect parents and I loved them very much. "Hi, sweetie! Welcome home! I got your text earlier and told your dad that we should surprise you. I made your favorite, chicken carbonara," mom affectionately greeted me when I entered the front door. She probably heard me coming in and had left the kitchen in a hurry because she still had her apron on. "Thanks, mom. You know me too well," I replied smiling wi
Gigs and weeks passed by and slowly, the first semester was coming to a close. By now Adrian, JD, Warren, Spence and I had finally gotten so used to one another that we could already read each other's minds during our performances. The fans and groupies had also seemed to accept me as the newest addition to their favorite band. And now that I had adjusted to my role as their new drummer, I always seemed to look forward to our band practices and gigs. I knew that many people would have killed to be in my position all because my bandmates were the coolest guys on campus. Like moths to a flame, everybody was attracted to them and was fascinated by them. They were always treated like rock gods and people constantly wanted to be around them all the time. I don't want to sound like a traitor to my band or ruin the idea that most people have about my bandmates but once you get to know them better and start spending more time with them, you would be surprised to know that they really are ju
The next few days turned out to be completely hectic for all of us. Projects and exams headed our way so band practices had to be postponed or cancelled. Even if some of us were available, we would always be lacking one or two members. In the end, we all decided that it would be best to just practice on our own for a while. JD and Adrian were both working on business projects. Spence had to do a report on one of Picasso's paintings of Marie Therese while Warren had to interview his uncle for reference on a paper he was doing about the life of a politician. On my end, I had to prepare for exams and submit a book report for my English Literature class. Our professor, Ms. Borja, had given us a long list of book titles to choose from. Classic books written by some of the greatest literary authors of all time graced the list and no two titles were the same. She had written them all into several small pieces of paper and placed them in a bowl. Once a certain book was picked out, it was
Graduation Day. I stood helpless in my graduation robe as I looked at Madison from afar. She didn't even notice me looking at her, which was probably for the best. Today though, I noticed that Madison looked completely different. She looked happy. I guess it was because she was with JD now. He held her hand and she looked up at him lovingly. I wanted to be happy for them so I tried to force a smile on my face but all it did was leave a bitter taste in my mouth. That should be me beside you and not JD. I couldn't help but think about what could have been...what should have been...but in the end, I had nobody else to blame but myself. I'm sorry, Maddie. I wasn't man enough or strong enough to tell you the truth and admit my true feelings for you. I guess all I am is a jerk and a coward who doesn't deserve your love. I regret not telling you. I never intended to hurt you. But I did. I wish I was braver. But I'm not. I never wanted this to happen to us. But it did. I wish
Graduation Day. I never wanted for this day to come but it did and now it's almost over. The thought of leaving was hard and saying goodbye was harder...but saying goodbye to the one you love was the hardest and the most painful. I heard many speeches and quotes throughout this day but as I stood in the middle of West Lane's function hall in my graduation gown, the one quote that kept playing in my head was a quote from a book that I read a long time ago... I'll tell you...what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to someone who smites it. Charles Dickens pretty much sums up what it feels like when love is unrequited in Great Expectations and what it feels like to love you, Adrian. I didn't even see you at all today but you are the only one I kept thinking about. I know that it's probably useless because you'll never get to hea
They say that love isn't supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be worth it. It's not easy to love him but I know that it's worth it. That's why I chose him. I chose Adrian. I had made up my mind but it took me another two years to finally have enough courage to confess my feelings to the guy who stole my heart. It wasn't easy though. I had to break JD's heart and tell him about my decision. The Decadence of The Fallen began to accept gigs again so I also had to endure hours of band practice with both him and Adrian around. Then, I had to put my best poker face on just to pretend like nothing was wrong. But through it all, I just kept telling myself that my love for Adrian will overcome anything... Of course, I had to choose the perfect day to tell Adrian - the day after Valentine's Day of 2010. I don't know if I was being romantic or ironic but these days, I can't really tell the difference. Frankly, I don't exactly know why it took me this long. It could have been because I wa
