1ST HEARTBEAT

JORDI ADKINS

You only live once, be anything but you. That’s what my beloved grandma used to say to me before death finally kissed her ass. She was mostly correct about it, although, she never mentioned to me that it could be a nightmare too.

“Incoming!!!!”

I heard a familiar voice screaming from behind and just when I turned around, a soccer ball just hit me hard right in the face. It was Xavier fucking Rockwell, and he’s the nightmare that I’m talking about.

“AWWWW!!! What in the fucking hell!” I cried out in utter pain. The impact of the ball was agonizing even more than the last time that it hit me in the belly.

“HAHAHAHA!!!” His annoying laughter just made things feel even worse.

“You fucking prick!” I yelled at him. “Why’d you hit in the face like that?”

“Don’t you like balls on your face, eh?” Xavier uttered. He appeared thoroughly amused at the sight of me being in pain.

“Scram, asshole!!!” Nikki scowled at Xavier before eventually pulling me to a corner.

“Are you alright, Jordi?” Jane asked gently touching my forehead.

“I just got hit by a soccer ball, what part of that does not hurt?” I replied dosed with sarcasm.

Ever since I came out last year, my life has become both liberating and a nightmare. The liberating part was my favorite, however, the nightmare part truly digs into my skin like syringe needles. Sometimes, I really do regret announcing my true sexuality towards the whole campus because now, every straight boy thinks I want to suck theirs.

I absolutely thought I was the bravest one stepping into that pedestal and just spontaneously announcing to the whole school that I’m gay. It wasn’t the best decision that I did and I wish I should’ve just kept it within my circle.

“Why do you keep on letting that asshole pick on you?” Nikki inquired flipping her long weave to the side.

“Duh, look at him. He’s six-foot-tall, how am I supposed to fight him with these thin arms? I barely even have muscles in me.”

“Jordi’s right, Nikki.” Jane uttered backing up what I just said. “Xavier just love to pick on the weaker men.”

“Wow, Jane! That’s utterly offensive to say but yeah, I guess I’m one of the weaker men.” I nodded agreeing to what Jane had just said.

Being gay doesn’t automatically result to someone being weak, however, in my current case, I’m truly fragile and I’m not even going to deny all of that. I grew up as a sickly child and that’s probably the reason why my mom got so overprotective of me.

“Honestly though, Xavier Rockwell’s actually hot.” Nikki spat out of the blue and she even sounded dreamy about it.

“I know right, he’s even hotter than my boyfriend.” Jane followed up which just added some more insult to my injury. I don’t know if I should feel good about it but Nikki and Jane were just being Nikki and Jane.

“I wonder if he’s truly packing something down there?!” Nikki went on.

“You two are fucking thirsty traitors. He just kicked a soccer ball on my face and you’re still worried if he’s truly packing something down there?” I spat out and they both just looked at each other then went onto a hysterical burst of laughter.

Nikki, Jane and I have been friends ever since grade school. Usually, friends you meet during grade school don’t normally stay longer until you reach high school but apparently, the three of us managed to outlast that curse. Part of the reason why was most probably because we usually insult each other with such crisp. Though, when it comes to a more serious situation we’re always supportive of each other.

Nikki has always been the loudest and the thirstiest of us three which just doesn’t make sense that she’s still single up until now. She’s quite gorgeous even without the powerful touch of make-up and she’s also gifted with a modelesque body that a lot of guys have been dreaming of. Jane on the other hand, was the timid one and sometimes she’s always out of the loop most probably because she’s always thinking about her boyfriend. She’s always talking about the guy and how she’s being treated correctly.

“Oh by the way, Lewis and I are going to a house party later tonight. Who wants to come?” Jane asked and while the idea of house parties do excite me, I just don’t think my mom would let me out for the night.

“Did you just say party? Of course, Nikki and her fine booty would be there.” Nikki chirped sounding a lot more excited to attend the party than to enter class. “You know I put the fun in party…”

“Yeah, that’s going to be a no for me.” I spat out. “You both know my mom.”

“We could still help you though, just like how we helped you the last time.” Nikki uttered clearly insinuating the idea of me escaping through the window again. That was a crazy time and I almost thought my mom would catch me but I was lucky that she thought I was in a deep slumber that night.

“Nah, I just got lucky that time. My mom would slit my throat if she catches me.”

“Aww. I’m really sorry for you, Jordi.” Jane added tapping me by the shoulder. She’s probably thinking that I’d be sulking alone in my room while they party hard and she may be right.

I’m always jealous of them for having the freedom to party all night while I sit alone and lonely in my bed. My grandma used to say that high school’s going to be the best part of your life. However, in my case, I don’t think I’m living my life to the fullest at all. Throughout my time here in this school, I have only gone to two parties and that’s it. The first time, I was lucky that my mom and dad went on a cruise to celebrate their wedding anniversary. The second time was really crazy, Jane and Nikki had to prank my mom just so I could escape through the window.

The day went on and nothing much interesting happened throughout the day, except that during lunch, the craziest and the most satisfying thing ever just happened. Xavier’s current girlfriend Michiko Takao just broke up with him right in front of everyone else and it was the best thing that I’ve witnessed. It was just satisfying to the bone to watch the person who’s been making your life a little extra difficult go down like that.

