4TH HEARTBEAT

Xavier Rockwell

“Hahaha, you really beat the shit out of that loser, man!” My friend Nixon began chuckling proudly as if what I did was the best thing in the whole world that I should be proud of it.

We just stormed out of the school campus right after the janitress showed up and found us poking fun out of Jordi Adkins. We were now on our way towards our usual hang out spot under the bridge.

“Nah, that’s nothing.” I shook my head knowing that pouring juice all over Jordi and punching him in the gut wasn’t even it. Hitting curly tops wasn’t even as satisfying for me to say the least. If the janitress hadn’t showed up, I’d probably kicked Jordi’s ass even more until he cries and calls his mama.

“Hey, aren’t you being a little too harsh on him lately?” Darren asked basically stating what he’d just noticed. He seemed to be on a different page as me and Nixon. For all I know, he was the first one who grabbed Jordi and pushed him inside the janitor’s closet in first place.

“Nah, just seeing his face makes want to hit him.” I scoffed.

“Is this because Michiko broke up with you?” Darren followed up bringing what just happened earlier at the cafeteria.

“I already told you, I’m not mad about that shit. She’s clearly not my type and I only dated her because she got them nice tits and she got money.” I uttered basically repeating what I’ve said to them before.

“Yeah, bro. You’ve already forgotten about that?” Nixon added coming in to my defense.

“Man, I don’t really understand you, Xavier.” Darren scratched his head blatantly confused that I’m not even pissed that I’m back to being single and I don’t give a shit about what he thinks.

Michiko was just so obsessed with me and I don’t know what she saw in me that made her fall head over heels. While she’s pretty and had a nice voluptuous body, she isn’t exactly my type. I don’t even know what my type is. I’m really surprised that she finally woken up to her senses and ended things with me. I truly thought she’s not thinking about breaking up with me ever but it did happen. Unfortunately, that’s a terrible news for me. I just lost another source of lunch and other nice things that I couldn’t afford myself. Michiko always paid for everything when it comes to me and now, I guess I’m back to basically nothing again.

“Bro, don’t tell me you’re simping for her?” I asked Darren just because I seem to notice he cares a lot as compared to me.

“Psh, I’m not. I just thought you really loved her. I mean, you were really sweet to her you know.” Darren replied.

“Hahaha!!” I burst out of laughter. “My act was believable huh?” I know I was just playing with Michiko and for the longest time, she never noticed that I was just being sweet towards her because she has all the nice things. Nice hair. Nice tits. Nice and generous friends. Nice and generous wallet.

“Damn, our playboy’s an expert!” Nixon crowed as we both shared a fist bump.

By the time we got to the bridge, Nixon lit up a stick of cigarette before eventually throwing the pack and lighter my way. I pulled two sticks from the pack before throwing it back to Nixon. I lit up the first stick and began smoking.

If there’s no soccer practice, we usually gather around here under the bridge to smoke before parting our ways. Sometimes we drink beer and if we get pretty lucky we smoke some grass. Nixon’s our usual supplier of beer and cigarette since his parents owns a convenient store downtown and he’s able to steal some without his parents ever knowing about it.

“I heard there’s a party at Demi’s house later.” Darren began just as I tossed him the lighter. I’ve heard of it too and I was just wondering, that could be a good place to stay in for the night. Not only that I got free booze, I may also have a free couch to myself.

“Yeah, I bet there’s a lot of hot chicks.” Nixon replied sounding a lot hyped up. “You’re going, right?” He looked at me.

“Sure.” I just nodded.

“Then we should all go.” Nixon trailed.

“Nah, I don’t think I could go out tonight. My grandparents visited for the first time in years and my mom wants me there.” Darren replied which I thought was a lie. I noticed he just threw his unfinished cigarette down at the river when he only puffed like three times.

Among the three of us, Darren seemed to be the one who’s always in dubious battle with himself. Always uncertain about things. Always questioning our morals as if he’s not doing the same thing that we are doing. He used to be a good and well-behaved boy when we first met him. I guess Nixon and I are the bad influence.

Nixon on the other hand was always the hyped up and the loudest one. He’s always there to laugh at someone’s joke. He’s more like a follower, however, he’s always the first one to think of funny pranks on people.

When Darren, Nixon and I parted ways, I was thinking if I should head straight home or if I should just go straight to Demi’s house party. I’m pretty sure by now, people are already starting to flood the place.

I just don’t feel like going home right now. In fact, I don’t feel like going home every single day. There’s something that’s always making me nervous and frightened going home to a worthless mom who’s always flying on cloud nine and some other thug she’s sleeping with. I guess, another reason was because of the typical mess that I see every time I come home. I don’t even know why I’m calling it a home when it’s not really a home in the first place.

I was already walking my way towards Demi’s house having made my final decision when I suddenly received text message from my mom. She just told me that I have another errand to run.

Here we go again. Another errand and another mess that I have to deal with on my own. I had no other choice but to head home and by the time I got home, my mom was lying on the couch staring at the ceiling and mumbling something gibberish.

“I’m home!” I declared but the loudness of my voice didn’t even capture my mom’s attention.

She’s high again and I don’t really know how to help her. Although, I was a bit glad that I don’t see any signs of Hector or that other guy who calls himself Dondozzo. Those are the two current guys that my mom’s currently fucking. Our tiny apartment is just a one-bedroom apartment and I would’ve easily noticed some guy the moment I entered the door. But I don’t see one which was somehow a breath of fresh air even though the house smelled like grass, booze and cigarette.

I immediately knew this was my time to take a short nap before I could take the errand that my mom’s talking about. I haven’t even had a decent sleep in two days because my mom and his boyfriends are always noisy. If they’re not drunk and playing loud music, they’re fucking and my mom’s always a noisy woman.

I pity my mom a lot but no matter how I try to have a decent conversation with her, she just ends up screaming at me and we end up arguing. My mom isn’t like this before and my dad was the sole person to blame with all of the misery that she’s going through.

My dad was a great liar and I can’t believe my mom fell for every single lie that my dad said to her. Even I fell for my dad’s lies. For a while, we lived in a big house and we were a complete happy family. However, that ended five years ago when my mom discovered that my dad was having an affair. That’s the whole reason why he’s only home during weekends, he’s playing things safe. It turned out that he had another family in a different city. The worst of it was my mom eventually discovered that she was the one my dad was having an affair with. It was heartbreaking and my mom was wrecked just as I was. The world we were living in was all built up with a lie.

My mom and dad argued and my mom let my dad choose between her and his original wife. My dad chose his original wife and eventually left us. This broke my mom into million pieces and so far, nothing could ever re-assemble her back to the way she was. Even I couldn’t do that myself. Just by thinking about it, my mom seemed to have forgotten about my existence. She used to be patient in tutoring me on subjects that I don’t understand and now, I’m basically all by myself. She used to cook delicious meals. She used to take me to the mall. She used to buy me stuff. Those are all buried deep in the past now and I had to force myself to accept the fact that she forgot she’s my mother. Things have quickly changed and I was left alone.

My mom quickly resorted to using drugs and dating many different men at once just to see how does it feel to be the one lying. She enjoyed the life and ended up losing herself in the process.

If I was just heartless enough, I’d just ignore my mother’s message and follow what I wanted to do. However, I don’t want someone hurting my mom.