XAVIER ROCKWELLI wish I found some better sounds no one's ever heardI wish I had a better voice that sang some better wordsI wish I found some chords in an order that is newI wish I didn't have to rhyme every time I sangI was told when I get older, all my fears would shrinkBut now I'm insecure, and I care what people thinkI plugged in my earphones and while the music played loud as fuck, the beating inside my chest was even louder almost thunderous. I don’t really know what’s happening to me. I just saw Jordi Adkins pass by right in front of me and then boom, there goes my anxiety. Throughout the entire weekend, I haven’t really stopped thinking about what happened between the two of us. I wouldn’t consider being preoccupied as a blessing but I would admit that I somehow, in a weird way, forgot about the madness that’s been living in our tiny little apartment.My name's Blurryface and I care what you thinkMy name's Blurryface and I care what you thinkFrom a certain distance,
XAVIER ROCKWELLI would have never thought that approaching someone you know just for a simple conversation would be this much difficult especially for me. People know me for just approaching anybody and talking smug off to their faces. Also, I used to be dosed with such swag and confidence when I’m poking fun at Jordi but now, things aren’t going well for me. I’m like an elephant afraid of a freaking mouse.When I got to school early this morning, I saw Jordi sitting alone at the bench, most probably waiting for his friends to show up. Seems like I have that first chance to actually approach him but then I was quick to realize that there are a lot of people watching and I froze. I wouldn’t say I was intimidated but I know I just froze unexpectedly in the moment. Then I realized I wasn’t coping well with the aftermath of what happened.I used to enjoy getting on Jordi’s nerves and making him feel shittier and shittier every single day. It was kind of my vitamin. Him whining and beggin
XAVIER ROCKWELLIt wasn’t until I got far away that I started to feel exceedingly ashamed of what I just did. I just kissed Jordi Adkins and ran away like some coward who does not want to face any of the consequences of their own action. Talking to him was the whole intention and maybe kissing him too. Yes, I did get what I want when I kissed him but I felt like I never really got to have an open conversation about what happened. Though I managed to clear things up with him, that’s not enough for me. I know I wanted some more.I got scared and maybe I would call myself a coward for that. I just recalled the first time that Hector landed his fist on me and my mom, it was also the same day that he called me a worthless faggot. And I thought the world has already cast that derogatory word into oblivion. Apparently, not.I thought that day was only a one-time kind of thing, that he just got pissed about my mom, that he’s just tired from work, that he’s just acting up out of pure rage but
JORDI ADKINSThe weekend went in a flash; it seems like us students don’t deserve to rest on weekends just like every adult. My mom’s pitchy pissed off voice woke me up which just reminded me that Monday has finally arrived. Well, that’s not actually my mom, it was the alarm clock that my dad gave me during my fifteenth birthday. He got it from his business trip in France a few years ago and he was the one who uploaded mom’s pissed off voice on it. I don’t have any idea why he did it but apparently, it’s working. Also, I don’t know how he got mom’s voice—he obviously recorded it—but I don’t remember my mom shouting at me like that. It must’ve been one of those times where she was freaky mad at dad for overdrinking.I jumped out of my bed feeling much rather lazy and drained. I don’t know what’s wrong with Mondays and why it has this crazy effect on people, and apparently, everyone hates it too. Including me of course.I went straight to the bathroom and as I looked into the mirror, I
JORDI ADKINSThis has got to be another fear that I have to add to my long list of phobias. I should’ve already added it to the list but I just had the utmost confidence that I will never be paired up with him in any way, however, the odds don’t seem to be backing me up right now.To be paired up with Xavier Rockwell for this stupid babysitting assignment was just a rock salt to my already bleeding wound. I would rather sell my soul to the devil than be partnered with him. I don’t want to be around him for the entire damn week because that’s not just a nightmare but it’s more like I’m going to burn at the bottom pits of hell.Avoiding him for the entire week was not because of the fact that he’s my bully but it’s because something has changed within him. I thought I already knew him as this shitty person who always take pleasure by picking on me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a shitty asshole but his utmost unpredictability was the one thing that’s frightening about him as of right n
JORDI ADKINS“No effin’ way!” Nikki exclaimed expressing her utter shock when I got to lunch with them. The first thing I did was to reveal to them that I’m paired up with Xavier Rockwell for our sex education assignment.“Ugh, can you fucking believe that I was paired up with him of all people?” I trailed off.“Did you at least asked Mrs. Harding for a switch?” Jane inquired. Her bag of flour was just sitting idly right beside her food as if it was an actual baby but really, it was just a bag of flour.I lazily stared at my own food. “I did and she wasn’t budging at all.”“Well, that’s unfortunate.” Nikki chimed in. “You are definitely going to be a punching bag, Jordi.” Nikki added and perhaps she’s forty percent right about that. I don’t think this new Xavier’s planning on poking fun at me which was hard to believe but that’s what I’m seeing right now. Forty percent’s still a huge number if we are going to talk about percentage rate and math shit but Xavier’s acting weirdly differe
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe pang of embarrassment finally took its toll on me and I ended up running away from the house party. This was the very first time that I declined a very consensual offer coming from a fuckable chick and I’m surprised about that. Nixon knew my type when it comes to a woman and I’m pretty sure that’s the reason why Nixon introduced me to her. Francine was really hot and wild. I would totally smash her down but I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me. When she pulled me upstairs, I was under the impression that I was into the moment. And then I just realized that I’m not even having a simple hard-on even when she’s already jiggling her bosoms in front of my face.When I finally got home that night, I found my mother and Hector having their very own intimate session inside the one bedroom that we all share. Luckily, the door was shut closed that I didn’t have to accidentally witness both of them touching each other. My mother’s a screamer and Hector really cuss a lot
XAVIER ROCKWELLStriking a conversation with Jordi alone was insanely difficult even when the odds essentially paired me up with him. Not only that I’m feeling a sense of tension every time I’m looking at him but I also feel like he’s itching to slit my throat or probably disembowel me or maybe push me off a cliff. I most probably deserve all of that.I sat with him right after we got our little bag of flour and everything seemed awkward between us. He doesn’t even want to talk to me, let alone smile at me that I had to take a few seconds to muster enough courage.“Ahem...” I don’t have any sort of phlegm or lump in my throat but I purposely cleared my throat loud enough just to gain the confidence that I needed in order to begin this conversation. I already knew I had his attention since he’s been looking at me dead in the eye for quite some time.“What?” He spat.I couldn’t even look at him straight in the eye for a hot minute. Maybe because I was afraid that I might just make thing