5TH HEARTBEAT

Xavier Rockwell

I was already having a good dream when it was suddenly interrupted by a strong punch in my stomach. It was utterly painful that I woke up almost immediately. I didn’t even have the chance to adjust from the pain and lack of oxygen when Hector lifted me up by the collar of my shirt.

“Why the f*** are you sleeping boy? You getting lazy now, ha?” Hector looked furious with his teeth clenched on me.

“P-put me down, uncle. I-I couldn’t b-breath.” I cried out almost losing my voice. I could feel my face turning red as his hands lifted me up in the air.

“Do you fucking know what time is it?”

“I-I...” I wanted to speak but I couldn’t breathe.

“Oh yeah, do you want me to put you down, huh motherf******?” I could see it in his tattooed face that he’s not happy about me falling asleep. I didn’t know he was coming.

I nodded unable to speak from the tightness of his grip. Hector was a bit shorter than me but he was definitely packed with some muscles and brute strength that it’s relatively easy for him to lift me up. He eventually let go of me but not in the easiest way possible. He almost smashed me into the ground that my head hit something. I was writhing in pain and I thought I was already used to all of this but I wasn’t. I wanted to shed some tears but I know I can’t do that. I don’t want Hector to think of me as a weakling.

“Aaahhh...” I curled myself on the cold floor trying my best to absorb all of the pain.

“There you go, I just put you down. Now get your ass up from there, you still got some business to do.” Hector spat before eventually leaving the room.

I was just going to brace myself thinking that he might kick me again just like he did the last time. Fortunately, he decided not to do that and just gave me enough time to breathe and gather myself back up. It took me a few seconds to pick myself from the ground up.

I just took a simple nap and I became too complacent about it that I ended up getting choked and punched. This has been the story of my life ever since my mom became a junkie. My mom never really cared for me if Hector’s hurting me just because I forgot to do one simple thing that he asked me to. Mostly because she’s either high on cloud nine or she’s too scared. And when she actually does help me, she ends up getting beaten up too. That’s always the story of Hector. He always thinks he’s the strongest man in the house.

Dondozzo on the other hand, my mother’s other guy, doesn’t lay his hands on both of us but his words do sting like a bee. His tongue seemed to be a home for prickly needles that when he decides to insult us, it’s going to hurt like hell. Thankfully, he’s almost never around. He’s only here once or twice a month depending on his mood. He also does have another family and I can’t imagine him hurting them using his words the way he’s doing with us.

With both Hector and Dondozzo, I can’t even decide on which one of them was the worst person. Was it the physical pain or the emotional pain? I don’t even know at this point. Both felt agonizing no matter what’s your point of view of things. I just know that I hated both of them and if I just had the chance, I’d run away.

I wouldn’t run away though. That’s not something that I would do, if I’m going to leave my mom with men who doesn’t know how to take care of her. Not in a million fucking years. I don’t want to leave my mother alone. I’m the only one that she has left and although she doesn’t care about me anymore, I still love her. She’s been through a lot. We’ve been through a lot and if I just have the strength to fight, I’d probably do it.

When I got out of the small bedroom, I saw my mom still lying down on the couch but this time, she had her distraction in Hector. Her head was resting on Hector’s lap as they were both lighting up a crack. They were both sharing soft chuckles until Hector saw me inching my way towards the table.

“Move it, boy. My customers are waiting.” Hector yelled pointing at the transparent packets of what I think were coke.

I gazed over at the small transparent packets and I thought he didn’t even bother to cover it with something that’s not transparent. I could go to jail if I get caught red-handed with them but I don’t have really have much of an option here. I needed to hustle for the sake of my mom and this little space that she calls a home. Hector’s the one paying the bills and buying food for us because no one seemed to want to hire a hopeless junkie. My mom had been trying to find a decent job but they all rejected her once they noticed how much of an unstable person she was.

I would say Hector doesn’t have all of the rights here but he’s always acting like he’s doing all of the work. I’ve been helping him and I should also have something to say about something at least.

I could still remember the first time he forced me to sell some of his sketchy products and I’d say it was the worst day of my life. I was sweating and trembling on my knees and I almost got caught. Overtime, I became used to it, used to the dangerous hustle that I never wanted to do in the first place. I know I needed to do this just so me and my mom could have a place to stay

I snatched the packets and stashed them on the pocket of my cargo pants before eventually walking away.

This has been my life and I’m going to do this until, perhaps, forever. I do this mostly thrice a week and if Hector gets a lot of buyers mostly from teenagers like me, my schedule would be full. He only uses me to sell these with young people because he was caught once and he wasn’t charged with the drugs, instead he was charged with sexual assault.

When I finally got to the meeting place which was at an abandoned construction, I felt such a rush of relief to see the buyers weren’t the same one who almost beat the shit out of me last time. I just handed them their order and they handed the money without even saying anything. No conversation happened at all and that’s always how I want things to happen. Fast and easy transaction but that’s not going to be case most of the time.

I once had this transaction with a guy who’s obviously several years older than me but was still stuck in high school and he wasn’t happy about the amount of coke in the packet. He kept on saying he’s paying a lot for just a pinch and I had to negotiate with him.