Christmas vacation was over and a new year has arrived. The year 2008 was only beginning and yet I was already confronted with the reality that it wasn't going to be my year. I forgot to submit a project for one of my major subjects, my band was on the verge of a breakup, and my love life - if you can even call it that - was a big pile of mess. And just when I thought that things could not get any worse, it does. Warren suddenly called for an emergency band meeting at the concert hall one day. I felt that it was too soon because the last time we met, the tension was quite high and we weren't able to solve any of our issues. But he said that it was urgent and that he needed to talk to all of us as soon as possible so I had no choice but to give in. I came to the concert hall with a deep sense of foreboding but my mood immediately brightened up once I saw a familiar figure standing in front of the stage next to Warren. "Bash!" I ran over to him and gave him a tight hug. He hug
I did not expect that I would spend my Christmas vacation thinking about Adrian and JD. I never thought that I would ever be in a situation where I had to choose between the one I loved and the one who loved me. I guess I just wasn't lucky enough to have the one I love and the one who loved me be the same person. I loved Adrian but JD was the one who was in love with me. And now I was struggling... During Christmas dinner, even though the food that mom had worked so hard on and dad enjoyed so much was delicious, everything tasted bland to me. I excused myself to go to bed early and got my parents worried because they thought that I was sick. I'm such a bad daughter, I know, but I guess in a way I really was sick. Love sick to be exact. I know how cheesy that sounds right now but it was exactly what I was feeling at that moment. And so I ended up spending the rest of Christmas dinner locked up in my room and thinking about a way to get myself out of this mess. I have not given
It was a week before the Christmas break and the last week of classes when Spence decided to call for a band meeting one last time for the year 2007. He wanted us to finally settle the issues that have been plaguing The Decadence of The Fallen for the last several weeks. With the exception of JD, who I have been hanging out with along with Leslie these past weeks, I haven't really seen much of my other band mates as of late. I think I saw Spence once on my way to class and Warren, maybe twice, at a cafe but that was it. I exchanged pleasantries with them but it was brief and we usually were in a rush to go somewhere else. I guess it was better than not seeing them at all...like my situation with Adrian. I have not really seen him and Celine in a while and JD never really spoke about them when we were together. It was true that I missed Adrian but the part of me that wanted to avoid him had prevailed all this time. But it was ending today. I was going to see Adrian for the first time
I had been forcing myself to go to school and trying to avoid Adrian at all costs after that whole incident. Thankfully, today was a Saturday and band practices were over because our gig was apparently cancelled. I had no reason to interact with Adrian for the next couple of weeks and he was probably busy with Celine anyway so... I was mostly sulking these days and Les had been doing all she could to cheer me up, all to no avail. Surprisingly though, comfort came from a person that I least expected. A person whom I've ignored all this time. "JD!" I waved and called out to him as he pulled into our driveway. He had been checking up on me because Leslie told him all about the Below Zero incident and he saw how I reacted when I rushed off to find Adrian that day when Celine kissed him. He was such a good guy that even my parents couldn't help but root for him. He was the one who saved me from drowning and every time that I saw him, I wished that I could teach my heart to fall for h
I woke up with a terrible hangover the day after and an uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach, all courtesy of my reckless behavior and my little stint at Below Zero last night. I don't think that I'll be able to show my face there ever again after that whole scene with Adrian and my very "classy" and "graceful" exit afterwards. I can't even remember how I got home last night, much less, get myself dressed in my pajamas and in bed after that but I guess I somehow managed. I brushed that thought off as I got up from under the sheets and headed to the bathroom. Halfway there, I suddenly realized that I didn't manage on my own and that someone had to carry me and bring me home last night. It was Adrian! The last person that I wanted to see me fall from grace witnessed it all firsthand. My life just keeps getting better and better. I felt sick and ran to the bathroom sink to relieve myself of the horrible feeling in my stomach. Apparently, there were still some cosmos left in my sys
It was a Friday night and I was feeling rebellious so I put on more make up than usual and finally wore the "barely there" outfit that my cousin, Charlotte, gave me for my eighteenth birthday. It was a short, strapless dress in glittering silver that showed way too much cleavage and way too much leg or should I say thigh. It wasn't as if I had a lot to show anyway but I put a black coat over it just in case mom or dad saw me. I got my matching silver clutch bag, grabbed the keys, then hurriedly made my way towards my car. I was meeting Leslie at Below Zero for a girls night out since she insisted that I badly needed a distraction from Adrian. She knew all about what happened and had been trying to convince me to get over it and just focus on myself instead. It took a lot of time before I finally agreed because up until yesterday I had been locked up in my room, crying my nights away. It was a short drive to Below Zero and I was there in no time. I decided to leave my coat in t