I did not expect that I would spend my Christmas vacation thinking about Adrian and JD. I never thought that I would ever be in a situation where I had to choose between the one I loved and the one who loved me. I guess I just wasn't lucky enough to have the one I love and the one who loved me be the same person. I loved Adrian but JD was the one who was in love with me. And now I was struggling... During Christmas dinner, even though the food that mom had worked so hard on and dad enjoyed so much was delicious, everything tasted bland to me. I excused myself to go to bed early and got my parents worried because they thought that I was sick. I'm such a bad daughter, I know, but I guess in a way I really was sick. Love sick to be exact. I know how cheesy that sounds right now but it was exactly what I was feeling at that moment. And so I ended up spending the rest of Christmas dinner locked up in my room and thinking about a way to get myself out of this mess. I have not given
Christmas vacation was over and a new year has arrived. The year 2008 was only beginning and yet I was already confronted with the reality that it wasn't going to be my year. I forgot to submit a project for one of my major subjects, my band was on the verge of a breakup, and my love life - if you can even call it that - was a big pile of mess. And just when I thought that things could not get any worse, it does. Warren suddenly called for an emergency band meeting at the concert hall one day. I felt that it was too soon because the last time we met, the tension was quite high and we weren't able to solve any of our issues. But he said that it was urgent and that he needed to talk to all of us as soon as possible so I had no choice but to give in. I came to the concert hall with a deep sense of foreboding but my mood immediately brightened up once I saw a familiar figure standing in front of the stage next to Warren. "Bash!" I ran over to him and gave him a tight hug. He hug
They say that love isn't supposed to be easy, it's supposed to be worth it. It's not easy to love him but I know that it's worth it. That's why I chose him. I chose Adrian. I had made up my mind but it took me another two years to finally have enough courage to confess my feelings to the guy who stole my heart. It wasn't easy though. I had to break JD's heart and tell him about my decision. The Decadence of The Fallen began to accept gigs again so I also had to endure hours of band practice with both him and Adrian around. Then, I had to put my best poker face on just to pretend like nothing was wrong. But through it all, I just kept telling myself that my love for Adrian will overcome anything... Of course, I had to choose the perfect day to tell Adrian - the day after Valentine's Day of 2010. I don't know if I was being romantic or ironic but these days, I can't really tell the difference. Frankly, I don't exactly know why it took me this long. It could have been because I wa
Graduation Day. I never wanted for this day to come but it did and now it's almost over. The thought of leaving was hard and saying goodbye was harder...but saying goodbye to the one you love was the hardest and the most painful. I heard many speeches and quotes throughout this day but as I stood in the middle of West Lane's function hall in my graduation gown, the one quote that kept playing in my head was a quote from a book that I read a long time ago... I'll tell you...what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to someone who smites it. Charles Dickens pretty much sums up what it feels like when love is unrequited in Great Expectations and what it feels like to love you, Adrian. I didn't even see you at all today but you are the only one I kept thinking about. I know that it's probably useless because you'll never get to hea
Graduation Day. I stood helpless in my graduation robe as I looked at Madison from afar. She didn't even notice me looking at her, which was probably for the best. Today though, I noticed that Madison looked completely different. She looked happy. I guess it was because she was with JD now. He held her hand and she looked up at him lovingly. I wanted to be happy for them so I tried to force a smile on my face but all it did was leave a bitter taste in my mouth. That should be me beside you and not JD. I couldn't help but think about what could have been...what should have been...but in the end, I had nobody else to blame but myself. I'm sorry, Maddie. I wasn't man enough or strong enough to tell you the truth and admit my true feelings for you. I guess all I am is a jerk and a coward who doesn't deserve your love. I regret not telling you. I never intended to hurt you. But I did. I wish I was braver. But I'm not. I never wanted this to happen to us. But it did. I wish
There will always be that one guy that you would constantly be pining for but never truly have. That one guy that you would change your hairstyle for, hoping that he'd somehow notice. That one guy that you would spend sleepless nights thinking about, wondering if he's doing the same thing about you. That one guy that you secretly loved from afar, wishing that maybe someday he would somehow reciprocate your unrequited feelings. That one guy that you would still wish happiness for even if that happiness did not include you. For me, that one guy's name was Marcus Adrian Lee. I never even really existed in Adrian’s eyes. I never really had his heart. I could never truly make him smile the way that she used to. I could never really mend his heart no matter how hard I tried. I mean how do you even begin to fix a broken man? How can you became the person that he not only needs but also wants?
I didn't know why but out of all the boys in school, my heart decided to fall for The Decadence of The Fallen's "Ice Prince" and lead vocalist. A nobody falling for the most popular boy in school had to be the greatest cliché of the century. A sort of cosmic joke that the universe decided to play on a mere mortal like me. And everyone in the whole universe seems to be laughing but me... As if explaining my situation with him wasn't hard enough, describing Adrian had to be a variation of complexities in itself. He had the face of an angel, a no-nonsense attitude, and a brooding facade and although he was blessed with undeniable good looks he was not your typical popular guy. Adrian did not want the attention nor took advantage of his horde of screaming groupies. Yes, there was always a horde and yes, they were always screaming. Although, shrieking might be the more accurate term. In fact, if not for the mandatory fan interaction imposed by their band status, you would mostly find
No words were spoken between us as we made our way towards the next building. Since it was raining really hard, nobody else was around the area and it was completely silent except for the sound of raindrops falling. As we walked side by side with him holding out his umbrella for the both of us, for some reason, it felt like we were a couple. It may have even seemed that way if anybody else ever saw us because that kind of gesture was (almost) never done between strangers. Yes. Strangers. We were strangers. I didn't even know his name and he didn't know mine yet here I was daydreaming about him. And to think that I was starting to develop a crush on this guy who called me an idiot earlier...I really was a sucker for bad boys! As I silently berated myself upon this realization, I barely noticed that we had arrived at the building across and that the guy I was with had already closed his umbrella and was getting out of the pouring rain. But thanks to the feel of raindrops on my s