Michiko was one of those girls who’s not only rich and popular but is also effortlessly gorgeous. Rich people like her always have the nicest skin and the silkiest hair. Prior to their eventful break up, Michiko had the biggest crush on Xavier and everyone knew how happy she was when Xavier finally asked her out. I thought I’m never going to witness the day that they would break up mostly because Michiko was very expressive of her romantic feelings towards Xavier.

The event became the talk of town and even during class, everyone was talking about how Michiko slapped Xavier’s face. I couldn’t be happier in knowing the blatant fact that Xavier’s heartbroken. At least, I got my little revenge without having to actually lay a finger on Xavier.

I have definitely thought of standing up to Xavier but every time I get the chance to actually show I’m not afraid of him, I just freeze. Xavier just looked like he could easily beat the shit out of me.

By the time the day reeled to an eventual end, Jane and Nikki were both just as thrilled to dress up for house party that they exceedingly eager to leave early mostly because they take so much time in picking their outfits.

I was inching my way towards my locker when someone suddenly pulled my backpack and eventually pushed me inside the janitor’s closet.

“Seriously guys, why don’t you go pick on someone else your size!” I snarled at the sight of the Darren and Nixon who appeared amused about shoving me into the closet. I’m pretty sure Xavier’s just around because those three are a tight trio.

“Seriously fag, why don’t you go on suck some dick?!” Darren spat basically using my own words but he just added his own outdated flare to it.

“Okay, I’m done here.” I should probably ignore Darren and Nixon.

Just when I was about to walk out of the closet and ignore the two bullies, Xavier finally showed up blocking my way out.

“Na-ah, ah!” I bumped right into his buffed chest and he was just glaring down at me.

Xavier’s glare was piercing enough that I had to back up a little. I became nervous not knowing what he’s going to do with me again this time. He doesn’t seem to be getting any sort of satisfaction after hitting my face with a soccer ball earlier this morning.

“Where’s the juice?” Xavier asked and Darren quickly handed him a pack of pineapple juice.

“Xavier, what are you trying do?” I was trembling with fear as I took another step until my back eventually hit the wall behind and I have nowhere else to go.

Xavier glued his focus towards me and I could see it in his hazel eyes that he’s about to do something really uncomfortable. Without moving his sight away, he took one step closer and then two steps until he was already towering over me.

“Please, Xavier. Stop it! Leave me alone!” I begged for mercy but Xavier doesn’t look like he’s going to turn around and leave me alone.

Xavier grabbed me by the neck and pushed me against the wall. I swallowed hard in anticipation of what he was planning to do. His entire face was just a few inch near mine but I just had to close my eyes because I’m afraid he might spit on me. He eventually removed his hand from my neck and when I opened my eyes, I witnessed him ripping the pack of juice open using his teeth.

“Jordi, you are really such a fucking loser.” Xavier uttered with his deep baritone voice.

“Xavier, just leave me alone.”

Xavier ignored my words as he pulled my collar out before eventually pouring the ice-cold juice right into the hole. I ended up shivering from the nippy feeling. I watched engulfed in absolute fear as Xavier laughed while pouring the juice into my body as if it’s the most satisfying thing ever.

By the time the pack of juice was emptied, Xavier threw the empty pack on the floor and turned around as if nothing just happened. Darren and Nixon were both laughing hard at the sight of me wet and sticky.

Just as Xavier stepped out of the closet, I just had a sudden realization that I needed to put an end to all of this hell. I just had to because no one would put an end to this living hell other than myself.

I picked up the empty pack of juice from the floor.

“Hey, Xavier!” I called out for his name and as he turned around to look at me, I threw the empty pack right straight to his face. “Hey, scumbag!!! Just because your girlfriend dumped your stupid ass, doesn’t mean you have the right to do that to me!!!” I yelled at him feeling much rather brave.

“Did you just called me a scumbag?” Xavier intoned and he appeared much rather pissed at the fact that I called him a scumbag when everybody knows that he is a scumbag.

If he thinks he’s a bad boy for picking on the weaker men? He’s just a plain spineless bully.

If he thinks he’s a bad boy for snatching the heart of the finest girl in Michiko Takao? He’s just a spineless playboy who took advantage of Michiko’s feelings.

If he thinks he’s a bad boy because he cut a slit onto his eyebrows? Well, he really does look good with it but it doesn’t make up for his shitty personality.

“Guess what, Xavier? I just did.” I said snapping back at him. I just felt like if I really want this to end, I should at least show them no signs of fear.

“Hahaha, so you are talking back at me now?” He chuckled seemingly amused that I managed to have the bravery to snap back at him. “Look at this loser, he’s talking back at me.”

“Yeah, he thinks he could beat the shit out of you.” Nixon replied with his arms crossed.

“You just talked back at me, now you’re really dead.” Xavier trailed confidently taunting me with his words. “But first, let’s see if you could take me.”

I swallowed hard as Xavier took a step closer towards me.

“I…I.” I think I just picked the wrong time to actually stand up for myself. Xavier looked calm on the outside and yet I could still feel he was mad pissed on the inside.

“What are you waiting for, loser. Come on, punch me!” Xavier stood a few inches away from me, he was tapping his chest giving me the permission to hit him.

“I…I’m sorry. I di…” I was stuttering clearly knowing that I just made a huge mistake.

“See, you can’t even do it, Jordi. You are nothing but a loser, homo!!!” He turned around but before I could even move to breathe, he quickly turned back and punched hard in the stomach. “That’s what you get for talking back at me!!!”