After the transaction, I went straight home and I saw both Hector and my mom flying in their own silly world of pleasurable clouds and temporary happiness. I actually love it when Hector’s high as fuck because he doesn’t really move that much except when he’s aggravated. I just handed them the money and on my way out, I snatched a stick of pot without them knowing about it.

Before I went to Demi’s house party, I smoked the pot that I stole and I got instantly high. When I first tried it, I was intensely high and I thought I’m going to be addicted to it but I did not get addicted quite surprisingly. Honestly, I love the pleasure of being high on cloud nine but I only smoke pot every once in a while. I know that I have to stay sane and I certainly don’t want to turn into my own mother. The world wouldn’t become a better place if were both crackheads.

When I got to Demi’s house, the party had already begun. The loud house music was playing on the background and everyone’s dancing all over the place. Some people are making out and I even saw Michiko flirting with Arven as if I’d be jealous. I tried not to let them see me and once I got my own alcohol, I began drinking.

I began looking for my friends and I only found Nixon. He’s trying to flirt with this college girl and it seemed to me that he’s making some good progress that I didn’t even want to bother them. Darren on the other hand was missing in action which made me believe that he truly stayed at home.

The night went on and I saw Jordi Adkins dancing with his best friend Nikki. I don’t normally see Jordi to house parties like this. It’s mostly his best friends Nikki and Jane that I keep on seeing. It was honestly surprising to see him partying.

Jordi and Nikki were both having some fun that I thought of poking fun at Jordi. I don’t know why I keep on poking fun at him when he certainly doesn’t want anything to do with me. I just really enjoy seeing him cry.

I was about to inch my way towards them but then I realized Jordi was drunk as fuck. He won’t probably cry and then some sexy chick eventually pulled me and we ended up dancing together. The girl twerked on me and all of that stuff until she began kissing me. I kissed her back but before we could even get to the next base, her boyfriend showed up out of the blue and I just had to run for my dear life.

I rushed upstairs and eventually found the bathroom. I went inside and slammed the door shut and when I turned around I saw Jordi Adkins. He looked hysterically wasted that he didn’t even recognized who I was.

“Wh-o the fuck are you?” He inquired.

“SHHHHH!!!” I whispered subsequently pinning him against the wall and eventually covering his loud mouth with my hands.

“What the… get your hands of my mouth.” He spat pulling my hands off of his mouth.

And then there was a loud banging from the door but I didn’t let go off Jordi. Thankfully, he’s way too drunk that he doesn’t have much strength to struggle from my grip.

“Xander!!! Are you in here?”

“He’s he…” Jordi began to yell that I had to cover his mouth once again.

He immediately bit my hand off but before he could even scream out loud, I already kissed him. I just had to. I didn’t have much of a choice myself.

Before I could even realize it, I was actually kissing Jordi hard and quite aggressive. His lips tasted like vanilla cherry with a touch of vodka and I don’t even know why I’m enjoying the kiss. He doesn’t seem to be smoking cigarette and I liked how soft his lips were. It’s even softer than the lips of every girl that I’ve kissed before. That’s probably because he’s not wearing any sort of lipstick.

I was honestly feeling the burning passion in the moment and it was nothing that I would’ve expected coming from the person that I love to bully. I slammed his frame onto my body and kissed him even harder. He fought back and once our tongue began having their sloppy swordfight in his mouth, I already lost it.

I felt my thing starting to go firm and I should’ve already stopped kissing him but I was just so high. I’m already enraptured with such a weird pleasure, it’s almost a jolt of electricity running a course in my body. I have never felt it before and I would say it felt pretty damn good.

“Oh fuck, that was hot.” Jordi uttered the moment we stopped to gather some air.

“Yeah, it was.” I nodded in agreement.

This was the very first time that I felt this way. I felt horny towards a guy and I’m already getting embarrassed just by thinking about it but I know were the only people inside this bathroom and it kind of tickled my curiosity.

Jordi wasn’t the best kisser but I sure felt how passionate he was. He doesn’t really recognize me which was shocking.

“Come on, kiss me more!!!” He whispered and I don’t know what went through my head that I just fastened my lips to his without even taking the fact that he’s a boy into consideration.

I’m not gay, that’s for sure but weirdly enough, I’m feeling aroused by him.

I grabbed the back of his head and kissed him even harder, this time I was caressing his back and pulling his curly hair. We were probably making out for a while and the next thing I know; we were already inside his room.

I know we just took a cab to his house and at that point, I should’ve just said no to everything but I’m feeling much horny that it kept me from speaking up. I’m enthralled by this weird dome of pleasure that I want to try it out just for my curiosity. Jordi held my hand throughout the trip and I was just frozen not in a negative way but I was frozen because of the fact that I’m letting him take me home when I know he hated me the most.

We were kissing at the very edge of his bed as we slowly stripped each other’s clothes until we were both naked. My heart pounded with such unprecedented excitement as I gently pushed Jordi to lay on the bed. We continued kissing for a while but all of a sudden, he fell asleep. I was already hard and was more than ready to do anything but he just slept on me.